2014.12.01, Monday

Niel's POV

"So, Coffee Shop is your style now?", he asked as he sipped his hot cappuccino.
I just looked down to his little eyes. That cold black darkness are still there. His hands that sneakily rubbed between his legs were firm. I'm happy that he was back being strong now, as he always claimed he was in the past. He didn't like being called weak. He almost had a phobia over that word. Maybe because he was short, maybe because he was actually insecure. I always thought of him that way, when he threw mean words, when he strangled me with his two hands, I always know that there was a little child inside him that need to be saved.

"It's a good cafe", he continued as he looked around the high ceiling.
His eyes then traveled to the small plate that padded his cappuccino cup all along. He looked at the lips logo on the side and chuckled.
"It's really you... Cafe Dani...", he looked at me.
That boyish stare.

"You like it? is the cappuccino good?", I asked.
"Yeah, it's... I don't know. It's good for me. Not that I know much about coffee", he giggled.
"So... what have you been up to?", I sighed and put my hands into my trousers' pocket.
"Being clean, for three months, I guess?", he said. That's why that calmness back into his eyes. They were sparkled only when he was using drugs. I tried my hardest to keep him happy when he was sober, but I think some people were born to be unhappy. Or I’m just failing, give up too soon…

I took the spoon over the cake plate's edge but it fell down to the floor. Byunghun-hyung bent down and gave it back to me. He chuckled and looked into my eyes again. It's my fault, isn't it? I should make him happier. I should make him stop wandering around and stay beside me. I looked at his hand and I unknowingly moved mine closer to his.
"Can I smoke here?", he asked as he took one cig out of his jacket.
"Nope", I replied short and pulled back my hand.
"Tsk, this is why I hate cafes", he rolled his eyes.

When we're holding hands, though, we only hurt each other.

He then released a big sigh as he put back his cig inside. He rested his head on his tiny hand. His sight was stuck to the outside. He looked up to the endlessly falling snow.
"I can't have you in my place anymore", I said as I chewed my own lips nervously. My eyes were still glued to him.
"I know", he finally chuckled after he absorbed my words for awhile.

A chuckle? a simple 'I know'? Why do I feel funny?. A loud hyperventilate cry would suit me better. A beg on my knees would be preferred. But a simple 'I know'?. I grabbed my cold latte and it deep. Why did I have a cold latte in snowing day like this. Maybe because I want to freeze my brain into thinking that I want him back. Right after I said that we're over? that was stupid, I know, it was feeding my ego, I know. No, Daniel, right now, just let him go... maybe now he didn't want to come back but let's give him couple weeks.

"Did Jiyong-hyung give you some year-end bonus?", a casual question escaped from his chicken mouth. I just dumped him and he just asked me a totally random question.
"Yeah. Plenty. He likes me more and more as days go by", I sneered. If my break up couldn't budge him, maybe this could. It was his beloved Jiyong-hyung. The hyung that he admired since we were in highschool, the one that made him choose this way. The one that made him killed someone so we could be more than associates to his organization. Years after, I was here, succeed in making Jiyong-hyung some money and made my own business. While Byunghun-hyung was deserted little by little. Jiyong-hyung will marry soon; no one could be someone’s boy toy forever.

"Great, I'm happy for you, Nielie... Humm... maybe I should find another guy to support me then. Jiyong-hyung will marry Kiko soon, won't he...", he smiled down and stared at his cup for good long hours.
"And when you have your business clean one day, I will be happier than this. Maybe I finally be happy? seeing someone happy makes me happy. At least makes me smile", he smiled to his coffee once again.
The time when he showed me his fragile self like this, it was the most dangerous time. I always took him inside when he was lost, cured him when his wings were broken. But when he could fly again, he would leave me, wandered outside so freely, just to be wounded again. It was tough to tell him how I just wanted to keep him safe, since he always acted like I caged him.

"So, who's the one that able to keep you clean for three months?", I asked as he stopped playing the tip of the cup with his finger.
"Hum... no one", he sighed and leaned back.
"You're clean with your own effort?", I chuckled in disbelieve.
"I am. I don't need others to tell me what to do", he said so proudly.
"Yeah, what about that time when you let that old man to put a gag on you?"
"Don't start", he half yelled.
"... And punched you to death?"
"Don't ing start", he looked into my eyes.
"Just for what? a bag of coke?", I continued.
" YOU", he threw the coffee cup to me and stood up so furiously.

I tossed the cup from my chest and grabbed his hand. The customers' eyes were all on us. I took him outside and cornered him to the wall. His confused eyes were blazing with anger as he struggled to let go off my grip. His breaths came out white between the falling snow. I could see his smirk as he put his thigh between my legs and I bumped him to the wall. Before I knew it he was able to release one hand out of my grip and punched me on the cheek. Usual reaction; he almost stabbed me once. I tackled his legs and he fell to the ground before he