LOST

Taeyeon's 1st POV

[Eternity]”

      It was truly an eternal story in my mind and I literally hit my forehead with the palm of my hand to stop thinking of it. But, there was no point in fighting it. Let’s just flow with it and it will eventually flow out.

      Back in my room, I was drying my blonde hair as I looked in the mirror while I wore a long sleeved light pink shirt that was thin and hung off my shoulder with white shorts.

      At the moment I was doing so, I couldn’t help remember the time Jiyong had done so for me.

      It was a first for me to have a man dry my hair. Not even my father had done so. I missed him.

      Now the thought of missing him made me pissed, because of that damn text. Who the hell says ‘ofc’ to their girlfriend? Now that I think about it, he hasn’t even asked me out properly like, “Do you want to go out with me?”

      My temper was back soaring with the stars and I roughly turned my dark blue hair dryer off.

      With a huff of a dragon, I snatched the plug out the wall and right at the moment I did so, I sent the end plug right to my forehead like a shooting star.

       “Ah, sss!” I screamed and dropped the hair dryer on the floor as I held my stinging forehead.

       “Unnie!” I heard following the sound of my bedroom door being opened, but I was just too focused on the pain. Oh, no, did it leave a mark?! I have a photo shoot this afternoon!

        “Unnie!” I heard my little sister calling out for me and I angrily turned around, still holding my head.

        “What?!” I screamed with tears of pain forming in my eyes.

        “U-Uhm, mom and dad said come help make breakfast,” She told me after jumping nearly out the door when I had screamed at her.

     “Y-Yeah, fine,” I simply told her breathlessly and turned around, moving my hand away to see a circular reddened spot right above my eyebrows, in the center.

     After I heard my door shut, I quickly went to my drawer, opening it and another memory was triggered. It was the first time I had called Jiyong and I had to take a picture to prove that I was Kim Taeyeon.

     Even then he was playing with me. I guess he was always like that. It wasn’t because he had someone else in his heart. It was nothing personal, but he is still a Giant .

     Call me stubborn, but that’s just me and I’m proud to be me.

     After getting a black comb out the drawer, I went back in front of the mirror and managed to comb my bangs back over my forehead that I always had cut, but just hidden when I would split my hair in the middle.

     Once I finished that, I quickly went down the stairs as I gripped on the dark brown railing and I nearly fell off the steps, nearing the future of a paralyzed person when my eyes glanced in the kitchen.

      “So you’re Taeyeon’s boyfriend? I’m glad you can make it. You can see her cooking skills today,” My father deep voice sounded so happy as I was just standing here, thinking I’ve seriously gotten some mental illness.

     Is it perhaps schizophrenia? I did read one time that they see and hear things, believing that they are real. If so, that sounds exactly like my condition!

      “Oh, I forgot your boyfriend G-Dragon came,” I heard my sister’s voice behind me as she was coming down the stairs with a slick grin on her face that I wanted to pinch away. Why you little brat.

      “Taeyeon can cook!?” I heard Jiyong exclaimed and he was getting terribly engaged with my parents. No!!!

      “Of course our Taeyeon can! She’s going to be married one day and she has to be able to cook for the man she marries,” I heard my mom add in and my mouth literally could be Niagara Falls right about now.

      “Taeyeon’s coming,” my sister said in a bright tone of voice when she made it in the kitchen and pointed toward the stairs, in which I instantly fell down on my to not be seen, while gripping on the railing, but it was too late.

      “Taeyeon hurry up!” I heard my mom shout and I shut my eyes tightly in embarrassment. Please let this be a dream. One, two, three…and when I opened my eyes I was still in reality and yes the legendary G-Dragon was in my kitchen now waving at me with a cheeky smile. You little devil.

      With a deep inhale of strength, I stood up and hung my head low to only exhale that strength, becoming weak to the stare of Jiyong that was now on me along with my family. Tell me god, what did I do to deserve this? Please show me sign at least.

       “Hey baby,” Jiyong said so smoothly that it slipped inside of me so easily to blaze a fire so strong to the point that my face had become hot red.

        “Oh, aren’t you two cute?” I heard my mom giggle and my little sister laughed along. Dad!? Where were you in all of this? Don’t tell me you were blinded by the devil in the flesh too? When I looked up, he was just clearing his throat with a smile. But…I couldn’t blame them.

     When I looked up from his black buckled up lace boots, fitting black jeans, black gun print shirt and the glittering red and silver striped blazer he wore with a black fedora on his head I understood why my family was baffled at his presence.

     The flamboyant clothing was hypnotizing no doubt. I don’t even dress like that as a celebrity.

     It was definitely something new and outstanding for them to see. I hate to admit myself, but he even had me speechless.

      “Aren’t you going to say hey back to your own boyfriend?” I heard my sister suddenly say and I looked up at her with a soft hiss. In which she looked away instantly and one of my hands gripped on the edge of my shirt as I looked up at Jiyong’s eyes that were intense and yet soft.

      “Hey,” I managed to breathe out quickly and I then walked toward my mom instantly who was on the other side watching as if we were some type of movie.

      “Well, let’s cook Umma,” I told her simply and she jumped slightly with bigger eyes, coming out the trance.

      “Oh, of course. Jiyong do you like fish and kimichi?” I heard my mom ask him and I rolled my eyes in response as I looked at what she had already taken out for this morning meal on the counter.

      “Uhmm…” Jiyong had started off and I knew he wasn’t about to be damn picky in my house.

      “Of course,” He then said brightly and I opened up the kitchen drawer to take out a knife since I saw green onion strips, which would be cut up mostly.

      “Taeyeon, he is such a gentleman,” My mom whispered to me when she came next to me, taking out a knife for her own self.

     All I replied with was a smile and I was laughing like crazy in the inside of me. Oh, he is a gentleman alright.

‘Regardless of what I said Taeyeon, I’m going to still try to stick close to Kiko. I’ve been with many women just I am sure that you know….Secretly, I will still call on for you till I’ve get tired of this high and can remain by Kiko’s side again.’

     I wonder if he still thought that way. Did he only decide to release to the public that were dating because of his own recklessness and cocky attitude? Was he just using me to make Kiko jealous? Would he leave me to go back to her? I mean why wouldn’t he? I run off everyone that I actually care about…just look at where Jessica is. All I had left really was family, simply because family couldn’t leave me.

     Somehow that angry flame within me had been blown out and it showed as I was slowly cutting the green onions forlornly, while my mom was already done cutting up her large white one.

      “Need help?” I suddenly heard this question asked and I turned my head, thinking that my mom had asked me that, but my eyes suddenly widened in shock and I jerked back instantly, while holding the knife up.

      “Ah!” Jiyong yelped and held his hands up with his face showing the sudden fear of my knife coming in contact with his beautiful face.

       “Aish,” I breathed out after I turned my head with stress washing down on me like rain in this very instance.

       “I-I guess not,” He muttered quickly and turned to go sit down with my Dad and sister at the kitchen table where they immediately started talking.

      With a soft twitch to my mouth, I turned around and saw my mom chuckling at me while she handed a cucumber for me to cut up.

      I am really getting embarrassed today. It’s feeling that I dislike, but I like it at the same time.

      By the end of this I was smiling as we were all sitting at the kitchen table of the dining room that was connected with the main kitchen.

      Our kitchen table was white and square with two chairs on each side, so you can figure out who I was sitting next to, right?

      My mom and dad sat across from us, while my sister was on the right, already tasting the rice, her favorite dish.

      That was something I could never understand. Rice was so plain and we’ve been eating it since the day we were able to digest food as children, but that’s Hayeon.

      It’s too bad my brother couldn’t eat with us. He had been busy at work as a real estate agent and running the eye glass business that our parents opened up themselves.

      As I held my wooden chopsticks between my fingers, I was looking at Jiyong who was finally taking his first taste of the food, which was a bowl of rice, fish, fried egg,stew, assorted kimichi with pickles.

      I think about everyone eyes were on Jiyong and his facial expression when he first placed a piece of fish in his mouth was gold.

       “Wow,” He said breathtakingly and quickly went to eat another piece and everyone suddenly breathed without even knowing they were holding their breath.

       “Ha ha, yes our Taeyeon is wonderful, right?” My dad was the one asking and I threw a glare at him, but he ignored it as he kept grinning at Jiyong as if he was the daddy here.

      Jiyong pressed his fingers to his lips as he was swallowing the food in his mouth. He held up his thumb and gave a smile that rose his full cheeks up. “Daebak. She is Daebak,” He replied and I coughed suddenly, making everyone take a look at me.

       “Here, drink up,” Jiyong cooed at me as he picked up my glass of water and brought it close to me.

      With a soft squint to my eyes, I took the glass with a soft snatch and turned my head, before I took a couple of sips. Why is so hot in here!?

      I was going crazy and I desperately needed time to go faster.

      I later did regret wanting time to go faster, because I was now back in my room with Jiyong here after we finished breakfast with my parents.

      My father had left to go to work at the eyeglass shop for some inspection there and mom did as well.

      I know my mom better than anyone else and she doesn’t even have a job. Okay, she claims she works at the eyeglass shop, but she hardly did anything since my brother took over the management part.

      Anyhow she left with my sister, so now I was all alone with the big bad wolf in this big ole house. Ha, what a family!

      Only one thing could result from this situation. And, what is that you ask? Well, let’s have our dragon boy answer that.

      “I like your room,” I heard Jiyong whisper as I took a seat on my California queen size bed in which I had a Marilyn Monroe bed set on it, while I saw him actually taking the time to look around my room with his arms behind his back as if he was at some art exhibit.

      “Thanks?” I said kind of awkwardly and I rested my palms on my bed, before I leaned back.

     In composed steps, he walked in his socks across the room since I made him take his shoes off before he came into my room.

     Pleasantly, I leaned my head over to the side and brought one of my hands up to run through it as I was watching him. Would he bring up me ignoring him or would I bring it up first?

     He then brought his arms to his side and raised his hand to touch the golden tassels of my black curtains that were pulled back, revealing the inner white see through curtain that granted the access of light in my room.

     But, that access was denied suddenly when he pulled the tassels on both side of the curtains, causing the darkness to reside in the room, but with only a little light coming through from the sides and bottom of the curtain.

     The comfortable feeling that I just had was just kidnapped in the night and replaced with a growing feeling that was almost like fear and anticipation entwined together.

      “W-What are you doing?” I asked suddenly, raising my voice up in the process as I sat up fully, while I saw him walk my way.

     He only replied to me when he leaned down and grasped my chin in his hand fiercely so I could meet him eye to eye.

       “I’m going to keep this simple, real simple. Listen closely. You are my one and only woman. I claim you fully before all others and I expect you to do the same, understand?” He said to me in a serious voice that even made my heart beat in silence.

      “Y-Yes, I understand,” I caught myself submitting to him as if he was my father and he released my chin, before patting the top of my head.

      “Good girl,” He whispered and all those doubts I had in my head were all washed down the drain in that very instance.

     Kwon Jiyong you are indeed a strange man. You are begging for dominance one moment and then you are claiming it yourself. This will be only form of push and pull I will let you give me and you know it. I don’t even have to say it.

      “Now come here, it’s been about nine days since I ed something and yes I’ve been counting,” he spoke vulgarly off his sweet lips, before he gripped the front of my shirt, giving it a good hard tug so he could kiss my lips with intense hunger.

     The tip of his tongue carved an entry through my lips all the way inside my mouth, tickling and locking each sensitive silky area in my mouth as he saved my tongue for the last.

     He was now sitting on the bed next to me with one hand on the back of my head, holding me to his liking as he softly led on my tongue like honey and his other sneaking under my shirt to pinch and pull my harden that was already taken out of my bra by him.

     Sensations vibrated through my entire body causing a pond to flow out of a wet hole between my legs as he did so and I was vulnerably in his mouth with shut eyes.

     With the stickiness of our saliva joining together to make a special formula called pleasure, he pulled his lips away to only bring them to my neck, spreading that burning ecstasy.

     It wasn’t long when his hand had snuck inside my shorts and as he shoved his middle finger so deeply inside of me, I would have thought he was deep sea diving.

      “Say my name,” He whispered so sensually into my ear that my eyes were rolling to the back of my head while I could hear the sounds of my juices being pushed in and out of my .

      “Say my ing name,” he repeated again with demand and I gripped on the front of his jacket with shaky hands as I looked up into his desperately.

      “Jiyong…Jiyong…please,” I began to cry out his name as my face was absorbed in supreme lust while I begged to him.

     “Please what?” He asked me and he dragged his long finger slowly out of my walls that were so wet and tight.

     Before I could even reply to that, with his one final hard push all the way inside of me sent me over the edge of cliff, clashing with the hot heated waves of an .

      “Ahhh!” Was all I could scream as I pushed my face in his chest, shaking and twitching to the command of his hand that just made me convulse.

     Gradually, he took his finger out of me, leaving my walls to collapse on one another, but they were still burning and throbbing. I was really under his rule and could only let him control me as he snatched my clothes off wildly before he took his own off.

     He had made me turn over on my knees in the center of the bed as I let the side of my face rest down on the bed also.

     I shut my eyes and kept my shaky legs wide when his tongue was tasting desert before even dinner time came today.

     His hands were gripping my rounded , squeezing and kneading it, but mainly keeping it spread wide so his tongue could drag up from my sticky to between them. I told you he like it nasty and he made me love it that way.

     It was the now the moment I’ve truly been waiting for nine days as well when I felt that fat meaty tip poking against my puckered lips, to the leaking hole and with one push, he stopped the leak.

     All problems were solved when he filled me up and I gripped hard on my bed’s comforter with a loud squeal that I sensed drove him crazy, because I felt him grow even longer inside of me.

     I don’t care what anyone says, but Jiyong’s was so ing big and I couldn’t help but hyperventilate every time he withdraw be it a inch or two before he would shove it back deeply inside of me.

     His hot hands were on my hips, squeezing and rubbing them as if he was molding me like clay and oh he was especially when he sped up, with the wet clap of his balls against my creating vibrations on my and tremors up my spine.

     Suddenly, he pulled my hiding face from the bed by yanking on my long hair roughly and slammed inside of me harder as if he was riding an untamed horse.

      “Tell me how much you ing missed me baby, tell me god damn it,” He growled in my ear and I held myself up on my hands as I pushed myself back, feeling the tingling sensations traveling through my as it bounced on his lower waist.

      “I missed you so much…so god damn much Jiyong. Oh my god I ing missed you! me! me!” I spoke with such vulnerability to the point that I just screamed and he ed me just as I wanted. Rough, hard, wet and mind blowing.

     We screwed a little bit over an hour and all our walls came crashing down with our last creamy for the sweet filling inside of me.

     He then took me in his arms with our breathing in sync so we could cool down as if we were a hot pie left out to do so.

     I suppose this is what they call makeup , right?

     Cool and seldom as a breeze, I felt him the top of my head as my eyes were closed. “I love you too Taeyeon.”

     Immediately, I had opened my eyes to look up at him and I realized that this was the reply to the text that I sent him saying I loved him and my heart instantly began to beat tremendously once more after it had just calmed down.

     Even though I couldn’t bring myself to say anything in this moment, I did lean up to him and softly kissed his lips till we both melted together in another wet sticky puddle, but our tongues cleaned up the mess gladly.

     After putting our clothes back on, Jiyong had opened the curtains again, revealing the wrinkled and dampened bed of our ic juices dripping on them.

     I was slightly blushing at the leak left across my Marilyn’s face on the comforter and I gasped when he suddenly wrapped his arms around my waist, placing his face right next to mines.

      “Do you know the story about Marilyn Monroe?” Jiyong asked me and rocked me slowly in his arms as I tried breathing again.

     It didn’t how many times we ed, kissed or even hugged, he had this type of charm that would take my breath away or perhaps it was just love?

      Love can do amazing things to a person and also awful things at the same time.

      “Of course, who doesn’t?” I replied and looked at him out the corner of my eyes as I placed my hands on top of his.

      He chuckled and brought my behind close to his groin in which I choked up instantly, looking away as if I could escape.

       “Don’t we remind you of Marilyn and JFK?” He asked once more and I nipped down on my bottom lip as I actually start to think of their story. Both of them were famous, one being the president and the other a blonde singer, being a national symbol to inspire all women and both of them having an affair. Geez, what man wouldn’t want to have an affair with her?

       “So we are having an affair?” I asked him bluntly and turned looking at him, seeing him looking down while shaking his head.

       Before he spoke, he kissed my exposed shoulder tenderly and it made me slightly shiver.

     “Well not now, but we did before, didn’t we?” He asked me as if I should know this better than him and I looked away from his tempting eyes.

      “We did,” I whispered in defeat and remembered him reenacting our affair in that hotel. It was so wrong, but it felt so right. I guess it was right now and that was all what mattered.

      With a soft sensual smile I looked over at him and lifted my hand up to tuck my hair behind my ear. “Well Mr. President what can I do for you?” I started to role-play with him and you should’ve seen his face and nonetheless feel the hard stick poking against my .

       “Ss,” I heard him sizzle off the edges of his teeth and I just chuckled lightly as I never broke my intense stare off of him.

       My hands that were laid on top of his before I pulled them away, holding them while I did a seductive turn on my feet to face him.

        “Well…Mr.President?” I asked with sultriness at its peak and I gave him the smile grin of a bewitching beauty queen with a tilt to my head.

       Roughly, he in his bottom lip and looked away with his eyes going up to almost roll to the back of his head.

       I guess he wasn’t expecting a round two after we cleaned up so well. Too bad.

       With a soft inhale, I ran my hand up his chest and let my other hand grab the top of the fedora hat on his head to put it on my head.

       He then turned to look my way and I just spoke for him with my lips going over his with a slippery sound of wet skin against skin, before I pulled away searching his eyes while my hand d the pole that was well formed in those tight pants of his.

        “Just ing come here,” He told me and I just gave into all his deepest desires, granting every wish, dreaming every dream and unlocking any lock just for him.

***

     To just spend more time together, we decided to have lunch together later, not that we needed after all the fluids we shared with each other, but we did nonetheless.

     I was now sitting in a comfy red chair, in front of a table that had a white table cloth draping over it like a wedding dress while Jiyong sat across from me looking in a menu while I was looking out the windows across from the private room we were in which gave a perfect view of Seoul’s skyscrapers.

     With pursed lips, I examined the crème colored walls with unique designs drawn on them, the lighting decorations and the striped chairs by the window where you could sit and perfectly look down at the city.

     It almost felt like a real date…well this was a date I suppose and then there was knock at the doors of the private room before a waiter had entered, asking for what we would like to eat.

     Jiyong had looked over at him and requested for pizza with fried shrimp, black bean noodles, and ice tea. I just went along with what he got and waited for the waiter to leave; before we talk…I guess we should talk, right? Geez, I really don’t know what to do…have we ever decently talked excluding arguments?

      “So…” I awkwardly started off as I played around with the cloth napkin on the table and Jiyong instantly put down the menu, giving me his full undivided attention. I liked that.

       “Yes?” He responded too damn fast and I just was chewing away all the calcium on my teeth from the growing nervousness.

       “How did it go in Japan?” I just randomly asked, knowing he had a concert with Big Bang there and my worries did root from there anyway.

       “It went great,” He said easily and I nodded as I looked around, examining what I already examined.

       “Did you see Kiko?” I asked, nonetheless what he told me at my house. I really needed to be sure of this, so I don’t go crazy again. Aish, I hate feeling that way.

My attention was drawn back to him when I heard a softly chuckle and I looked at him with me cheeks turning red instantly.

       “No, I didn’t see Kiko. Is that why you didn’t reply to me?” He asked and brought one of his hands down to the table, letting his index finger tap on it lightly while he looked at me with such endearment.

      With a cough, I looked away and covered my mouth as I shook my head. “N-No way,” I started to say, but he cut me off abruptly.

       “Liar,” He teased me and my eyebrow rose up in annoyance.

       “Y-Yah!” I started, but then looked away from his eyes. Gosh, how can he just stare in a person’s eyes like that without batting an eyelash at least?

       “It’s okay. I can understand if you did…I won’t deny that I was tempted to go see her…for the last time you know,” He told me honestly and I glared at him in that given moment.

       “What?” I asked straight forwardly and he leaned back in the chair, bringing his hands in front of him.

        “I really did some serious thinking as I was in Japan. After just being caught up in two scandals with you, I released that we were dating when I haven’t even asked you out. That was a lie to the public,” He stated seriously and I was just being struck by the cold weather suddenly.

        “When I think about how I’ve been with Kiko over with ten years, I didn’t ever let the public know we were dating. To be honest, I wanted to let everyone know about us when we got married. Now that I think about the current situation I’m not sure if this was recklessness, jealousy or even love, because you know they say love is blind, right?” He said and looked at me with tender smile, but I really just couldn’t even fathom the words to say right now.

        Ceasing the words that would spill from his lips were postponed temporarily as our food was brought in and placed in front of us.

        Once the door was shut with only two of us, I was still staring at him, feeding myself off his words, because it depended on my next thoughts and even actions.

      “Let’s eat,” He said with enthusiasm as he had picked up some chop sticks, but I let my words stop his hand.

      “Continue,” I spoke harshly and his eyes quickly rose up to mines. His lips had then formed a hard line as he let the chopsticks remain on the table.

      “Taeyeon I’m just being honest with you. That’s all. I-I don’t want to lie to you. I don’t want to trick you. I just want to love you. I’m just telling you all of this about Kiko, because it confuses the out of my mind. It’s like saying one plus one equals zero when it’s obviously two. But, now me and Kiko are exactly zero. We’ve broken up several times because of incidents like this I had with you, but it’s changed because you made me like you,” He took a breath to look in my eyes much more passionate and continued.

     “You made me love you. You are more than a split between that relationship, but a crack. Now, I’m expecting you to piece your broken heart with mines…make it fit if you must. I know I may seem like a player and I once was, but I don’t want to do that with you. I’ve become a romanticist and one for you. You make me want to live the right way all of sudden and I want you to be a part of it,” he expressed to me in an ineffable way to the point where I couldn’t help but tear up, but I fought them tears with a smile.

      “O-Oh?” Was all I could say as I looked up and away, to let these tears roll down the hill and back into my heart.

      “Now answer me. Do you believe in me? Do you trust me?” He asked me and I looked down for a moment as I pressed my lips hard together, not wanting to grant trust, but I needed to.

     It was really hard to grant a person to step inside your heart, because they could either take care of you or destroy you. They can even treat you well for a while and then set you fire later.

     I rarely let people in, but I promise you will be the last Kwon Jiyong. I won’t let you go if you destroy me. I promise you.

      “I love you…,” I breathed out drastically and brought my hand up to my mouth as I knew tears were now revealing the emotional side of me that I never wanted anybody to see.

      He had gotten up from his seat and turned the chair I was sitting in for me to face him as he knelt down on one knee, taking my hands in his large ones and brought one of his to wipe away each tear on my face.

       “I love you too,” He told me honestly and I just shook my head, not able to believe this moment, but it was happening. It was real. It was love.

***

       The good thing about today was that our schedules were mostly both empty during the day, so we were able to enjoy being together today, especially at this point in our relationship we needed it, since this was our real beginning.

     I really wanted to hold hands with him, walking in a park with the spring breeze rushing through our hair and whispering giggles in our ears, but we couldn’t do that because of who we were.

     Besides, he said it himself. We were like Marilyn Monroe and JFK, so we had to settle for less, but it seemed the less was better because we still had our finger interlocked walking on a roof top that consisted of a vibrant rose garden.

     This place was called Sky Rose Garden and I didn’t even know it existed till this day.

      “Since there are too many eyes below, we’ll have to come higher. Do you like it?” He asked me as we were standing at the lighted entrance and my eyes were welcomed with roses of all colors from blue, red, pink, yellow and even white.

      “I love it,” I said with awe and then saw how the wind made the roses move in the direction of them as if it was fate, just like it was for me to be with Jiyong today.

      “Good, let’s take a walk on our first date,” He spoke romantically and my face suddenly felt so warm when he said that, in which I looked up at his visage that was even more beautiful than any rose itself.

     “Okay,” I agreed with a nod of my head and we took a walk together, in which I happened to notice our steps were perfectly in sync.

      “You ask me a question and then I’ll ask you a question,” He told me as he was looking forward and every now taking a glance in the blue sky where white fluffy clouds resided to block the beaming sun.

      “Trivia?” I asked and he nodded, but then stole my turn evilly.

      “Do you always act like some type of Empress when you get drunk?” He asked and I stopped with a slight frown.

       “Yah!” I was supposed to go first, but I guess I did ruin it.

       “Yes, I do. Specifically an Empress in the Joseon Dynasty. It’s a drunken habit of mines since I use to watch so many historical movies when I was younger I suppose,” I told him and looked down at our feet, seeing his were bigger than mines.

      Bringing my eyes back to the lovely roses, I took my turn. “You said that I inspired you a long time ago. Do you think that somehow led us to be together today?”

      My question brought his eyes to my direction instantly and I didn’t fight his stare this time, but looked up into his eyes.

       “I’ve always believed in things such as fate and destiny, including that moment. I do believe it did,” He whispered to me lowly, only wanting me to hear that as if someone was here and I felt his grip get tighter on my hand.

      With a love struck smile, I nodded and fluttered my eyelashes softly, looking into his midnight eyes.

       “Do you?” He asked me in return and I tugged on my bottom lip before I answered.

       “I do,” I whispered back to him and stood on my tip toes to give him a soft peck in the corner of his lips.

      I’m not sure how many questions we asked each other, but I know that I treasured each answer close to my heart and stored them inside also.

      I may not have been with you for ten years, but I do know about the fifteen years ago incident now that you told me.

      This time I actually found Jessica to actually be a blessing in my life for once. I wonder…how was she doing? Was she scared? Was she repenting?

      No matter how much I thought about her, I couldn’t save her even if I wanted to, but even if I could I wouldn’t.

      There was a time when I needed her and I called on for her, but she didn’t come for me. That’s something she still doesn’t know about today and something that I live with the rest of my life like a lingering curse.

      That wrath impregnated my heart and hatred was born indeed. That hate only grew stronger and older over the years.

      I used that same fury to my advantage all these years, including against SM, but it seems he has been blinded with money so I have no effect to him now. When I told Jiyong I could make the demons rise in SM’s floors, I wasn’t lying. Not one bit. If a times come for me to awaken those demons, I will.

      Speaking of the devil, we both had received a call on the rooftop and was told to meet at SM’s office at the agency together for discussion concerning ‘The Collaboration’ since the next recording would be in about a hour from now. At least I would be with Jiyong there too. I really didn’t want to separate from him. If possible I wanted to handcuff myself to him. Was I becoming too possessive?

***

       “What could he want?” I exhaled out in annoyance as I walked next to Jiyong with a grudge on my face and dread in my steps.

       “Did you forget about the fight?” Jiyong asked me and I pouted slightly as I remembered Baekhyun’s uncalled for behavior.

      Hasn’t a month already passed by and he is still acting like a baby that ted in his diaper? If he was my kid, I would have been set his up for adoption.

        “Of course, I haven’t,” I told him and bumped his hand with mines, in which he grabbed it, bringing up to his lips, making the world bloom with roses everywhere suddenly.

        “I got in trouble for you, so remember that,” He told me and I stopped in my steps, in my top lip to bite on it shyly.

        “I’ve never forgotten,” I finally said and he pulled me in his arms, hugging me in eternal warmth to the point where I felt so happy that I thought if I was to die, I would be satisfied.

        “Saranghae,” He whispered in my ear, blowing my heart up so it could explode like a firework and I took the heed to lean up in his ear.

(A.N: Saranghae means I love you & Nado Saranghae means I love you too)

        “Nado Saranghae,” I said off the tip of my tongue and I heard him softly growl, before he pulled back with his hands going on my shoulders.

       He just looked at me and exhaled out love itself, before we continued to his Mr. Youngmin’s office.

       Jiyong took the pleasure of knocking on the door for us as I waited with my arms crossed and I was still bathing in all the loveable emotions that made me feel more precious than diamonds and worth more than gold.

        “You may come in!” We heard his bellow through the door and Jiyong looked back at me with a sweeten smile as he opened the door for me to enter first.

       Bringing my arms to my side, I then took the liberty to walk through the door and I gave Jiyong a flirtatious wink before I entered completely.

When I looked in the office, I first saw Mr. Youngmin look away from something and as I was doing a bow, I saw the person he was looking at turn toward me, making all the fruits that my heart beard beautifully in the last hours turn rotten instantly. This .

        “I’m glad that you two could make it. Please take a seat,” Mr. Youngmin told us with an outstretched hand to the remaining sits as Baekhyun was sitting right in the middle. I bet he sat there on purpose, knowing we couldn’t sit next together.

       Out the corner of my eye I took a look at Jiyong who was looking back at Baekhyun with anger forming in the solid line of his lips and furrowed eyebrows.

       Without a word, we had taken our seats in his black guest chairs in front of his desk and I refused to give another glance to you know who.

        “Okay. I called you all here today for one reason and one reason alone. I’m sure you are all aware of the negative impact from the latest episode, correct?” He asked as he was looking down, lifting up some files he certainly knew wouldn’t help him in discussing what we were talking about, but avoid the annoyance coming from our eyes.

        “Yes Sir,” We all said in sync like a broken record and I crossed my arms in disbelief that I was actually going through this because of this jerk next to me.

        “Let’s see this negative impact as positive, alright? The viewers have seen the frustration of the personal life and business life clashing between two of the most popular people in the industry over a young maiden,” Mr. Youngmin began his speech of deception with an understanding smile that I understood to mean money.

       I really want to use my trump card and oust him out his seat as CEO, but that would be harder than just saying or even more thinking. Our founder of SM Entertainment, Lee Soo Man personally handpicked him and been having his back since day one since he stepped on the soil of the agency.

        “Now it’s time to show them how these two people including the maiden reconcile even with the concept of romance involved. I thought on it and it’s already decided. Today is the day where both fashion teams including the art team are going to collaborate together into teams of course. During this process, Baekhyun should apologize to G-Dragon and Taeyeon,” Mr. Youngmin had started and someone just rudely had to cut in, but it was reasonable for his outburst. I would have done the same.

        “Why should I apologize!?” Baekhyun exclaimed and I could see from the corner of my eye that he had scoot forward in his chair, displaying a tantrum.

       A long ridden sigh surpassed Mr. Youngmin lips and he weaved his hands together, before looking up Baekhyun seriously and every person who worked here be it a trainee, idol, or even the janitor knew what those eyes meant. If you don’t go along with the program, you get kicked out of the program. End of story without an epilogue at that.

        “You should apologize to settle down the fans. You are the main one who is actually being attacked from the petitions and even the booing at the baseball game just recently. Just see it as you are apologizing for disappointing the fans instead if you must, but you are going to apologize to both of them and make it look real. You already in the process of acting in a drama, so I’m sure you can take on the job,” He demanded and Baekhyun was silenced, knowing one wrong word would send him down the depths of hell here in SM. As if we weren’t already in hell in this damned company?

        “So…you think the fans will actually believe that Baekhyun apologized of his own free will without any pulling the strings behind?” I asked and kept my arms crossed.

     As if I just said the correct answer to the hardest question in the world when their obviously wasn’t a question to begin with, he snapped his fingers and pointed at me.

      “Exactly. That’s why you must ‘make them’ believe,” he put infancies on his words and I nearly rolled my eyes.

     So, we were acting this time.

     Well, it’s not like it hasn’t been done on other shows like Roommate, We Got Married, and even Show Me The Money were all staged, scripted, or even controlled behind the scenes beforehand for the views. People like to believe dreams are real, so we give them dreams disguised as reality.

      “That is why I have made some protocols. During the time when everyone is deciding on who will be their partners, all three of you will decide to work together of course after Baekhyun apologizes, which should before the selection process takes place,” Mr. Youngmin said and for the first time I really wanted to slap the taste of his lips.

      “Bwoh?!”I asked in disbelief and laughed as I gripped the arms of the chair, sitting up more to show him that I was becoming heated.

     Is he really expecting us to work with him?

      “I’m not working with him! I’m supposed to be paired with the director of the fashion team anyway which is Jessica,” Jiyong proclaimed strongly and him mentioning Jessica made me look down at him.

     “Listen here G-Dragon these matters were left in my hands and Yang Hyun Suk agrees with each one. You have already signed a contract to be the art director of this team, so you may not want to work with him, but you have to. I’m sure you have been through multiple situations like this in your career,” He lectured Jiyong and I literally now wanted to bite his head off and feed it to the sharks.

      “As for Jessica, I’m not sure if you know or not, but her appearances on the show were canceled due to the scandal with you since it has not resolved completely on her side specifically with the fans. Furthermore, there is a possibility that she will not come back to the show due to her multiple controversies coming out about Blanc & Eclare. If matters are not resolved quickly, then she will be cut completely. For now I am having Krystal being the acting director since Jessica came up with many ideas and Krystal has ideas similar as hers to carry them out,” He finished that off and looked strongly at Jiyong who wanted to fight against this while Baekhyun was just basking in anger quietly like a good little boy.

       “Fine. It’s all fake anyway!” Jiyong said snappily and looked the opposite way of Baekhyun while gripping on the arm just as angrily.

       “Perfect! Make sure to make it look real and who knows, all three of you may end up forgiving each other in the end,” Mr. Youngmin exclaimed and I was just looking away in the opposite direction.

      Ha, you mean kill one another since I’ve read that the wages of sin is death.

       “That will be all I have to say for now. Anything regarding the details of what Jessica left behind will be introduced by Krystal. Recording is in about twenty minutes, so I suppose you all will see one another at YG then. You are dismissed,” He finally said the magic word and it was as if he we were running out of school when we all quickly escaped out of that office, going our opposite ways, well of course I was following Jiyong.

       “That CEO of yours is really evil,” I heard Jiyong say with a chilling voice that I found almost scary myself as he punched a wall in the hallway we happened to end up in.

       “Welcome to the dark side,” I said and did a peace sign over my eye as if I was advertising this place and trust me that’s the last thing I would do.

       His chest then fell as he released a tragic sigh and turned around to me, looking down at my eyes almost in a dominating nature that made me feel as if suddenly shrunk in size.

        “I won’t let him hurt you,” Jiyong said and brought his hand to my cheek, in which I almost shut my eyes in pure bliss from his touch.

        “I won’t let him hurt you either,” I whispered and brought my hand up to cover Jiyong’s one, while I turned my head kissing the inside of his palm.

***

        The time came to be four o’clock and that was the time the cameras came on, recording everyone in the presence of YG’s meet room where there was three tables, each one consisting of the following: YG’s fashion team, SM’s fashion team and lastly the art team.

     I sat next to Heechul as he was turned, talking to Eunhyuk about something concerning their group Super Junior, but I wasn’t listening as I was watching Baekhyun sit at the hot pink table who would take a few glances over at me.

     Every time he did so, I couldn’t help but frown and turn my head, remembering that he slept with one of my closest friends, Tiffany. Or…at least I thought we were close. How could they do that to me? How…could he? I’m still heartbroken over that fact.

‘Yes. Perfect! That’s what I was like! Exactly like when I found out you slept with GD!’

     That was what he told me when I caught them together.

     Okay, I did with sleep with Jiyong, but I was still innocent, because I actually thought I didn’t sleep with him! Jiyong had lied to me back then! He tricked me or was trying to make me feel better about the situation…but look at me now, I’m sick in love with that trickster.

     If I was in Baekhyun’s shoes…I can understand how betrayed he felt, but I would never act like he was simply because I loved him. If he really loved me, he wouldn’t be doing this to me, just like Jessica did back then. If they really cared, they wouldn’t have. If so, then what am I doing then?

     There was the loud sound of someone clearing their throat, knocking me out my thoughts thankfully and my eyes widened with my head popping up to see Jiyong standing in front of the room…with Krystal.

     Great, she was now the director of the fashion team? She would definitely use that to her advantage to get close to Jiyong.

     Now, that I think about it, how did they even start seeing one another? According to my calculations, Jiyong was just using her as his ‘toy’ while he was still dating Kiko. Poor girl.

     Well, it’s time to get into my acting role and I sat up with a shake of my shoulders, getting myself ready. We only had to pull this out till April 22; damn that was a long time.

      “Welcome everyone!” Both Jiyong and Krystal said in sync with bright smiles on their faces as if they just had some wonderful discussion outside. What was this!? Stop smiling with her like that!

     Calm down Taeyeon. Calm the down. They are just playing along for the show, that’s all. Don’t start thinking too much or you’ll up things again.

     My super ego was really getting down on me today and I was thankful for it as I rested back in my seat and I relaxed my twitching hands.

      “I will be the acting director in the mean time due to Jessica’s absence. Please treat me well,” She said and gave everyone a dreamy glance before she bowed respectfully.

     When she rose up, she tucked her black hair behind her ear, before she looked up at Jiyong and I was having WWIII inside of my head. Look down you !

      “Yes, please take care of me also. I’m G-Dragon for anyone that doesn’t know,” Jiyong joked and patted the top of his hat down on his head before he looked around, catching my attention for a quick moment.

      “So, now that we are all here, we should first address the different teams and the plans behind each one,” Krystal said with a point of her finger and Jiyong took over.

      “As for me being the director of the art team and YG Fashion team, I will state the most important details. As for the Art team, we consist of fifteen members. Eight of those are from SM and seven from YG, making it eight including me. The art team is just focusing on personal art designs of no necessary concept,” He explained the process of the art team and I nodded my head in response.

      “The YG fashion team consists of eight members, making it nine including me for the official brand name that has been decided to be called Scrilla. For those that don’t know what Scrilla means, it is a slang word meaning money, specifically paper money. The word derived from the word scroll which is how paper use to be used on a scroll,” he spoke very professionally in a way that you couldn’t help but want to listen to each word he said, not even wanting to miss the beginning or ending sound of a single consonant or vowel.

     Krystal had then taken over, talking a lot with her hands and I remembered a strange fact about her, which was that she knew sign language. I had learned that when I was over Jessica’s house when we were younger and Krystal taught me how to say I love you with my hands. How did I do it again back then? Aish, I can’t remember.

      “Jessica had planned a lot of ahead of time for SM’s fashion team that consists of seven members including myself, but eight with Jessica. The name that she had come up with our CEO Mr. Youngmin was Stellar. She got the idea from the name our entertainment itself, in which SM means Star Museum. This led her to name it Stellar, which relates to the stars,” Krystal properly explained everything with a friendly smile.

      With a purse of my bottom lip, I nodded and thought those names were good and went along with the agencies; Scrilla for YG since they had more of a street fashion taste and Stellar seemed to go in the lines of classy, teeny, cute or anything in the lines of SM’s taste. Jessica did well.

       “Jessica knew the names of both of our brands and also settled on combining the S’s in both of the fashion lines name. Can anybody figure it out? I’ll give you a signed F(x) album if you can figure it out,” Krystal bargained cutely and the first person to raise his hand was Key. Ha, he would.

       “Number 8,” Key said with confidence and crossed his arms as if he was the boss of bosses. I had thought his answer was right and Krystal shook her head.

       “Wrong,” She said as if we were on a game show and laughed lightly afterward as she then pointed at Taemin who was raising his hand next.

       “Infinity!” Taemin exclaimed and gave a bright smile that made his white skin glow more beautiful than any woman.

      If I had to say if there was one person I was envious for their beauty it would be him. I could understand why he has been trying to man up by pumping muscles these days.

       “Correct!” Krystal exclaimed and gave thumbs up at him, in which I almost rolled my eyes, knowing Taemin was one of her best friends. I wouldn’t be surprised if he already had that signed album from the very beginning.

      Moving on from that, the way how Jessica figured to put the S’s together and come with Infinity…was genius. I kind of hate saying what I said to her before about the artistry thing, you know? Why am I suddenly regretting everything?

       “The collaborated brand will be called SS Infinity,” Krystal stated and I looked over at Taemin who was doing mehrong at Key with his pink tongue stuck out. He should have got it wrong; there was a SS in front of it.

     After those two directors shared some more information with us, we had to all to play this type of game so we could know each person here, so when we would pair up we wouldn’t be as shy with one another in the team as a whole. To me there was no point in this, because we already had our group made out for us.

     I was already up and about with my piece of paper in my hand that had a fashion design sketch printed on it.

     What I had to do it with was meet with as many people as I could and fill up the clothing with a name and what they liked about me be it my clothing or what not. I got some good answers for instance they liked how my legs were revealed and that of course came from Jiyong’s erted member Seungri.

     Then I got some ty answer when I finally had came face to face with Baekhyun, in which Jiyong happened to be right next to me at the same time. Good timing Jiyong.

      “I-I…like your hair…it’s very…unique?” Baekhyun had said awkwardly and I don’t know why I was blushing suddenly.

     I was only blushing because it reminded me of my old times; that’s all!

     Baekhyun has never been able to look in my eye and straight forwardly to me how good I looked without being corny. I guess that was one thing I missed about him, but those days were yesterdays.

      “O-Oh…I like your…” I had started off and began to look at his destroyed light blue jeans, brown boots, black t-shirt that he wore with a stylish dark blue jacket over it.

     Noticing how I was feeling at the moment, I then looked away and then down at the paper to write what he told me that he liked in the scarf of the drawing…but when I was writing the word unique I stopped.

      “I’m sorry,” he breathed with sorrow drowning that faint sound out of his voice and I bit down on my bottom lip roughly. He meant that. He wasn’t acting.

     My eyes had remained stuck on the paper as I kept listening and the next apology I heard sounded sorrowful, but I heard how he said it.

     I knew his act of contrition was simply fake because he said it. To me he breathed it like he was exhaling carbon dioxide itself.

      “I’m sorry to you too Hyung. I’ve just been going through so much and I will admit I was jealous when you two started dating. I was very jealous, but it was wrong of me to let my jealousy to become hate. Just seeing you up there just now was cool… and very professional. You deserve Taeyeon better than me and I’ll accept that. I wish I could turn that hate into love. I’m sorry!” He said a bit more louder with a respectful tone as he bowed suddenly with everyone looking at him, quite shocked and I even was.

     I didn’t expect him to do it like this now…I guess he was good at acting, but I could even tell the lies from the truth.

      “O-Oh…I see,” Jiyong had started off and brought his hand behind his neck to rub it, showing how unsure he wanted to take this.

     Damn, he was good at acting too. I wondered why he had never tried doing any movies and dramas all these years. Was he solely married to music?

      “I’m sorry too…as your Hyung I showed improper behavior towards you. We both have our reasons…please stand up, too many people are watching. You should have done this after the show,” Jiyong began to say and came over to Baekhyun making him stand as his eyes remained on the floor.

      Suddenly the timer that was in front of the room dinged for the time of the game and I couldn’t have seen a better performance than this.

      There was no doubt everyone would believe that this was real…but I was actually starting to believe his apology to me was real. Why did he do that?

      It’s not like he shouldn’t, but he had a big temper and was immensely stubborn kind of like me.

      He would have never said sorry to me…or was he feeling guilty about sleeping with Tiffany. I even felt guilty for finding out I slept with Jiyong after all, but what can I do now? All I knew is that I can never forgive those two. They don’t know a good thing till its gone.

      After the timer had went off, Krystal had chosen a few volunteers to say what some people had put on their papers and I just remained silent in my seat as I glanced over at Jiyong who was standing on the opposite side of the room, laughing from the funny confessions that came from others such as Eunhyuk said he liked Heechul’s pelvic line because he always sees him grabbing at it.

      For some reason I couldn’t find myself laughing and the very reason for that came to be when I was now standing next to Jiyong and Baekhyun when the time to form teams came.

      Jiyong was the one to call Baekhyun over to join and he did quite easily at that, in which I looked away but gave an awkward smile at him. Sorry, I can’t act, but I’ll try at least.

     Everyone else had made their own teams quite quickly as well, but there was one team that had four members instead of the set number for three in each one, which was set on the criteria of having one member from the YG and SM fashion team with the other being an art team member which was my position in this group.

     Krystal was then standing at the entrance of the room with a big see through bowl in her hand that I happened to see hot pink cards in it. Don’t tell me we were doing this now.

      “Now that everyone has their teams made together, we now have The Collaboration. Please send at least one member as a representative from each team to collect a mission card from this bowl,” She said and I caught myself wanting to roll my eyes.

     I’m going to have to do some mission with this kid now? For some reason, I caught myself calling Baekhyun kid these days since he was three years younger than me anyway.

     This aura that I was sensing from Jiyong wasn’t good, because I turned seeing his tense form and his eyes seemed a bit darker amidst that charming smile. There was no doubt that he wanted to hurl Baekhyun into the deepest Mediterranean Sea.

     Taking the toll off both of their shoulders, I went to the bowl and dipped my hand till it met the bottom since I feared what type of mission we would have to start with.

     When I pulled out one of the thin cards, I saw Krystal staring at me coldly, but covered that coldness with a false smile.

     I mirrored that damned smile and turned around, returning to be in the middle of Jiyong and Baekhyun. You see where am I at ? Now look at you.

A chuckled slipped my lips for a moment and Krystal saw it with envy striking the features in her face instantly.

     With a deep inhale, I looked down and opened the card to let my eyes scan over the letters, letting the words process in my head, but it immediately destructed when I got through with just the header.

The following said:

The Collaboration

Mission: Team Date!

As a team you are to come up with a team name and follow the assessment below for the ultimate Collaboration Date! Have fun!

     My fingers were barely hanging on to the note; wanting it to slip and float away to be lost forever, but this was reality of course. That was never going to happen!

    “Woah, we got a good one,” I heard Baekhyun try to exclaim and I forced the lines in my lips to go up since I was just feeling disgusted from hearing his voice.

    I guess I will just have to make myself ‘believe’ that I like him again for this to actually work.

     “Yeah…at least we get to have fun,” I said under my breath as I heard other people in their teams talking in frustration over missions such as splitting up to find a mystery gift and other such.

    Well at least they didn’t have to be with each other forever and pretend to have ‘reconciled’ just as Mr. Youngmin wanted.

    Sheesh, I really want to know what I did my past life. I really do. I must have set a church or some Buddhist temple on fire to live like this.

     “Great,” was the only comment Jiyong gave to this and I turned to look at him, seeing him putting on some black shades, making him look cool, but I knew that wasn’t his purpose at all. It was to hide rather and I was wishing I had some sunglasses myself.

     “Alright! Everyone has their mission cards, right?” Krystal had stated loudly in the front of the room and everyone’s attention was brought to her as she was looking around at us like little kids.

     “I guess so then…” She rambled off and handed the bowl to one of the staff members, who left with it as Krystal went over to her four member team that consisted of Lee Hi, Taemin and Key.

      “Keep in mind that everyone must have their missions complete within one hour and return here in time. The vans are outside for those that are leaving the building. Let The Collaboration begin!” She exclaimed and pointed her finger toward the ceiling as teams quickly escaped out the door.

      “Alright let’s go…well what should be our team name?” Jiyong had asked after starting off with enthusiasm that sprouted from some unknown source.

     He turned his head at me and Baekhyun, in which I really had nothing and neither a brain to compute this scenario that I really didn’t want to be in to begin with.

      “Oh, I’m great with that,” Baekhyun had started off and clapped his hands together with a warm smile on his face, which matched the fire in his eyes.

      It didn’t matter what situation Baekhyun would be going through, that flame inside of him would never go out. That was really made him Baekhyun and was the actual thing that made me fall for him…back then.

      “How about we put our names together like they do for ship names…maybe something like... JiBaeTae and we could even the initials like J.B.T,” Baekhyun had said ad I pushed my bottom lip out, liking the sound of it, but would have loved it if it was just JiTae.

       “JiBaeTae…hmmm, I like it. Let’s settle with that,” Jiyong had said as if was impressed and crossed his arms with one hand, tapping his chin.

       “Yeah, I like it too,” I added in and began walking toward the door as they followed behind me.

       “So, what was our first thing to do on our team date again?” Baekhyun had asked me and I opened the card once more as he came next to me, peering down at it.

        I had looked up at him for a short moment, but I quickly looked away from those eyes of his.

        “Oh, we have to go to a store and dress ourselves in a disguise to blend in on the streets of Seoul for our first team date. That doesn’t seem that hard or even hard at all,” Baekhyun said and held his hands together as he walked in front of him.

        “Yeah, it doesn’t. Let’s find us a store first…one where we can shop in peace,” Jiyong had added in like a true team mate and I in my hatred deep inside the chest of my heart, locking it away.

       Just for now, I will forget all things in the past…can I do this for an entire month without blowing off my top? I doubt it, but I’ll sure try.

        “Alright JiBaeTae is on a roll,” I spoke energetically with a wild smile on my lips as I looked at the cameraman that was following us closely with his portable camera equipment.

       When we had got in the van, everyone was completely silent, only looking out the window while Baekhyun ran his chatter box to the cameraman every now and then about things he just randomly thought about when he was looking outside the van’s window.

       It seemed there was already a store planned for us to go to ahead of time as we were brought to a small store that consisted of costumes and even normal fashion and on top of that there wasn’t anyone there, but the store’s retailers that welcomed us.

       With a bow and a few waves from us, we had then begun to look around; picking out what we would think would make a good disguise from the racks and shelves.

       Regardless of Baekhyun’s apology, we still weren’t just one happy family and it shouldn’t look like that right away…that would look fake. It would have to look like we were coming together slowly through this mission.

       Finally when we were all done picking out what we wanted, we paid for them before we could go in a dressing room, putting on our disguise.

       Geez, I wondered if this would really work if I get bombarded with fans in the middle of nowhere, I will blame this all on Baekhyun and strangle the life out of him.

       After removing my own clothes and carefully dressing myself in my disguise, I had turned around in the mirror that was in the back of the dressing’s room door to see if I fully approved of my choice.

       My eyes started with my feet, in which I wore some black skulls vans with long white socks reaching over my knee.

       The next thing that draped over those school girl socks was a black and white checkered pattern skirt, which matched the tie that was worn over my white short sleeved school shirt.

       Yes, I decided to look like a student, because I certainly didn’t want to dress as some hobo or clown. The last thing I needed to be was a laughing stock, but I still could remain hidden this way in the process.

       My face was really the thing that would be more noticeable than anything and I took care of that with some makeup, wig and glasses.

       They had a makeup kit and I used it to contour my nose, making the nose bridge look thinner, along with my cheeks for them to look fuller than how naturally thin they were. The lip liner also came in handy to make my pink lips bigger and have a slight curve to the edges also.

       Once I finished the makeup, I took a look in the mirror seeing how my features changed, but I was still able to tell it was me, but altered of course, throwing off any diehard fans that studied my face like the alphabet.

       As for the hair, I turned around briefly to pick up a black wig before I came back to the mirror as I started putting on it from the front as I tucked my hair that I had put in a tight ponytail, so it would lie flat.

       Using the tips of my fingers, I combed the curved ends of the wig that reached my collar bones and the glossy bang that rested right above my eyes, giving me an almost sultry and yet mysterious look.

       Ha, I wondered what those two expressions would be like when they saw me. I mean just Jiyong…who gives a about Baekhyun anyway?

       With a deep inhale and a final exhale, I examined myself, wanting to put on some accessories on my hair, neck, and hands, but that would be too showy.

       I guess I’ll just settle on the nerd glasses that turned into shades when exposed to the sun. Perfect.

       I was now a hot school girl on the block and when I walked out in the front of the store seeing the other two turn around; I knew I was the . I was flawless. God damn!

       Jiyong may have been wearing those dark shades over his eyes, but the sharp inhale he took in with tense jaws told on him faster than anything else could.

       With a sultry gaze that I did on purpose, I stared at him and managed to examine him in the process.

       He wore a brown overall suit with a red buttoned up shirt underneath and lastly his large feet were in some black boot type of shoes.

       On his head he wore a camouflaged sun hat and I just smiled slightly, holding in laughter from his country bumpkin look.

       Regardless of that, there was this coolness that seeped through those lame clothes, but it was still a good disguise in the end.

       My eyes then looked over at Baekhyun who was swallowing his own spit with big hungry eyes. Someone get this boy a glass of water. I think someone is thirsty.

       As for Baekhyun he wore black converses, saggy grey jeans, and an armless white and black striped loose shirt that revealed some scary looking tattoos on both of his arms consisting of skulls, clowns and what not. Since when then he get tattoos?!

       When my eyes rose angrily at his own, he blinked twice, snapping out of his trance and looked down at what I was starting to become enraged at.

     “O-Oh, it’s not real!” He exclaimed instantly and I took in a deep breath of realization. Oh, of course.

“Its tattoo sleeves. Aren’t they cool?” He laughed dryly and looked over at Jiyong for a change in which, he was just nodding with a soft smile on his lips.

     Throwing that anger away like bucket of water being thrown out the window, I smiled as if I was proud of all of us, but I was really confused on why I was just feeling angry seeing Baekhyun with tattoos on him. I thought…he was abusing himself. Why should I even be caring about that anyway?

      “So, we have me, Taeyeon the school girl, G-Dragon the country bumpkin and Baekhyun the gangster,” I stated with hands outstretched. What a ed up combination.

      “Right?! Sunbae do you think you won’t still be recognized…what about your face?” Baekhyun asked him as he was taking out some black rimmed shades to put on his face in the process, completing his muscle-less gangster mood, but I will admit that he looked cool.

      “Oh, you are right…ottoke,” He said like a little girl at the end for the fun of it and Baekhyun looked away, holding his mouth while he laughed.

     All I could do was tilt my head…was this acting or what? I’m really confused.

     Jiyong dipped his hand inside of his overalls pockets for something and took out a black face mask to put on his mouth. That was perfect.

       “JiBaeTae transformation complete!” I said and gave thumbs up at the camera, in which the others followed the thumbs up in the process. That is what you call professionalism.

       “On our mission card, it said we now should blend in the streets of Seoul for our team date. Any suggestions where we should start?” Jiyong asked and crossed his arms, showing that he was in deep thought again.

       “When we were riding on the way here, I saw that there was a subway. Let’s ride it and see if anyone recognizes us,” Baekhyun gave us a brilliant idea and we ended being on a subway within five minutes.

      I was standing up; holding onto the pole as Jiyong was sitting down, scanning through his phone carelessly.

      Baekhyun was on the opposite side of me, leaning on the door with his arms crossed, trying to look tough and I couldn’t help but smile in amusement at his ‘skill’.

      As for our cameramen, he remained hidden all the way on the end of the subway, holding his camera down at an angle, but we had microphones hidden in our shirts so we could speak in to them.

       “I don’t think anyone has noticed us, but I see men staring at me…do you think they know it’s me or because I’m so pretty?” I whispered into the microphone and suddenly felt my phone vibrate in the waistband of my skirt that I stuck there since I didn’t have any pockets.

      With a look around, I took it out and coughed uncontrollably to the point I almost fell, but the person in front of me held me up quickly.

      I jerked back wildly and glared up at Baekhyun strongly who was looking at me with big innocent eyes.

      I didn’t tell me to save me you…you….you…Aigoo, I don’t even know what to call you anymore. I need some better names than , bacon, motherer and kid.

      Quickly, I turned around and held on to the pole, only to face the fiery eyes of a dragon. My phone was shaking in my hand or rather my hand was shaking as I brought myself to look away, but his words were literally drilling a hole in my soul.

From: Jiyong

You enjoy having all the attention glued on that of yours, don’t you? I’ll punish that in ways you never imagined when I get you all to myself. Anticipate.

~Gold & Diamonds Boy~

      Suddenly, there was another buzz in my hand and I nearly wanted to choke on the air I was breathing. I couldn’t even face him anymore and I turned to read his next text message.

From: PUNK

I know I shouldn’t be saying this…but, you look really cute today…very cute.

~Byun Baekhun~ B.B Coming Soon In Stores

      My eyes slowly rose from his words that were like blooming roses and tulips to look at Baekhyun who was now putting his phone in his pocket, while looking away from me.

      For a moment, just a moment I felt my heart fluttering like a butterfly to those flowers, but when that butterfly landed on just the petal of that exquisite flower, everything was set to fire instantaneously.

      Do you really expect for me to be moved by that after all you did to me? After I cried and even begged to you on my knees in places I never thought I would to you? I shed all morals and pride for you, begging for what I truly believed didn’t occur.

      Simply because I believed that way, you should have believed me.

      Yet, you treated me like the you see on the ground outside in which you frown upon, judge cruelly and avoid for something else.

      Even more, you tried piercing a stake through my heart by sleeping with my best friend, well you succeeded, because you pierced your own way out my heart and now someone else patched up that hole.

      With my face becoming suddenly saddened, I pressed my lips together and took a deep breath to reply to him.

To: PUNK

If you know, then you shouldn’t, because you look even more stupid in my eyes and even stupider in my head. Maybe you really should be ousted of Exo and even more the music world so I don’t have to see the disgusting person that you are. And, you called me a ? I’m ousting you out of my phone this very moment.

~Taeng Taeng~

      After I pressed the button to be sent, I immediately put him in my blocked contacts and deleted him as well from my main list of contacts.

      I should have done this a long time ago, because I was still holding onto the past, but I’ve been let go of that string, simply because you were the first to break it.

      Soon after I had did that, the subway stopped with the doors opening for people to exit.

      Of course I had anger flushing through my veins again, but that was under my skin. I could control what was on top and I did as I gave Baekhyun a gleaming smile, while I waved my hand out to him.

       “Let’s go,” I spoke politely and he was now looking up at me after reading that text message with dark eyes that were tinted with sadness. Yet, those lips rose up like an upside down rainbow with his fair skin of heavenly clouds.

      With a wink of agreement, he looked passed me and brought two fingers up to the side of his forehead, motioning to go straight out the doors. I turned around and followed behind Jiyong who was waiting by the door.

      Instead of him going first, he came right behind me, placing his hand on the side of my waist, moving us through the crowd of people and up the stairs.

       “Yah, don’t leave me guys!” I heard Baekhyun exclaim behind us like a little kid, but my heart was shaking in pain that couldn’t take anymore from its former abuser coming near and nearer.

        “I’ll take care of all your pain and pleasures,” Jiyong had whispered in my ear like hot cream when he leaned close to me and I shut my eyes, nodding. Please do…I need that and I need you. I need love.

        When we had made it to the top of the city from the subway, we had ended up in the market and I just added in comments when Baekhyun would lead topics as always as we bought items we liked from the market.

        But, the longer this team date lasted; I felt those thorns resurrecting to tramatize my heart as I saw Baekhyun’s glowing smile, warm voice and loud laughter.

        It reminded me of how much I loved him and how those things about him became my everything.

        The other places we went to was a soup shop, karaoke place, a park that had a pond where we fed ducks bread for the first part of assessment which took up most of our time.

     The last two didn’t really call for much time. We just had to go to a clothing ship and pick out clothing for each other to wear for the next eight days to be shown on The Collaboration.

     I had four outfits picked by Jiyong and four by Baekhyun, in which was vice versa for them as well. I had ended up wearing Baekhyun’s outfit when we came out the store since I knew I wouldn’t have to wear it long since we were on our last assessment. Tomorrow I would wear one of Jiyong’s outfits.

     The difference between the clothing that Jiyong and Baekhyun chose for me was that Jiyong dressed me in a stylish way that appeased to him particularly. In which Baekhyun chose the clothing that he knew that I liked which was something not too flashy, but cute and comfortable like the dark blue jeans, loose dark blue chiffon blouse and silver sequined scarf I wore around my neck.

     There was no doubt that Jiyong was bathing in jealousy, because of the text messages he was sending me in the van when we were on our way to Namsan Tower.

From: Jiyong

Why did you choose his clothes first!? Are you falling for him again!?

~Gold & Diamond Boy~

From: Jiyong

So, I’m right then!? I even gave up Kiko for you! You can’t even give this piece of up for me!?

~Gold & Diamond Boy~

From: Jiyong

Are you not going to reply???? Hello…I’m sitting right across from you. I’m so going to get you. Just you ing wait.

~Gold & Diamond Boy~

     I audibly sighed for him to hear on purpose as I dropped my phone in my lap and looked across from him, since our seats were facing toward one another in the van, separate from the front part of the drivers and passengers side, while Baekhyun was on my left side.

     There was already the smell of a fire coming from another text message he sent me and I didn’t bother reading nor replying to it, because I wasn’t about to have an argument over some damn cell phones.

     I and Baekhyun did that so many times in our past to the point I rather throw my phone in the ocean and just walk away. I actually did that once, honestly and my phone wasn’t waterproof either back then.

     Finally our last stop came which was at Namsan tower and we had wrote all our names on a lock at Namsan tower with a personal message for this fashion team. The entire big red heart shaped lock we had said the following:

JiBaeTae

Ji: Let’s mend ourselves together and make the most outstanding fashion in body and soul

Bae: It’s more than creating clothing for people to wear, but the meaning we make it between one another. Let’s do that! Fighting JiBaeTae!

Tae: Let’s be creative and become true artists in heart, mind, body and soul.

     Yeah, basically I just combined Baekhyun and Jiyong’s messages into mines, but at least I wasn’t being bias.

     About now, I was really curious what the fans responses would be like, but I’m sure my curiosity doesn’t beat Mr. Youngmin’s own. Oh, I bet on that.

     Finally, the night had fallen on our heads and the time was ticking to the last minutes as we were rushing back into YG’s building back to the meet room we were in before and by the time we passed the doors, we were greeted with music, food, drinks and smiling people.

     There was a long banner across the room, reading: The Collaboration Welcome Party!  

     Krystal was in front of the party wearing a coral party dress as Taemin and Key stood next to her, waving pink flags in black suits, being SM biased here of course with the pink color representing our company.

      “I’m sure everyone worked hard today! Let’s celebrate our first day of The Collaboration welcoming! We’ll see you viewers on the next episode…” She dragged out as Taemin and Key waved their flags higher in front of the camera that was in front of them.

      “The Collaboration!” They all exclaimed and the pop music instantly became louder as many idols were dancing where a dance floor was made, along with some talking over food and drinks.

     Well…at least this part wouldn’t be recorded and now the cameras were being pulled out. Thank the heavens! I thought this day would never go by so fast.

     Regardless of that happiness suddenly sprouting in my heart, I knew there was this sudden dark force of evils behind my back and when I turned around I was right as Jiyong and Baekhyun were now staring into each other’s eyes with immense hate that could even destroy the world in great catastrophe.

       “So, don’t tell me you two are falling for each other,” I said with giving a damn in the world in this moment and I knew this would break that electricity traveling from their eyes as they quickly looked at me.

       With a dry sigh from my tired lips, I looked over at the table of drinks as my throat was becoming thirsty, but I felt my phone vibrate in my jeans suddenly.

       Knowing this couldn’t be either Jiyong or Baekhyun at this moment; I took it out and answered it, seeing it was my manager.

        “I heard the recording was just done for The Collaboration and was pro-longed so I pushed your photo shoot ahead by twenty minutes. I’m on my way now to pick you up and don’t forget you have a recording for Music Bank afterwards. I’m hanging up now,” He quickly spoke to me and hung up on me, which was something he usually didn’t do.

       "Yah!” I exclaimed at his rudeness, but what was the point when he already hung up on me?

With one final look at these two dumb bells, I just walked around them and I heard Jiyong step forward to me, but was stopped by Krystal’s voice which was suddenly like lightning to my poor heart that’s been up so much already.

        “Jiyong. I need to talk to you about something important,” I heard her say, but I kept on the move, heading down the hallway, where Baekhyun was the one coming after me this time.

       I stopped in my steps and turned around, looking at him with cold eyes.

        “What do you want?”I asked him seriously as he was looking down from my eyes…almost ashamed.

       I want to say I’m sorry,” He whispered in a breathy tone and somehow humor pumped through my heart, causing me to laugh hysterically as I held my stomach, but I stopped instantly when slapped with reality.

        “Are you ing kidding me? I’ll admit that you’ve improved in your acting Byun Baekhyun. I must give you that,” I said and began to clap my hands, applauding him. I mean he should get a Grammy for that!

        “I’m serious…If I wasn’t sorry…you would know it and this fact you know it too,” He spoke in a deep voice and my forehead wrinkled up in frustration mixed in with a little anger as well.

        “Okay, let’s say you’re sorry. Apology not accepted. Have you forgotten how much of an …no you aren’t even worthy being call an …a turd, yes a turd. Do you know how much of a ing turd you’ve been? I’m sure you do, right?” I asked him and realized that I was basically answering his questions for him in another matter of sense.

       Right now my anger was spewing from my lips like a volcano and it wasn’t something that could be controlled. Let’s say this was nature and it was natural to only react this way.

       His shoulders had rose up in a deep breath he took and he exhaled out more scribbles of sorrow that should be written on paper and then thrown away to the unknown.

       Don’t ing tell me, because it only makes me hate you more. I don’t want to, but you make me, just like everyone else.

        “I’ve had enough of this,” Baekhyun breathed out tiredly and looked up at me with his eyes starting to sparkle with tears that wear clearer than anything in this world.

       The very moment, his tear hit his cheek like a hard rain fall, my own heart cracked in half.

        “I wanted to hurt you because you hurt me. I wanted to betray you like you betrayed me, but I can’t even do that,” He started talking some and I looked away, laughing away the tears that were rushing to my eyes, but I sent them to exile in the depths of my unsheathed heart.

        “You can’t even do that? Then what was that with you and Tiffany? Did you just not her that night?” I asked bluntly off of rough shaky lips.

        “I did not,” Baekhyun sighed as if he was disappointed in himself and I shook my head as I rose up my hands to him.

        “Hold up. Wait a minute. Are you trying to make me look stupid right now?” I asked him and pointed at myself.

        “I did before…but, I’ve realized something ever since someone told me something. That night I just had some drinks with Tiffany and she passed out in her kitchen. When I was taking her to her bed, you texted her and that was when I thought to get revenge. I simply just took off her shirt and bra…her pants was still on,” He told me and I looked away, being hit with the possibility of this.

     Was this why Tiffany was texting me like crazy about how you two didn’t do anything.

      “H-How could you do that?”I asked with my voice cracking up in a million pieces like a broken mirror as I looked at Baekhyun who was stepping closer to me, but I couldn’t back away as I looked up in his eyes. How could this person do this to me? It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I really don’t.

      “I’m sorry…this is all I can say besides telling you that I love you Taeyeon. I still love you and I regret doing that to you. Maybe it’s because you belong to him now, but I want you back. I’m sorry…even if you did sleep with him…I can forgive you. I wasn’t thinking of you…just of myself. My love for you, but not your love for me…so please…” He was begging and I saw one of his hands inching to me as my eyes were widening and swelling with tears.

     Only one fell, when I slapped his hand away and I stared up into his eyes as if we were both crazy.

      “Stop this,” I demanded and finally managed to step back once, but he stepped forward.

      “You were right Taeyeon. I should have listened to you…but, now I am listening. Can you really let go of three years for a new relationship. He is just someone next…he isn’t the person you fell in love with just like I fell in love with you…he is just someone next,” He whispered to me and I shook my head, because everything he was saying was soaking into my mind like deadly poison. Why were people so late!? Why…were we so late?

       “Taeyeon hurry up! We gotta go!” I heard this shout behind me and turned around seeing my manager at the entry door, looking up the short flight of stairs.

      My head turned back around to look at Baekhyun who was inching back inside my heart and I stepped back, leading myself to only run away. This was the only way I could prevent him from crawling back inside.

     Jiyong is just not someone next…he makes me feel good…he makes me feel free.

     Weren’t just his drugs that made you feel that way? Didn’t he black mail you so he could use you? Aren’t you just someone next and not to be, just like he is to you. He is someone next.

     My mind had broken up to two parts, questions and answers, in which there were more questions than answers.

     Right now I didn’t know a damn answer to a thing in the world! I’m just left in a state of confusion and it was simply that way because my past is still haunting me. Should I turn around and face those ghosts or keep ignoring them?

     It always seem every time I find love, something comes along to destroy it…but sometimes…silently I wonder if it’s just me who has been destroying the love from the very beginning.

     They say you never know a good thing till it’s gone, but once you know it, can you even redeem it. I am utterly lost and I seek guidance…I need guidance, but there is none.

     There were multiple texts from Jiyong as I was busy for over two hours due to my manager being on top of things and I had gave my manager my phone since he said I was looking at it too much during the photo shoots.

     I just thought me and Jiyong just resolved everything, but it was just his side that had found a resolution, but what about mines?

     Maybe, I should just try answering these questions.

     Do you love Jiyong? Yes.

     Do you want to keep dating Jiyong? Yes.

     Do you still love Baekhyun? Yes, I never stopped. I was just angry…heart broken.

     Do you want to date Baekhyun again? I don’t know. I can’t.

     Who do you love more?

     Of course logic would tell me that being with Baekhyun over three years and making amends over a fight means I love Baekhyun more. Baekhyun said I was right…but I know I was wrong.

     I cheated on him regardless of knowing or not. I lied. He had every right to be angry like he did, since it was really irresponsible of me to get drunk in the first place. And, that very reason makes me ashamed and hate him even more when I’m really hating myself.

     But, can love be judged on time? Isn’t the way a person loves you and has a greater effect on you? Jiyong…has that effect on me and I have that on him. It’s fresh, new love. The reason it being new could be why we are here now. I really just don’t know.

     I’m just going to stick with my motto to only take care of today’s events, putting away the past and tomorrows worries.

     It was now going on eight while I was sitting in the van, waiting on my manager to drive me home and the moon looked so big and full to the point that I wanted to eat it.

     Just by looking at it, reminded of me when you open up an Oreo cookie and I shut my eyes, shaking my head in fret. Stop thinking about fattening food Taeyeon. You worked so hard to lose this much weight already…but I was really craving food specifically sweets.

     Then just those thoughts triggered a memory to come back to mine as I caught myself smiling when me and Jessica had snuck to a buffet together in our trainee days.

     Our dance trainers were so cruel to us, that that made us only eat a sweet potato in the day and lemon tea for dinner.

     It was heaven when Jessica had stole Krystal’s money from her piggy bank so we could at least have us one good day to eat. We ate all we wanted. I haven’t had a day like that since.

     Those…were the days, the good days and I’ll admit that I miss them.

     With a sigh, I took a look at the stars and remembered the constellation I put in my music video.

     Did she not realize what that was? If only…If only she did. Everything is there in that video and yet she is still blind. What is covering her eyes from seeing the truth? Of course…it’s me. My hands are her blind fold.

     How long was she going to be arrested? She would get released, right? Or…would she go to prison? Would we lose you again…would I lose you? But, I’ve already have.

     I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, but this is the way things are. It’s the way they must be. Let me protect you once more…even if I hurt you Jessica, let me protect you okay?

     My cheeks were the haven for my tears and I quickly wiped them away when I heard the door suddenly opened up, letting the cold air wash in the car.

      “Get out,” I heard a rough voice say and chills ran up my spine like stairs to run away from fear coming after it like a grim reaper and I turned around to see Jiyong’s face…what’s wrong with him? Why does he look like this?

      “J-Jiyong,” I spoke his name almost like the night airs cold whisper and he roughly bit down on his bottom lip before he grasped my wrist, dragging me out the van.

      “Ah!” I screamed as my tall heels hit the hard pavement of the ground. He didn’t even give me time to get a proper stance and pulled me like a dog on a leash toward his car that had the passengers door already open.

     Like I was just some toy, he pushed me down inside roughly and shut the door quickly.

      “Yah! Jiyong,” I exclaimed and sniffled slightly from the tears I was just crying.

     When Jiyong got in the driver’s side of the seat and shut the door on his side, he placed his hands right on the steering wheel, pushing his feet roughly on the gas.

       My back instantly slammed against the back of the seat tragically and I grabbed on the door as I turned my head, looking at Jiyong with wide eyes filled with horror.

       He was literally speeding into the oblivion, in which I was suddenly being scared the out of my mind.

     “Jiyong! Stop! N-No, slow the down!” I corrected myself, now wanting to send us flying through the windshield. Oh my ing god. Is today my day? Is today the day I’m going to die!?

     He had only slowed down for once when we came into a parking lot and I was just literally a corpse left in this seat with cold white skin and lips slowly becoming blue. I’ve been scared many times in my life, but I must say this one makes part of my top three.

     Where was the ing police? Aren’t they doing their god damn job or has Seoul really become that slacked like people say? That would explain the increased rate of car crashes.

     W-What was wrong with him? Has he lost his mind because of the incident with me and Baekhyun?

     Maybe I should have used my card against Mr. Youngmin…just maybe I should, because I was being dragged up once more up to a dragon’s  dungeon.

     Once we entered the door of his apartment, he turned around madly and gripped my throat, slamming me against the door, ravaging my lips to the point that my bottom lip was already bleeding.

      “Jiyong!” I screamed loudly in pain and that was when he pulled away, while I was gripping on his tense hands that were sweating tremendously.

     Then he looked in my eyes and I literally was being swallowed up in tremors as I saw how smalls his pupils had become and yet wavering like an ocean as his deep breathing sounded like the ones you heard before you would die, deep, seldom and slow.

     His entire face was drenched in sweat and yet reddened as if he had a high fever. Under his eyes were dark and puffy. Was he sick?

      “Ji-Jiyong,” I had managed to shake his name off his lips, but I was silenced with his index finger being pressed against my lips and he then held my entire jaw with his hand, keeping it shut.

      “Don’t you say a ing word or don’t you even think a ing thing especially if it isn’t about me. Don’t do anything unless I tell you. You ing hear me?” He said to me in a voice that was so dark that I would thought it was the devils and I just nodded in fear as I was shaking in my own cold sweat.

      Slowly, he moved his hand away from my face with those shaky eyes of his never leaving me and I felt him softly take my hand.

       “Follow me,” he ordered and tugged on my arm, in which I quickly moved my feet to go up the stairs of his apartment and then into the bedroom where we got high and can I even say made love or even ed before?

      We just went beyond the stars, you know exploring outer space for ourselves, but right now I wasn’t going up, but down in the ground where hell lies.

      My very fingers lost its grip on his hand like I lost it on reality as the lights were fully on and his entire room was revealed to be in a mess.

      It looked as if a burglar came in, pushing picture frames, speaker, and equipments and even ripped the blankets off his bed to be on the floor in complete destruction.

      But, it was what laying in the middle of his bed and I snatched my hand out of his, in which he instantly looked at me insanely.

       “What the do you think you are doing? You think you can leave me now!? You promised to love me Taeyeon!” He began yelling at me and my heart was banging on my chest for escape.

       “W-What the is wrong with you!?” I screamed back, losing my own mind and he violently he grabbed my by my shoulders, ripping the thin material of my shirt in the process to bring myself close to him.

       “Nothing is wrong with me baby. I think it’s just you…you need to come to the other side with me, okay? Everything will be alright just like last time, okay?” He tried persuading me, but this grip on my arms that was going to engrave a mark told me everything was not going to be alright.

       “Let me go!” I screamed at him and shook from him, but he only became more aggressive and violent with him pushing me down on the bed, in which he sat on my waist as I tried beating my hands against him.

       “Don’t do this to me Jiyong! Don’t do this to me!” My screams to him were unheard as tears formed in my eyes, burning and rolling to hell with me when he gripped my wrist, slamming it down on the bed while his other hand reached over where I saw a big spoon filled with white liquid.

     That spoon had sat on top of this snowy powder and I saw him pick up a needle that was right next to that substance. My chest was already rising and falling drastically, but it in deeply when he placed the tip of that needle in the spoon, pulling the syringe back on the needle so it could it inside of it.

       There was literally no fight in me with my useless strength and I don’t know who I was crying for more now be it for him or me, but those thoughts were swirled away into this warm tingly feeling spreading through my body.

       You know it was kind of like when you are outside during the winter time and when you come inside of a warm house, it feels good, right? It's that warm fuzzy feel that makes you even shiver.

     That’s what it was like for me, but like a million of those to form a union, one that was almost an itself when he pushed the tip of that sharp needle in the bulging vein of my arm, soaring sweet posion into my veins. You want to know the name of that sweet poison? Her name is Heroin and even though people say she was a monster, she was exquisetly beautiful to me in this moment.

       I guess this is what it truly meant to be lost in love and to do that, you always destroyed yourself in the process.

      This way there is an end, but to me this was the beginning to eternal ecstasy.