I don't remember what happened there, all I could remember was darkness, a light flashed before my eyes and then nothing. I woke up I was in a hospital room, the smell of chloride clear in the space, something I was familiarized with already, I spent my whole year here, it was almost like my second home. I slowly opened my eyes, I don’t really know how much I was out but I was greeted with my mom and Taemin beside me. My mom was crying, sobbing even, and Taemin had a sad look on his face, looking at her it was almost pity you could see on his face. I tried to move, to get up but there was something wrong, my legs, I couldn't feel my legs. What is happening? I’m scared, what is happening?

“Mom what's wrong?” I rasped out, my voice a bit rusty,

“Why are you crying?” she raised her head and looked at me, she smiled, happy I woke up and  she tried to tell me something, but she couldn’t, she began to cry again even harder than before. I looked at Taemin, hoping that he would tell me what was wrong, what happened, why are they looking at me with those eyes? Why do I feel pity in them? 

“Taemin,” I spoke again, this time my voice was closer to normal,

“What’s wrong? Did something bad happen?” He avoided my eyes at first, he didn’t want to tell me, he tried to avoid it but he knew that I would find out eventually.

“Hyung, your legs, can you feel them?” No! No! No! This can't be! No! I can’t feel them at all, no this is not possible, I need them, these are the only thing I have left, these are the only ones that kept me going, I need them to at least achieve my dream, I need them if I want to dance.

With a desperate look on my face, feeling my heart break once more, but this time it wasn’t love that broke it, this time it was my fault, this time it was because I was too weak to get up, it was all me again.  

“What is this?! I can't feel them,” I said, almost crying,

“I can't move them...” 

“That's right, you can't feel them, you can't move them, you,” Taemin stopped, he started crying too, I was feeling my eyes forming tears too, it was too late, I was really useless now.

“You won't be able to move them again...”  Taemin finished what he had to say and then he came next to me, holding my hand, caressing it slowly, trying to make me feel better, but nothing could make this feel better.

This can't be happening, I finally fell in love, I finally found someone, I finally… It was over, I was left without Kyungsoo, I had no love to give, no more dream to achieve, I was now left with nothing, how can I live now?

I am useless, I couldn’t save Kyungsoo, I couldn’t fulfill my dream I couldn’t do anything right, just for once, at least once I want to feel like I did the right thing, that all I went through was worth it.

Then I remembered, maybe there is one thing I could do, Kyungsoo needs a heart, maybe this heart of mine will be good, maybe for once this heart of mine will save someone. If it’s possible, if I can, if I can save Kyungsoo, then I will use this heart to do so.

“Take me to Kyungsoo,” I said, almost pleading,

“I need to see him, please, take me to him...” Taemin looked at me, trying to say something and as his expression changed I knew it wasn’t something good.

“Jongin, about Kyungsoo...” He started, hesitating,

“Kyungsoo woke up,” He woke up, I can’t believe it, he said Kyungsoo woke up.

“While you were in surgery, but,” Taemin went on, there was always that ‘but’, that word that changed everything good into bad, there always had to be a ‘but’.  

“The doctor said he has at least one week left to live, unless he gets a heart transplant, he won't make it.” No, this can’t be, he should be fine, if he woke up, why? Why isn’t he better, why is this happening?

“Take me to him, please, take me there...” I said, and I could feel tears streaming down my face again; I need to see him, I can’t go on anymore, I have to see him. Taemin took a wheel chair from the closet that was in the room, he helped me get on it and then he took me to Kyungsoo.

As we came in, Kyungsoo's mom saw me and started crying, I looked at Kyungsoo and his eyes were red, puffy from all the crying, way too obvious for it to be just a simple cry, she knew, they knew too. Kyungsoo knew; his pale face was red only around his eyes, his small hands trembling, and a desperate look on his face. I went closer, and as I looked at his eyes they turned glassy, tears threatening to come again. And they did, I couldn’t even mutter a single word and he was already a crying mess, he cried like a baby, his tears streaming down his face like a river, I tried to wipe them away, I tried to make them stop falling but I couldn’t, more took their place, the more I wiped the more fell.

I tried to take him in my arms, I tried to hug him, as much as I could, and he couldn’t stop crying, he was crying in my embrace, instead of smiling, instead of hearing his beautiful voice sing for me all I could see were tears, his beautiful face was full with pain and sorrow, his raspy voice only said ‘sorry’ again and again, without any end. It hurt so much, I just wanted to make him stop, I didn’t want to see his tears, and I didn’t want to hear him being sorry, I wanted to see his smile, his face radiating happiness.

Before I knew it I was a crying mess too, all those days I stood beside him, waiting for him to wake up, waiting for him to say my name, to see him alive and well, all those days I prayed and got no answer, they finally come true; only that fate wasn’t as giving as it should, time was ticking, i don’t have enough time, I don’t want to say goodbye, I just need more time, please, anyone, just give me more time, just give him more time.

Soon enough his mother and Taemin left us alone and for once I was happy to be alone, I wanted to spend my last moments I had with him, because I will speak with a doctor, I will try to do everything I can, because all I have left is my heart and I will give it up if I can give him more time.

“Don't cry my love, don’t cry, It's going to be all-right,” I said as I smiled and then I cupped his face and tried to wipe away his tears again,

“You woke up and I'm here beside you,” I said, trying to smile but I failed too, I couldn’t even show him the smile he loves.

“Even if my legs are not worth anything anymore, you woke up, and that’s all I need, that's okay for me, as long as you can live, that's all I need.” Tears streamed down my face again, I was hopeless, I couldn’t even hold them, I couldn’t stop myself from crying.

“Jongin,” He said, taking a hand from his face, staring deep in my eyes, trying to form words,

“Thank you for being here with me,” He said as he gave me the smile I forgot how it looked like,

“Thank you for falling in love with me,” He stopped crying but I knew it wasn’t going to last,

“Thank you for everything.” He said and I could feel my heart break, I can’t let him die, I can’t have that.

“I just want you to know that I love you and I will love you forever.” Tears fell from his eyes again, he tried to look at me, trying to blink the tears away, and he was smiling, as if he was accepting his fate, as if he was saying his goodbye.

I tried to hold my tears again, I took his shaking hands in mine, I held them tight and then while looking into his eyes, barely holding my tears, I knew what I had to do now. My legs are useless, my dream can't go on, but his dream can go on, he can live his dream, all I can do now is buy him time, if this is the price I hate to pay them so be it. I leant in, I gave him a kiss, a final goodbye, I placed my lips on his; it has been so long, his whole body was cold, his hands, his face, but his lips were warm, the tears that fell on his face, the tears I tried to kiss away, they were warm.

“You made me fall in love for the first time,” I began, trying to keep myself together,

“Because of you I learned what love is, you made my heart race from the moment I saw you, it was the first time someone did that to me, I was always trying to love and yet I never could, but then I saw you, and it worked, I could fall in love, with you.” I said as I smiled; I pitied myself, all I could do was love him and yet it wasn’t enough.

“Our time was short and we couldn't have the perfect ending, it wasn’t even enough, we had just one day, why is time so cruel? Why didn’t I saw you earlier? Your heart got worse because of me,” I went on, this was too much even for me, I don’t want to let go,

“I'm sorry that you fell in love with me, but I'm also sorry that I loved you and that I can't do much now, I’m sorry I couldn’t prevent it, that I was the one who did this to you, but  I want your dream to go on. I want you to fulfill your dream and to live on.”  I can't live in a world where he's not with me, even on the verge of life and death at least I had him, I could touch him, I can't go on without him, I love him, I fell in love so hard that I can't let go of this love, I can’t go back now, it’s too late.

“Please don't do anything stupid,” He said, still crying,

“My dream doesn’t matter now if you're not here to hear me sing. You have the most beautiful smile when I sing for you.” I just can’t, this is too much, what have I done wrong to deserve this, why did the gods hate me so much?

“Your eyes are what made me fall even more. When you smile the whole room lights up, when you smile your eyes have this glow that makes everyone fall for you, it’s beautiful, Jongin,” he said, he was crying still, but he tried to wipe away my tears,

“Your love was all that I need, but this heart won't accept it, my heart is weak.” He went on and all I could do was blame myself, if it wasn’t for love then he would still be fine, he would not be here in this hospital, he wouldn’t have only one week left to live.

“I'm sorry that I can't love you, that my heart is too weak to love you, I'm sorry that you love me. And even if I have only one week left to live, I want you to always know that I will always love you, that this weak heart will love you till the end.” 

“Kyungsoo, look at me, you will live,” I said as I looked into his eyes and wanted for him to believe it too,

“You will live your life and you will be happy. I believe that you will get a heart soon. You will live your dream and sing with all your heart and make people smile and bring happiness with your voice. So don't cry, everything will be fine, you will live on.” I said as I leant in and kissed his forehead, barely reaching it, but I struggled a bit and managed to kiss it; this was it, my last goodbye.

He looked at me and just smiled sadly, I said I had to return to my room and I left him. I told my mother what I wanted to do, she wasn’t going to agree with it, she said I was insane, she opposed to it, she said I don’t know what I was talking about, but in the end she agreed to it, in the end she wanted to respect my decision, it was better like this, I was barely living anyway, like this, for once I can do something right.  I told Taemin goodbye and then I told the doctors what I wanted to do, I told them to see if I could give my heart to him, if I was a match, and it was as if fate or God, or whoever decided I deserved a second chance allowed me to give my heart to Kyungsoo, because I was a match, I could give my heart away.  

The doctor agreed to it, asking me twice, and then again and again, making sure this is what I want and I said it as many times as I needed to, that this was what I wanted, that I was useless anyway so this was all I could do.

My mother started crying soon enough after I agreed to it, she cried so hard you could see her pain all over her face, she will lose her baby, her little boy, she won't see him ever again, it was time to say goodbye, she had to, but she didn’t want to, just as I didn’t want to let go of Kyungsoo she didn’t want to let go of me, but in the end she did. Taemin, started crying too, he was a sobbing mess, his tears falling and falling with no end,  he leant in, he hugged me, he said his goodbye too and then he took my mom away, taking her away because she needn’t had to be here when the doctors pronounce my death.  Kyungsoo can't find out until the transplant is done. I can't tell him that I will give him my heart, he won't be able to take it, so I asked them to keep it a secret, to tell him I’m sleeping and I shouldn’t be disturbed, to tell him a heart was available and that he could see me after the surgery.  

The doctors took me to the operating room, they went through with the procedure took my heart and gave it to him. After the surgery was done they took Kyungsoo back and the heart was fine, Kyungsoo was fine, he accepted the heart, he could live. He wanted to see me, to tell me the news, to tell me he got a heart and that this heart was strong enough to love, but all he got in return from me was a letter.

He opened the letter with trembling hands, almost hesitating to open it but he ripped the seal open and started to read it,

‘To my love, Do Kyungsoo,

I'm sorry that I had to do it this way,

I love you, I fell in love so hard that I can't let go of this love. I’m sorry for this, I’m sorry I had to do it like this but my heart is now yours.

I couldn't possibly live without you.  I can't live in a world where you're not with me, I can't go on without you, a week wouldn’t have been enough, I needed more time, but it wasn’t possible, this was the only way you could get it, this was the only way I could buy you more time.

You need to live on I want you to live your dream and be happy without me; I want you to fall in love with someone and be happy. I want you to have a family and live a normal life without me. You have to go on, you have to become a singer and with your voice to make people smile, like you made me smile, you're warm and lovely voice will bring people happiness. You can fulfill your dream and be happy without me.

I gave you my love and you returned it, you showed me what true love means. You were my everything and because I couldn't see a world without you beside me I gave you my heart so you can live on, so you can smile again.

I love you and I will love you forever, even if I die now, I want you to be happy and move on. I will always love you even in death; my heart is yours now, please take care of it and go on with our dreams and live your life to the fullest. 

Please don’t cry anymore, smile because your smile was the one that made me fall at first, sing because your voice got me then, and then smile with all your heart, laugh because that’s what I love the most at you, when your happy you shine so bright, it’s the most beautiful thing in the world, so please, don’t cry, just smile.

I love you and I loved only you.

Kim Jongin.’

After he finished reading the letter, he cried so hard, that it made me feel his pain. My soul was crying, the cold I felt in my soul was like a winter blizzard, it pierced my deepest feelings and the pain he felt made me even sadder. However, he could live now, I was happy, he could live. Even if now I am just a hollow, a shadow that will watch over him, I will always love him and protect him. 

After that, Kyungsoo cried for days, he did not eat or sleep, but then he found on a cold morning a note on his window,

‘Please don't cry and take care of my heart, it was all I could give you.’  That was the most I could do in this spirit form. He started crying again, but he knew, he knew I was there watching over him, so he stopped crying and he went down and started eating, he cleaned up, got dressed and went to my grave. On my grave he took out a rose, he put it down and said,

“I will live my life with the memories we shared, even if we only had a day, I loved you for a year and I will make you proud, I will become a singer and make you smile up there where you are now. I will always love you, and with the heart you gave me, I will live our dreams and I will be happy, for you, I will live on.” He said, crying again, only that now there was a smile on his face too, that smile I loved, that heart-shaped smile of his.

“Thank you for everything. I still love you, Kim Jongin.” He cried a bit, but then he stopped. He went home and smiled every day, even if it hurt and he was in pain, he smiled. After years passed, he made his dream come true. He became a singer, and during his first concert, he said,

”Thank you for your love, I still love you after all these years!”

And even if he didn't know that I was there, it made me smile, he made me happy, after all these years, I can go now, he is going to be fine, I can go in peace now, I stayed enough, my love, take care and be happy . I love you, I still love you and I will love you forever.

A/n: I’m sorry T^T Thank you for reading it, thank you for sticking with this story till the end. This was my first fanfiction so I’m sorry for the grammar mistakes but I can’t read it again, poor Jongin…

I hope you liked it and thank you for reading it, please leave a comment and tell me what you think about this story. ^^ Thank you again!