Make up your mind to act decidedly and take the consequences. No good is ever done in this world by hesitation. Life is too short to wait.

I was cooking pancakes and watched the 2 boys in my life bicker as Jae or Daniel maneuvered the tree into the corner of the living room on the far side of the fireplace. It wasn’t a small tree but either one of them had no trouble carrying it to the position they liked it to be.

“It should be here so it would cover the space,” Daniel grunted as he shifted the green mass on his chosen side.

“No, it should be over there so it would look good with the twinkling lights and all,” Jae countered as he moved it over his side.

“Guys, will you stop the bickering please. You’ll destroy the tree if you keep pulling it everywhere,” I said.

Daniel rolled his eyes. “Why did you have to pick a ing mammoth tree, Jae?”

“I didn’t pick it,” Jae said as he walked backward toward the corner. “Dara did.”

“Hey! Don’t blame me,” I said as I folded my arms over my chest.

Jae looked up at me, his eyes filled with mischief. “You said you wanted it big, Angel.”

I blushed and focused on the pancake that I was making. Daniel laughed out loud.

“Is that right, Dara?” he asked.

I turned around, setting a glare on Jae for setting up an opening for Daniel to tease me mercilessly.

“That’s right,” I said indignantly. “You have a problem with that, Daniel?”

“No,” he mocked. “But my little brother might.” He winked at me and I grinned. He was turning to Jae as his victim. “Your want of something big just cut out the chances of Jae.”

Jae shot daggers at his brother. “What the , bro?”

“What? You set it up,” Daniel said as he chuckled.

“ you,” Jae muttered at his brother. He then looked at me with a cocky grin I was so familiar with. “And if you think that eliminates my chances, I’d be glad to show you I am very well-endowed with exactly what you’re looking for, Angel.”

If my face was on fire a while ago, it was burning fire-lava-hot now.

“Don’t kid yourself, Jae. You don’t even want a chance with me,” I muttered.

Daniel raised his brows, looking between me and Jae like he was watching a soap opera in his living room. The entire time, Jae didn’t take his eyes off me.

“I don’t, huh?”

I cocked my head to the side.

“You would be honest with me if you did, wouldn’t you?” I asked. “You wouldn’t beat around the bush?”

“Right.” He nodded unsurely and I shrugged.

“Then I guess you don’t want a chance,” I said and then looked to Daniel. “Your breakfast is ready, Sir.”

I turned my back on them as I put more pancakes on the plate. As they walked to the kitchen counter, I felt Jae’s eyes on my back. I could always feel it when he was looking at me. It was weird but that how deep I was aware of him and he was of me.

“You’re a ing idiot, Jae,” Daniel hissed under his breath.

Jae didn’t respond and I turned to set the plate on the table. The boys sat and I started walking towards the stairs.

“Are you not eating with us?” Jae asked.

I shook my head. “Nope. I’m not that hungry.”

“Dara,” he said but I took the stairs 2 at a time, practically running for the bathroom.

I heard Jae stand and then I heard Daniel’s voice. “Leave her alone, Jae. Don’t make the same mistakes I do.”

I shut the bathroom door and the shower. I had no idea what had come over me – I’d never woken with the intention of putting Jae on the spot like that. I was just as shocked by my words as he was. Obviously, I could barely stand to be in the same room as him.

I slid down the wall of the shower and pulled my knees into my chest as I let the water beat against my back. I’d been in there for a few minutes when I heard the door handle shake before it crept open.

“Jae?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “It’s me.”

“W-what are you doing in here?” I asked as I held my breath and waited for his reply.

“Are you upset with me, Dara?” he asked after a long moment.

“No.”

“Then what happened downstairs?” he asked.

I knew he was staring at the shower curtain. I could see his shadow and I was suddenly thankful that I was sitting.

“I…I don’t know,” I admitted. “It just happened.”

“You asked if I would be straight with you. Would you be straight with me?” he said. His tone was levelheaded and I knew he was turning the tables and I was now on the hot seat. “Would you tell me if you wanted a chance?”

“With you?” I squealed.

“No, with G-Dragon. Of course with me, what the , Angel? Who else?”

I scowled. “I don’t know.” I stared down at my toes.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” he asked. “How don’t you know?”

“I…I like our friendship, Jae,” I snapped. “I don’t want it to change.”

“Fine.” He sounded irritated and I heard the door open as he walked out. It shut behind him and I breathed out a sigh of relief as I let my head fall onto my knees.

I joined Jae in the living room where he was going over something that he had for one of his classes. I shifted my bag up higher on my shoulder as I looked at him.

“Um, Jae, Bom is picking me up. You don’t have to worry about driving me to Eulji,” I said. I didn’t bother mentioning that he would never have to worry about it if he gave me my keys back.

“Why?” he asked as he frowned, dropping the papers on his lap. “I like driving you.”

“I, well, I haven’t seen her in a while and I miss her.”

“You saw her a few days ago. She and Junsu came over here for dinner,” he protested.

“That was a while ago,” I argued and then a car horn sounded. “That’s Bom. I’ll see you in campus, okay?” I shifted awkwardly before I waved at Daniel who was looking at us not the TV screen. “See you later, Daniel.”

“Later, Dara,” he called as I ran for the front door.

I sat down in the passenger seat of Bom’s car and rested my head, my eyes closed. She scowled.

“That bad?” she asked.

“Bom, I think I’m in love with him,” I admitted.

She nodded. She didn’t say the ‘I know’ or ‘I told you so’ line and I loved her for that.

“When did you realize?” she asked.

“I don’t really know,” I admitted. “I think you were right from the very start. I’ve known it a long time and I just didn’t want to accept it.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“Are you insane? He’ll run away from me,” I said in panic.

“I don’t think he will, Dara,” she said as she shook her head. “I mean, I thought he was playing around but…have you seen the way he looks at you?”

“He’s always looked at me like that,” I said.

“Exactly my point,” she said as she rolled her eyes. “You’ve always affected him. Everything is clear now. I think you should just be honest with him.”

“He…he kissed me,” I admitted.

“What? When?”

I could hear the surprise in her question and I looked out the window. I couldn’t meet her eyes.

“Last night.”

“So how was it?”

“It was amazing…it’s all I can think about,” I said and sighed at the same time. “I…I think I’m mad at him.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” I muttered.

“Yes, you do,” she argued. She knew me so well. I both respected and hated the fact that she made me admit things to myself.

“I’m mad because I want…I want him. I want a relationship with him and I don’t feel like I can have one with him. And I’m mad because I’m so in love with him and he doesn’t feel even in the least the same for me. I hate feeling this way. I feel like he knows what he’s doing to me and he knows it’s going to hurt me, but he’s doing it anyway,” I cried out in frustration.

“I see,” she said slowly. “Dara, look, um, I really don’t like being a devil’s advocate or Jae’s for that matter, but I think he deserves to know all this. You can’t be mad at him for something he, well, he doesn’t even realize. Maybe he’s worried about the same thing as you do, you know. And maybe…he’s just afraid because he has too much to lose.”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you going to tell him?” she asked after some moment.

“And risk our friendship?” I groaned out loud. “I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

“Look, you might gain something much better than friendship, Dara. It’s not my place to explain all this, but you really won’t ever know until you take a shot.”

“Oh God! You are the worst devil advocate, you know that?” I asked pointedly.

She grinned losing all the seriousness. “Well I look good in red.”

**

I thought of my conversation with Bom the whole day. Even Jae had suspected me of being detached on more than one circumstance. I couldn’t help it. There were so many conceivable pros and cons to my telling Jae how I felt about him I just didn’t know what to do exactly. And if I was being truthful with myself, I was stressing over it way too much when I should just get over it with.

I’d been working the bar with half a mind tonight and I was dog-tired. My shift was almost over and I couldn’t wait to get my to bed, but we had to beautify the Christmas tree tonight. Even Daniel vowed to stay awake a