L POV

Through the fan shouts, clapping hands, lights and shadows, breath and sweats.. all I wanted was either A – to get the hell out of here, B- that the earth will mysteriously open up and only swallow me..!!

I am a hot mess.. I have always had people eyes and attention on me.. I am the visual after all.. but this.. this was far away from the normal thing that calls fame.. people were gaping on me.. squealing jumping pulling cursing whatsoever the whole show was a vivid reality to me.. I felt myself shift and sway throughout the day.. not wanting to caught off guard

But I barely hold on for dear life

I ran to our dressing room after the fan meeting event and I slam the door and collapse on the floor.. both knees are pulled into my chest and I hug myself trying to steady my breath

My eyes are close

And then I heard his voice: BREATHE

I open my eyes harshly.. but no one was in there.. only the echo of my stupid helpless useless breathing..!

Great now I lost it completely

-

I walk to the van.. this day is finally over.. and I can’t wait to hug my familiar comforter.. I am the last one to enter but I froze on the door

Yeol was sleeping on Dongwoo shoulder in the place that should belong to me..!! the my place..! 

My eyes were looking at the only space left.. and that space called hell and I bite my lips not wanting to go there till

Gyu: “YAAAAHHHH KIM MYUNGSOO..! do you mind we want to get home as fast as possible ..!!”, pointing his hands at the window as if to say before our fans start circling us/

Woohyun look at me apologetic while shushing Sunggyu back to rest on his shoulder.. apparently we all are losing it.

I nod.. eyes stuck on the floor and body barely showing enthusiasm.. I sink in the seat and close my eyes

I fiddle with the zipper of my backpack wanting to get the earphone out but accidently swing my hand with his

And I hiss : “S..SS.ORYY”

I can feel his eyes on me.. I don’t know what I did to deserve him looking at me throughout the day and honestly it feels too much Howon for a day that I am way not used to at all.. I ignore the feeling while going through the playlist.. I want to select any random song that will make me sink inside the rhythm and take me as much away as possible..

That will make me forgot about the sound of his breath.. the smell of him mixed with his sweat.. the freaking warmth that fill this air.. it’s too freaking suffocating and the name of songs are suddenly blurry and I don’t know if it’s my mind or my eyes that gave up..

I held it while biting my lip not willing the tear to fall and then his finger fall on my phone screen and set on a song that soon start off to play: [Infinite H- Alone]

I’m making you cry again, just like always
Looking at the same place is only momentary
Even the passing wind and the feelings
Even if you’re by my side 

I close my eyes.. let my hunched head rest backward.. and my body completely went lifeless letting his voice take over me.. !

Even when my eyes close.. even when I can’t hear a word.. I’m aware of him.. his existence.. his stare.. more than I should.. more than I want to admit to myself..!

And it sux because he don’t ..!

Hoya POV

He looks like .. he acts like .. but the ty me feel this is extra ty cute and this is all is total .. ignoring Kim Myungsoo was much easier when he ignores me.. but he’s like everywhere and what worse than anything..? He’s so freaking bright like an angel shines in this dark van and I can’t stop staring at him.. that gold shining hair.. that perfectly damned face.. those forceful shut eyes looks so tempting.. that pointy noise.. and those..

Howon.. don’t go there

It’s been years since I figure this out.. this ty thing about me.. I figured that whenever I am around him I feel so uncomfortable in a way I couldn’t explain.. but that ty uneasiness feeling have change to somehow gazing.. staring.. admiring..!

And it didn’t help when he felt too comfy around us that he starts showing affection to each one of us.. and it felt good whenever he avert his affection to me.. in a way that scares me..

So I had to

I had to be the jerk that I am .. I had to push him harshly till he no longer say a word to me without stuttering 

That’s what I wanted.. but it so damn messed up when I want something and yet hoped for the complete opposite..!

Not being his favorite Hyung sux..!

I close my eyes and lean my head on the seat.. face still facing him.. I know he won’t dare to open his eyes.. I lean much closer than I thought I was

Too close that I felt his scent is near and the warmth of a skin touches the tip of my nose..!

And I freak out opening my eyes to find myself barely inch from his neck.. i look up my eyes are searching his and they fall directly to his black orbs.. those damn beautiful black paradise is staring through mine.. and there’s something so dark and mysterious about them that keep pulling me..!

My cheek are flushed.. not knowing what to do I just nuzzle my head deeper in his neck.. he shifts and I can feel his hand is rising to do something but then falling away.. I have no idea what to do but to act like I want to rest my big fat stupid head on him is the only possible humiliating way..!

If only he knows how much I wanna taste that soft skin..!

Dammit dammit dammit Lee Howon you are the worst.. my beats are going crazy I’m more than happy that he decide to listen to music.. but his soft skin is so damn tempting and I nuzzle my face further that he let go a soft: nnggh

I’m pretty sure my face on fire right now.. I have no idea what to do.. if I just pull away that will be just too wrong to try to get away from..!

Truly I feel caged.. between what I really want.. and what I am stuck at and what I should do..!

My whole body was going into numb.. I couldn’t move nor breath it’s like I fell into Myungsoo phase.. you know that weird phase that he always do whenever I’m near..!

I start biting my lip nervously.. what if he thinks I’m hypocrite ..? pushing him off and then pulling him like this..!

My thoughts were soon brushed by fingertips brushing through my hair strands.. the went from barely there to getting much confident and I feel doze into him .. I start breathing his scent.. completely hypnotize by his warmth.. his breath.. his comforting touches.. my numb body just melted and lean forward.. my whole strength is clashing onto him

And he just held me closer..

One hand my head.. another wrapped to my shoulder..!

And he pull one ear bud and attach it to my ear and as soon as he put it on I know what’s that song is: [Song Jieun- Don't Look At Me Like That]

Tell Me What Is Wrong
Tell Me What Is Wrong
Tell Me What Is Love
Tell Me What Is Love
I want to love however I want
I won’t change no matter what anyone says

Don’t look at me like that
We’re just in love, that’s all
Don’t hate on us, however you’re viewing us
We’re just a little different
Just leave us alone

  That song haunted me from the day it was released and I had no idea he had it in his playlist as well..!

Why? Why not?
They whisper and go against us
Why? Why not?
We’re so in Love..,

****