It was thirty minutes after five in the afternoon, and the anxiety Jackson was feeling kept building up into something else. He had the urge to throw up, but not really. His whole body felt like it was made of metal, and the air was electricity, hitting his skin. He never expected any of this to be felt, really. He had actually forgotten about this, because of his heavy major exams. When he woke up this morning, he wanted to sleep more, because his whole body craved for rest. He actually planned on sleeping throughout the rest of the day. That was the plan.

But then, he realized that today was Saturday. The day Mark Tuan would finally choose between him and Jinyoung, the day that would end all of this, and start new ones. They agreed on accepting the decision, but thinking about it now, he would be very devastated if he wasn’t chosen. He wasn’t sure about his best friend, but he was just being honest here.

It was easier for Jaebum to say such things, because the guy wasn’t in their situation. Jackson wasn’t even sure if he could show himself to Mark, after this. Maybe, his pride was subconsciously there, saying that “you still have your dignity. Who needs him”. He wished that he could get things in check, but time was ticking faster than usual, because it was already quarter to six.

Mark could be arriving soon, or not. Jackson dropped all of his expectations and cleared his mind. Over thinking would only make things worse right now. He stood up from his place, walking over to the refrigerator. He took out some chocolate-chipped cookies and the whole carton of vanilla ice cream.

He needed happy hormones right now, and what better way to get by indulging is such sweet treats.

Thinking about it now, maybe he wanted to get things over with. He just wished it was already past six, or that time would come. He was getting very impatient, or maybe it was the sweets. Were the sweets causing all this? He wasn’t really sure.

The clock showed five fifty six. The room was too silent, that only his breathing and ticking off the clock could be heard. This was really an unbearable situation, even with the treats.

His head suddenly faced the door. Wait, was that a knock he was hearing? He stood up from his seat, walking towards the front door. There it was again. This time, they were stronger. Someone was actually knocking.

Could it be?

He didn’t order any pizza, so that couldn’t be the pizza guy. He wasn’t expecting any parcels or anything, so it couldn’t be the mailman. He wasn’t expecting visitors, except-

His hand reached for the knob, twisting it carefully, pulling the door. At this point, it took his a while to realize that someone was hugging him tightly. But even so, his arms naturally embraced the person.

Mark had chosen him.

“Please, make the pain go away. Please.”

Pain. This human being, this person, was experiencing pain. He would never understand the twists and turns of Mark’s emotions, especially with his current situation. This person was too kind, too innocent, for the harsh world they currently lived in. This person needed protection from such corruption, and he was glad that he was chosen to be the shield.

But, Jackson was sure, him and Mark had the same thing in mind right now.

Jinyoung. Yes, his best friend. The first thing that came into his mind was Jinyoung, how the person was, or how his best friend was handling the situation. Maybe, that was why Mark was crying.

They both felt sorry and guilty at the same time. He was sure that Mark wanted to console Jinyoung as much as he did.

This was more bitter than sweet.

He closed the door, assisting Mark to the living room. He rushed to the kitchen to get a glass of water and soon came back.

“Thank you” He heard the other mumble. “I’m sorry for... you know, welcoming you with... this.”

“It’s fine, Mark. Are you feeling better?”

“Better than I was earlier, thanks.”

Jackson had this urge to ask if Mark had chosen him, but it seemed inappropriate as of the moment. And, it would be better he wouldn’t be the one to open the topic. They sat in silence, but it wasn’t that awkward. It was bearable, and it was somehow comforting.

“Do you want to get some sleep?”

“Would that be okay?”

“Of course” He stood up, offering his hand to the redhead. “Come on”

They made their way to the bedroom. Mark crawled on the bed, resting his head on Jackson’s pillow.

“Wake me up at around 8, okay?”

“Sure”

“Can you stay?”

“I never planned on leaving.” He positioned himself next to Mark, closing the gap they had. He wrapped his arms around the tired redhead, caressing those red locks as he hummed. “Get some rest, Mark.”

“Thank you, Jackson.”

He lowered his head, kissing the redhead on the forehead. For now, they would enjoy peace. At least, for a moment, they could enjoy this. He didn’t want to think about anything else at this moment. Right now, all that mattered was Mark.

---

Jinyoung didn’t planned on doing this, but it seemed that his body had a mind of its own. He was hyperventilating, and his whole body felt like electricity. The tears continued on flowing, not caring if his vision burred as he drove. Where was he going? To Jackson’s place. And, he wasn’t really sure why.

When his wall clock showed ten minutes after six, that was when he grabbed his car keys and bolted out of their house. He said he’d be fine, he’d be okay, he’d be ready.

But, no. He would never be ready for something like this. His hopes got up too high, too high for his own good. And now, they were crashing down on him. He thought he could take it, but he was wrong. So wrong. This wasn’t as easy as it seemed. This was harder, especially for him.

Mark had chosen Jackson, not him.

That felt like a slap in the face, and a kick in the gut. Compared to other things, this was supposed to be nothing. But, why did it mean everything to him? There were no more words to be said, but why was he looking for an answer? Everything was pretty clear. He wasn’t chosen, but why was he yearning for an explanation?

And, even if he did hear an answer from Mark, would that really change anything?

Jinyoung rushed to the elevator, desperately pressing the floor button. What would he even do here? What did he want to achieve? He wasn’t even sure what he would do, if he saw the two together. He stopped in front of the door, breathing heavily before knocking loudly.

“Jackson!” He shouted. Why was he doing this? “Jackson!”

The door opened, revealing the person he wasn’t really looking for, but it was expected. Jackson seemed to be asleep earlier. Where was Mark?

“Jinyoung?”

“Where’s Mark?” He asked. “Where is he?”

“Jinyoung, quiet down. Mark’s-“

“I need to talk to him.” He said, emphasizing the need of his call. “Please”

Their attention fell on the closing of the room door. It was Mark, who seemed to be awoken by the noise he was causing.

They were probably cuddling in Jackson’s room.

“Jackson? Is everything ok-“ Their eyes met, and he could see Mark’s eyes widen. “J-Jinyoung?”

“Mark”

He walked past Jackson, not caring if he wasn’t invited inside or not. He stood in front of Mark, grabbing the redhead’s hand. Was he that scary right now, that the contact made the boy inch away?

“Mark, why?”

“Jinyoung, stop.” He heard Jackson say. “Mark’s tired.”

“Shut up, okay? I’m not talking to you.” He focused on Mark again, who seemed to be terrified with the situation. “Mark, tell me. Why him? Why not me? What does he have that I don’t?”

“Jinyoung, stop” This time, he felt a hand on his shoulder. “You can’t just come here and act like this. I thought we agreed-“

“I know what we agr