My mom came in with the snacks, smiling from ear to ear, but the thing is after kissing there was a slightly awkward atmosphere between us, luckily she didn't notice. She brought us the snacks, some tea to go with those and left the room still smiling. We then looked at each other, wordless for a moment and then all of a sudden we started laughing.

We didn’t say anything after that, nothing about our feelings at least, we just did our homework and we talked about all kinds of things; what he likes, what he hates, what I love to do, what we should do next, small talk, but it was nice, it felt natural, and after a while it felt as if I knew Kyungsoo since forever.

Night came fast, the outside slowly getting darker and stars showing up in the sky. From my small window you could see them, the stars, the moon, the night sky, it was beautiful; it made you calm at night when you couldn’t sleep, it made you feel protected, as if the moon could protect you from everything that’s bad in the world. Then when it was time for bed, I realized something, and that is that I have only one bed, small and all that, because it was meant for one person, and I don’t exactly bring my girlfriends home with me to let them sleep here.

“Kyungsoo, we might have a little problem with how we are going to sleep...” I said as I looked at him, not really scared but not really knowing about what I was talking about either, I might as well be just paranoid.

“What is it?” He said looking back, giving me all his attention,

“Is there something wrong?” he went on, looking quite worried, it was odd, but somehow it was cute too.

“You can't sleep with someone else? Do you have a phobia so we need to keep the lights on? Something like that?” He said, trying to think what problem could there be, when in fact it was pretty dumb, and it was just me over-thinking.

“Ah, no, no, it’s not that,” I said as I raised my hands in the air, as if defending myself,

“It's just that, there is only one bed.” I said, sounding completely obvious, but Kyungsoo chuckled a bit and waited for me to go on,

“We kinda have to sleep together. In the same bed and it's also a small bed...” It wasn’t that I would try and do something to him, it’s not like I’m really going to do it with him so fast; yeah I love him and he loves me but I’m not a dog in heat.  

“That's okay.” Kyungsoo said, smiling and coming closer to me and looking straight in my eyes with an expression that was again that look that seemed to scare everyone off,

“I guess that means you won't do anything to me, while we sleep, right?”  He gave me that ‘if you do something I don't like I will kill everything you ever loved’ kinda look. So I just laughed and let it go, even that expression couldn’t scare me off, he was cute with that expression too, somehow everything he did seems cute today.

“I won't do anything, I will be good.” I said back, faster that I thought and he just let out a small chuckle and went back to sit on the chair he was earlier. I was kind of happy now so I will stay put, he's mine now and that is enough for me, that’s all that matters.

We talked some more, small talk again, nothing much, about all sorts of nothings, school then music, something about dance, and the conversation pretty much jumped from one thing to another really fast. I was getting sleepy, it was getting late, and I wanted to sleep so I suggested we go and take a shower and he agreed; he must be tired too, it was a long day today, full of new things, it tires you.

I took the shower first, trying not to take my time like I always do and stay there for like one hour. Kyungsoo offered to clean the books and notes from the desk and the bed, even if I said he should just leave them, that I can do that, but he wanted to do it; something about at least he should help rather than stay there to look at the ceiling.

While Kyungsoo was in the bathroom I was making our bed, trying to clean a bit under the sheets because I had all sorts of manga’s and video games thrown in there, lost in my blanket; I was a messy kid I have to admit, but then again who isn’t really?  I finished faster than I thought and I decided to wait for him so we can go to bed together when I heard that something fell in the bathroom, it was quite a fall, something loud, it was loud enough to make me panic so I went it.

I knocked on the door and no answer was received, I yelled his name and it was still silent; I opened the door and Kyungsoo was down, on the floor, passed out. I ran back into my room and I called the ambulance fast. Then I returned and took Kyungsoo in my arms and placed him on the bed; when the ambulance came I said I would go with them too, so I followed them to the hospital.

What in the world is this? I was happy, this was supposed to be a happy day, my life was happy, we laughed just a few moments ago, he was fine, he laughed with me, he smiled with me, he sang for me. What should I do now, I’m scared, I’m afraid, I don’t know what I should do. All I could do was grab his hand, hold it tight and hope nothing bad happens. That was all I was able to do; I never felt so powerless in my whole life, it hurts, to know you can’t do anything to help someone you love.

After we arrived at the hospital, I called his mother and told her that Kyungsoo was in the hospital and that I had no idea what happened, that he just passed out in the shower; that I called the ambulance and they said it’s going to be fine, but that I was worried for him.

‘Ah, again?’ She said and it was strange, what do you mean again? Is this not the first time this happens, does this happen often? I was more and more confused. With every second that passed I felt even more powerless.

‘Okay, please tell me what hospital are you in and I'll be there as fast as I can.’  She said and then after 10 minutes she arrived at the hospital, with a worried expression on her face but yet it wasn’t really that bad, it was odd, something about her didn’t feel right, she was rather calm about this.

“I'm sorry for the inconvenience,” She said as she tried to explain what happened,

“I told him he forgot his meds at home this morning but he insisted that he was fine.” His meds? What in the world is happening?  Why does he need medicine? 

“I'm sorry to ask,” I said as I tried to form words, I was confused and scared and I was probably a complete mess by now.

“I'm his friend and he was with me the whole time and I want to know what is wrong with Kyungsoo?” Please God, don't let it be something very bad, please let it be just a cold or lack of sleep, anything, just don’t take him away.

“Uhm, how do I say this?” She said trying to find the right words, as she took a seat, and I followed,  

“He has a heart problem since he was little.” Heart problems, she said and I could feel my heart speed up again. No, this is bad, this is really bad. So that means that this morning at school he was searching for his medicine and that's why he was pale, that’s why he had to lie it was his keys, he didn’t want me to find out.

“We had to move here because he needed more treatment and in our poor village wasn't possible,” she went on, sounding quite sad now, almost pitiful,

“So I found a new workplace here and we moved; he seemed fine at first, however, one day, he suddenly got worse.” She said again, it was sad, the way she spoke, the way she choose her words, it was something in her tone that made my heart drop.

“I didn’t know what happened but then he told me he fell in love, and that he feels as if his heart would break apart to pieces.” Wait, what is she saying? That was me, it was all my fault – this is all my fault, no this can't be true. It's a lie, it's all a dream; this is not possible.

“He knew he had a weak heart, the doctors said that he should be careful, that love was bad, that it could make his condition worse, he knew all that and yet he couldn’t prevent it.” She was on the verge of crying, or at least that’s what it looked like; however no tears were running down her face, she was just there, on the limit.

“After that he told me that he wanted to go to school and have friends. But he wasn't supposed to do that. His heart is weak, it’s too weak to hold all that, he can’t take all that pressure, school is too much for him, let alone have friends. If that happens his heart would give up because it's too much for his body to take.” And this wasn't even the worst part of the story; it was my fault after all. If only I would have never talked to him, if only I never smiled and returned his love, if only I wouldn’t be so careless, if only I had better control over my emotions, maybe, then maybe now he wouldn't be in this situation. I couldn’t do much again, it was my fault, I can’t tell her that, I can’t tell her that Kyungsoo is like this because of me, I don’t want that, I don’t want to admit that, I can’t live with that, not now.

Soon after that, the doctor came and told his mother what the situation was like, what happened and then he told her that his condition has gotten worse, that in order to survive this he needs a heart transplant. She started crying upon hearing this, tears were running down her face, she wasn’t even able to form words, I tried to make her feel better, I tried to pat her back, to hold her hand so she would feel at least a bit better, but it only made me feel worse. It was all my fault, this was all my fault, if I didn’t love him, if I didn’t smile – this was all on me. I took away his dream, I took away the only thing he needed, he can't live anymore and it’s all because of me. What should I do now, I’m completely powerless.

It wasn’t long before Kyungsoo entered a comatose state, his heart was failing slowly, and his vitals were weak, really weak, it was as if he was almost dead, yet not quite, he was just there, standing on the line between life and death. I was there beside him, I had to see how his body was slowly shutting down, how his hands were cold even if I held them, how his lips were blue no matter how many times I kissed them, his beautiful skin was turning to white, to a coldness that resembled a corpse, it was merciless, but I still had hope that he will wake up, that he will get better, that he will come back to me, that he will sing for me again. 

A year had passed, I still loved him, my feelings were still the same, and he was still the same; his condition got worse, then better, then worse again, it was like a rollercoaster, one day he was fine, there were hopes he would wake up and the next day they would tell us he’s dying again.  I visited every day, I stood there by his side, I watched how death the life out of him, I prayed to every God I knew to bring him back, for him to wake up, to see him well again, to see his smile, to hear his voice, anything, even a small chance, I needed a second chance, I needed something, something to bring him back, I would give my heart to save him, all I wanted was too see  him smile for me again.

But it was all in vain, nothing worked, no prayer, no God, no one was there to hear me, I was all alone in this world, powerless, all I had left was love, and that love hurt. They sad love saves everything, love is beyond us all when in fact here I am, alone, without any means to help him, love abandoned me, love couldn’t save me, love was all I left and it was useless.

One day I went to visit like usual. I was on a street, close to the hospital, like two blocks away, waiting for the semaphore to turn green so I can cross the street and get there, to see him, when I felt my phone go off in my pocket. I fished it out and looked at the screen, it was his mother, she sent me a text,

‘Kyungsoo state is getting worse.’ It said and that wasn’t new but every time I saw that it hurt, like a million knives were stabbing my heart one by one, but there was more,

‘The doctor said he need a transplant fast in order to survive.’ No, this was new, this broke the pattern, this wasn’t happening, it was too fast, not now, please no.  

They told us that we should say goodbye, that it was too late, that if he doesn’t get a heart soon it will be too late and that we should let him go, that we should say our goodbye’s, but we couldn't, I couldn’t let go, I just can’t let go, this was my only chance at love, this was the first time I felt love and I didn’t want to let go, I can’t let go of this, I can’t let Kyungsoo go.

I just fell on my knees, I couldn’t stand anymore, it hurt, it hurts so much, I just want him back, I want him to smile again, I miss his smile, I want to see it again, that heart-shaped smile that I love, I want to see his eyes again, those big eyes that scared everyone but not me, I want to hear his voice again, I want to hear him say just one more time how he loves me because I could hear it only once and it wasn’t enough. 

I felt my eyes forming tears, it was in vain, I couldn’t keep it in anymore, I tried to stay strong, I tried not to cry, I tried to smile, to show him the smile he loved, I wanted to keep on showing him that smile, but I can’t smile anymore, it was over, I was done now, I couldn’t save Kyungsoo, I failed; God failed me, love failed me, all I had has failed me.

I was stuck on the crossroad, trying to get up, trying to move because the light was turning red soon, I didn’t have much time, I had to go, to at least say goodbye properly, but I couldn’t do that either, I couldn’t even get myself together, I couldn’t stand on my two feet, I was powerless. Then I tried again, I tried to get up but it was too late, I saw a bright light, a flash shining in front of my eyes and then it was all black.

A/n: Sooo, I can’t really have a happy ending in my stories so someone will die next chapter. I know this might be going too fast but I still hope you enjoyed reading it. The next chapter will be the last chapter.

Thank you for reading and feel free to tell me in the comment section what you think of it, if you liked it or not, anything really, advice, or whatsoever, I want to know ^^

Thank you again for reading my story. :)