The wind was blowing uncontrollably today. Actually, it had always been like that. Every time the timid Jessica would go visit her mother's grave, the wind would start howling, as if the heavens were calling for her. She was walking towards the little flower shop that was located not too far from her mansion. The flower shop was where she would always go to get Lily's for her mother. They were her favourite flowers, and they meant everything to her because just like a Lily, she wanted to be brave, strong... yet gentle.

When she exited the flower shop after paying and saying her goodbyes to the old ahjumma that she had known ever since she was just a toddler, she made her way to her car, signalling her driver to drive. Her ride was not so entertaining; the way to the cemetery was dull & gloomy... as if the trees and plants in this area had no life. Jessica's eyes weren't very different though, they expressed the same emotions. Ever since her mother had died when she was seven years old, her life had turned upside down. As if her mother’s death was the also the death of Jessica Jung.

***

Finally, when she reached the cemetery... she walked a few steps to which her heart belonged... Her Umma.

"Umma, how are you?" She started to speak as she knelt down to put the Lily's on her tomb stone. Every time she came here, she felt peace. As if her Umma was right next to her. Laughing and keeping a little Jessica in between her arms, protecting her from this cruel place which we call life.

For the past 20 minutes, Jessica just sat there staring at the tomb. She wasn't much of a talker, actually she was very introvert. Something she hated about herself. She wished she was more social and confident like her twin sister. Even though, Jessica was the older twin by 3 minutes... she looked up to her sister because she was everything she wasn't. Fate was cruel...

When Jessica realized it was getting a little late, she decided to say her goodbyes to her Umma. "Umma, I-I really miss you. I know that wherever you are, you are always l-looking after me. I'll always be your little Sooyoon (Jessica's Korean name) even though I'm already 18 now." Jessica smiled a little as her tears started to form.

"Umma, you already know how Appa is now. He never smiles like he used to when you were still in our lives, he considers me a failure because I never reach his expectations. And Krystal... she-she... she doesn't even like to look at me anymore. She says if she could, she would rather just change her face instead of looking like me. The only two people in my life hate me so much Umma, but-but... I don't want them to feel that way towards me anymore. I know this is sudden, but... I want to try something new in my life. I want to join the military. I want to prove to Appa and Krystal that I can also do something. I know Appa won't care what I do, since he's lost all hope for me, but... still, when I do become a soldier, I want him to look at me. To look at me with proudness. I want to make them both proud and I want to make you proud as well. Umma, please take care of me... My life will only become harder from here. Please, take care of me." When Jessica finished, her eyes were bawling. This wasn't new though, her Umma was her soft spot. She missed her so much and her only wish was to have her next to her just one more time.

As she got up from her spot, she wiped her tears away and started to make her way back to the car. She knew her decision of joining the military was a complete 180. People who knew her would never believe it, but what did they know? They didn't know how the past 11 years have been for her. Hell. Complete hell. She was physically alive, but mentally she was dead. Just dead...

***

When Jessica got home, she knew today was the day she would have to tell her father her decision. She would leave the day after tomorrow and she wanted to get this part over with. Her father was a Neurosurgeon, yes a very qualified person. Someone she would never be able to become even if she tried. Krystal on the other hand was already attending a university to walk in her father's footsteps. Maybe that's why her Appa always chose Krystal over her?

Jessica waited almost an hour in the living room waiting for her father, until she heard a car pull in at the drive way. She knew it was him, so she instantly got up, preparing herself for this. She wanted to make sure that her father would at least acknowledge the fact that she wanted to try something new. When she heard faint footsteps coming towards her, she started to get tense. What if she messed this up? Oh, no... now Jessica was getting nervous and her infamous habit of pressing her two index fingers together was slowly surfacing. No, Jessica... you can do this...

When the footsteps stopped in front of her, she looked up to her Appa's stern face. He was a very strict man, rarely smiled let alone laughed. Jessica could never bring herself to look into his eyes; they scared her because they were filled with so much disappointment for her. She started to slowly look down to the ground until her Appa finally spoke. "Jessica, do you have anything to say or will you just keep standing here?"

What he said, brought her back to her senses. "S-Sorry to b-bother you A-Appa. I-I-Actually, I-I have to tell y-you s-something." There it was, her annoying stutter. Why did this always happen to her when she spoke?!

"What is it?" Her Appa was quick to reply and she kept her stare on the floor. "Appa, I've decided to-to-to-to... uhh... j-join... the m-military..."

She anxiously waited for her father's reply. What if he denied. Would that mean he cared still cared for her? He didn't want to see her get hurt? Oh, god no... now she wanted him to stop her from going. Jessica was really a mess right now. But, her Appa, why wouldn't he reply? When she started to move her eyes upwards to look at his face, his facial expression was the same as before; stern, serious. What did this mean?

"Do what you please." And with that he left her standing there. Jessica couldn't move from her spot. Why? Why did he have to do this to her? She couldn’t hold it anymore and let her tears flow down her soft cheeks. Being completely ignored and making it seem like your existence was a burden to your own father hurt, it hurt a lot. Jessica was used to this, but she wanted her father to at least show a little concern, even if it meant to lock her in the house forever. Just a little bit, but no... Never... to him, she was nothing more than a useless piece of trash her mother left behind.

***

Jessica was still hurt over her father's reaction, but she decided she couldn't let it ponder her mind anymore. It was the day she would leave for the military and for the first time in her life she felt determined. It was something she really wanted to do ever since she saw an article about finding new recruits.

As she walked down the stairs to the drive way, she was saddened to see that no one came to see her off. A little "Take care, Jessica." would have been plenty for her, but no one was there. When she got into her car, she felt a little depressed because now she would be away from her family for the next two years. But, hopefully when she would come back here, her father, her sister and everyone would look at her through a new light.

Just hopefully...

Well, this was the first chapter. I hope you all liked it, even though it was kind of boring. But, it will get interesting by the next chapter. (: