chapter 1

 

 

8 years had passed. And I still can’t get over with Baekhyun’s death. How foolish I am, always hurting his feelings when he’s already suffering from his brain tumor. I was so stupid back then, so stupid I almost wished I should be the one dead instead of him. He already cared for me too much from what I deserved for hurting him. Now, I can’t even say sorry to him at all. I never know about his disease. If only I knew, at least I won’t hurt him that much…

“Irene?” I heard a voice calling me. I turned away from the window just to see Luhan, my wonderful fiancé looking at me with worry. “Thinking about Baekhyun again?” He asked. I didn’t give any response; I just looked outside the window again. He just sighed and hugged me from behind, comforting me with his warmth.

“It has been 8 years, Irene…” he whispered. Still, I didn’t give him any response. He kissed my head, saying, “Come on, let’s go. It’s his anniversary, right?” I quickly remembered. Today is the day, today is his death anniversary. “Let’s go.” I said. He released me and said that he’ll wait at the car.

I nodded and took a grey colored coat and put it on. It was knee length so it covered my plain white t-shirt and black shorts. But I didn’t button it up; I just let it loose open. Then, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. It was a bit different from what I used to look like. Well, I’m an adult now, what can I say?

I made a loose braid and let my hair fall to the side on my shoulders and put a light make-up so I won’t look pale. I smiled at my reflection before walking down the flight of stairs and quickly put on my flats, not forgetting to grab my sling purse and phone on the way. I exited my house and locked the door before entering Luhan’s car. “Ready?” he asked. “As I’ll ever be.” Was my response.

He started moving the car and drove past the other houses, hrading straight towards the place that I've been going to these past years. He didn't turn on the radio, instead, he put a CD on and comes out a song entitled 'Only You' sang by TaeTiSeo. Baekhyun really loved this song, and would always dedicate this song for me in almost every radio. Even after I dumped him.

After a 15 minutes drive from my house, we finally arrived at our destination. I got out of the car along with Luhan and walked passed through the gate. We walked along a familiar path for around a minute before reaching a certain place. A place where everything was set to be destiny.

Byun Baekhyun
May 6 1996 - October 2014

Says the stone.

"Never forget that Byun Baekhyun was once your loved one, Irene. I hope you won't forget me."

I scoffed at the memory. Forget you? I can't stop thinking about you even though I'm already engaged.

What to do? You were my first love, Baekhyun-ah.

I loved you before, and I will love you more...

"Irene? You okay?" Luhan placed his hand on myshoulder as his words trailed away. I turned my head towards him and gave a small smile. He pecked my lips softly and gave a heartwarming smile. "If you feel like crying, then don't. You know how Baekhyun hates it when you cry, right?" Rather than a question, it's actually a fact.

That what I love about Luhan. He never minded when I talk about Baekhyun. He knows my never ending love towards Baekhyun, although we're going to get married in less than 2 years. Yes, I love Luhan, but my feelings towards Baekhyun never stopped. Also, he's the one who comforted me when the new about Baekhyun's death arrived. I wasn't being myself for days, but somehow he managed to get me back on my feet.

"I know, and I won't cry. I just remembered the last sentence Baekhyun said to me before his death news came upon me." I explained, not wanting my deer to be worried of me. He knows about my weaknedd when talking about Baekhyun, and her also knows that I'm a strong girl and I moved on already.

8 years ago...

"Baekhyun-ah!" I called out the moment I see Baekhyun walking into the garden. He looked up and smiled as he saw my fugire waiting for him near a tree. He fastened his pace and stood right in front of her. "It's been a long time since we last talked to each other..." I said.

"What are you talking about? We just met two days ago." He retorted back with a small chuckle. I smiled like a kid hearing that. "I just miss you, Baekoong..." He ruffled my hair hair as he heard the nickname I always use towards him. "Did Luhan gave you permission to even meet me?"

I growled at him for ruining my oh-so-perfect hair. "Yes, he did. You know how he never minds us having a date once in a while, right?" "Yeah, right." He answered. I just laughed at his cuteness. "You know what, I feel envious of Luhan."

"And why is that, eyeliner boy?"

"I thought I told you to NOT call me that?"

"Haha, okay continue, Baekoong~"

"Well, you're a good cook, you understand people's mind, you're an animal lover..."

"Yah. Stop praising me so much."

"Yah. Stop being disrespectful towards your senior."

"Whatever, Baekoong~" I stucked my tounge out playfully.

"Aish, you kid..." He just let out a defeated sigh. "So, wanna grab some lunch?" He asked. I nodded and grabbed his hand while both of us are walking out of the garden. I want to cling onto his arm, but Luhan already made it clear that the only skinship I'm allowed to do with Baekhyun is holding hands. More than that, he'll get jealous. Aish, that deer...

The both of us walked side by side, hands swinging forth and back. "What do you want to eat?" I asked him. We thought for a while before answering my question. "I want to eat tteokbokkie..." I smiled at him. "Let's go to the tteokbokkie stall over there, the one we usually go." He nodded and we walked there together.

"Go find a seat, I'll go buy." I nodded and walked to a place with two seats. After waiting for 5 minutes, Baekhyun finally arrived at my seat seat with a tray full of food. "So many food! Can we even finish them all?" I asked him with wide eyes. He just laughed and placed everything one by one onto the table.

There was tteokbokkie, sundae, soup, cola and kimchi on the table right now. Gosh, Baekhyun always buys me my favourites. "Baekoong..."

"Eat up, Irene. I know you love these." He said, sitting down while eating the tteobokkie.

I just sighed, following him with eating sundae.

"Irene, are you with me?" I heard Luhan asked as he lightly tapped my shoulder. I looked up and smiled. "I'm with you, just remembered this one 'date' he dragged me into." Luhan laughed at my answer. What, I don't think it's funny at all. Or was it?

"What's so funny, Luhan?" I finally asked.

"It's just... The way you say it... It's funny..." He said in between his laughters.

"What? Tell me...!!!" I retorted.

"The way you say it made it look like you weren't willing to say it as a date!"

"Well..."

"Forget it, Irene. It's your memory with him, so it's okay." He finally stopped laughing and lightly brushed my hair. I held his other hand as I remembered Baekhyun's face.

"Luhan..."

"Yes?" He asked. "Do you think Baekhyun is happy now, with me and you engaged...?" I asked him back.

He chuckled. "You know what, I think he is. He loves you just the way you are, and he knows that I can take care of you. Heck, he even made me promise to take care of you. He said, if I ever make you cry, he'll beat me in my dreams. If I ever make you feel upset, he'll make me suffer in my nightmares. If I ever leave you alone, he'll make sure I'll be alone in my dreams. You have to know how protective he is towards you. Even though he can't have you, he made sure that I'll be a good enough person to have you..."

I giggled at his answer. I never know Baekhyun was like that. I knew he still loved me even after I broke up with him, but that's what I respect about him. He's a loyal guy, that's for sure.

"Irene, this is Baekhyun's 8th death anniversary, don't you want to say anything to him?" He asked.

Well, it IS a routine for me, so yeah. "Well, remember not to tell anyone about this..." Again, my lovely fiance nodded.

"Baekoongie, it's been 8 years since you left us. I really miss you, okay? I miss my old Baekoong, I miss my other half, I miss the guy who made me with Luhan now. You've done more than enough to bring us together, and you know what I needed the most at times. You know when would my monthly gift arrives, when would I go to sleep, when I'll be hungry, when I'll be sleepy, what makes me sad, what makes me happy, you know EVERYTHING about me that even I or Luhan don't know."

I stopped for a brief moment to catch my breath and wipe my tears. Luhan had been soothing my back to make sure I can breathe well. I took a moment before continueing.

"Baekoongie, like you said, Luhan can take care of me better than you could. I know, you weren't able to take care of me, and see me often because of your sickness. I know, I shouldn't be so selfish and hurt you just like that. I know, I should be soft on you the last time we talked. But no, I was harsh. I hurt your feelings when you were sick. When you were nearing your death. I never knew..."

I stopped for the second time. Tears were getting the better of me. This, it took a few minutes for me to actually calm down. Luhan took one of my hand into his and held it tight, giving me strength. "Thanks, Luhan." He just smiled and gesturing me to continue.

"Baekoongie, I was wrong. It's my fault all of this happened. If I hadn;t made you take me to Han River that night, this all wouldn't happen. You would still be here, laughing with me although not as my boyfriend. You would still be here, listening to every problem I had. You would still be here, planning with Luhan to prank me. You would still be here, hanging out with Luhan, leaving me alone in my house. You would still be here, staying up with both me and Luhan, watching a movie together at my house. You would still be here, us three, together until the end..."

I took a deep breath, finally letting out everything I held in along these 8 years...

"Right now, if I could ride a time machine, and go to meet you..."

"And change everything so it wouldn't be this way..."