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The Asylumkrisyeol_always

story titlefour/five points

The title fits the story well as it describes the setting of the story as well as giving off a mysterious type of vibe that compliments the plot. However, I don’t feel like it’s an eye-catching title for me personally, since I didn’t really get the excitement I would normally get when I come across an interesting title. Nonetheless, the title does its job in promoting and representing your story.

description, foreword & tagseight/ten points

Your description does its job as a blurb to introduce your readers into the story, giving them enough information to draw them in without giving away too much. Personally, I wasn’t too drawn into your story by your description, but was actually more interested in the story through reading your foreword, which is an extract from your story. The way the description and foreword compliments each other works very well in your case, since with just one of them would be rather confusing and illogical in some ways. Your tags seem rather fitting with your story, though “asylum”, “darkfantasy” and “mentalillness” aren’t used very often.

appearance: graphicsfour/five points, layoutfive/five points

The poster is very well made, and it fits the theme quite well. However, I wasn’t expecting the face of Sehun, since I thought he wasn’t in the story, until I realised that he’s probably the face of your original character - perhaps you should add in a note somewhere about that?

The general display and layout of your story is very clean and tidy, which makes it easy to read and focus on.

characterisationtwelve/fifteen points

Overall, you’ve done rather well in creating and portraying your characters in your story. There aren’t too many characters in your story so I did somewhat expect there to be a certain level of depth in each character that you created. Firstly, Sungjong, the young nurse that recently transferred to the asylum after completing his duties elsewhere. From what I can see, Sungjong is a person who wants to do his job well and would go certain lengths for his patients. However, after what happened in his old work place, he seemed to have lost his confidence in his work. Honestly speaking, I’m not too familiar with his character even at this stage. I feel like he goes a little back and forth at times and isn’t stable enough as the main character in this story. Maybe I’m overthinking and over-analysing him, but it does seem a little strange that although he’s afraid of Jineul, he still goes and investigates him. Maybe he’s doing that because he’s curious, or maybe there will be more to read about in later chapters, I’m not sure, but at this moment, I do think that he as a character still have space to development and improve on.

As for Jineul, he’s a very interesting character, more so than Sungjong in my opinion. By making him a patient, a lot of “unreasonable” actions or words coming from him can be understood as “reasonable”, which in some ways is interesting. Not a lot is known about him, but the way in which he acts and speaks is intriguing, which drew me into the story more to find out who he is exactly. You’ve created him as a person with multiple personalities, which is difficult to write and describe, but at the moment, you’ve done a good job in introducing his second and third characters into the story without making it too abrupt. Perhaps further into the story you will give more information and background to this character, but I really do think the potential for Jineul to grow is great.

Your supporting characters are essential in this story, since they often lead Sungjong onto having his own thoughts and ideas that he wouldn’t have thought about alone. With how your story is going at the moment, I wouldn’t suggest adding any more characters to your story, unless they’re completely essential, because with complexity of your plotline, more characters may not be a good idea.

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