~~~~~~Alex POV~~~~~~~

I woke up from my nap.

I think I feel better now!

I slowly got up, and sighed. Music…I wanna listen to music…. I grabbed my ipod, and pressed play.

No…

I got back in bed, listening to the song…

I hate it how most of my songs are sung by Hangeng, Super Junior M, or Super Junior!

What’s plaing you ask?

Hangeng’s “Holding an umbrella” was playing…I couldn’t help but cry…

He even told me…That whenever he sang the song, he would think of me…That player….

He probably said the same thing to that other girl too!

Tears were now falling uncontrollably down my cheeks…

That bittersweet memory comes back…

~~~~Flashback~3 years ago~~~~~

(play song! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPAojQFCssw)

Gah! So happy! Super Junior doesn’t have a comeback until September! Yay!!

Hangeng’s the only one concerate enough to visit me though… Gah, stupid fish…He didn’t even bother to visit his own family!

I waited on the couch, wearing a green small flowered blouse, and brown shorts. I was wearing contacts (since Hangeng told me I looked better without glasses!) and my hair down (my hair’s wavy-ish) I checked using my compact mirror to see if I looked weird or anything… I’m really not use to wearing make-up, but since it’s Hangeng…. Well…

 I sat on the couch next to Donghwa who was doing some homework (gah! That dork!). Mom was on her way to Seoul again to visit Donghae, while I was waiting for Geng. Gahh~ I can’t wait to see Hangeng again! I mean, sure, I sometimes go to Seoul to see him, but since Super Junior lives on different floors, Donghae doesn’t really know.

The doorbell suddenly rang, and I jumped to get it,

“Someone’s excited” Donghwa said, I smiled at him, and opened the door. My smile got even bigger when I saw Hangeng with a handful of white freshly picked flowers in his hand. I opened the screen door to let Hangeng come in.

“For you my dear” Hangeng said in a playful tone, I smiled, as he handed me the flowers,

“Why thank you very much” I said, smelling the flowers,

“Hey, hey, hey! Don’t you be flirting with her in front of my eyes! She’s my baby sister ya’know!” Donghwa joked,

“Sorry! Sorry!” Hangeng replied in his weird English accent, I chuckled a little when he did that,

“I’ll be back” I said, and walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water, then put the handful of flowers in it, placing it on the countertop.

I walked back out, and started to listen to Donghwa’s usual conversation with Hangeng.

“Look, don’t touch my baby sister in a weird way, don’t look at her in a weird way, don’t even think about her in a weird way, oh, and don’t even think about thinking about her! I don’t care if you kiss her, just don’t make her lose her innocence!”

“Donghwa!” I pouted, walking up to jokingly hit my brother,

“Oh don’t worry, I won’t! She’s too innocent for that” he gave me a smile, I pouted,

“Oppa, let’s go! Okay?” I smiled at him, he returned my smile, and walked out of the door. I put on my shoes, grabbed my brown messenger bag and left,

“Be safe! If you two are gonna do it, then please! I’m beggin you to be safe!” Donghwa joked,

“Donghwa!” I pouted, “Bye” I said, and closed the door.

I walked down to see Hangeng on a  bike… Aww, my nerd is so cute!

“What’s with the bike?” I asked him,

“I wanted to feel like a high school student again” Hangeng smiled, “Now hurry! This is a rental!”

It was like a messenger bike. Ya’know! The ones that have that weird flat thing at the end to hold boxes and what not? Well that’s what I’m sitting on right now to get a ride from that idiot. I hugged his waist, and rested my head against his back.

Hangeng has to be the biggest nerd in the world, but I like him for that.

“Bao bei~ What are we gonna do today?” I asked him,

“Well, we’re going to go to a street mall” he said, “I’m just going to return the bike, so we’re gonna walk there”

“So what was the whole point of renting the bike?”

“Because I needed some excersise, but I didn’t feel like walking here so”

“Wow, must be nice to be rich” I laughed, he purposely swerved to make me scream,

“Haha, you dork” he laughed, I hit his back,

“EVIL!”

“Love you too~” he sang

I sighed, and rested my head against his back. I seriously need to get over my crush with him! He’s just a friend…nothing else…Plus, he’s like…6 or 7 years older than me! So he probably wouldn’t find any interest in me…Since I’m just… Well…Alex! The chubby 17 year old girl who stupidly fell for this idiot for 2 years already… Why did I fall for him you ask? Well, we’ve known each other for a few years already to be honest. But, I guess I fell for him when he was there for me when dad died. He was there for me, holding my hand, hugging me, letting me cry out loud next to him, telling me, “It’s alright”. He’s so nice, and kind! Everything that you don’t expect from a celebrity! Gah! I love him! <3 I really wonder what would’ve happened if I didn’t meet him…Would I be happy now? Or would I still be sad about dad? Geng’s always there for me, teaching me how to be strong…

We finally got to the street mall right after returned the bike to the rental store. We walked hand in hand around the place. It’s weird that we’re not dating right? Well, it’s cause he doesn’t really know my feelings >//< I don’t want to tell him, then we later break up and it’d be all awkward…I like things the way they are now…

We started walking around the place, and he started buying stuff for me even though I told him not to.

“Crap, is it raining?” I asked after feeling a drop of rain of my nose, I looked at him, he looked up,

“Ah, wait a moment” he said, and ran into a convenience store, then ran back out with a white umbrella, “Alright, now where shall we go next?” he asked, my stomach rumbled, he smiled, “Mcdonalds?” I returned his smile and nodded.

We got to mcdonalds, and he ordered 15 pieces of chicken nuggets, and a large fries (We’re sharing, so don’t think I’m that fat!). We were at a park (it was still raining) so Hangeng would hold the umbrella while I fed him (since if we at Mcdonalds, a fangirl would’ve probably recognized him)

“Aish, stop feeding me, and feed yourself!” Hangeng pouted, I smiled,

“But your cheek is so cute when you’re chewing”

“Stalker Alex” he mumbled,

“Oh you know you love me” I joked back,

“Sure” he smirked, I couldn’t help but try to hide a laugh when he had his chewing face on. I know it weird, but one side of his mouth was like a chipmunk!

It was silent for a little bit, then Hangeng suddenly broke the silence by going,

“So have you made any progress with the guy you like?”

I blushed a bit.

I wanted to say “IT’S YOU!  YOU IDIOT!”but instead, I went, “Maybe”

“What do you mean by maybe?”

I shrugged my shoulders, okay…think of a lie….

“Well… To be honest… I found out that he liked one of my friends…and it really hurts ya know? Since my friend knew that I liked him…but now…They’re dating”

“…Oh… I’m sorry, do you want me to beat him up?”

“No…It’s okay” I sighed, “I just wish I could find some guy….Kinda like you”

“Eh?”

“Scared you didn’t I?”

“E-erm”

“Sorry” I mumbled, and looked down, “I’m just sad since I might not ever get to date”

“Are you kidding me? You’re to adorable for a guy like him”

“Geng, think before you talk! Adorable?! I wanna be pretty! Like…Korean celebrity pretty!”

Hangeng suddenly went in to kiss my cheeks, “You’re perfect the way you are” he said, and kissed my cheeks again, “Besides, I’d rather kiss girls who have soft milky skin, not plastic skin”

“Hangeng” I blushed, turning around to look at him, but I guess he was going to kiss my cheeks again since we ended up lips against lips. My eyes widened a little, but sooner or later, I started to enjoy it. I got closer to him, as his hand held my cheek. We slowly let go, I opened my eyes to see him blushing.

“S-sorry” he said, “Was that your first kiss?” he asked me, I touched my lips and nodded, “Sorry”

“N-no, it’s fine! I-I’m glad it was you who took it rather than a guy that would break my heart later”

“N-no…Let’s pretend that we didn’t do that…”

I bit my lip, and gave him a peck on the lips again.

“Now we just did” I smirked, he stared at me,

“When did this little girl get so brave?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “I just wanted to try kissing for once” I said,

“Did you like it?” he smirked,

“Like it? It felt like nothing!”

“That’s cause it wasn’t a real one”

“Then what is a real one?” I asked him, “Can you show me?”

“Eh?”

“Come on Hangeng~ I wanna learn how to kiss”

“Ask someone else then”

“But I trust you” I pouted,

“you sure you won’t feel awkward?”

“Of course not! It’s just that…All the girls at my school already had their first kiss, and they always tell their stories about it…So…Will you?”

“So…you’re just going to be like the other girls?”

“I-it’s just a kiss right?”

“Alright…Are you sure though?”

I nodded, he leaned in, I closed my eyes tightly.

“Open your eyes, and don’t pucker your lips” he said, I opened my eyes, “Just look into my eyes” he whispered, leaning closer.

I followed his gaze, and naturally closed my eyes when our lips met. He held my face with one hand, while the other was holding the umbrella, then he had hand that was touching my face, come down to hug my waist. His tongue came into my mouth, making me blush even more. I put my hands on his shoulders, pulling him closer to me. My arms finally got around his neck, only to feel how wet his back was. He soon pulled away, just to kiss my cheeks (it’s hard to stop kissing someone when you start) then he went down to my neck. I kept on blushing when he kissed me one more time, and let go saying,

“So what do you think of your first full fledge kiss” he asked me, I blushed, and hid my face on his chest,

“Why is your back so wet?”

He looked at me, then the umbrella in his hand, “Guess I got carried away” he smirked, I blushed,

“If you get a cold, it’s not my fault” I said, and got up,

(Play song! Hangeng betrayal  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQ5BJnzt1-w)

“Wait” he said, and got up with me.

“Yes?”

“Can you help me? You know, when I told you about that pretty girl that I liked?”

“Help how?”

“Okay, tell me what you find is more seductive” he said, then suddenly grabbed my waist, and started to kiss me, making me melt.

“Hangeng” I said, pushing him away,

“Ah…I guess you don’t wanna help…” he blushed,

“It’s not that…It’s just that people might stare” I said, “You can practice on me in a more private place” I blushed, he looked at me, “Ah! I know” I smiled, and started to drag him to the east sea. I’ve lived in the area long enough to know where people usually don’t hang out.

“This is a good place?” he asked, looking around to see if there’s people around,

“Will you stop moving?” I started to laugh, “The rain’s getting on me”

“Ah, sorry”

“So, go ahead and practice on me” I said, stopping in my tracks,

“Alright” he smiled, and hugged my waist with one hand, the other holding the umbrella. His lips was right on mine…I couldn’t help but blush… When did Hangeng learn to be such a lady’s man? Meh, he probably learned it from Heechul since Hangeng usually talks about how Heechul teaches him things. But still…He’s so cute like this…

I hugged his neck as his grasp around my waist got tighter. He pushed me against the tree as we kept on kissing.

Hangeng…Do you know how much I’ve fallen for you? Do you know how happy I get when I know you’re here with me? Do you know how much my heart beats when you’re near me? I want you…No… I really do…Love you…Two years…I’ve already liked you for two years… Don’t you know how much it hurts that you’re only practicing seduction for another girl? Don’t you know how much it hurts to know that…You’re crazy for someone that isn’t me? Stupid…  I’m crazy for you… Why do you think I’m letting you practice on me when I’m hurting on the inside? Hangeng… I love you…

.~~~~~~~End of Flashback~~~~~~~~

I was crying right now…I miss the innocent Hangeng that I use to know…Not the jerk he became today…. I miss him so much… I miss holding his hand, joking with him, laughing with him, hugging him…. I miss all of that…

I miss it how he would just be my best friend, not the guy who dances with girls who wear mini dresses. I miss the guy who would  be scared that I would get hurt, not the other way around....That's right...Whenever I was with him in china, we rarely went out to eat. We were mostly inside the place, eating together...HE would be scared that his career might be hurt. Also, I'm tired of him flirting with girls (at least I think he was). I want the old Hangeng back....I miss the old Hangeng... I want my best friend back!

I wish Super Junior never exisited… So that I could always be with my brother, so that he wouldn’t have to live so far away…So that he would always be the same…So that…So that I could’ve been with Hangeng, and he wouldn’t have changed so much…

"Stupid bao bei" 

You jerk....Don't you know how much I loved you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

*cough* sorry for the late update! But I was busy ALL day yesterday! I had church at 9 (had to wake up at 8 since my grandpa has to go there early...he's the pastor ^^) then after that went to the mall, then went back to church to help with this valintines thing (I had to watch over kids! 2 other girls were suppose to be with me but they ditched me! So me....alone...WITH 10 KIDS o___O) then..well...when I got home I went to walmart then it was already 11...so...barely any sleep ^^" sorry! No end convo today ;w;