Dongwoo Pov

I woke up on a voice at the middle of night.. my eyes flutter open and my mind is still processing

The voice start whining

Who.. what?

SHIIIIIIT

I rushed out of the room as soon I recognize who and what though..!

My cheeks are flushed and my heart is racing I slammed my body out of the room slipping on the wood of my closed door..

I swallow and try to breathe closing my eyes

I’m outside but I can still hear it again wide clear even if I can’t possibly be

It still echoing in my head

The voice: “nnnngggghhhh ahhh myun ahh uumm mmyuung nggh aaahh”

shiiiiiittt

Why the hell I’m sweating when he’s the one having that kind of dreams

Lately everything about Hoya has been bothering me..!

The fact is that his day revolves around only L is too much to ing bear

I try not to shout on him whenever he start whining or asking me to text the other seeing what’s he’s up to

I try not to be this spoiled brat but he nags and yearn and whine and sigh and I feel like slapping him really hard to snap out of it

I’m being a jerk I know but..

But I want him back..

As if he tossed me somewhere.. as if there’s no longer place for me

I hated feeling this

The urge to have his full focus on me only..!

L POV

The nights are colder.. shows me how lonely I am.. how helpless pathetic un loved human being I am..!

At the end when it’s all dark

I curled in the sheets trying not to feel this cold

Trying not to be the loser self that I am

The urge to call him at night scares me

I scare me ..!

I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me

I try not to think of that sentence though

Because everything is wrong with me

Everything is suffocating

As if lately the reason to live was much stronger

As if I finally found something that make me wake up the mornings

And sleep fast at nights

I no longer want just his attention

After parting from him

I now know

How scared I am of this

I’m scared of myself

I feel like dying each hour away from him and I just can’t show him this pathetic side

I can’t

Not because of my pride

No

It’s the fact that Hyung might not feel this at all

That this is all in me

I check my phone each damn seconds

Wanting anything

Any type of stupid text

Was it a game..?

I don’t want to play anymore

I swallow the limp and ignore those thoughts I don’t have time for me 

I don’t have time to be Myungsoo

“I might just Die ..right here..

I might just Die.. like this..,

Whatever you wanted, I gave you my all

I guess I was a little crazy,

I went overboard and liked you a little too much..

When it was nothing..!”

(MIGHT JUST DIE-HISTORY)

Hoya POV

The ..

I panicked looking at Dongwoo bed across the room

He’s not here

Good good

I try to breathe damn it Hoya

I bite my lower lip and pulled on my hair

Missing Myungsoo like crazy was ok or that’s what I thought till now

Can you be more ing obvious?

I don’t breathe anymore I just keep sighing like the miserable pile of depression that I am

I get up getting rid of everything

I stare at the mirror looking at my flushed reflection

My breath is caught once again in my throat

Did he always see me looking like that…? All flushed.. all ..!

Damn it I feel more burning now.. stop hoya.. stop going there it’s dark in there..! but damn it

Who am I kidding..!

I love dark..

Love dark so much that I can’t stop thinking about that freak..!

I got no sleep after that.. Myung’s eyes.. Myung’s warmth.. Myung’s touch.. Myung’s voice.. Myung’s lips are all I can ing think of

And how much I wanted more..

More of long forgotten Hoya time..!!

I growl on bed and felt disgusted of myself

I bury my head in pillow not breathing in the process

Maybe if I stayed longer like this its all stops..?

No I’m not the suicidal type though

This is not the first time L posses my nights ruining my life.. dreams and ambitions.. (drama time)

I had a lot of nights like this

But this night

It feels much unbearable

If he was only here.. damn it don’t go there again..

I got up and got out of room..

I stare at the empty lonely sofa out there in the dark

And I can almost hear his voice with that scary in the dark smirk: “Thirsty..?”

Little he knows..

My thirst is something else..

I shook my head.. I feel close of seriously losing it.. and it sux when your brain is only fixed on one thought screaming on you “YOU ARE PATHETIC”

There’s no other place Howon

No other place than his..

I storm in his empty room

God how lonely that room feels like

How empty it feels like to stare at his belongings

But there’s no him

I toss my body on his bed not even letting my mind a second to think

I’m surrounded by Myungsoo..

His bed

His scent

I try to inhale that pillow

I curl at those sheets

He’s driving me insane

I’m going crazy by seconds since he left

I give up.. I want him back

I doze to sleep..

L POV

I’m sweating entering the dorm.. It’s 6 a.m at morning but I can hear Gyu and Namu voices chatting then they came in view, I smile “the honey I’m home” one and Gyu suddenly ran to embrace my body little too much for my liking

I could cry right now though.. don’t ask.. it’s messed up.

But I bite my lip laughing as Namu narrows his eyes on me while still being in his hold..I pat Gyu shoulder: “Hyung, you’re suffocating me”

He breaks the hug to look at my face: “Myung you look like (his voice scared as hell) what the we gonna do Namu ??” (turn to see him) “he’s our ing visual !!!” (very high pitched)

Namu breaks into laughter and start pulling gyu out of my hold into his embrace catching him in a back hug then whispers in Gyu ear teasingly: “We got you”

I shivers that was not close to low whisper and Gyu turns to something related to ketchup, he tries to get out of Namu’s grasp and start hitting his head while shouting: “YAAAHHHH NAMU!! HAVEN’T I TOLD YOU NOT TO TREAT ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FANS”

Namu just shrugs muttering innocently: “but Hyung.. you are,” biting his lower lip playfully

Gyu just gasps while the other laughed.. Namu add suddenly while winking: “I know that I’m yours”

Ok ok definitely not my scene or my ing place.. the amount of Woogyu suddenly getting too woogyu for me to be in same room place under same ing roof .. nope gonna evacuate.. code blue all the way I storm at my room shouting: “Get a ing room.. geez!!”

I lock the door behind me.. sighing relief leaning my back on it.. I feel as if my body cells gonna break anytime soon.. it all feels too tiring to be awake.. I start trembling heading straight to bed to find big pile of human being curling on my bed (turn to check the room) yes my BED..!!!

I start hissing silent cursing it was something similar to “Whoever the is dat is gonna burn in hell”

Ok I might went overboard because the real version was “ DIE YOU MOTHERER YOU PIECE OF USING OTHER PEOPLE PERSONAL AS YOUR ING OWN.. NO YOU DESERVE TO DIE.. IM TAKING YOU THERE.. TO YOUR ING BRAND NEW GRAVE.. I MADE IT FOR YOU SWEETHEART.. HOPE IT’S FITTING ENOUGH TO YOUR BEAR LIKE BODY”

Though

All toxic thoughts went to blank

As if time slams my cheek to shut my ing brain

It went to sound like a dead end in calls

Suddenly my shoulders went too weak and my bag slipped it so fast my heart did an almost cry when I heard the sound of my cam came into contact with earth

My eyes suddenly decide oh maybe it should rain after all..

I took a step forward my eyes went straight to where that lil part of his face expose

I suddenly care less about how needy I look

How stupid I am to crawl back

I didn’t care

If I’m being too Myungsoo

I don’t care anymore

I crawl on bed and watch his back frame

These thoughts kept haunting me

I was this close to just ignore the hell out of him

And here I am

The moment I see him

All it comes rushing back

Slamming me hard

I felt suffocating

The thought of how much I need him right now

How much I want him

How much I wanted him to want me..!

How much I want to bury my head in his neck

His perfect shoulder blades..

And to breath him once if it possible

I feel so pathetic I want to sob like crazy

Yes

Once

Let just make it once

Give an addict a goodbye taste

Lets for once bet on him and bet on me to know when to stop

When enough is enough

My hands slip his waist gently afraid my slight move will wake him up.. I lock my fingers and pull his warm back towards me fully taking him all.. my heavy head find its place in the crock of his neck

My legs wrapping his

I take his scent all in

I can feel how much my muscles holding him a bit too strong

A bit too afraid to let go

And for the first time

I feel home at last

I sigh before completely collapsing

Between his warmth and my daylight dream

Between the heat the scent and my weary body

I felt him stiffen but I’m not letting go

Before I go for good

Lets have one last time

I heard his voice breathing: “Myuung..?”

And it could be my imagination and my sick brain wanting to hear him say my name so bad..!

Although I feel too weak.. I keep holding him like holding to life itself

“I’m afraid that I’m being ruined by you..

I keep losing you,

like you’re slipping through my fingers

It’s like I can see you but I can’t

The answer is you..!

Now I can’t turn back..

I can’t stop myself now..!

I’m betting on you..!”

(Infinite-Bad)

and my hold tightens afraid to let go..!

I’m already ruined..

It’s already a little too much

A little too deep

A little too messed up situation

And a little too bad to make a bet on..!

I’m ruined..!

****

---------------------------------

Hey..

so it's been so long since I updated and at some point I start losing it .. barely thinking about completing this till now.. I have read the comments and frankily thank you for sticking by.. if there's something that made me feel like writing another word again that will be your words..

whoever waited.. thank you and i hope i havent ruined it for you

so this gif is pretty sick and it's a teaser for next chap..

I call it "FACE OFF"