chapter // viii. 

On Monday when Jimin had arrived at school he noticed the way Jungkook had avoided his gaze most of the day. Every time he would touch his shoulder or grab his arm Jungkook would ever so discreetly take a few steps back. Eating lunch with him was rather unsettling since the younger didn't really speak to him or hold a conversation. It was painfully obvious something was wrong and he wasn't telling Jimin. 

"Are you okay?" Jimin asked as Jungkook shoved some rice into his mouth. Jungkook looked up at him and slowly chewed his food before answering.

"Uh.." he started, eyes averting from Jimin's. "Yeah. Why?" He started fiddling with his food in his lunchbox.

"You seem," Jimin paused to think of how to properly phrase his answer. "You seem a little out of it. Ever since yesterday you've been acting kinda weird. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," he lied. "I'm fine. I guess I still feel kind of sick." He scooped up another mouthful of rice so he wouldn't have to say another word.

"You can't still be hung over," Jimin gave an amused smile and leaned back in his chair as he eyed the younger boy. Jungkook kept his eyes down and was silent for a moment before swallowing his food. 

"No, just my body hurts still. And I guess I still do have a little bit of a headache," he replied. Jimin made a sound at his words. 

"So a two-day hangover, huh? I've never heard of that. I guess you're one hell of a light-weight," Jimin laughed. Jungkook didn't respond and just shoved more of his lunch in his mouth. "I guess next time I'll have to give you something a little more light."

"There won't be a next time," Jungkook replied with a mouth full of food still. "I'm never drinking again." Jimin laughed at this.

"We'll see." 

The rest of the school day had been no better. The younger boy was still acting cold and distant to Jimin. After school when Jimin had asked if he wanted to come over and study with him he declined, which was rare. Jungkook almost never turned down study sessions at each other's houses because they liked hanging out. Instead, he just watched as Jungkook hastily made his way out of the school grounds. Jimin slowly walked to his house as he thought to himself. He couldn't exactly figure out why his friend had been acting so weird, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he had done something to him at the party.

He let out a breath and brought out his phone from his pants pocket. After he unlocked it he scrolled through his messages. He'd texted Yoongi back earlier in the morning but he had yet to recieve a response from him. He hoped Yoongi wasn't mad at him for having Namjoon yell at him. He still felt horrible about it. As he looked down his inbox he cringed when he saw the drunken texts he'd sent Namjoon, still being unable to recall doing so. He had half-heartedly made up with him after the arguement that he had with him, but he wondered if he was still angry with him. He also still felt bad for that too.

When he got to Jin's messages he had realized that he had never texted him back. A couple days ago he had awoken to a message from him asking if everything was okay. He must have figured he was worried about him after Namjoon had contacted him. He stopped in his place and stood staring at his name for a good moment before deciding to call him. He started walking again, but slower, and he waited for him to pick up. He'd called the number to his office phone since he knew he'd still be working righ now.

After a few rings he heard a familiar voice on the other line. "Hello, this is Kim Seokjin."

"Jin," Jimin said in a light tone. 

"Jimin? Is everything okay?" he questioned. Jimin heard a hint of concern in his voice. He took a moment before speaking again.

"Yeah. Everything's fine." He paused and the other line was silent. "Hey, do you mind if we meet up somewhere and talk?"

"Just the two of us?" Jin sounded slightly surprised. When Jin hung out with anyone it was usually when they were in a group, espcially if it was coordinated by Jimin. He always seemed to be the one to get the group together. Ever since Jin had graduated high school and took an office job he never really hung out one-on-one with someone anymore, except for the occasional call from Namjoon to come over at questionable times of the night. 

"Yeah," the younger boy responded. The line was quiet for a few seconds before he heard a rustling sound through the phone. Jin was probably organizing some papers.

"I get off of work in a few hours. We could meet up today if that's okay with you," he finally responded. Jimin told him it was, so they quickly ended their conversation after that.

They had decided to meet outside of a juice shack. Jin had gotten there first, sitting at one of the small rounded, wooden tables still in his office attire. He had loosened the tie around his neck and he had one leg crossed over the other. He was slightly slouched in his chair sipping on a mango smoothie. It wasn't too long before Jimin showed up, changed into more casual clothes rather than his school uniform. He went to get himself something to before coming back with a blended stawberry and banana drink. When he sat down across from Jin the elder man sat his cup down and studied him.

"So what's going on?" Jin suddenly said, gaining the other boy's attention.

"What do you mean?" Jimin asked slowly. Jin took another sip of his drink before answering.

"You call me out of the blue asking to meet. The only time you do that is if you want to hang out with the rest of the group. But you wanted to see me alone." Jimin lowered his eyes and bit at his staw. Jin tilted his head at him before continuing. "Did something happen?" 

He took a moment to collect his thoughts before answering, kicking his feet under the table. "Well," he said cautiously, "I don't really know." Jin furrowed his eyebrows at this, a little confused at his words. "It's actually kinda embaressing. I don't even really wanna talk about it, but I need to. And right now it feels like you're the only person who isn't upset with me." Jin was silent as he thought about his words. 

Jimin took another moment, drinking his juice, before speaking again. "So, you know how me and Jungkook went to that party with Yoongi?" he asked, looking up at his elder. Jin said nodded his head. "Well, I think something must've happened between me and him at the party. For the past couple days he's been acting real weird around me. Like he tries to avoid me and doesn't look me in the eye or talk to me," he explained. "We were both drunk and I can't remember most of the night so I don't know what could have happened and I'm too afraid to ask." His gaze dropped down to his juice again.

Jin thought for a few seconds. "Do you think you did anything that could've crossed any lines between you two?" he asked.

"No. I don't know. Like I said we were both drunk, so maybe." He took another sip from his straw.

"Well what do you remember?"

The younger boy sighed as he tried to remember the events of the night. His memories were still a bit hazy, but he had remembered a little more after his hang over had subsided. "Um, we got there and we went to the alcohol first thing. Then we danced. There was a lot of dancing and I lost him at some point, but then I found him again on a couch. He was with some college kids." He paused, trying to grasp the rest of the party, but it was difficult to do so. "Next thing I know we're in Namjoon's car, then at his apartment in the guest room."

Jin raised a brow at this. "Did you do anything?" he asked. Jimin looked up at him, a little confused. 

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Did anything happen in the room?"

Jimin tried to remember what they did, which wasn't too hard since by then he'd come down from his high and the alcohol had left his system, so it wasn't a hazy memory like the rest of the night had been. "Well I was acting kinda stupid and kept trying to get him to dance with me. Then he was staring at me and I think he almost kissed me."

"You think he almost kissed you?" Jin looked surprised, nearly knocking over his cup when he reached for it. Jimin felt himself shy at his reaction.

That was the one thing that he could vividly remember from that night. It had taken him by surprise, and he remembered how fast his heart was beating when Jungkook pulled him in close to his face. Since Jungkook never said anything about it to him he figured that the younger had either not remembered it or didn't want to talk about it. They were drunk after all, and alcohol makes you do things you normally wouldn't. Things that you wish you could forget. Jungkook going in for a kiss might have been a dangerous mistake he was going to make. Although Jimin had really wanted to kiss him, he was also relieved that it didn't happen in fear Jungkook would think of it a drunken mistake and have their friendship ruined forever.

"W-Well, he was pulling my face towards his, but then he threw up." Jin made a face at this. "I never brought it up to him in case he was embaressed about it." The man across from him made a noise in awknowlegement. Jimin let out a sigh and ran his hand through his hair.

"Well if he tried to kiss you and now he's avoiding you it sounds like he's trying to deal with what he did. Or, almost did," Jin said.

"You think so? Maybe he just doesn't remember, though."

"Jimin," Jin started, straightening his posture, "You two are pretty inseparable. You've been friends for as long as I've known you two. I know you like him a lot, and I'm pretty sure he knows that too, he's not stupid." Jimin felt his cheeks and ears heat up at his words. "I think it's pretty obvious that he feels something for you too, even if he doesn't know it himself."

"Then why-"

"You know how conservative his household is. His family is not accepting of that. He might be more open-minded about it but I doubt he knows how to feel right now. If he tried to kiss you and got involved romatically with you and his parents found out I think that would crush him." Jin's words caused a heavy sensation in Jimin's chest. He didn't want to admit it but everything he was saying was true. It made sense. He'd always known it was risky trying to pursue Jungkook when his parents were so against a relationship like that. 

"Not only that," Jin said, shifting in his seat, "but you know how inexperienced he is. He might be as old as you but emotionally and romatically he's never involved himself in someone before. Especially not with another man." The younger groaned into his straw. Every word Jin was saying was what he had always pushed to the back of his brain for years and tried not to think about. Yet here he was, confirming his worst fears and rubbing it in his face. "I think actions speak louder than words, and if what you said is true, and he tried to kiss you, I think maybe he finally realized his feelings for you and now he's conflicted so he's avoiding you."

It fell silent between them for a couple minutes. Both not knowing what to say to the other. Jimin was letting his words sink in, which made him feel like . As much as he hated listening to him, he was grateful. Jin seemed to be the wise friend who somehow knew everything. Well, almost everything. He was glad he was able to talk about this with him. When Jimin had started realizing his own feelings for Jungkook, Jin had been the first person he talked to about it. Sure enough, he knew exactly what to say and helped him a lot with his emotional breakdowns, having been conflicted himself when they were younger. However, he had learn to accept himself and his feelings much faster while they were still in middle school. Now here they were, last year in high school and Jungkook was barely starting to resonate with his feelings. It frustrated the hell out of him.

He took a long sip of his fruit juice and held his gaze to the man across from him. "Was it like this for Namjoon too?" he suddenly asked. 

"Namjoon?" Jin questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, like was it this hard for him to come out and accept how he felt too? It only took me a couple years for me, but what about Namjoon? He never talks about it so I don't know." Jin hummed as he collected his thoughts, looking at the street next to them for a moment. 

"Well," he said slowly, "he was kind of forced out at his first middle school after a rumor spread and it carried over to our middle school." 

Jimin furrowed his eyebrows and titled his head at his response. "The rumor with him and that classmate? But I thought that wasn't real."

"Did you ever ask him?" Jimin didn't answer. "It was real. Although the rumor did get a little out of hand at one point." The younger boy scooted in his chair a little and leaned over the table to listen to him. "Him and a classmate of his liked each other and they started having a..." he paused, "a thing. Eventually others caught wind of them and when his classmate was confronted by others he told everyone Namjoon was trying to force his uality on him." Jimin's expression shaped into a sympathatic one. He never knew this and he felt bad. "He only said that out of fear of his classmates bullying him and I can't really blame him. Being that young and backed into a corner like that is scary." He sighed before he continued. "Namjoon didn't actually come out but he never denied having something for his classmate, so everyone pretty much knew."

Jimin was speechless. So that's why he had transferred to their middle school. He figured someone had just made up a rumor about him because he was new and a push-over at the time. But to know it was actually real, his chest felt heavy again. Namjoon didn't deserve that. It wasn't right. 

"He never told any of us that," he managed to say.

"You mean he never told you. I don't know about Jungkook but he told me about it a long time ago. I think Yoongi too," his voiced trailed off. Jimin cocked his head as a thought came to his mind.

"Hey, I've been meaning to ask you about that kiss you and Namjoon had."

"It's nothing," he waved a hand. "Seriously. We're not a thing. Don't worry about it." Jimin shifted in his seat. He was starting to get defensive. Something that Jin hardly ever did.

"Then why did he look so mad and get so aggressive with you in the kitchen?" He wasn't convinced there was nothing going on. There was something Jin was hiding and he didn't appreciate it. The elder studied him for a minute. His expression was hard to read, but it looked like he was contemplating something. He glanced at the passing cars in the road before looking down at his pants and fixing any creases. He was definitely hiding something. Jimin just kept his eyes locked on his face until he spoke.

"Do you know why Namjoon and Yoongi don't like each other?" he said, attention still fixed on smoothing his pants. Jimin was caught off gaurd at the sudden change of subject, but it piqued his interest. "They were once so close and now they can't stand breathing the same air."

"They had some kind of falling-out, right?" 

Jimin had always wondered about this. Namjoon and Yoongi had been close for a few years, almost like brothers. Then one day they suddenly couldn't look at each other. It had happened while the three eldests were in high school, so he and Jungkook had no idea until some time had passed and they had caught on to their estranged relationship. Neither one of them had told him or Jungkook what happened, so they never asked. He figured what ever happened between them might've been a little touchy. Jimin woud be lying, though, if he said that he'd never wondered what the hell happened to destroy their friendship so badly. 

"Yes and no," Jin replied. "It was more than a falling-out. It happened while they were second years and Namjoon eventually brokedown and told me what happened. After he told me I confronted Yoongi about it and he told me his side of the story."

Jimin's stomach was starting to feel a little anxious. This sounded serious and it made him uneasy. "How come you never told me what happened?" His words almost came out as a whine.

"Because, Jimin, what happened between them was ed up and they didn't want anyone knowing. They weren't even going to tell me until Namjoon asked me to meet him at a park in the middle of the night and he was drunken crying mess." The younger tensed up a bit. Jin sounded like he was starting to get mad, like he didn't even want to be telling him any of this. Once again, he felt like . This was just what he needed, another friend to get upset because of him. He decided to just keep quiet.

The elder shifted again, switching legs to cross. "They became friends in middle school," he said. Jimin hummed in agreement. He remembered the day Yoongi brought Namjoon to their group after school to walk with them home. It'd been about a week after Namjoon had transferred and no one talked to him except for Yoongi, who got close to him almost immediately. "They became particularly close in their first year of high school," Jin said carefully. Jimin wondered what he meant by that. "The way Yoongi put it, he was going through his edgey rebellious teen phase." Jimin almost snorted at this. Yoongi edgey? Rebellious? He couldn't picture it. Then again, he was still stuck in middle school when he was a first year. What did he know.

"He feels bad for it now, but he knew about Namjoon's uality and he took advantage of it. He was curious I guess so he convinced Namjoon to experiment with him." Jin fell silent for a moment, looking guilty as he spoke. "Yoongi was just ing around, thinking he was the with whatever he was doing with him. But Namjoon had developed deep feelings for him. Yoongi never took it seriously until Namjoon started doing things that were pretty serious." He didn't elaborate, but Jimin got the gist of what he was saying. "Essentially, they were friends with benefits for a while, but then Namjoon wanted to take things to an actual relationship. Yoongi said at the time he felt like he had to agree to it because it was Namjoon and he felt guilty for taking it so far."

Jimin was nearly in shock. He had no idea any of this went on. It was so much to take in and yet he wanted to hear more. Their relationship with each other suddenly made so much more sense. He never understood how there could be such awkward atmosphere between them whenever the full group got together, but now everything was clicking. His mouth slightly hung open as he listened.

"Their relationship lasted for nearly a year, and in that year Yoongi had realized that he didn't love Namjoon. And he didn't like men in that way either. He matured a bit and realized he had been manipulative with his feelings. So, at the beginning of their second year Yoongi broke whatever they had off." Jin paused to down the rest of his juice. "Honestly," he sighed, "I think deep down Yoongi knew he was never into guys. He was just being young and dumb and didn't think about his actions 'cause that's how kids are."

"So what happened after that?" Jimin asked, intrigued.

"Well, Namjoon got really bad. He'd had something with that one classmate but I think Yoongi was his first real relationship, and he loved him a lot. He cried for weeks and he would never tell me why. I thought a family member died or something. He was really emotionally scarred and I don't think he ever recovered from Yoongi. Even now I can still see it. He loves him. But Yoongi," he shook his head. "He became distant from him and even me for a while. He got very closed-off and he's still like that. They still remained 'friends' throughout high school but they hardly talked to each other." 

"Now they can't stand each other," Jimin added.

"So," he let out an exaggerated breath, "that's where I come in." Jimin lifted his head at this. "After we graduated Namjoon got worse. Hated seeing him that way, and I seemed to be the friend that always had to calm him down and talk to him since I was the only person who knew about them. One day he suggests that we should be some kind of friends with benefits and I told him hell no. I knew he just needed a fix to distract himself from Yoongi and I was not gonna be used like that. 'Course this makes him more upset and he wouldn't stop crying. So I worked out a deal with him." Jimin raised a brow at this, anticipating what he was going to say. 

"One," Jin held up his index finger, "he could only use me as an emotional release every so often. Not every day. Not every week. He had to get himself under control. Two," he held up two fingers. "No . Nothing further than kissing or cuddling. Three: No falling in love." Jimin let out a giggle. "I'm serious," he raised his eyebrows. "You'd be surprised how easy it is for someone to fall in love and get attached when they're emotionally vulnerable." He started fiddling with the rim of his cup as he spoke. "I guess he was feeling angry and emotional when Yoongi came over so that's why he acted the way he did when you saw me and him."

Jimin nodded slowly taking in all of his words. It was incredible how much he didn't know. He'd been so wrapped up in his own feelings for Jungkook that he didn't realize he had possibly neglacted his friends when they were also dealing with their own situation. He suddenly felt like a bad friend.

"I understand the no falling in love with you rule. But what if you end up falling in love with him?" Jimin joked. Jin swung his head back and let out of booming laugh that caused Jimin to flinch. A couple people walking by turned their heads to look at him.

"That would never happen. I don't even like men," he said flatly. The younger boy furrowed his eyebrows. Hadn't he just said that he was friends with benefits with Namjoon? Then again, he and Yoongi had been like that before Yoongi figured out he wasn't into men.

"So you only like girls then?"

"No." It suddenly fell quiet between them. The younger boy was confused and didn't know what to say exactly. Jin took notice of his expression and smirked before letting out a small laugh. "I've never felt attracted to someone before and I doubt I ever will."

"So then-" Jimin tried to form a proper scentence, "but... doesn't that bother you?"

"No not really. It did at first when I realized this, but then I figured I don't have to like someone to be happy." Jin's lips upturned into a warm smile which caused a shiver to run down Jimin's back.

It didn't take long before they decided to head back to their respective homes. The meeting with Jin had been somewhat of an eye-opener for Jimin. Not only had he helped him with Jungkook, but he'd learned so many secrets about his other friends. It made him wonder what else he didn't know. When he laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling he tried to sort out his thoughts. He was tired and his eyes screamed for sleep but he couldn't. There was too much going on in his mind. 

For so long he'd struggled with coming to terms with his emotions towards Jungkook. He was finally in a place where he had decided to eventually tell him how felt and Jin had only brought all of his uncertanties to surface again. He was just sick and tired of hiding how he felt and wanted to tell Jungkook everything, even if it meant ruining their friendship. He couldn't bottle himself up anymore; he felt like he was going to scream if he did. As he thought he eventually dozed and sleep finally found him in the late hours of the night.