“It isn’t much but it’s home.”

On their way to Hayi’s previous apartment, Hanbin had noticed her fidgeting, playing with her fingers and glancing around as if she was scared someone might find them. But then he realized she wasn’t scared of people seeing them together. She was scared of how he would find their old apartment. The look of uncertainty and hopefulness colored Hayi’s face and to be quite frank, Hanbin found it utterly cute.

The apartment was admittedly old… and broken. This was a place where people with income below average would prefer to stay just to save up and Hanbin realized that Hayi was probably embarrassed about it. But really, he didn’t care. He was just glad they had somewhere to stay where they didn’t have to pay a lot. Based on Hayi’s meeting with the landlady earlier, they looked like they’ve known each other for years so she let them stay for free.

The windowsills were cracked and the curtains partially torn apart. Some of the pipes were leaking but to some extent only. There were two bedrooms, separated by a wooden divider, and only one bathroom. The living room and the kitchen were connected to each other but there was no dining table for them to eat. A small TV set was situated just across the couch.

After he was done looking around, he spun to face Hayi only to find her still by the door with a look of insecurity on her face. He gently placed the bag on the ground and drew near to her.

“Look, if you’re worried about what I think of the house—”

“I’m more worried if you can even survive this place,” Hayi admitted, chuckling incredulously.

Hanbin raised one eyebrow and shot her a smug smile. “Are you underestimating me, Lee Hayi?”

She laughed, and for a second there Hanbin thought there was nothing more beautiful than that happy look on her face. “Shut up. We still have to worry about your clothes and what to eat for two days.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I can live without taking a bath for two days.”

“Are you serious? You think I can?”

He stared at her.

She grinned. “That was a joke.”

“You had me there.”

You always do.

Hayi laughed, waving her hand dismissively. “Look, I’ll be right back. I think the landlady might have few clothes to spare. She has a son who can lend you a few of his clothes. Just stay here, okay?” She cast him one final look before leaving, closing the door on her way out.

And Hanbin was left alone.

Okay, so let me think. Could I possibly have feelings for Hayi?

Sighing, he brought himself down and sat on the ground, propping both his elbows up and resting his head on his hands. His mind was a huge mess, a web of tangled thoughts, just because he was confused whether or not he harboured feelings for Lee Hayi.

He had been warned before not to spent too much time with her. Maybe not directly, but he did feel like his friends wanted him to stay away.

It was only because Hanbin thought his friends didn’t want any trouble by associating themselves with a Lee, considering his father had some unresolved issues with their father. But maybe this was what they meant.

No. Wait. Think.

There was no way he could have feelings for Lee Hayi.

First, she was just a friend, a companion, a girl he liked to spend time with because she’s not condemnatory and he could be himself around her. Second, he hadn’t been interested in anyone for a long time after Hayoung because he realized love only brings trouble and chaos. And those two were the last things he ever really wanted to happen.

Third—wait, what’s the third one? I need to have a third one. And a fourth. And a fifth.

Perhaps, Lee Hayi was far from Hanbin’s ideal type. He could go for ier, prettier girls but Lee Hayi was… Lee Hayi. She didn’t look anything special or unique, but she did stand out among the sea of people Hanbin sees every single day, and that ought to mean something.

Fourth… okay, maybe he likes her. Maybe just a little bit.

But the past few weeks had been a blur, a crazy, emotional rollercoaster ride that Hanbin wasn’t prepared for. He could talk to her for hours and hours and they’d have endless conversations about everything. He could talk to her without having to worry about anything.

And he could talk to her and then he’d forget about his troubles. Oh, and when she laughs or smiles—damn it—the world was suddenly perfect.

“Oh. My. God,” Hanbin breathed out.

Freaking out, Hanbin fished out his phone from his jacket and dialled the first person he wanted to talk to. His hands were shaking, his pulse racing and his heartbeat… was beating erratically that he swore anybody could have heard it from miles and miles away.

“Hello?” A sleep voice from the other line spoke up.

“Hyung!” Hanbin cried out forlornly, lying on the ground with his other hand spread out.

“Hanbin?”

“I need to talk to you. It’s urgent.”

“What could possibly be so urgent in… 8 AM in the morni—”

“I like her.”

“…what?”

“I like Lee Hayi.” Hanbin’s ears turned red.

Silence came from the other line.

“I don’t know or-or I d-don’t know why,” Hanbin stammered, waving his hand everywhere, “but I just do. I just realized it this morning when I came along with her to visit her father—”

“—wait you what?—”

“—and she was just so beautiful I don’t know what to—”

“—where the hell are you right now, Kim Hanbin?”

Hanbin winced, frowning. “Somewhere in Gyeonggi.”

“How the hell did you end up in Gyeonggi, Kim Hanbin?!” Kim Jinhwan was quite scary when he gets mad.

Sighing, Hanbin answered weakly, “Well, I was out on an early morning jog when I saw Hayi leaving with his brother towards the train station. Then I followed them and the next thing I knew I was on the same train with Hayi.”

“How could you be so stupid? I thought I told you not to get attached.”

“I’m sorry, hyung.”

He heard Jinhwan sigh from the other line. “Look, it’s not that I don’t want you to find your happiness. I’m all for it. It’s just that I’m worried about you, Hanbin-ah. The last time you said you liked somebody, it turns out she was dating your best friend only to have you and it ended pretty badly. I don’t want that to happen again. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Now what’s worse is that she’s the girl your father would forbid you to see. And you know how scary your father gets when he finds out about this.”

Hanbin frowned. “I know, hyung. But… I don’t know. I feel happy when she’s around.”

“You’re happy?”

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

“Does she make you happy?”

Hanbin involuntarily grinned at the thought of her. “She does.”

Jinhwan inhaled deeply. “Well, I guess there’s nothing I can do but to congratulate you. Does she know?”

“No. But I intend to tell her soon.”

“I’m glad you sorted out your feelings. Just as long as she doesn’t hurt you.”

Hanbin chuckled shortly, leaning against the couch. “Thank you, hyung. I hope you sort out your feelings, too. I know it’s crazy and I know that you think I’m crazy for liking her but I just… sometimes, we all got to take the risk even if it means you face the bad consequences. But taking the risk is all worth it when you see what you truly have. It’s not too late, hyung.”

Jinhwan didn’t respond but Hanbin knew he was contemplating about it.

“See you on Monday, hyung.”

“Yeah, you too.”

Hayi came back fifteen minutes later with her hands full of clothes from the landlady’s son. She would have stayed longer to talk to the landlady and enjoy their tea if it wasn’t for Hanbin who’s all alone back at the apartment. Worried what he might be doing while she was gone, Hayi rushed as soon as her tea had been fully consumed.

When she opened the door, Hayi thought going back as soon as possible was probably the best choice she ever made. Lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling was the great Kim Hanbin, who was probably bored to death while waiting for her to return.

Chuckling, she walked towards him. “What are you doing lying on the floor?”

He screamed shortly, obviously surprised by her sudden appearance, and jolted right out of his lying position and stood on his feet. When he realized what he had done, he immediately turned away with his cheeks turning bright red.

“I didn’t hear you open the door,” was what he said in a cute, shy voice.

How cute, Hayi thought amusingly. “Sorry. Did I interrupt your daydreaming?”

“N-no! O-of cour-course not!” He fumbled his words, shaking his head a little too abrupt.

“Next time, I’ll shout.” Hayi chuckled, and then she placed the borrowed clothes on the couch and pointed at them. “Here are your clothes. You can have it if you want. The landlady said it was too small for his son anyway.”

“Thank you.”

“And by the way, turns out there’s a barbeque party tonight at the garden,” Hayi said, crossing her arms. “The landlady invited both of us to come and seeing as we haven’t really thought about what to eat, we might as well go. Are you okay with it?”

Hanbin nodded. “Yeah, of course. Sure. Cool. Y-yeah.” Why was he acting weird?

She stared at him warily. “Are you okay?”

He brought his eyebrows together. “Of course!” He cleared his throat. “W-why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re acting strange.”

“It’s nothing. I swear.”

Hayi shrugged. “Okay. So barbeque party tonight?”

“Sounds like a da- a plan to me!”

Later that night, both Hanbin and Hayi prepared for the casual barbeque party with Hanbin wearing a plaid collared polo and jeans Hayi borrowed from the landlady’s son. Fortunately, all the clothes seemed to fit him, which was great because it meant they didn’t have to worry about it later on.

Hanbin came out from the bedroom after changing, only to find out that Hayi wasn’t done changing yet. Earlier at lunch while the two were busy gobbling their cup noodles, the landlady dropped by and informed them to dress casually for the party.

Despite arriving at eight in the morning, Hayi never really mentioned one word about her father which somewhat worried Hanbin. He didn’t want her to think she couldn’t tell him anything so whenever they had small conversations or whenever they start to talk about anything, he always made sure she could talk to him about it. But Hayi merely nodded in response.

“Oh, thought you weren’t done yet.”

Hanbin looked up and paused, shocked by Hayi’s appearance. Previously, he told himself Hayi wasn’t too stunning to stand out among the female population in school but boy, he was wrong. Emerging from the room was Hayi wearing a black sleeveless dress with her hair tied up in a messy ponytail. She looked completely different; Hanbin couldn’t help but to stare.

And he wondered why he liked her.

She stared back quizzically. “Let’s go?”

“Uh… what?”

She chuckled. “Let’s go or we’ll be late.”

“Oh. Right. Party. Yes.”

Hanbin wanted to think of anything else, anything just to distract him from Hayi, because damn it she looked absolutely stunning even with light makeup. He wasn’t fully aware of how womanly Hayi was until now when she wore that dress and her hair tied up and the makeup, and now he couldn’t control his erratic heartbeat in front of her.

She was beautiful. Stunning.

He was actually a bit relieved that no one in school even tried to make a move on her before he ever did or else he would’ve beat the hell out of him. His feelings were overwhelming, gushing out like waterfall inside him. He knew he’d have to tell her soon just so she’d be aware, and he hoped that maybe, just maybe, she feels the same way, too.

They were both welcomed by an older-looking woman, who he presumed to be the landlady, the moment they arrived at the garden. Other tenants had already arrived, most of them were married couples with kids, elderly couples and single men and women, and were already gathering by the table engaged in conversations. Hanbin spotted a handful of same-aged teenagers. Some had started to grill and some danced along the loud music playing over in the background.

“I’m glad you brought your boyfriend with you.”

Hayi laughed, shaking her head. “No, Mrs. Song. He’s just a friend.” She turned to Hanbin. “Mrs. Song, this is Kim Hanbin. Hanbin, this is the landlady Mrs. Song.”

“Hayi’s never brought home any guy other than you,” said Mrs. Song, throwing Hayi a teasing smile and reaching out a hand towards Hanbin. “I thought I’d have to force Hayi to marry my son if you didn’t come along. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Hanbin.”

Hanbin chuckled, shaking Mrs. Song’s hand in response. “That’s not necessary, Mrs. Song. It’s my pleasure to meet you as well.”

“Why don’t you guys join the teenager circle? They seem to have their own party going on over there.”

“Sure, Mrs. Song,” Hayi said, bowing politely. “I’ll see you around.” Then she turned to him, “Come on.”

They both sauntered towards a group of teenagers who are absorbed in an animated conversation. When they spotted Hayi coming, they all stopped and greeted her with a hug. There were only four of them, some appearing younger than Hanbin. But there was this one particular guy that hugged Hayi a little longer than the others.

“Hyuk, don’t hug her too long you’re going to make the boyfriend mad!” One of them shouted over the loud music.

So his name is Hyuk, Hanbin thought dryly, eyeing the guy who is now sitting at the other side of Hayi. They looked close—no , Sherlock. She’s lived her most of her life, didn’t she?

“I think we’re being rude,” said the Hyuk guy, laughing. “Hayi, introduce me to your boyfriend.”

Hayi shook her head but she was still laughing. “Guys, meet Hanbin. He’s just a friend.” She turned to face Hanbin with a smile and placed a hand on his arm. “Hanbin, that’s Hyuk. He’s the landlady’s son. It’s his old clothes you’re wearing right now.”

“Thanks for this,” Hanbin said with slight bitterness and forced a smile. Hyuk smiled back.

“And that’s Wonwoo.” She motioned her hand to the guy sitting right next to Hyuk, whose sharp eyes immediately told Hanbin that Wonwoo wasn’t the kind of person he could approach easily.

“That’s Yooyoung unnie. She’s a year older and the only girl right after I was gone.”

Hanbin made a slight lift with his chin, as if to greet Yooyoung politely, and shot her a smile.

“And that’s Minwoo. You can tell by his face that everybody wants him—as a boyfriend, as a son, as a son-in-law,” Hayi teased, laughing, as she and Minwoo exchanged glances. The other three laughed along. “You name it.”

“But I’m a year older,” Minwoo asserted, waving his hand dramatically. “So you’re supposed to call me oppa.”

Hayi rolled her eyes. “Really? You’re going to argue with me about that?” And then she laughed over an inside joke with Minwoo as she accepted a drink from Hyuk.

And that was the first time Hanbin saw Hayi laugh like that. Carefree. Genuine. It was as if she wasn’t scared of the world or she wasn’t worried of what’s going to happen tomorrow. He realized that maybe she just missed them. After all, they were the people she hung out with as she grew up. They were the people who saw her flourish until she became who she is today.

Then it hit him.

He felt unexplainable fear  creeping inside of him. How it suddenly happened he didn’t know but he was certain it had something to do with Hayi. And he wasn’t sure how to handle it.

So while Hayi was busy chattering away with her old friends, Hanbin decided to excuse himself from Hayi and her friends to calm down. The fear caused him the drying of his throat so he figured he only needed a drink. Being surrounded by strangers was making him a little bit edgy anyway; after all, it’s his first time go on an impromptu trip with someone.

“Are you okay?”

Startled, Hanbin almost spilled his drink on his polo. He hadn’t realized Yooyoung was behind him after getting too absorbed in his thoughts.

Hanbin nodded his head quickly. “Oh, yes! Yes. I just… I’m fine. I just needed a drink.”

“Really?” Yooyoung laughed. “I thought you were lost back there.” She stood next to him and smiled, grabbing another drink.

“A little,” Hanbin admitted shyly, scratching the back of his neck. He slightly wheeled around to observe Hayi and the boys—well, just so he could make sure no one was hitting on her but Yooyoung doesn’t need to know that—only to find her seriously wrapped up in a conversation. Then he turned back around. “Thought I should give her some time to catch up with her friends.”

“Well, it has been nearly two or three months since she moved out,” Yooyoung said, her eyes following the trail Hanbin was looking at. “And we all missed her. But the thing is we barely hung out anymore. After her father died, she just kind of shut everyone out.”

Hanbin blinked, wondering how hard it must have been for Hayi after her father’s death.

“I’m just glad she’s opened up,” Yooyoung continued, cocking her head to the side. “I think she needed the move to forget.”

Hanbin sighed. “I don’t think she has moved on yet. When I took her out, we talked about her father for a while because she seemed to hate talking about him. The words she told me—I knew she hasn’t moved on.”

“It’s no surprise. Hayi and Jinhyuk ahjussi were pretty close. They spend every single day together running errands, cleaning the house, doing parttime jobs and hanging out at the nearby park. I think everybody was somewhat jealous of their relationship. They were a happy family.”

“And death ruined the picture.”

“Pretty much,” Yooyoung agreed, letting out a sympathetic sigh. “You should’ve seen her mother. She wouldn’t eat for days. They were both miserable but Hayi wanted life to go on. They couldn’t just expect the bills to be paid if they did nothing so Hayi pretended to be okay even though we all knew she wasn’t.”

He frowned. Beneath that tough exterior there was more to it that Hayi never disclosed to anyone, including him. And it hurt. As much as he wanted her to open up to him, he knew it would require a longer time and patience to peel every cover of Hayi. To know her deepest, darkest secrets.

“Does she know?”

Confused, Hanbin looked at Yooyoung quizzically. “Does she know what?”

“Does she know you like her?”

Hanbin blushed. “U-uh what? I… no. She doesn’t.”

She giggled. “How cute. Why haven’t you told her yet?”

“I don’t think it’s the right time,” he replied with a sigh.

“Honey, no time is the right time.” Yooyoung flipped her hair back. “You just have to grab a moment and make it right.”

“I think it’s one-sided though,” Hanbin said. He wanted to make sound more like a joke but the bitter side of the truth made it difficult. He knew Hayi harboured no feelings for him.

Yooyoung grinned. “I don’t think so.”

Hanbin shrugged, offering a small smile, as he glanced over to where Hayi was with a look of longing plastered on his face. “It’s okay. I’m not in a hurry. I can’t force anyone to do things they don’t want to do. For now, I just want to be there for her in case she needs me.”

“Boy, you have no idea.” Exhaling loudly, Yooyoung placed a hand on Hanbin’s shoulder. “Well, that’s enough talk for now. I think they’re going to finish all the good stuff if we don’t stop from here. One advice though.”

“Yes, noona?”

She smiled. “Whatever you’re doing right now… keep doing it.”

His eyebrows met, confused. He couldn’t figure out what she just said.

“And don’t call me noona.”

Nope. Still don’t understand.

sorry for the update delay! hope you guys enjoy this and leave some comments thank you x