HOYA POV

For a second I forgot about me and him and our stupid situation

I forgot about anything else anyway

All I can feel/hear and want is his hand messaging that itchy painful skin

I was losing it.. It all felt too much to let it inside and just when i thought I'm letting go.

L: “am I really that bad..?”

My rising heartbeats went numb.. And my eyes shut open looking at him

His beautiful eyes were too heavy to look at me

And then I felt it all back.. The feelings that I blocked all rushed back

And my numb heart ache

My eyes start stinging because that's us .. This is what I put him through just to keep me in control.. In charge.. Not losing it 

And yet whenever he's here

He's near

It's hard to resist the clashing of my walls in his presence 

And I crave more,

I got that stupid urge to cup his cheeks.. To make his lowered chin up and bring him near

If I can't say it by words.. If I sux at explaining 

Maybe he will finally get me 

By action

And just I was about to reach him

He shake his head and let out a pained laugh: “Oh dear god, I shouldn't stay up too late.. Then this comes out”

And he stand up and scratch his neck nervously: “You .. Sleeping Hyung?”

He wasn't looking at me.. While my eyes are making holes in him

And I'm pissed and teased 

I reach my hand forward for him, “I didn't bring them here”

He look at me and frown: “You shouldn't walk without them if you want to…….,” I was standing inch from him now after being pulled by him

Hoya: “to….,” my breathe is on his cheek

His eyes are now looking at me

Hoya: “Want what L..?”, Voice a bit irritated Because what I want is him.

L: Stuttering, “w..waaannt ..(Closing his eyes)… What ?” 

I don't Wanna release him not yet.. I wanted to reach out more.. To try and hold him possibly closer.. The pain in my leg was so irritating that I waited for him to speak up.

And his eyes open while he whisper: “Kim Myungsoo”

I was already dozing by his scent.. And I think I lean more forward that my nose touch his and then he says his name ..!!!?

Hoya: “Huh.. !”

He close his eyes again and I can try to reach up to his eyelashes.. Kiss them and then go down a bit to that pointed carved nose.

L:  Letting out a breathe and I'm sure as hell I caught it in, his voice was too hoarse and near that send shivers to my spine, “It's Kim… (pausing)… Myung,” Another pause that kind of kills me slowly “Soo ..,” Then he reach my hand and hang it on his neck and his other one hooked to my waist “You keep saying L.. L” If he says another L in my ear I'm doomed, “let's get you to bed..!”

Ok

I was sure enough I was this close to draw him near me

But yet again

He pulled out somehow that I lose track of what’s really happening and I was treated like a patient 

A patient 

Imagine if Myung was a nurse

Hoya shut up.. Stop embarrassing yourself

I was tug in bed like a good boy.. He reach for the duvet and almost cover my face with it.. 

And he dimple smile 

And I still want to reach out to his damn beautiful exposed totally Howon property neck and pull him in 

And kiss those lips 

His hoarse voice break again: “Goodnight”

I blink

Then he add: “Lee howon,” another freaking dimpled mine smile.

Just like that.. I could hear my heart drumming in my ears

Kim Myungsoo is dangerous 

That's why I kept him away

Because a stupid word like my real name can make me torn.

He went to his bed and I can hear him shifting in it and I growl 

He let out a laugh: “Yaahhh I got a wild imagination stop scaring me..!”

Hoya: “You scare me,” I whisper while closing my eye.

L POV

What is sleep ??

My mind was killing me for being weak in front of him.. For saying that stupid thing just for the urge to hear those words of him

You're not bad 

And I would like to hear kim Myungsoo after Great just great

Hoya is not a freaking Santa

Uhhh I hate myself,

The puzzled look on his face was beyond embarrassing.. I had to run away

I can hear his steady heart from here.. I turn to my side to face the view of sleeping Hoya

And I wished that I have super laser eyes 

Because that view should be watched clearly 

Yet the shadows are enough to make me gulp in pain.

And I can't sleep in foreign bed

That's why Sungyeol was teasing me

He knows damn well how sleepless I get when we had to crash in hotels

It doesn't matter sofa or bed because except mine nothing will make me sleep ..

But I really couldn't say no while being offered to sleep in same room with him

And I curse 

That I want more of him and yet those little things of him are killing me

The sound of his sleeping.. His breathing.. And the damn room is all too much of Howon 

That I pull myself and return back to safety and that's is the living room damned sofa

As soon I lay my heavy head

It all clears out 

And there's no more Lee Howon ..!\

-

There's people that wake up to warmth, some that wake up to birds singing, others that wake up just because their dream ends

And some feel that their head risen and then placed on pair of knees

And then smiles and place my hand on those knees while feeling being brushed by another

My face was beyond amused 

Then I hear

Woohyun: “Yaahhh (kicking sofa) wake up”

And then angry Gyu whispers:  “he's a sleep Nam Woohyun.. Behave”

And I let out a laugh

Woohyun: “Look he's awake... C'mon get up ... I'm (frown) I don't like this,” kicking sofa again,

He was annoying specially when you barely got some sleep but it's still cute

Then I felt Gyu hands caressing under my eyes: “You look tired..!”

His voice was like a child talking.. Worried and I can imagine his puffy lips 

Then I felt pair of hands rising my head and putting me in sitting positing.. And I laugh hard knowing that Woohyun is too jelly to let it pass

He sit in between us and let out a breath saying: “There.. Happy..!!!”

Gyu pout at him but I can see how he liked to piss Woohyun off

I shake my head and scratch my hair

Songjong: “so he's a real kitten huh !”

I rise my head to look at our Maknae but my eyes are suddenly aware of who was there.. Hoya talking to Dongwoo and they both stare in my direction

I got urge to look behind me maybe something is there 

But no

I don't need to because I know it's me 

Since they stopped anyway and only stare

I frown 

Then hell went loose: “Was sofa comfy..?? (Sungyeol teasing voice)”

I shrug

Gyu: “Yaahhh Myungsooyah I sent you to sleep in Dongwoo's bed what are you doing here anyway ?? (Worried tone)”

Hoya shiver and look away.. And Yeol face fall

Yeol: Looking at me, “Where were you last night ..?”

His voice was cold.. And I felt as if I did something wrong and need to cover up right away so I stutter: “Ho.. Hooyaa's"

He wasn't teasing anymore.. His face turn to Hoya: “Yaaahhhhhhhh”

Ok he was shouting 

He walk to him and Hoya smirk while being pulled by his shirt

And I had to look

Shamefully my mind was in stone phase but I still avert my eyes to land on the piece of skin exposed of Hoya toned stomach 

My stomach flip.. 

I wanted to slap Yeol right now

Yeol: “What did you do to make him get out of the room..!!!”

Hoya: “tsk, and who the hell are you to yell at this morning ..,” pause while staring, “ off Sungyeol while I'm being nice ..”

Yeol: “You're anything but nice,” Yeol was jabbing his finger in Hoya's chest.

Hoya was not amused anymore 

Woohyun hold Yeol away while Gyu shouted on Hoya.. Bit of curses threats and Gyu went his famous: “Shut up both of you ..!!!!!”

And then it landed on me .. The realization 

They think he kicked me out 

L: Voice pained, “I couldn't sleep.. I went out on my own.. Thank you for being too chill about it.. Geez ..,” they all look at me, “such drama queens ..!!”

Songjong made a knowing nod

Yeol frown and look at me: “But yesterday you”

Now I turn and look straight to his eyes that he shivers: “Enough ..already”

Everything break in silence.. And so are we.. We drifted trying to ignore this morning.. From one schedule to another.. I ignore Yeol all day.. He tried though talking to me but I shrug him off 

At night I went in Hoya room to bring my stuff.. He was sitting on bed trying to wear his shirt after having a path

Hoya: “Knooockkk beefff,” pause when he saw me.

Please Myung don't look don't look .. 

Great

You looked

He look at you looking

Now he know you looked

Happy !!!

I bite my lips going to Dongwoo bed and reaching to get my comforter and pillow

Hoya: “Whyyyy"

I can barely hear it.. In fact I can act as if I hear nothing and just take it all and get the hell out of here

But his why .. Was not only just non-heard

It was unbearable so I turn to look at him

He was waiting for me 

Seeing his face and that pained look made me feel a bit guilty 

I shrug: “I really can't sleep”

His eyes seriously feel like they don't wanna look at me anymore and it hurts

L: “I'm s.. Soorryy"

Now it lands on me

I gulp

L: Rubbing my eyes harshly, “I didn't know they will act this dump because of it (pause) I kind of wish I stayed anyway.”

I wanted .. But the urge to crawl to your bed was much higher

I look down.. I don't know why I keep gazing at the floor when I'm with him.. Everything feels too much 

And I wanted to treat him just like everyone else is

But I can't 

And if i can 

He won't stay to let me

And my head hurts of thinking about what to do and how to get the hell out of here

I ran out of running away plans that my body felt frozen

Then

Hoya: Letting out breath, “Come here”

As if I'm I'm finally allowed.. That frozen helpless body walk to him and stand right in front of him

His hand pat my head suddenly 

And I felt like breaking in pieces 

Like my eyes are drowning 

I bite my lips 

My vision is blur 

I'm losing it till 

His voice break again: “You're not bad …"

My lips tremble 

Hoya: Whispers, “Myungsooyah”

And my tear had to fall

And I swallow.. my eyelid are too heavy but I want to see him anyway

I look at him

And another escape 

His patting hand slipped to caress my left cheek

I tilt my face in his palm

And I left a kiss in that soft skin..!!

I thought I would be okay after time passed

But why am I the one who’s hurting?

You’re the one who shed tears over the last goodbye

But why am I the one who’s hurting?

After you left, damage

At first, it was good without you, my days were comfortable

After you left, damage

I didn’t know I’d be like this, I thought I did the right thing

From some point, my laughter turned into sighs

[Mario- Damage]

*****

caring Hoya finally in this chapter .. all that myung want is his hyung affection

and myunggyu

sorry for the late update.. hope you enjoyed this one