New Year's Resolutions:

1. Buy more food (accomplished)

2. Eat more food (accomplished)

3. Stop beginning my chapters with weird parody stories (unaccomplished)

...

AHH I CAN'T HELP IT.

Hmm... who's the manliest idol ever?

-Block B's Zico (IDK him but he's a tough little cookie)

-BTS's Jimin (ABS)

-EXO's Kai

-Super Junior's Kangin (TBH the whole Mamacita thing tho)

-EXO's Luhan (so very manly, yup)

-EXO's Kris

Hmm... Yeah, I think I'll go with Kris.

The beautiful picture above sadly does not belong to me. The closest I can get to owning it is printing it out and sticking it to my wall.

Warning for the following story: please don't choke on your spit and sue me.

Bad title, abusing of the Korean language, cringe-worthy plot and terrifying grammar are all on purpose.

Parody Story: Stuck in an Arranged Marriage with My Crush ft. EXO's Kris

"Kris, you're getting married to Lee Sarang here." Kris's father looked very angry, his bushy eyebrows waggling.

Kris shook his head, eyelashes fluttering in shock. "W-wae? Daddy, please, I'm already in love!!! With a very rich and handsome noona!"

The girl beside him chuckled lowly and sneered at him. "You need your noonas to be rich and good-looking? Gold-digger."

"Sarang, please!" Mr. Wu snapped, eyebrows seemingly popping out in fury.

"I've heard of you, Lee Sarang! You make boys think they're so special, then dump them! You player!"

"Kris!" Mr. Wu's veins started to pop too, surrounding his eyebrows.

"You spoiled little brat," Sarang growled, jumping out of her chair and stalking out of the room.

Kris felt guilty suddenly. Sarang was very good-looking and looked strong, too.

"Noona jinja wait!!!"

He ran after her, chasing the girl until they were out of the building.

Kris felt faint. It was no use; Sarang was too fast and strong. 

Suddenly, he landed on his ankle the wrong way.

"AHHHHHH!!!"

Tears sprang into his eyes. It hurt!!

"Jinja, you babo." He saw a shadow loom over him.

"Where does it hurt, brat?"

"I-in my ankle, noona..."

"Can you walk?"

"N-no, noona..."

"What a bother."

Kris lowered his head, trying to hide the sparkling, crystal tears on his lashes.

Suddenly, he felt himself being lifted.

"N-noona? W-wae?"

"How else am I gonna bring you back to your appa?"

"Kamahamnida, noona..." Kris felt a blush gracing his cheeks.

"Don't mention it, brat."

You feel the vomit rising up your throat, right?

Now why does it feel this way?

You'd feel only slightly fricked up if it was some feminine OC, right?

It's because of these gender roles. 

And also because of these one-sentence paragraphs.

But y'know.

So back to New Year's.

So you're going to a New Year's Party. And you have to bring a snack. Because you're a girl and you have to bake something. 

HA! See what I did there? I assumed that all of you were girls.

What's wrong with assuming? Well, lemme tell you this: you go ahead and 'just assume' something like this.

So anyways! Back to baking. Ladies, you, as pretty little housewives/daughters/unwed maidens are forced to bake something.

And sadly, these douchey low-lifes at the party are forcing you to bake some gender rolls. 

In order to not piss them off, you have to bake them hella quick.

So here's a seamless little recipe, destined for perfection.

RiverFawn's Pretty Little Gender Rolls for you

Ingredients:

8 cups of y oppas

1 cup of muscles

5 tsps of obedience

6 cups of 'stupid' female ulzzangs

9 cups of greening (to give the ulzzangs' frilly dresses some colour)

Some guy named Ben

2 cups of double Ds (I'm so sorry for this but it was necessary)

1. Pour the obedience on the ulzzangs. 

2. Give the muscles to the y oppas. 

3. Take the greening, Ben and double Ds. Put them in a bowl and mix them up, real well. You'll get greening-Ben-DD!

4. Stir some more. Wince as the letters rearrange themselves to form BreeDing enDng because that is not what you were supposed to make.

5. Stir furiously until the letters swirl to form one word: genDerBenDing.

6. Gender bend EVERYTHING. Including evil douchebags.

The end

Short chapter is short

Happy New Year's