Sometimes he showed up. In all guestures and expressions. Mischievous, whimsical and playful. The little boy inside of him. It guested for a while but when it was appropriate it knew how to leave. I know now Yonghwa is just as mature as one should expect from someone our age and that he has plenty of depth to him. And I also know now his playful cockiness was always just a way to mask insecurities. That he was confident but simply not always. 

Because it's contradictions like these that are what actual people are made of.
And that is why we have such a hard time figuring each other out.

~

"Ah...turn that up“
"Hm?“
Still, Yonghwa obliged to my request and upped the volumn on the radio.
"I've recently rediscovered Bowie after I heard that track used on some soundtrack. Modern Love is such a fun song,“ I explained.
Seconds later, Yonghwa started snapping and tapping his knee and we both nodded along with the beat. 

There's no sign of life
It's just the power to charm
I'm lying in the rain
But I never wave bye-bye
But I try, I try

Then he turned the volumn up a little more.

Never gonna fall for
Modern love - walks beside me
Modern love - walks on by
Modern love - gets me to the church on time

Yonghwa started almost sit-dancing in his seat – arms mid-air, head swaying, fingers pointing. And I tried to keep the car steady while joining in as much as possible.

Church on time - terrifies me
Church on time - makes me party
Church on time - puts my trust in god and man

We danced in our seats and I started singing along a bit.

God and man - no confessions
God and man - no religion
God and man - don't believe in modern love

By the third time the chorus came along Yonghwa joined in and we both shouted:

Modern love...

As the song ended we giggled a little out of breath from the effort and I looked at him for a brief second before focussing on the street again. A chill indie song started to play. So Yonghwa lowered the volumn again, flung his hair out of his face and then turned sideways to face me, leaning with his cheek on the headrest, looking at me. Somehow I wanted to know how but the situation wouldn't allow me to determine his expression as I had to look ahead. He seemed to comfortably snuggle himself sideways into the seat and I could feel him smiling at me.

"So... that's road trip music, hm?“ 
I laughed "I don't know... but... it's good music.“
He thought about it for a second "I see... yeah, true.... even though I don't really get what the song is about to be honest... but the sound's good for sure.“
I smiled "What it's about... well, short answer or long?“
"Hm?“ He sounded slightly tired but very playful at the same time. "Well.. since we still have a few hours ahead before we'll be in Mokpo... make it the long one.“
"Okay“ I inhaled, still smiling "I think what the lyrics talk about is a dislike for what they call modern love. Modern love isn't hard work. Bowie says that with modern love girls will just date him and then leave him – you know... 'walk beside and walk on by'. It's commitment free and leaves you empty. He also says neither God nor most people actually believe in modern love.... Plus, I think there is also an element of critique regarding institutionalized religion...like God doesn't believe in it either, you know. This again ties with... well ...much of the song seems to actually be about looking for a purpose in life. Those things you do so automatically – eventually you will have to ask yourself if that's really what you want to do with your life.“

For a moment Yonghwa turned his head away from me and stared at the road and cars infront of us, crossing his arms infront of his chest, sliding down even a bit lower on his seat. Then he turned back to leaning sideways on the seat and facing me.

"When I hear....that's...it's things like these that make me want to work hard on my own songwriting, you know.“ He said pensively.
"Well, I'd love to hear your music“ I tried to sound as encouraging as possible.
"We have a few demos, I'll make sure Jungshin gives you a copy“ He smiled.
"So... what is... what do you wanna do music wise, like what is your vision... sorry, I can't think of a less corny word at the moment...“ I smiled too.
He inhaled deeply „I... I would love to make music that everyone can love. And... it might sound stupid... but if one day we could top some chart that would be awesome.“ 
He sounded sincere and for a moment I almost hesitated if I should give my honest opinion about what he just said. 
"Hm...so... mhm.“ 
He caught it immediately. It shouldn't have surprised me, he said that he liked to study people and I wasn't good at masking myself.
"What? What do you think? Just tell me.“ He sounded honestly curious.
I smiled and took a breath „That's a nice goal you have but, to be honest, I think when it comes to creating music there are more important things than all of that.“
"All of what?“
"Mmm...popularity? You know, an artistic vision for example. I think that if you really have the inner desire to create something, to express yourself through music... that you may have something to say, something to contribute. You have to get that out there... you know, whatever it is that is in you... not whatever other people want. I feel like commercial success shouldn't be a priority. I remember one song... not sure anymore by whom... but the lyrics were somethig like 'No, I do not read the reviews. No, I am not singing for you.' And you know... an adience is awesome but I wouldn't just try doing what they want. I'd be too scared to lose myself... I think you should make music for yourself first and and foremost.“

Yonghwa sighed deeply, scratching his chin before answering.
"Yeah...no...no....what I mean with music that people love is that I want to write songs that can get people, create a bond and give hope or comfort... you know, make someone happy with it...create something that makes people happy...So that's what I meant with music that people love...you can call that my vision... making as many people