--

Eunhyuk thought that being married meant staying in bed on cold mornings, cuddling with Donghae as they sip hot chocolate and watch a marathon of Disney movies. What Eunhyuk gets instead is staying up late in the evening, laptops on their pillows instead of their heads, brochures scattered everywhere from the bed to the floor as they drink beer (they both think it tastes horrible, but it sure as heck makes all of this a lot easier) and debate about which adoption agency to choose.

“How come there are so freaking many?” Donghae whines and kicks his legs like a little kid. “Getting a baby is not supposed to be this difficult. Can’t we just…pick one up from the street or something?”

Eunhyuk puts down his almost-empty beer bottle and stares at his new wife incredulously. “If that’s your idea of parenthood, then we can’t do this.”

Donghae makes a small sound in the back of his throat, probably another sign of impatience, and uses Eunhyuk as a pillow to put half of his body weight on. “Oh God, Hyukkie, what are we going to do? How are we ever going to decide on an agency? We can barely even decide on which ice cream to get: strawberry plain or strawberry with nuts.”

“Don’t worry so much, Hae.” Eunhyuk nuzzles his note into Donghae’s hair, which smells like kiwi and strawberries (tsk Donghae’s been using Eunhyuk’s shampoo again). “We’ll figure this out. Somehow.”

“Would it be so bad to let someone else pick for us?” he suggests.

“Donghae, we’re not letting somebody else pick our baby.”

“But it’s not really our baby, it’s where our baby’s gonna come from.” He points out. “All of these places are really good—that’s why we can’t decide on one. Let’s ask Sungmin and Kyuhyun to pick, or Heechul.”

“We’re not letting Sungmin pick.” He shakes his head. “No, no. He’s gonna ruin this for us somehow.”

“How do you—”

“I just know.”

“Don’t you have any faith in our best friends?”

“Considering who our best friends are, no.”

“Okay, let’s ask Heechul then.” He decides. “Heechul is level-headed about these things, isn’t he? He won’t try to dupe us or something…won’t he?”

“Let’s hope so.” Eunhyuk has to admit that asking Heechul to pick will be faster than the two of them staying up more nights and losing more and more sleep like this. “Aside from his evil, diabolic brain, I gotta say, he’s the best person for this.”

--

“Eenie meenie miney moe, catch a tiger by its toe, if it hollers let it go, eenie meenie miney moe—that one.”

“We could have done that!” Donghae protests, while Eunhyuk facepalms beside him.

When they go to Heechul’s regular salon the next morning to ask him the favor they had in mind, he isn’t there, so they settle for his boyfriend instead. And they already regret it.

“Then why didn’t you?” Gunhee shrugs, barely giving them a glance as he’s too busy working on a customer. “Now, can you two leave me alone? I’m a little busy here.”

“You know, Hyukkie, as long as we’re here, we should get a manicure.” Donghae tells his husband, who nods.

“I was thinking the same thing.” He says. “Besides, we’re long overdue for some relaxation. I’ve been so tired lately; I can barely get out of bed in the morning.”

“Excuse me?” Donghae asks, ticked off. “You’re not the one who has to go work every morning and come home every night to a slacker husband who can’t be bothered to put on pants. This is the first day off I’ve had in weeks.”

“Hey, you never complained before!” He sulked, looking at his feet. “Who likes wearing pants at home anyway?”

“This is why Heechul and I never getting married.” Gunhee chimed in, earning glares from both Eunhyuk and Donghae’s directions. “Oh, speak of the son of a .”

“Hey baby,” Heechul comes in and pecks the corner of Gunhee’s mouth. “I brought you something.”

Gunhee looks at the tumbler in his lover’s hand and says, “Please tell me that’s sangria.”

He nods, “It is.”

“I love you.” He thanks him with a kiss on the cheek.

Heechul finally lays eyes on the other couple, and upon doing so, scrunches his nose in mock disgust. “What are you two doing here?”

Donghae ignores the question. “Wow, so you guys are already saying ‘I love you’ to each other? That’s a big step, especially for Chullie.”

“Oh, it doesn’t mean anything. It’s kind of a platonic thing.” Gunhee explains, shrugging.

“You guys are dating and you say ‘I love you’ to each other platonically?” Eunhyuk will never understand this relationship. “If Sungmin were here, he’d slap you two silly.”

“Or conk your heads together.” Donghae adds.

“Exactly.” Eunhyuk says, putting his arm around Donghae’s shoulders. “Look at me and Hae. We’ve been together for almost six years and we can tell exactly what’s going on in each other’s minds. That’s love, es.”

“Oh yeah?” Gunhee challenges. “What’s Donghae thinking of then?”

Eunhyuk crosses his arms, a smug look across his face. “That’s easy. He’s thinking about Nemo. He always is.”

“If he’s thinking about a fictional fish, then I don’t think you’re doing this husband thing right.” Gunhee remarks.

Heechul snorts at Gunhee’s quip. He looks at Donghae and asks the same question, “What’s Eunhyuk thinking of right now?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “Probably s or something.”

Eunhyuk swats his shoulder, offended. “Donghae!”

Gunhee and Heechul share a look of triumph. The latter points at them and says, “Sungmin and Kyuhyun have been together almost as long as you two have and neither of them have been unfaithful. And yes, I went there, .”

Eunhyuk glares at Heechul. “I hate you.” Then he glares at Donghae for high-fiving Heechul.

“That’s it, we’re leaving.” Eunhyuk rushes out of there so fast that he doesn’t even realize he left Donghae behind. Fortunately, Donghae doesn’t care since he’s already paid for a manicure anyway.

--

“Admit it.” Donghae tells Eunhyuk later that night when he finds him going through all the brochures again and again. He joins him at the kitchen table and snuggles up to him.

“What?” he asks.

Donghae puts his chin on Eunhyuk’s shoulder, which tickles him and makes him giggle. “This whole baby thing, you don’t want this. You’re only doing it because I want it and you have a guilty conscience.”

“Donghae, do you think I would go to this much trouble if I didn’t want this?” he denies it.

“That’s just it. You’re not going through any trouble at all.” Donghae points out calmly. “If you really wanted this, you would have already picked one. I know you, Hyukjae. You’re not that indecisive.”

He sighs and finally decides to put away the façade. “It’s not that I don’t want a family with you, babe. It’s just…having a baby is hard work. Plus, it’s expensive. And we’re already having trouble paying the bills—just paying for the adoption alone will put us in debt. Imagine all the baby expenses afterwards.”

“Well, I talked to Siwon and told him about our plans. He offered to promote me to a position with better hours and more pay. Everybody at work will hate my guts, but I’m gonna take it. For us. For our baby.” He reveals, squeezing Eunhyuk’s thigh. “And didn’t you say that you’re gonna start looking for work soon? In the meantime, maybe we could cut back on some luxuries.”

“Like outfits for Nemo and Mrs. Nemo?”

He gasps, “You wouldn’t!”

“Hey, we have to make sacrifices for the baby.” He shrugs, smiling cheekily.

Donghae pouts before giving in. “Fine, fine. But if we’re gonna do that, then we’re cutting out strawberry milk too.”

“You wouldn’t!” Eunhyuk gasps in a similar manner as Donghae earlier. He grumbles, “Having a baby .”

He chuckles and plants a kiss on Eunhyuk’s cheekbone. “It’ll be worth it in the end. I promise.”

“What if I’m not good at it? Being a parent, I mean?” he asks, genuinely worried. “I don’t know the first thing about being a father.”

“Neither do I.” He says. “But you took care of me all these years, didn’t you? I turned out pretty fine.”

“Hey, you’re right,” his eyes light up. “If I can keep you alive, then I can keep a baby alive too. I’m gonna be a great father!”

“Okay, let’s not get too ahead of ourselves.” Donghae closes his eyes and nuzzles his husband’s neck, relieved that he has finally gotten him on board. “Now all that’s left is—”

“I like this one.” Eunhyuk picks out a brochure from all the scattered ones on the table. “They’re not that pricey, they cater to LGBT couples and it even has a picture of a baby laughing on it.”

Donghae smiles. “It’s settled then. We’ll go check it out next weekend, okay?”

“Okay,” he kisses Donghae’s nose. “In the meantime, let’s go have while we still don’t have a screaming baby to interrupt us.”

“Okay, but I don’t want to ruin my manicure, so you’re gonna have to do all the work.” He says as they walk towards the bedroom.

“Don’t I always?”

“Shut up.”

--

“That place was nice, don’t you think?” Eunhyuk asks on the car ride home from the adoption agency. “There were pictures of little fishies painted on the wall; I bet you liked that.”

Donghae replies with an uninterested hum. Eunhyuk’s brows scrunch together.

“Donghae, honey, you’ve been quiet all day. And that certainly didn’t help when the lady at the agency was asking us questions and all you did was mumble.” He says, tapping his fingers on the wheel while waiting for the light to turn green. “What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

He sighs, “I was watching Oprah last night—”

“Oh God.”

“And there was this teenage girl who came on.” He continues. “She had just found out that she was adopted, and she was so upset by her parents’ deception that she pimped herself out and then, boom, she’s knocked up.”

“So? That’s not going to happen to us.” He assures him. “I know that, you know that—what’s really bothering you?”

“I want a baby, Hyukkie.” He says. “But call me selfish, but I don’t want a baby that’s not ours. I want our baby to look like you and me, I want our baby to have our good qualities, I want our baby to be ours and only ours.”

Eunhyuk keeps one hand on the wheel and the other on Donghae’s thigh. “When did you start thinking about this?”

“A couple of nights ago. I couldn’t sleep so I was watching you sleep instead, and then I realized that I want my child to look like you, because you look so perfect when you’re sleeping.”

“Only when I’m sleeping?”

“You should be flattered; you sleep with your mouth open so wide I can see your tonsils.” He chuckles a little and yips when Eunhyuk pinches his thigh in revenge. He takes Eunhyuk’s hand and starts to play with his slender fingers. “Why couldn’t I have just been born a girl?”

Eunhyuk takes Donghae’s chin between his thumb and his index finger, looking back and forth from him to the road. “Because you’re already so perfect as a boy.”

Donghae tries to hide the blush on his cheeks—it’s ridiculous how he still blushes when his husband says things like that. He clears his throat and changes the subject. “So, where does this leave us now?”

“To be honest, I don’t know.” He says. “Donghae, you and I can’t make a baby.”

“I know that,” Donghae rolls his eyes. “Haven’t you ever heard of the swirl?”

“I’m afraid to ask.” He bites his bottom lip.

“The swirl. You know, we both put our…er…let’s call it DNA, we put our DNA in a cup, mix them together and plant them in some woman.”

“Oh,” that sounds less disturbing than he expected. “How will we know who’s the father then?”

“I don’t know. Do we want to know?” he asks. “I mean, would it make any difference? We’d still love the baby to death.”

 “You really shouldn’t use death and baby in the same sentence.” Eunhyuk laughs when Donghae slaps his shoulder.

“Just drive, will you?” he gripes. “Oh hey, Sungmin and Kyuhyun’s house is on our way home. Why don’t we pay them a little surprise visit?”

--

“I’m getting—ooh—tired.”

“Now you know how I feel. Ngghh keep going, baby.”

“I didn’t think you’d enjoy this so much—ah that was nice.”

“Neither did I…ahhh yeaaahhh…”

The door burst open, and the next thing anyone knows, Sungmin is flung off the bed, Kyuhyun is scrambling to cover his body, and Donghae and Eunhyuk are standing in their bedroom with their jaws on the floor.

“What the hell?!” Donghae exclaims. “Sungmin tops?!”

“Whatnothat’sthemostridiculousthingI’veeverheardofactuallyweonlydidthisonetimeandthattimeisnowtruestory.” Kyuhyun says without pausing or taking a breath, his cheeks a bright shade of red.

“Yeah,” Sungmin scoffs from the floor. “‘Once’.”

“I didn’t even like it.” Kyuhyun laughs nervously, trying desperately to cover up the situation.

“Yeah, right.” Sungmin scoffs even louder.

Kyuhyun, without looking, chucks a pillow at his snarking wife’s face, causing him to land back on the floor.

“Donghae honey, I’m gonna go outside and see if hell has frozen over.” Eunhyuk leaves and goes to what Donghae assumes is the kitchen for a much-needed drink after this whole debacle.

“Despite the fact that I can see Kyuhyun’s balls—nice sack, by the way—I’m thrilled to share some very exciting new with you guys.” Donghae grins at Kyuhyun and Sungmin’s blank faces.

“This better be good,” Kyuhyun says, “or else I’m gonna have to ask—no, I’m gonna tell you to get the out of our house.”

“Oh, this is good.” Donghae squeals in excitement. “You know that whole adopting thing? Yeah, that’s out of the picture! We’re gonna do the swirl!”

Sungmin and Kyuhyun blink at him incredulously. Sungmin lays back down on the floor while his husband tells their unexpected guest to, “get out, get the out of our house.”

--

A few days later, Eunhyuk and Donghae receive a call from Sungmin saying, “I KNOW THE PERFECT SURROGATE MOTHER!”

--

“We really appreciate you doing this for us, Suzy.” Eunhyuk thanks the woman for the umpteenth time. “But I’m just saying, you can still back out if you want.”

“Um, considering I’m about to get your planted in my womb, I’d say it’s a little late to back out now.” Suzy says, feeling a little uncomfortable to be sitting on a table in a hospital gown with a group of men crowding her. “But thanks anyway.”

“Sorry. I just think it’s weird how one of our friends we see on a semi-regular basis is going to be the mother of our child.” Eunhyuk says. “What’s our baby gonna say when he sees you then? What are we going to say when he asks who you are? Oh my God, our child’s gonna get screwed up and become a stripper, isn’t he?”

“Stop calling it a ‘he’.” Donghae scolds. “What if ‘he’s’ a girl?”

“I’d say your child is gonna be screwed up either way.” Gunhee remarks casually.

Suzy stares at him in wonder. “I’m sorry, who is this and why is he holding a video camera?”

“He’s Heechul’s boyfriend and…we don’t really know what he’s doing here.” Eunhyuk shakes his head. He’s encountered so many strange moments in his life that he doesn’t even bother to ask anymore.

“Heechul sent me to capture this moment. He says he wants to record the exact moment when all of you started ruining your own lives so he can show it to you in the future and laugh at your stupidity.” He explains with a shrug. It’s almost disturbing, really, how Gunhee seems so casual about everything—especially when it comes to Heechul’s antics (and Heechul is usually the sane one in the group). “Oh, and before I forget, he told me to tell you that he takes back what he said about him being glad that you two are adopting because the universe can’t handle either of you reproducing. The universe is doomed now, he said. In fact, I think he’s building a bomb shelter right now as we speak.”

Donghae turns to Eunhyuk, a serious look on his face. “Why are we friends with these people?”

“Why are you only asking that question now?” he asks. “Suzy, is there anything we can get for you?”

“Oh, no thanks, I’m fine.” She then immediately changes her mind. “Oh hell, I’m gonna be so ing fat after this; get me the fattiest thing you can buy with your stinking money.”

As the three men scurried out of the room at Suzy’s voice rising, Donghae mutters, “Geez, she’s not even pregnant yet and the hormones are already kicking in.”

--

“What should we name the baby? I was thinking Bada.”

 “Like your dog? No.”

“Haru?”

“Tablo beat you to it and named his daughter that.”

“Ne—”

“Don’t you dare say Nemo.”

“Why not?”

“Donghae, we are not naming our child after a clownfish.”

“Donghae Jr.”

“Why does it get to be named after you?”

“Because I’m the one thinking of all the names.”

“I can think of names too. Um…give me a second…”

“Forget it, Hyukjae, you . What if we name the baby after one of our friends? Like Sungmin or Heechul?”

“Ew, no. We both love strawberries, so why not Strawberry?”

“Gee, Hyukjae, way to give our child a hippie’s name.”

“Caramel?”

“For God’s sake, Hyukjae, do you want our child to become a stripper?”

“Let’s just name her after Suzy then. Wait, is it a she?”

“Suzy’s already the mother; why does she get to share the baby’s name too? We should have both a boy’s and girl’s name ready, just in case.”

“Oh my God, what if we have twins?”

“Oh my God, that would be so cool. We could dress them up in matching outfits and we could name them Tweedledee and Tweedledum or something.”

“That’s a terrible idea. This is getting us nowhere.”

“What do you suggest then?”

“I don’t know. Let’s just randomly pick a name from the phonebook. I’ll flip the pages and when I stop, you point.”

“Okay, let’s do it.”

Eunhyuk opens the phonebook, flips the pages until Donghae says stop, and the latter closes his eyes as his uses his finger to make destiny.

Eunhyuk gulps as he reads the name Donghae’s finger is pointed at, “Jieun.”

“No. ing. Way.” Donghae’s face turns dark and his voice become deeper and…growlier. “Anything but that ’s name.”

Eunhyuk throws his hands up in the air. “I give up.”

“Look, let’s just both say a name at the same time, and whichever sounds better, we’ll go with that.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

At the count of three, they both give a name. Much to their surprise, the same thing comes out of their mouths.

“Donghyuk.”

They stop and smile at each other, because they both know that they have finally found the perfect name.

--

One day, while Eunhyuk is in the bath, he receives an urgent call from the mother of his future child.

“EUNHYUK, IT’S A GIRL! I’M HAVING A GIRL! I MEAN, I GUESS YOU’RE HAVING A GIRL, BUT SHE’S COMING OUT OF MY—”

“Thank you for the information, Suzy.” Eunhyuk calmly hangs up and makes another call. For someone who always complains about being so busy at work, Donghae sure has a lot of time to take calls.

“Hey, Hyukkie,” Donghae answers cheerfully. “Guess what happened tod—”

“We can’t use the name ‘Donghyuk’.”

“I hate you.”

Donghae promptly hangs up, upset because he liked the name ‘Donghyuk’ (for a boy) so much, but happy because he has such a wonderful marriage where they understand each other perfectly.

--