Eunjung woke up groggily at the sound of her alarm clock. She blindly searched for the button in an attempt to shush the offending device, and go back to sleep. She could feel someone stir next to her, and heard her girlfriend’s sleepy groan.

“Don’t turn it off, Jungie. You have to go to work.”

Knowing it was true, Eunjung let her hand limply fall on the side, and sighed in defeat. Yes, she had to get up, but she didn’t know how she was supposed to go shooting today when she felt so down and exhausted. For the past few weeks, she hadn’t been able to get a good night’s sleep. Actually, she hadn’t slept more than three hours in a row since the girls’ return to Korea. And it had already been twenty three days. She had counted the hours, the minutes. She had replayed over and over again her last exchange with Jiyeon, just before she got on the plane.

The group was saying their last goodbyes, hugging Eunjung with lingering pats on the backs and kisses on the cheek. When it was Jiyeon’s turn, she reluctantly turned to the former leader, and looked into her eyes with all the sincerity she could muster. Then she slowly wrapped her arms around her waist, and buried her face in her neck. Eunjung felt a sudden sense of panic. She didn’t want to lose it in front of her friends, but she also knew that one touch from Jiyeon, and she was done for.

“If you’re just scared for me, don’t be. I can still stop all this. You just have to say the word, and I’ll come to you...” the maknae whispered hotly against her neck. This made Eunjung involuntarily shiver, despite her unnies’ curious gazes.

She reluctantly broke the hug, and trying hard not to listen to her beating heart, she gave Jiyeon a fake bright smile and pinched her cheek affectionately.

“Jiyeonnie... have a safe trip back home, okay?”

She tried to ignore the gut-wrenching feeling of having to reject Jiyeon a second time, when all she wanted to do was grab her hand and run away with her. She couldn’t stand looking at the maknae’s devastated eyes, and quickly turned back to the group.

“Guys, you should go, you’re going to miss the flight.”

Looking at herself in the mirror now, Eunjung could barely recognize her own face. She was so pale she could easily pass up as a ghost. Her eyes were lifeless. Her smile, usually warm and natural, felt now like a horribly painful rictus. Nothing was right in this life. The girl she loved was miles away from her, like she had been for those past two years... But now she was more than just the girl she loved. She was also, possibly, the one who loved her back. Who was willing to wait for her...

She shook her head violently and wiped the tears that were already pooling in her eyes, like it had been the case every morning since that day. She couldn’t let her regrets eat away the life she had left. She needed to get a grip.

Maybe after a nice cup of coffee, things would look brighter. She walked down the stairs and went into the kitchen, expecting to read her morning paper and mail as she did every day. But when her eyes fell on a light blue envelope placed on the counter, she felt an inexplicable fear take a hold of her. She reached for the piece of paper and inspected it carefully. The housekeeper must have retrieved it from the mail earlier and set it here for her to see. Her name and address were written beautifully on it, and though she didn’t recognize the handwriting, she could tell from the seal this had been sent from Korea. With a trembling hand, she ripped it open and pulled out an elegant card from the envelope. She scanned quickly the text written in Korean and when she realized what it said, she closed her eyes as if to forget what she had just read. She let the paper fall to the floor, and immediately clapped her hand against , knowing she wouldn’t be able to refrain the burning scream of horror that was about to roar from . She felt her head start to spin, and had to grip the counter to prevent from falling. Eunjung started to sob uncontrollably, her head bent down, her whole body shaking in despair.

Suddenly, two slender arms slid around her waist, and a worried face leant against her shoulder

“Hey...” Jamie whispered carefully. “Eunjung, what’s wrong? I heard screaming.”

Eunjung stiffened immediately and tried in vain to wipe her tear-stained face. She couldn’t even think of the proper way to reassure her girlfriend right now. Everything was so messed up...

“You... you should go back to bed. Sorry I woke you.”

Jamie took her forcefully by the shoulders and made her turn around, so that Eunjung was facing her.

“Going back to bed? Are you kidding me? What’s that paper?”

Feeling her heart skip a beat at this question and at her girlfriend’s probing eyes; Eunjung shut her eyes closed and covered her face with her hands.

“Jiyeon is getting married in six months? Is that it?”

“Yes...” she answered feebly.

“I don’t understand. Aren’t you happy for her?” Jamie asked, genuinely confused.

Eunjung hated lying, but she couldn’t do anything else. She was tired of lies, but it was all her life had been built upon, and she couldn’t afford to lose it all now.

“I am, of course.” She waved her hand nonchalantly and tried to laugh between her sobs.

“Please... do I look like such an idiot to you? You are having a break down in the middle of the kitchen because a friend of yours is getting married...”

“Jamie... I’m fine, I swear. It’s just... time flies. It reminds me of old times, but I’m glad for... for Jiyeon.”

“So it’s just you being nostalgic?” Jamie asked unconvinced.

“Yes... Jiyeon is still our little baby... it’s weird to see her so grown up.” Eunjung wanted to slap herself for being such a hypocrite, but she had to keep her countenance at least for a little while. “And I’m tired these days... lack of sleep you know... but I’m fine.”

Jamie looked at her face closely without saying a word, her lips tightly pinched as if to stop the words from flowing from .

“Alright, you don’t want to talk about it so I’ll ask that instead... How long has it been since you had a full night of sleep?”

Eunjung, who had finally succeeded in controlling her tears, shrugged at the question and tried to wave it off.

“It’s been a little while but I’ll be fine. Insomnia is not cool, but nothing to make a fuss about, ok? Please stop worrying.” She said deliberately lightly.

Jamie shook her head, and took Eunjung’s hands in hers, as if to get some honesty out of her.

“We both know you’re not the kind of person who does insomnia. Remember our first date? When we were at this fancy restaurant and you fell asleep while I was looking at the menu because ‘the booth was so comfy’?”

Despite herself, Eunjung chuckled at the memory.

“Haha... I really fell asleep, didn’t I?”

“Yeah... you did... So whatever’s going on right now is not random insomnia... And now, this... I know there’s something in your head. I’m not stupid. If I think really hard, I’m sure I can even say what it is, but I won’t. You need to admit it for yourself, even if it’s not to me.”

“Jamie, please, it’s not like that.”

“Yes... it is. And... I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Jamie murmured, closing her eyes.

“What? Do what?” Eunjung said angrily.

“This... Pretending I don’t understand. And letting you throw your life away, as well as mine, because you’re just too stubborn.”

“So you’re leaving me?”

“Does it matter if I am? Will it make you unhappy?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course it will!” Eunjung cried out.

“Because you were happy with me? You’re happy now? Is this...” Jamie said pointing at Eunjung’s hollow face, “Is this you being happy?”

“I...”

“Eunjung, please... take care of yourself. I don’t want to let you go, so I’ll be here... if you ever realize that what you want in life is to be with me. But we both know it’s not.”

Without another word, Jamie left the room, and Eunjung couldn’t think of anything to say to hold her back.

Later that evening, Eunjung’s parents were quietly eating dinner in front of the television when they heard the front door open, then quickly slam shut. They looked at each other with questioning stares, and soon saw their daughter walk into the dining room with a gloomy look on her face. Without a word, she sat at the table and stared at the television screen as if she hadn’t just barged unannounced into her parents’ house.

“What’s for dinner?” she asked morosely.

Her dad quickly got up and was about to go into the kitchen to fix her a plate, when Mama Ham called him from the table.

“You sit down!” she said to her husband. Then she pointed at Eunjung incredulously.

“You! We haven’t heard from you in more than two weeks, and you barge into our home, not even greeting us and asking for dinner...” she paused and took an outraged look at her daughter’s feet. “And you’re wearing your shoes inside?! You ungrateful kid! Go back to where you came from and make a proper entrance! Then maybe we’ll consider feeding you tonight!”

Eunjung winced at her mother’s reprimand, but knew she had gone too far, so she quickly got up, left the room and went back outside, closing the door carefully behind her. Then she rang the doorbell and patiently waited for an invitation to enter. A few seconds later, her mother opened the door, an irate look on her face.

“Come in,” she said coldly before going back into the dining room.

Sighing, Eunjung re-entered the hallway, carefully took off her shoes, then went to greet her parents properly.

“Hi eomma, hi appa.” She then gave her parents a quick peck on the cheek and bowed to them.

“Sorry for earlier... can I go get a plate in the kitchen?”

“Yes, you may.” Her mother answered sternly, though indulgently.

Eunjung came back quickly with a plate full of delicious beef stew, and a bowl of rice. She sat down next to her dad and started eating without a word.

“Are you going to tell us what’s bothering you, princess?” He asked, his tone kind and concerned.

“... It’s... it’s been a tough day.”

Her mother crossed her arms in front of her and gave her a pointed look.

“Alright... Jamie left me this morning...”

“Oh, poor baby,” said her dad. He took her hand in his and squeezed it supportively.

“What?” her mother cried out, slapping the table with her hand. “What have you done to that girl to make her do this? You must have done something to drive her away!”

“EunJoo-ya!” Eunjung’s dad called out uncharacteristically at his wife. “Can’t you see she’s upset? Stop yelling at her like this!”

“Actually... oemma’s right...” Eunjung admitted, squeezing her dad’s hand in thanks. “I am bad for her. I... I love someone else. Someone I will never have, but that I can’t forget either...”

“Omo...” her dad whispered under his breath. Knowing the discussion to come was about to be rocky, he quietly got up in order to give the two women of his life a little alone time. There was only so much he could understand.

“Eunjung-ah... baby, you know your father and I want you to be happy...” Her mother said softly, seeing her daughter was clearly overwhelmed. “Nothing is impossible; maybe this person can return your love...?”

“It doesn’t matter. This person should live a happy life, not a difficult life filled with doubts. And she will, anyway...”

“Baby... are we... talking about Jiyeon?” Her mother asked carefully.

Eunjung almost fell from her chair at the question.

“How do you know? I mean... no, it’s not her! Well... it’s... how?”

“Close your mouth and stop looking at me like that. I am your mother, so I know everything. And most importantly, I have eyes and ears... I didn’t want to push you because I thought you had found a balanced relationship with Jamie, but I always knew about your love for Jiyeon. And it happens that she also invited us to the wedding, so I’m guessing this is what made you so upset...” She added carefully.

“Oh... well, awesome. Have fun there, because I’m not going.”

“Oh yes you are!” Her mom said forcefully.

 “No! I don’t want to see this!” Eunjung yelled back.

“You won’t have to see this if you’re just brave enough to realize that this girl loves you as much as you love her!”

“What are you even saying? She’s getting married, can’t you see? She doesn’t care about me!”

“Did you talk to her about your feelings? Did you openly tell her that you loved her?”

“It doesn’t matter. I told her once and she rejected me.”

“Just before we departed for America.” It wasn’t even a question, because Eunjung’s mom was totally aware of what had made her daughter leave the country so quickly without a second thought.

“Yes! Alright? She’s the reason I left, the reason we’re all here, and the reason I’ll never be happy in my life, whatever I’m doing!”

“Don’t yell at your mother like this!” Her mom chastised.

“Sorry.” Eunjung said and inclined her head. “But you know what I mean... And Hyomin said not to drag Jiyeon into this. She said that even if she shared my feelings, she wasn’t made for a life like this. It’s too difficult.”

“Aish, that Hyomin! I’m sure she means well, but she doesn’t know what she’s talking about!”

“She’s right! Jiyeon is too fragile. She couldn’t take this kind of exposure, and I wouldn’t let her risk losing her family over this.”

“Losing her family? What about us when we learnt for you? Parents don’t let their children down just because of something like this! Especially not Jiyeon’s parents. They’re crazy about her, and they would never reject her for being true to herself.” Eunjung’s mom argued.

“Maybe... but she’s still getting married. There’s nothing I can do.” Eunjung said dejectedly.

At this, her mom had an imperceptible smirk

“I’m not going to suggest or encourage anything, so don’t interpret my words. But just keep in mind that she loves you back... I saw it clearly when she visited. Just think of your own path. The things you chose to do when you thought you could never be with Jiyeon. How can you be so sure it’s not the same for her? That she’s not settling for the second best because she thinks she will never have you?”

Hearing her mother words, Eunjung could only stop and think for a little while. What if... She thought back to Jiyeon’s words that day in the kitchen. The kiss they had shared, so sincere. It had not been an impulsive act, not a random gesture out of confusion or misplaced lust. It had felt like the truth finally uncovered. Like a confession. Like a promise of more to come. And then Jiyeon’s words at the airport... “If you’re just scared for me, don’t be. I can still stop all this. You just have to say the word, and I’ll come to you.”

Eunjung almost sprung from her seat and looked at her mom as if she was finally seeing the light.

“Do you think I should go see her?” She asked hopefully.

“As I said, I’m not suggesting anything... but if you go, book a seat on your flight for your father and I. We’re working so hard, we could use a little time off!”

------------------------------------------------------

Hi guys! First of all, belated Merry Christmas to you all, and sorry for the very late chapter again! I've been pretty busy and I honestly struggled a little with this chapter, but we're now entering a new arc of the story and I hope I haven't lost you in the process :) Things are slowly evolving and getting brighter! Again, thanks for your support and patience, you all rock my socks (which are almost as gay as Soyeon's for those who catch my drift^^). See you soon for the next chappie, hopefully!