“You’re such a cute, little sweetie pie aren’t you? Oh, yes you are.” 

Donghae stared at his daughter sleeping in her crib. Adorned with glitter and sashes of faux fur courtesy of Sungmin, surrounded with several oversized stuffed animals and talking dolls from her doting uncle Kyuhyun, dressed in a dinosaur onesie given by Heechul (who knew he had a soft spot?), it was quite clear that Yuki was loved.

Donghae lightly touched his finger to his baby’s cheek. He was the most precious thing he’s ever lay his eyes on. He could sit and stare at her forever.

“Have I ever told you the story of me and daddy?” Donghae settled in his seat. “Well, you see, a few years ago back in high school, me and daddy went to camp together. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I learned to explore and accept my true u—er…my true self. I bonded with the best people ever. I met the love of my life. That’s your daddy. Lee Hyukjae. An amazing man. He’s…kind, and funny, and intelligent.” 

Donghae’s smile was a bit melancholic. Not one second did he take his eyes off Yuki. 

“But he’s not perfect.” He continued. “Daddy made a mistake. It was…quite some time ago. Before you came into the world, into our lives. It was…god, it was the most painful thing that ever happened to me. And I got kicked in the groin a couple of times during my high school football days. I wasn’t sure I’d ever forgive your daddy. Well, I’m not even sure if I have. I love him so much. I thought nothing could ever go wrong. I used to think he would never, ever do anything to hurt me. To deceive me. To break my trust. To break my heart. But he did all those and…to this day, it still hurts.” 

Donghae bit his lip. It was the first time he was ever saying these words out loud. The ache in his chest felt so tight.

“I can’t go one day without thinking about it, what he did. I go to bed with the image of him with her in my mind. I wake up to his face and it used to make me really, really happy, but now I look at him, and I see her. I see her with him. I see him betraying me.” 

Donghae put his head down. His eyes were watering.

“I can never look at him the same way. He can’t take it back. I think that’s what kills me so much—that I can’t do anything about it. It’s there, it’s always going to be there. It’s never going to change. I can’t undo it. I can’t erase it. I can’t even forget about it.” 

Donghae lifted his head back up to look at Yuki again. 

“But you. You are the light of my life. You are the reason I get up in the morning. You are the thing that keeps me going. You make me want to keep living. You make me want to stay in this relationship. I love you so, so much.”

Donghae reached down and kissed his daughter on the forehead. He meant every word he said.

“I used to think I could never love anything as much as I loved Hyukjae, but I was wrong. You. I love you so much more than everything else. You are the single most important thing to me. You give me the strength I need to get through my days. I love you, Yuki. I love you so much.” 

Donghae wiped his teary eyes with his finger. More than anything right now, he just wished his daughter could understand just how much she meant to him. 

“Hae?” Eunhyuk called, his head popping in from the door. “I’m leaving now.” 

“Oh.” Donghae looked down, taking a quick second to regain composure, before turning around with a smile. “Have fun tonight, honey. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Eunhyuk put his hands on his husband’s lips and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “God, this is weird, going out without you. I wish I could take you with me but—”

“It’s a work staff-only dinner thing, yeah, I get it.” He nodded. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.” 

“Alright. Well, I’ll be back before midnight.” Eunhyuk walked over to the crib to give his daughter a kiss. “Don’t wait up for me.” 

Donghae watched as his husband left the room. He stayed in that position until he heard the front door close. It was then when he turned back to his daughter, teary-eyed once again.

“Goodnight, Yuki.” 

He walked out and got in the shower. He cried. He always cried in the shower. He tried to tell himself every reason to trust his husband and to stop obsessing over where he might be or what he might be doing, but nothing worked. 

Nothing ever worked.