Chapter 3

edelweiss

Midnight. It was at this time Taehyung couldn’t endure it any longer. It was too difficult. He hadn’t even slept for a second. He was constantly thinking about him:

Jeon Jungkook.

Hoseok seemed to enjoy a night’s sleep, though. He was covered in a thin blanket that had polka dots on its cover. Taehyung could see it. He could see it through the slightly opened door. Even when Hoseok was sleeping, he was smiling. To think that it was comfortable for him to sleep whilst a stranger was in his house. It didn’t make sense at all. Well, at least not to Taehyung.

Taehyung was lying in the bed for several minutes, covered in a big, warm blanket, before he decided to stand up. He tried not to make any noise. He quickly explored the room he was standing in:

Not a big room, but neither a small one. A double sized bed that was covered in a thick, green blanket. How about the rest of the room? Well, there was a gentle light, coming from the lamp, next to the right side of the bed. Several dusty boxes were hidden underneath the bed; they were probably filled with old study books from middle school. Then on the other side of the room, there was a small shelf filled with books. From left to right. A computer was there, too. A pair of headphones and a cup next to it. He looked at the cup for a moment. Americano. Hoseok was a man compared to Taehyung. He drank coffee unlike Taehyung. Taehyung ignored it and curiously continued to explore the room that seemed bigger than it actually was:

The room was rather balsam colored, but a bit lighter — closer to white. Something else caught his eye as he neared the shelf again. He found a red book which seemed different. It wasn’t a novel, a story or anything related to that. It didn’t have a cover unlike the others. He could see how the pages had holes in them and were pretty damaged. He didn’t open it, though. Especially not when he saw the title on the front. Of course he wasn’t going to open Jung Hoseok’s book that had an engraved title saying:

‘Diary.’

He immediately put it back and decided to go out. He wanted to find Jeon Jungkook. It had been too many hours, anyway. Taehyung used to think that they were missing each other so much. He thought that they wouldn’t survive without each other.

He walked through the creaking door and met Hoseok’s sleeping self. It didn’t last for long, though. Hoseok wasn’t the type who slept like a log. Even a fly could ruin his sleep. Unfortunately Taehyung was louder than a fly — louder than a spider, too.

Hoseok’s eyes bitterly opened. His brows raised a bit, but his eyes were the most noticing. His eyes looked even more tired than from before. This was how it was waking up in the middle of the night. It was like interrupting someone whilst they were in the middle of dying.

“What time is it?” His voice was rather throaty. He tried to find the alarm clock. However, he finally realized that he wasn’t in his own bed but on the sofa. He sat up in an instant and didn’t get why Taehyung was awake at this exhausting hour. It felt like he was half awake, only, so was there even a reason to explain when he wasn’t going to listen, anyway?

“I’m going back—to Jeon Jungkook.”

Hoseok stood up straightaway, grabbing Taehyung’s arm. He held tighter and tighter till Taehyung’s arm turned rather pale and quite purple. Taehyung still wanted to go, though. Hoseok wasn’t going to stop him.

Taehyung stared at Hoseok for a moment, trying to make him let go. Hoseok didn’t, though. He had more to say. More to prove. He suddenly smiled as he held Taehyung’s arm in a weaker way. He patiently let his hand through his messy hair and there; he let go.

“I can’t let my younger brother go alone.” He grinned, although he was tired. Taehyung didn’t like how he had begun to call him ‘younger brother’, though. It seemed to annoy him quite a lot. Taehyung’s mind kept saying that he wasn’t Jung Hoseok’s brother, anyway. They were just classmates: Once strangers. It wasn’t like they could trust each other like how believers trusted their God.

“Let’s eat,” Hoseok stretched his body and continued. “And then we can go together afterwards.”

Taehyung couldn’t do anything but follow Hoseok, as they walked into the kitchen and turned the lights on. He didn’t know what Hoseok was capable of doing if he decided to leave, anyway. Compared to Taehyung, Hoseok had a lot. He had money — unlike Taehyung at the moment. He had a mind that wasn’t thinking of Jeon Jungkook all the time, too.

Hoseok opened the wall cabinet, then searched for something delicious to eat. Looking at it, there wasn’t a lot. Mostly snacks, instant noodles. There weren’t real food or something that contained liquid. It made Taehyung quite startled. He used to have the perfect food at the mansion. He used to have the food that normal people couldn’t afford. But, even though Hoseok was considered as normal, he didn’t even have what he should have as a normal person. It was weird.

No kimchi or beef. Unfortunately.

“I only have a bag of chips—” Hoseok turned around. “—But the date is expired.” They ignored it, though. Taehyung didn’t even care about food, anyway. He wanted to go out already, but stayed with Hoseok. If Hoseok really wanted to eat, they had to.

They went into the living room again and sat on the sofa next to each other. It looked like Hoseok wanted to have a conversation, whilst Taehyung looked quite frustrated. Hoseok grabbed the remote control, as he turned the TV on. Nothing. There was simply nothing to watch. He then turned it off again and focused on his meal instead. He was constantly filling his small mouth with the chips. It wasn’t like he was exaggerating, though.

Taehyung stood up as soon as the bag was filled with crumbs, only. He needed to go. Hoseok stared at him with a suspicious look: “I’m not finished.” He smiled, but Taehyung couldn’t endure his way of delaying everything, so he irritably grabbed Hoseok’s hand — and there they were; on the way out of the apartment. The bag of chips fell on the floor, making the room look like a whole mess.

It had been a week since their eyes met for the first time — Jeon Jungkook’s and Kim Taehyung’s. They hadn’t talked since the day in the library, but Taehyung knew it wasn’t ending. He knew that they eventually were going to meet again. They were attending the same school, anyway. It was impossible to avoid someone there.

Class finished. It was finally the time where every student would go each their way to spend New Year with their families. The last day had finally ended. They finally got a break from the boring everyday that instantly repeated.

Taehyung kept walking till he faced the gate. He stopped up. His eyes focused on Jeon Jungkook who apparently had finished class, too. Well, everyone had finished class, so it wasn't something he shouldn't have expected. His eyes focused on the other students; and then on Jungkook again. Jungkook didn't look back at him, though. He hadn't seen him yet and he probably wouldn't either. To the young junior — Jungkook — Taehyung wasn't anything special, anyway. There was no need to notice this arrogant Kim Taehyung. No need to waste time on a random senior.

Taehyung decided to walk faster as he passed the gate. It seemed that it was possible for him to suddenly stumble and end up with an injured body; kind of like Jungkook who accidentally slipped in the hall. He tried to get nearer to Jungkook, but in a way that wouldn't seem too suspicious.

They were closer and closer. Fortunately. But, the question was just:

Why did he do it?

Well, as he thought the day they met; someone had to know Jeon Jungkook's behavior. His way of doing things. Although he looked like a very normal, young student, there was something different about him. Taehyung’s eyes just kept following this junior of his. It wasn’t anything special, though. It shouldn’t be misunderstood. It wasn’t like he was befriending Jeon Jungkook or anything like that. Taehyung wasn’t going to befriend anyone, anyway. Lying to his mother in the end was already enough. He couldn’t bear any more lies.

At first he didn't even bother to check this Jeon Jungkook out. However, the fact that Jungkook was so clumsy and empty-minded made Taehyung filled with questions. Whether those questions were useless or not wasn’t he aware of yet. He didn’t know. He just wanted an answer sooner or later. And, as he’d receive that answer; he’d immediately pretend like nothing had happened and leave Jeon Jungkook alone. He’d let Jeon Jungkook be like he used to be — if it wouldn’t harm the school, that is.

Taehyung looked at Jungkook as he was as close as he could be. Jungkook didn’t look at him, though. It looked like he was focused on the silent lullaby he was listening to.

Taehyung bitterly smiled whilst he thought of words to use. Even though they weren’t the best words ever, they were better than staying silent.

“Maybe tomorrow,” he continued to smile.

Jungkook stopped the song. His brows raised. He wasn’t yet sure of what Taehyung meant with that. Why was Kim Taehyung even there? By his side? They weren’t even friends.

Taehyung continued:

“Maybe tomorrow I’ll take care of your injury.”

Jungkook still didn’t get it. What injury? His foot? It had been a week since it happened, so it couldn’t be that. But, other than that it wasn’t like he had any injuries — nor any imperfections. His face was perfect; his skin and blood cells, too.

He looked like a question sign. “Your sprained foot; I’ll take care of it—if you just wait,” Taehyung was stuttering. It was just weird. He still didn’t feel the comfortableness in talking to juniors. Seniors used to explain how comfortable it was. How nice it was having a so-called younger sibling. Taehyung, on the other hand, couldn’t feel the relationship. He could only feel the awkwardness that went through his body. His nervous thoughts, too. He just wasn't used to talk with anyone. He wasn’t used to use his voice towards anyone but his mother.

It felt like his chest hurt a bit. As if a piece of glass literally had ripped it apart.

Jungkook shook his head, “It’s okay; I’m fine.”

Taehyung then shook his head as well. “You need it.” Like Jungkook, he wanted to let it go as it was. However, the rest of his body forced him to help Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook. It wasn’t always listening to his mind. At times, it seemed that it was even cleverer than him, though. Sometimes his mind seemed to be the most wrong with the most stupid decisions ever.

Jungkook continued: “Look,” he pulled his pants up to his knee. “I’m fine: Perfectly fine.”

He was right. Nothing was wrong. It looked perfect. His ankle was like Taehyung’s: Normal and healthy. Taehyung agreed, too. He thought that Jungkook was right. That there really was no need to help him. There was no need to play cool as a doctor in front of a random junior. If Taehyung’s body agreed as well was another story, though. It wasn’t always ending as the senior wanted.

“But, I’m not.

I’m not even feeling a bit of happiness inside of me anymore.

It’s like I’m being ripped apart every now and then.

It’s hard to endure:

Really hard.”

They walked as fast as possible. Hoseok behind Taehyung. As they left the apartment, Taehyung tried to find a bus but the streets were completely empty. Hoseok, on the other hand, seemed to be too full to even have the ability to walk. The old bag of chips had made him rather sleepy; well, it was in the middle of the night so it wasn’t that much of a surprise. He had only slept for an hour or so. His body was going to break down at some point.

They were soon there. If they’d just walk without any thoughts or worries, it’d feel like they’d arrive in a second or two. Hoseok had too much to say, though. He didn’t allow the silence to go by. He smiled, although he was tired. He wanted to be happy, although other people were pretty grumpy when someone woke them up in the middle of the night. Fortunately he was too positive to be like that. Too nice to be like everyone else.