CHAPTER TEN

                    ~경수~

“Eomma, Jinjja?!”

I am beaming.

After having seen me wondering around the house aimlessly on yet another weekday, Eomma promises to take me out shopping tomorrow. It was totally out of the blues, and I hadn’t seen it coming.

     Eomma shrugs. “You’ve gotta get out of the house more often, and you can’t go over to the Byun’s every day, so….”

     I don’t let her finish. I fling myself at Eomma’s arms, and cry, “You are the best Eomma ever!”

~

                    ~엄마~

     I automatically flinch when I hear Kyungsoo say those words.

     It makes me happy. It really does. But I can’t help but wonder what his first Eomma had been like. Curiosity burns, and I am dying to ask, but I keep my lips sealed tight.

     Kyungsoo is happy.

     And I don’t want to do anything that might change that.

~

                    ~세훈~

The nearer I come to my destination, the slower I ride my bicycle, reluctant till the last minute possible, to enter the house. When walking in, I can’t help but wonder if ever there will be a day when I walk into a silent house – that will probably be only once I start living alone – the thought flits across my mind. It is the tamest among many, the darker ones being: Will this house only become silent once all its occupants are dead? And Would I have to make sure that happens? Will I lose control one day and just…. Kill them….?

I shake my head, trying to rid myself of the dark thoughts I cannot help but think of. I guess there are certain repercussions of listening to people argue almost 24/7.

~

                    ~경수~

Abeoji comes home late, far later than Kai, and that’s just strange. Eomma, who had been fretting this whole time, runs to his side. “What kept you so long? Were you at work this whole time? You didn’t even call!”

Abeoji drops his heavy bag on the sofa with a grunt. “Mianhae,” he says, “I was busy at work.”

On hearing that, my hands automatically clench. That was the case all the time, wasn’t it? Fathers being too busy…

Eomma seems to notice the expression on my face, but misinterprets it. “You must be tired, Kyungsoo-yah, and you too, Jongin.” A flicker of worry on her face: “You especially.” Eomma sighs, “Go up and sleep early tonight,”

“You’re just saying that coz you want alone time with Appa,” Kai snaps what comes to his mind easily, and I wish I could speak with that same ease (however rude it may be).

      It feels like we’re being punished for a crime we did didn’t commit, although I know what Kai said is probably true; and try as I might, I cannot shake off this unnamable feeling that I am feeling right now.

~

                    ~아빠~

     “The car broke down.”

     Now that the kids are upstairs, I come out with the truth I was reluctant to admit before. The fact that the vehicle was in my hands when it happened, in my care, makes it so much worse. Guilt weighs heavily on my shoulders.

     Yeobo walks up to me, and puts her hands on my shoulders. “Eottoke?” she says, “Things like this happen.”

I look up from the patch of ground I was staring at to focus on her eyes. The brown pools look right into me and see the irrational worry in me.

“Things like this happen,” she says again, “don’t worry about it. It’s nothing we can’t handle.”

I don’t say anything.

“I’m serious. We can use the bus, you know. The kids can go by school bus. It’ll only be temporary, anyway, right?” She looks at my face.

I nod slowly, muttering ‘yes…’

“Then stop worrying,” says my wife, “It’s not your fault.”

And the smallest of smiles dawn on my face.

I believe her. And already, I feel better.

~

                    ~세훈~

Voices rocket around the tiny house, bouncing off the thin walls and my ears. I bury my head deeper under the pillow, but I can still hear them.

“When are you planning to leave for Seoul? You know we can’t live on like this!”

“I’ll leave when you leave. You know I–”

“I am NOT leaving!”

“– at least let me take Sehun with me…”

“You are NOT gonna take the boy!”

“But I can’t –”

“Well, too bad~”

I turn over, and try to squeeze the voices out of my head and out of my mind, but I know the attempt is futile. I look wistfully out of the window, at the peaceful street – peaceful if you could block out the screams coming from the Oh family: that is – if you could even call our family a family – I did not.

How many times had I wished I was born to a different home? How many times had I wished my parents were some-people else? The answer was so many times that even I myself couldn’t recall.

The fighting hadn’t started three months ago – Oh, no: It was merely ‘this’ particular fight that had begun at that time. The fights had been there since forever; my parents picking the stupidest reasons as excuses.

As I told you before: It was All. So. Stupid.

The voices on the other side of the door rise again, and I know better than to keep wishing they would shut up. Twisting uncomfortably in my bed, I give in and prepare myself for yet another sleepless night.

~

                    ~경수~

No.

No, no, no, no: No!

Just no!

I cannot. I cannot do it.

I cannot go by bus with Kai.

I’m not fussy about busses, let’s get that straight. It’s just that… Kai… it was going to be just like that day behind the school yard.

I shudder.

“Kyungsoo, are you okay?” Eomma’s voice echoes with concern as she passes me my lunch.

“I-I’m fine.” I lie, stuffing it into my bag, and giving her a quick hug. “I’ll be fine.”

“Go catch up with Jongin,” she says, waving goodbye. “Don’t let him leave you!”

‘Don’t give him any ideas,’ I mutter under my breath, quickening my pace to the bus stand where he stood. And then we stand. And wait.

It looks like the bus is late.

“Um… so…. D.O– Kyungsoo….” Jongin attempts to strike a conversation. Hearing him, I laugh inside though I don’t show it. The boy was actually pretty awkward when he wasn’t surrounded by his friends.

“Don’t even try,” I chortle under my breath.

“Whaddya say?” he asks, not quite catching my words.

“Nothing,” I say, “Thwesso.”

And I realize for the first time, I am not scared. For the first time, I’m not letting Kai’s existence affect me. For the first time, I feel I am the hyung I am.

I glance up at the taller, tanned boy, and see him flicking his eyes around nervously. And a smug smile crosses my face.

~

                    ~종인~

Kyungsoo is smiling.

That should make me happy – I’d been working so hard to make him ‘un-scared’ of me, and for him to stay without bolting off, but now when he’s here, standing beside me, smiling…

I shudder. It gives me the creeps.

Luckily I am saved with the arrival of the bus. Or that is what I think. When we climb aboard, it is clear that there are only two free seats. Right next to each other. And not much of a choice between us.

Kyungsoo wedges me between the window seat and himself, and I wonder what to do with myself, where to look. I opt to stare out of the window, thinking of the irony of the whole situation: I, who tried so hard to make Kyungsoo not scared of me, am suddenly scared of the said boy myself.

~

                    ~경수~

The moment the bus pulls in, I leap out of my seat and bolt out of the vehicle. Jongin maybe all awkward when it is just the two of us, but when he is with his friends, he becomes the all popular Kai, and that is someone I do not want to cross.

So, this fine Wednesday morning, I am back to being my usual introverted self: a little boy at the back of the class, whom no one notices. And I let the day proceed.

~

                    ~시 타오~

“Class, would you please listen up?”

The teacher addresses the group of noisy children and waits for the noise to die down. (She has to wait for quite some time.) Once it is relatively (stress on relatively) quiet, she introduces me to the mass of ogling eyes before me.

“This is the new transfer student, Huang Zi Tao,” she addresses the class. “And I’m Hyuna Seonsaengnim,” she says, turning to me, “Would you like to say something about yourself?”

I ignore her last request and bow to her and the class, before heading towards the only free seat at the back. Eyes follow me, and I quicken my steps, quickly sitting down beside a small, wide-eyed boy, probably a double-promoted kid.

“Okay, since Zi Tao seems short on words on his first day here,” a short glare is shot my way, “I shall say what I know of him.”

I cover my face with my hands. I really don’t want it known to the world that I got a place in SM Middle School only thanks to my Wushu skills. And of course that is the first thing out of Hyuna Seonsaengnim’s mouth. Immediately, all eyes turn my way and I can hear all the unvoiced comments: A Wushu black belt? Jinjja? Would make sense – he looks scary! Yeah, you saw those black eyes and dark circles…?

I glance at the boy besides me, and surprisingly I don’t see the judgmental looks in his eyes. “Do Kyungsoo imnida,” he says in a soft voice, not looking away when I catch him staring. It’s the fact that he is different that makes me smile the first smile since coming to this school.

~

                    ~세훈~

“How come you’re not taking part in the taking part in the showcase this time? You can dance.”

“Hmmn?” I look up at Jongin, taking my earphones out of my ear, “Whaddya say?”

“Wae, Sehunnah? Why aren’t you taking part?”

“Oh.” I stop walking for a second. “Reasons.” I say mysteriously, avoiding the subject as I did every time. I pick up my pace, so that Jongin has to run to catch up with me.

“Bingu.” He punches my shoulder, making a smile surface on my ever- poker-face. “You’ll never say, will ya, Mr. Mysterious?” 

“Mysterious is how I like it,” I say, just as we reach the practice rooms, and I wave goodbye to Jongin before I head towards the gates.

~

                    ~경수~

My heavy backpack weighs down my shoulders as I stand outside the gate, staring out into space, waiting for the school bus to arrive, when someone rushes past me, causing me to fall over. I look up, frown plastered on my face, as I angrily brush off the dust from my pants, and see a tall redhead blend into the crowd.

‘Dara!’ I snort, ‘That girl’s attitude will be her downfall,’ I huff, offended – she didn’t even have the decency to apologize. Of course she wouldn’t.

Before I can go any further whining about her in my head, I am pushed from every direction by the crowd getting into the bus that had just arrived. I let go any thoughts of annoyance, and just go with the flow.

Had that been Kai, though… he wouldn’t have gotten off so easily…

~

                    ~세훈~

     When I cycle down the driveway, I am expecting today to be no different from the other days, the same fight, the same voices shouting, and chaos in general roaring in the building I am forced to call ‘home’.

     But somehow – miraculously, I am proven wrong.

When I turn the knob, I am not blasted back by the force of my parents’ yelling; no one comes running to me, asking if we should move, if he should go, if we should stay as we were; No.

It is quiet.

And for the first time in months – no, in years, a little bubble of hope blossoms in my chest.

For the first time in years, I walk into the house smiling.

“Of course…. Yes, of course ….. We’d love to– …. Yes, of course, we’ll love to have him over …. Yes, please do. Yes…. Yes, thank you ….. Annyeong.”

The sound of the receiver being placed.

I look up and see a beaming Eommonie. “That was Luhan’s Eomma,” she said, smile stretched painfully wide, “She sai–”

“I heard,” I cut her across, making my way to the room. I try to act as though I could care no less, but undeniably there was a bounce to every step I took that hadn’t been there before. 

~

A/N:

Yes, I am aware of how late I've been to update. And I bring more bad news with me: I cannot guaranty anymore updates for rest of this year (busy at Christmas, you know...?) (By this, I mean.... none of my works will be updated for a while) and I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry OTL I hope this chapter (which turned out to be the longest so far) makes up for it, as well as the GIFs that come hand in hand with it. !Who's excited for Tao!!!?? Damn, those gifs, yeah? So y -and I was listening to For your entertainment, too: does NOT help! Rawr. (Sorry, I can't stop staring, okay?) And...and and, Sehunnie!!! Yep, he's gaining importance; and FAST! (All you Sehun fans have Tiacha to thank for that. This is all my "punishments" for... what was it again? Hitting her? Touching her nose?) Anyway, what's important is: He's dark and angsty! What do yall think about that, eh? (please leave your thoughts? Jebal?) And for those who were waiting for satansoo *looks at you, Noona* He is emerging. Slowly, but emerging.

As always, I must thank my subscribers for subscribing, and my readers for reading. Thank you for supporting me, always. To yall who never fail to comment, I LOVE yall (because I love comments, but.. I love yall anyway. You know that) And to all who helped in the making of this fanfic, you will not be forgotten.