Nothing has changed. Everything’s as cold as Antarctic whenever winter sweeps the streets of Seoul. I glanced sideways as a curve drew on my lips, knowing how tired my best friend was but still looking so gorgeous on her blonde curls. Her cheeks were warm as flaming scarlet and I’m dying to imprison it between my palms to gain some heat as she snorted before embarrassingly blowing a sneeze, causing her nose to turn red as well. I couldn’t help but laughed.

It was a moment of silence afterwards. Everything became seriously boring, as well as the stranger beside her, too cold to even flinch a single muscle he’s been hiding underneath his fit sweater. His breathe fogging in front of his face, covering the silhouette of his being. Out of nowhere, I puffed quietly, making sure that I was the only one to hear my own thoughts. “It has been five years.”

I gave up on someone who I thought was my everything. The person, who everyone loved, adored and envied was now someone I used to know. Got people saying how lucky I was and they’re rooting that our high school puppy love will last forever. Thought about that word forever a million times, only to find out my very own hand let him go.  The word forever which means nothing but just couple of months. It even felt like just a blink of an eye. Sigh. I’m the one who chose to die a bit, to endure all the pain for me to save myself from dying completely. To sacrifice everything. The feeling was overwhelming. That moment of my life was the lowest, but it was also the time where I found my long lost self before I met him, cradling itself in the darkness where he brought me which I thought was paradise.

But the worst isn’t the feelings I had for him, or maybe still have for him, but those memories running in my head again and again. As if it was playing unstoppable, those pieces of him he left mark in my heart. That lovely feminine face he has, those childlike laughter, those pink gums I’d love to see each day whenever he’s smiling. It was surreal, as if I’ve got lucky to catch someone who was too good to be true. Maybe, there are things better left in the past. But still, I can’t deny how it was haunting me. So many what ifs, so many ruthless self-blaming.  Especially now, I know how happy he’s with his new girlfriend. Taller than me, prettier than me, more popular than me. Her face in the façade of every mall, her name being screamed by her fans, the runway she’s always filling in, owning. In short, she’s better than me. Way better than me. I’m nothing but ordinary Fine Arts student while she’s a ing-hot-model. Like I’m a charcoal being compared to a diamond. It was frustrating.

“It has been ing five years! It has been that long and why can’t I move on what the ?” I shouted with my fists balled in exasperation. “Jeez, stop it already.” Her voice suddenly took back my sanity. I felt her hand patting my head as if I’m her . I sighed in condolence for my heart which I think was desperately begging for some love.

The three of us leisurely followed the source of the bright light moving towards our direction as I heard a loud screech of the tires against the asphalt. Patiently waiting for the passengers to take off, my eyes scanned each of them and none of their faces even registered on my head until the last one.

Suddenly, I didn’t want to breathe. Seriously. Not that I wanted to end my life, nor I had a cardiac arrest but I was totally wrecked with the perfection a stranger could possess. “Where are you going Dara, our bus is here!” Chaerin blurted out. My head was so light that I haven’t noticed how my legs walked on its own will, following each footstep he made. Everything seemed to be uncanny, so dreamlike, as if I was floating in the cloud nine.

There’s this great force I couldn’t comprehend. Myself willingly being pulled like a magnet by his unknown entity, walking several blocks, up to the expressway, not minding the darkness binding our path. How can a person be this perfect even if I can only see his b