“I was in love, and the feeling was even more wonderful than I ever imagined it could be.” 

–Nicholas Sparks

I ran as fast as could to the hotel with Jessica in my arms. She was pale in colour, and so her lips. When we reached our room, I slowly laid her down the bed. I marched my way to the small kitchen in our room. When I returned, I walked straight to her bed with a basin filled with cold water and towel with me. I got medicines inside my bed and let she took some to lessen her fever.

The first time I hold her hands to pat it with a wet towel, I noticed the too tenderness of her skin. I wondered.

A few minutes before our check out time, Jessica woke up and complaining of the severe joint pain she was feeling. So, I decided we returned back to Seoul as soon as possible.

On the road, I contacted her Mom and told her that her daughter was totally ill. Mrs. Jung advised me to bring Jessica in one of the hospital in Seoul because she has already some records there. In her mother’s voice over the telephone, I felt the tension and concerned of a mother to her child. When her mom hung up, I was in deep thought of Mrs. Jung told me.

“She has already some records there. Did she hospitalize before?” I thought of myself.

It was 7 minutes after 6 when we reached S.N.U.H. I was surprised when Mrs. Jung met us in the hospital. Worry was written all over her face. I was wondering because when we arrived, nurses and a doctor were waiting for us and Jessica has already a room there.

“Donghae…what happened?” Mrs. Jung queried worriedly.

“We’re walking early in the morning along the seashore when she suddenly fainted because of high fever and she was complaining of a severe pain in joints. And before we checked out, she vomited three times. I noticed too that she sweats during night time. Is she sick?” I told Mrs. Jung about my findings during the days that we were together.

I was waiting for an answer or at least an explanation why Jessica acted like that. And she was always complaining of pains here and there, even headache. She ate poorly and sometimes lost her appetite to eat.

“What’s wrong with her, Aunt?” I asked again. Hoping that Mrs. Jung answered me.

“I don’t have the right to tell you what’s going on with her. Let my daughter tell you the truth.” Mrs. Jung said, her eyes started to shed tears.

I have this hunch that something bad was happening to her. When the doctor came out of the room, he approached Mrs. Jung right away.

“Your daughter still has to undergo some tests for us to know her condition. She refused to undergo treatment several times, and to tell you frankly, this time will be tough for her and for you as well.” The doctor said very straight-forward. He gave Mrs. Jung a tapped in the shoulder, and then left.

My eyes saw how Mrs. Jung reacted after the doctor told her what was happening to her daughter. It seemed that her whole world started to crumble. I approached her and gave her a hug and Mrs. Jung started to sob.

“Everything will turn out to be fine, Aunt.”

“I hope so, Donghae. I hope so…”

Under the clear blue sky

Our happy world shattered

As storm torn us both

The next morning, Jessica woke up still lethargic. Her face was totally pale and she couldn’t move because she was feeling weak. Her mom approached her and touched her forehead. Tears were rolling down Mrs. Jung’s eyes, but she still managed to smile.

“Don’t cry, Mom. I’m fine…” Jessica said, almost in whisper.

“I know. I’m just so happy.” Mrs. Jung said, kissing her daughter’s forehead.

“Are you feeling better now?” I queried as I stood right next to her Mom. She flashed a small curve on her lips and nodded. An indication that she was feeling better.

“I will go home to pack some things you needed here. Do you need something aside from your belongings?” Her Mom asked.

“I want some apples, Mom. Those red ones.” She answered and reached for her Mom’s hand and squeezed it

Mrs. Jung slightly patted her hand and said, “If you still need anything, Donghae is here.”

“ Okay, Mom. Drive safely.”

Mrs. Jung left the room right away. A deafening silence was between us. She stared at me. I stared at her. It was a long minute of staring at each other, as if our eyes understood what’s inside of each of us.

“I don’t have any idea why all of these things are happening to me. I’ve never done badly against others, but why do I have to suffer such?” Jessica broke the silent with a burst of emotions.

“God gave you this life because He knew that you’re strong enough to live it.” I answered as I sat beside her. I didn’t know if I answered correctly; but as far as I knew, my answer was right.

“I have had this sickness few years back. At one point in time, I decided to undergo medication, but it just so happened that the man who gave me strength left me because he found someone better. It shattered me because the day we broke up was the day when I told him what’s going on with me. I thought he would stay and still chose me over his other girl, but I thought wrong.” She chuckled as tears started to roll down her eyes—tears of pain—and then she continued, “I don’t want to let him go at first, but I thought it was selfish of me to keep him to myself when he doesn’t even love me back. Though it hurt me, I have to. So, I granted him the freedom he asked. The day I met you that winter day, was the day I saw him again with the girl he loved, happily walking with their hands perfectly clasping each other. I was jealous. All I could do that time was to cry. I want to end my heart’s suffering that day, but when you came, I realized it was a wrong idea.”

“God sent you an angel just in the right time and place huh.” I tried to joke around, but she never laughed.

“Do you even know why I’m gone during the last weeks of spring?”

I shook my head for one reason, I didn’t know the answer.

“I was here, spending alone the last month of spring in this room. I was totally ill that time and I couldn’t afford to see you worrying, so I told Mom to lie if ever you look for me.”

“Why?” that was all I could say as I was having a troubled mind, figuring out why.

“I’m leukemic, and I’m getting worst day by day, Donghae.” She uttered, spilling the beans.

I was down in the mouth after hearing what she said. “No. Stop that prank, Jessica.” I said, trying to release laughter—a gallows humour, I think.

“Doing prank in this kind of situation is silliness, right?”

Before I could give her the answer, her Mom came in. I slowly walked to the door, gawking. There was a lump in my throat and those words made me crazy.

I stepped in my car and drove it as fast as I could that I almost engaged in a car accident. I couldn’t explain what I was feeling that time. Tears started to occupy my eyes and it blurred my vision. I hit the steering wheel for several times while shouting over and over again—hoping to chase away the bad feeling inside me.

“Why her, God? Why her?” that was the question I asked Him over again.

The last month of summer was the challenging one for me, for Jessica’s Mom, and for Jessica. My girl was getting weaker. Her loss of appetite worsens that made her lost a lot of weight for the past weeks. A more pale skin and a weaker body that she needed a wheeled chair to reach places, like bathroom.

Prayers can move a mountain, that’s what I believed. I knew I was chasing rainbow, but at the end of each day, I was waiting for a raindrop in the drought.

>..comments are very much welcome and appreciated..<