"In the mirror,
I saw a bigger me.
I wanted to be proven,
That I was right."

My phone rang with a melody that was accompanying me getting up at the morning for few years already. It took me few good minutes to get full recollection of last night's events and the situation I am in right now. In few hours I was supposed to be at AOE's office to go through my first day as Royal Pirates' manager... It still seems like a dream... Dream that I dreamed for few good years already... Thinking of this I pinched myself while staring at ceiling of the hotel room. Yep it hurts, so it's not a dream.

I forced myself to get up, I haven't got this much time till when I should appear at the office.

***

I intended to sleep till late since I stayed up playing games till 3am. It was the best way to clear my mind. However my plans got destroyed with a knock on the door and mom walking in, saying she needs some help with arraging the room. With morning bluriness I was about to ask why but then I remembered that Ivy will be moving in... This whole situation still made no sense for me at all - having my fan living under the same roof as me. 

But wait... She said she is not a fangirl anymore... Hmmm should I check? That might be fun. Somehow Hotcho looked at me with some kind of blame and then she curled up and went back to sleep on my bed.

I joined mom in the spare room a bit later. She needed me to carry out some things and clean up the higher areas she couldn't reach since she was too short.  As we were working I noticed that she is in quite good mood today, smiling and humming under her nose.

"You seem happy today" - I said.

"It's great that I will have some girl around to talk with about girly things. Ivy seems like a fine young lady, doesn't she?"

"Mom" I chuckled "You should've seen her on concerts, she is going crazy headbanging"

"Well she is passionate too" mom said smiling "I have a feeling she will have good influence on you"

Knowing I won't be able to win the word fight with her I just shaked my head with resignation, yet smiling.

***

I've eaten light breakfast on a convinience store on my way to the office. Day was pretty, it was still hot considering it was already autumn. The weather served as great boost of my confidence and I entered the buliding with clear heart and mind. I was welcomed my Minji who was supposed to give me dispositions for today.

"Moon is at the radio station right now holding the show, James has rehab on his hand while Sooyoon is practicing on his own" - I was informed about member's wherabouts - "Today you will first get to meet with Esther who will show you how the fancafe and sns works, you are supposed to partially take care of this too". I was nodding and memorising her words. She also gave me a tour around the office and said that at 6pm there is band practice I am supposed to supervise. Then she dropped me by Esther's office.

I went in and introduced myself with usual "Please take care of me" form in Korean. After spending some time with Minji who spoke to me in Korean I adjusted to the language already even though it still felt awkward to use it.

"Hello Ivy, I'm pleased to meet you" - she said in English - "I believe you are still more comfortable with English than Korean so we will use this one"

"Thank you" - I said shyly.

"I am aware that you are probably as skilled at handling SNS as me given your professional experience and one you've gained in the fandom, so I will mainly focus on do's and don't's and on fancafe work" - she continued and I felt a bit more confident stepping in the field I'm good at - figuring out how things work.

After few hours of talks it was fine to say I knew what to do. Given the fact I worked as designer before as well, Esther requested me to revamp fancafe and the sns account visualwise too in upcoming days. As the new challenges pilled up, I started to feel the thrill of it and enjoy everything more and more, forgetting about what I was afraid of.

***

Radio show went smoothly. I felt kinda tired from the lack of sleep though but somehow I was looking forward to upcoming band practice as we had some new songs we wanted to try out today. There was no traffic so we got back to the office quite fast and having some time to spare, I decided to take a nap on the couch in our practice room.

***

The meeting with Esther ended and I still had some time until the band practice so I went out to grab something to eat. After the meal I took a short walk around the area, remembering there was a park nearby. I spent some time sunbathing and looking at the fluffy clouds. Then the smell of coffe reached my nostrils and I thought having some wouldn't be a bad idea. I went to the shop and another thing I spotted was donuts. "Way to the heart of men goes through the stomach" - old saying crossed my mind.

***

My power nap was disturbed by somebody turing on the lights. I was about to yell "ouch" but I stopped myself hearing that the footsteps weren't James' nor Sooyoon's. Lighter yet with the click of heels. Then I saw Ivy coming in. Her clothes were less official than yesterday, she was wearing simple dark blue dress and her hair were tied. She seemed both lost and somehow in awe looking around the studio. Her eyes were shining like ones of a little kid in toy store. I felt like this is really special moment for her so I didn't wanted to crash it. But then she spotted me and she jumped, barely managing to save the coffee she was holding.

***

The studio... The place I've seen so many times in all the videos. With heaps of random things around, books, cables, Star Wars figurines... It was a bit bigger than I expected. The painting on the wall made for "Dangerous" looked better in real life... I was enjoying the moment of pure joy, happy I am here by myself to fully embrace it.

But... I wasn't alone. There was somebody sleeping on the couch. The moment I noticed I got startled and my body naturally jumped. I somehow managed to not spill the coffee on myself though, yay me. It took me another second to realise who it was.

Moon sat up on the couch and ran his figers through his messy hair. "Have I scared you?" he asked with devilish smile

I swallowed my saliva, took a breath and reached out to him while holding cup of coffee:

"Do you want some iced americano?"

He stood up, walked towards me and took the cup saying

"Thanks!" and after taking a sip "I haven't really slept much, mom woke me up early moring to help her out with getting room ready for you"

"Pass her my sincere thanks" - I said  "Oh, I've also have some donuts here" - I raised hand with the box to show him, while praying this awkwardness will end or I will just take his attention away from me.

***

It was obvious that she is nervous but she was holding on pretty well. To be honest I wasn't really sure what should I say or do either. I sat on the couch again sipping the coffee and she took small round around the room and then sat on a chair on the other side of the studio. She avoided directly looking at me yet she observed me with the corner of her eye. I was silently doing the same about here. The word awkward was hanging in the air, getting bigger and bigger and I felt like I should do something or it will crush me.

"So..." - we both said at the same time.

AWKWARDDDD. We looked straightly at each other, she smiled nervously and I smiled back. Somebody please save us. 

***

I felt like a hamster in way too small cage. Can somebody please let me out? Why am I even here? Why is he here out of all 3 of them?

Then finally, after what seemed like ages, door opened and James barged in, followed by Sooyoon. James flashed a big smile at me then he spotted donuts and coffe on the desk.

"You've brought this?!" - he asked pointing there.

I nodded "Ivy, I'm starting to like you!" - his bright smile eased my nervousness as always and I felt like I could act natural again.

"Just starting now?" - I teased. Then Sooyoon came to me and we shaked hands in manly kind-of greeting. He smiled and exposed his cute dimples, huge contrast with edgy and crazy hairstyle he had now.

***

I looked at Ivy interacting with my members and I felt a sting of something... Jelaousy maybe? Why couldn't I be so natural and friendly with her? I know she used to have feelings about me but still... She was so stiff it was annoying. And now she is all cheerful having James explaining her things about his console. 

I went to set my guitar. Sooyoon spotted that I'm grumpy and he asked why. I just said I haven't got enough sleep.

"Are you ready for a private concert?" - I asked, looking at Ivy.