Lee Jinki


I listened to Taemins story without interrupting him even once. I sat in bed and was holding his hands in mine as he was shaking – obviously he was scared of my reaction. His gaze was directed to the floor and he never looked up, not even once. I watched him speak and tried to take it all in without judging anyone for what happened.
However, once I heard about that Sehun guy it got very hard for me not to get mad and I just tried to continue listening quietly.

Once his story was done – and had ended with him having a panic attack in hospital – he still refused to look at me for a few minutes. And when he slowly raised his head in order to look at me I saw how there were tears in his eyes and how his bottom lip was trembling.
After hearing his story I figured why he would feel nervous.

“Hyung …” he mumbled and blinked up at me. The tears stuck to his eyelashes now. “Why … are you not saying anything?” I felt how his grip on my hands tightened, the shaking getting even worse eventually. I continued to look into his eyes, thinking.

That Sehun guy … he must have been the same one that also robbed him yesterday. And the one that had been with him had probably been Jongin, the ex boyfriend. I tried to get to a conclusion, but wouldn't really get to a reasonable one.

Why, in the world, would Sehun hate Taemin so much?

I understood why Jongin was upset – although he was an idiot for not believing Taemin – but I couldn't quite wrap my mind around why Sehun was, too. Either Taemins story wasn't finished yet, or Sehun was playing Jongin. Anyhow, what Taemin had just told me was terrible. And, to me, it was quite obvious what had happened from the moment Taemin had drunk. I was afraid Sehun really had put something into his drink and had separated him and Jongin. With Taemin being drunk and slaughtered with alcohol and whatever he had put in there, it mustn't have been very difficult to get him to the bathroom and take advantage of him there – however, that meant that Taemin had been and abused that night.

“You must think I'm disgusting …” he pulled me out of my thoughts with his words. “I'm sorry …” he started mumbling apologies all of a sudden and gripped onto my hands even tighter. He was a picture of absolute misery, obviously he was traumatized by what had happened, and he soon started crying into my hands silently.

I continued to think about everything I heard for a while before putting on a light smile and leaning down to him. He didn't notice how close I was until I pulled one of my hands away and put it on his cheek instead. I didn't mind that my hand got wet, and he seemed to find it strange at first, but after just a moment he snuggled his cheek into my hand and closed his eyes. I felt my heart beating fast when I saw him so defenseless and sweet.

“I don't think you're disgusting, Taemin-ah …” I said and tried to keep my voice soft. Although my heart was hammering in my chest at how close we were again I tried not to let him notice that I was actually nervous. “I'd never think that.”

“Lies …” he mumbled into my palm and slowly blinked his eyes open. He looked even sadder now.
“It's not a lie.” I insisted. “Why would I lie to you. What good would that do me.”

“I … I don't know.” he moved his hand up and held my wrist gently so I wouldn't pull my hand away.
“I think you are beautiful no matter what.” I blushed a bit at my own words but would have never taken them back – it was true, he was the most beautiful person ever. “And, let me tell you, what that Jongin guy says has nothing to do with reality. He's just angry. What's worse is that he's mad at you for something you didn't even do. That's just horrible.” he twitched a bit and closed his eyes again. “I believe you. Every single word, really.” he seemed to relax a little at that and I used my thumb to over his cheek. “And, all together, I'm sure that nothing of what happened is your fault. I also think that you need to talk to someone though … and fast. And I don't mean someone like me, your parents or brother, but someone who's legally capable to find out what happened. To me it sounds like Sehun took advantage of you when you were drugged.”

Taemin frowned at what I said, but kept his eyes closed and face snuggled into my palm. I half expected him to say something, but wasn't surprised when he didn't, either. Instead I could see him thinking about what I had said and gave him time to process it all.
When nothing came however I leaned closer to him and continued speaking. “But don't worry, okay? It's all good now … you've got me now. You're not alone anymore. I'll protect you.”
His bottom lip trembled again at my words and he looked at me slowly. I watched how he broke away from my hand and sat up a bit. “Thank you so much … really.” he spoke quietly and let out a soft chuckle. To me it seemed like he couldn't believe my words. “This … really means a lot to me …”

“Don't mention it.” I replied and shrugged. I felt comfortable, just sitting here and talking to him like that … it felt nice. We continued looking at each other for a while, his hand now in mine and eventually just had to start laughing. Looking at each other wordlessly did start to feel quite awkward after a while.

“Hyung … you're silly.” he said and buried his face in his hands. “Don't stare.”

“You're staring.” I replied and gently poked his hands. “We're staring.”

“We are …” he nodded and peeked at me through his fingers. When his eyes met mine he smiled widely and started laughing again – he was acting really sweet. “I feel relieved.”

“I can imagine.” I just looked at him and leaned back in bed. I could barely stop myself from smiling the entire time. “Have you ever told anyone about what happened …?”

“Uhm …” he put his hands down and shook his head. “No. No-one. You're the first … and only.”

“Well … thanks for trusting me so much.”

“Don't mention it.” he mimicked me and I had to laugh a bit. He then went on: “But I wouldn't want to tell anyone, to be honest … I … feel ashamed of that night … Although I don't really know what happened … I feel gross.”
I nodded slowly and made sure to never take my eyes off of him. I offered him my hand which he took immediately and said: “Like I said, you don't have to feel gross. I am a hundred percent sure that it's not your fault …” he adverted his eyes and I felt him playing with my fingers. “You must have thought about Sehun taking advantage of you … right?”
Taemin hesitated and seemed to think for a moment before he nodded. “Yeah, of course … I … I talked to Sehun a few days after I was released from hospital. But he said he didn't do it … and that I was crazy for believing something like that … that he'd call the police and have me put into an asylum.” he took a shaky breath in. “After that talk I considered that I might not have been … that I might not be normal.”

“What?” I interrupted and furrowed my brow, causing him to look up at me. “Sorry, but that's bull. You're totally normal. Really. He was just trying to lie his way out of that situation.”

“Yeah, but maybe he was right and I just–“

“No.” I pulled my hands away and gently grabbed his face, turning it so he had to look up at me. “Don't think like that. He was playing you, believe me.” when Taemin opened his mouth, obviously still not convinced, I cut him off. “Taemin-ah, believe me. Please. You are normal. You're not crazy. I can promise you that.” he stayed silent for a bit and just looked at me with empty eyes, apparently still not completely convinced. “Taemin-ah … I really like you.” I felt my cheeks heat up, considering what I was gonna say from now on. “And I like the way you are, too. I know people who are crazy, I've had students with mental illnesses, so I know what I am talking about when I say that you are not crazy. You are a healthy person that's been going through a lot. You might have been traumatized … but you are still not crazy. Please, trust me with that, okay?”

“I …” he looked at me again and I could see thankfulness in his eyes. “Yes … alright. I believe you.”
I smiled back when his lips curled upwards. He looked at me for a while and his smile turned into a grin and we both started laughing again, despite the awkwardness.
We continued talking and just relaxed together, not bothering about anything that had happened today or the day before. We just enjoyed each others presence … and I was more than content with that, in fact, I was happy.

Truly happy.



*



Two weeks after the burglary incident and Taemin and I had started to see each other every day. Ever since we had talked so intimately at the hospital something between us had changed. We were more open to each other, talked more and had a lot of contact when it came to touching.

Right now we were at Cute Cups, my daughter, Seohyun, sitting on the carpeted floor and playing with some toys. Taemin and I were thinking about how to get Cute Cups to become a bit more well known.

“I've never tried anything like that …” he said and watched me as I went through some web pages. “But it looks interesting … I'm just worried commercials would be too much.”

“Well, what's the worst that can happen.” I smiled at him and kept scanning the website. “It seems alright to me … let's do it.”

“Uhm … yeah, okay.” although his cheeks were burning he returned my smile and nodded at me. I knew he was unsure about this, so I put my arm around his waist and used my free hand to finish the application formula online.
Basically, what we were trying to do was find a shop that would print posters for Cute Cups that we could put up in the area to promote it. It was more difficult than we thought, though. Taemin was never really satisfied with any design I or both of us came up with and he ended up whining and complaining about how difficult he was most of the time. It was a bit difficult to put up with, that was true, but it didn't really bug me at all.

About two hours later we had finally come to something that he liked – a poster with a picture of inside the shop, edited a little to make it look prettier, the name and the slogan of Cute Cups and the address of course … it probably looked better than it sounded.

“There.” I pressed the 'sent'-button and watched as an E-Mail that confirmed our order came in right away. “The posters should be here in a week.” Taemin squeaked a bit and held onto my arm that was still around his waist. His eyes were widened in obvious excitement and his lips curled up into a wide smile. His cheeks were still bright red, which just made him look even cuter than he already did. While he wiggled about in his seat I just couldn't stop myself from laughing and watched him for a bit before holding onto him tighter and starting to tickle him. He gasped and squirmed within my grip, a loud laughter coming from his lips.
Doing something silly like this he looked so genuinely happy and relaxed that it made my own heart feel warm and comfortable in my chest – no-one's had ever been able to make me feel like that in ages.

I kept on tickling him for a short while until I let it go and allowed him to rest. He sat with his head against my chest, breathing heavily, however, his expression was amused. “You're silly.” he said between gasps and shook his head. “Silly Hyung.”
I raised my brow and poked his side, causing him to squeak again. The way he looked at me made my heart skip a beat and I looked right back at him the same way. There was a sweet expression on his face and he curled his nose a bit, probably to look even cuter. “Hyung, I need to tell you something.” he then said and caused me to frown – was there more to his story?
“Don't look at me like that.” the way he said it sounded like a whine and he nudged me. “It's … not sad …” his face seemed to heat up even more and he glanced up at me. “It's just something that I've been carrying around with me for a while …” for some reason he started fiddling with his fingers and for a long time he didn't say another word, apparently he was looking for the right words.
“I …” he took a deep breath and seemed to have been about to say it, but ended up staying quiet instead. He just shook his head and sounded a bit disappointed when he said: “Just … forget it.”

“No, tell me.” I insisted and leaned onto my palm. “What is it?”

“Ah, it's … just something stupid.” when he just shrugged and tried to get up I furrowed my brow – was he trying to say what I thought he was trying to say? “Let's get Seohyun to bed and –“ without even thinking about it for a second I just followed my instincts.

I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down to me, pressing my lips onto his in a kiss.

This went against everything I thought I knew about myself, but the urge to do this had been there for a long time and I couldn't deny that I loved the feeling of it.

However, Taemin froze hard once my lips were on his and his entire body tensed.

How was he gonna react to this?



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Next chapter. Please give lots of love to it, I'm working hard! ;w;

Thanks for reading (if you did)!!~