"Hello?" I picked up my phone, taking a break from messaging my family back home.

 

 "I'm here in Korea." It was Kris.

 

 "Okay. Well, things haven't changed much, expect for one thing. About Tao..."

 

 "Hold up, I'll call you back later. I have to check into this hotel first. Thank you again, Luhan. I owe you big time. Bye."

 

 "Before I had the chance to tell him of what I had overheard with Suho and Tao, he had hung up. Maybe he didn't need to know this. He was likely to find out himself. Again, none of this was my place. Everything that was going on, I had nothing to do with it and I couldn't help but feel a bit guilty for becoming a part of this mess. Though, Amber didn't deserve any of the things happening to her and that's what had kept me going up until now. Soon, she would find out everything. Whether Kris knew Tao liked her now or not, it wouldn't matter I don't think. He was a dead man in Kris' mind, and I couldn't blame him. Not knowing what to do, I put my phone on my dresser and walked out into the livingroom to take a nap or do whatever to distract my mind.

 

---

 

 I began to get dressed, getting ready for the date tonight. Was it really a date? I guess not since we haven't called it that, but I still couldn't help but smile at the thought. I decided a black dress shirt with black skinny jeans was casual, but not too boring. I decided to wear a small silver chain necklace and black high tops to go with it, keeping the look classy but edgy. It was a look I preferred to wear - something SM should let me wear more often. Looking like a messed up pidgeon wasn't fun. I hated that white blonde hair they made me wear for 'OVERDOSE'. I missed my black hair, I'm so glad I could dye it back a month ago. Since it was only late summer, I figured the sunglasses would work and I wouldn't need much heavy clothing but a black hoodie in case it gets chilly.

 

 I checked my phone. It was soon to be five, so perfect timing. The movie starts in ten minutes. We were supposed to meet up in the next few minutes. I checked my hair and clothing in the mirror, wanting to make sure it was perfect, when I heard my door open. I turned around and saw Suho walk in, quietly closing the door behind him. I sighed, showing him my complete annoyance. What the hell did he want now.

 

 "Are you done hurting Amber?" he asked exasperatedly.

 

 "That's none of your business, loverboy." I rolled my eyes at him, slipping on my hoodie and grabbing my black sunglasses.

 

 "Well, I can tell that you are. Please, don't give her anymore pain than she needs. If you do that, I can't see why you wouldn't be a good pair with her." Shocked, I looked over at Suho, blushing deeply. He softly smiled as he quietly exited my room. Idiot. I was supposed to hate him. He was a potential threat now with Amber. Dammit. Though, I couldn't help but smile knowing he was on my side. Maybe, just maybe I had a chance with the most perfect girl that I blindly had seen for years.

 

 Waiting for him to be gone, I left my room and exited the dorms, walking to the closest movie theater. As I walked, all I could do was debate with myself about how badly I wanted to tell Amber my feelings, questioning whether it was the right time? My feelings have been here, secretly unnoticed for a while now, but now that I know....should she know? Once I got to the theater, it only took me lss than a second to notice Amber. She was wearing a colorful hoodie, but it actually fit her properly. It showed her beautiful, feminine curves. Her hood was up, but she didn't hide her face with sunglasses like I was. I guess the hoodie was enough. She also wore tight, dark blue skinn jeans with a few holes and some red pair of Jordans.

 

 Trying to hide my excitement and nervousness, I smiled and raised my hand for a high five. Once she saw me, she ran up to me and jumped into the air to return the favor. She was so cute. I really hope tonight works out. I have no idea how this will go or even what I'll say - if anything.

 

---

 

 I grinned once I saw Tao, happiness beginning to come back to me. Tao was slowly bringing me back to life. He was my best friend, no doubt. I felt closer to him than anyone else in this world at this point.

 

"You made it, panda." I said, giggling.

 

 "Don't you act so surprised." he responded, taking off his sun glasses and putting them in his pocket.

 

 "Tao, what if someone notices you?"

 

 "Aish, I don't really care. I'm supposed to be in Incheon, well all of EXO, but here I am. If I'm seen with you, I don't care." My heart felt warmed. He really was great. "The movie starts in a few minutes. Ready for the action and silly romance?"

 

 I chuckled "Tao and his romance. You're worse than a girl!" Surprised, I noticed he looked down with a small blush. What, did I find his secret? Romantic movies?

 

 "I thought it'd be a good blend of movies for us, that's all. It seems like a good movie." Aha! Busted!

 

 "You like romance movies ~~. I found your secret. You better beg for it to be a secret, baby Panda!!"

 

 "So what!?" he looked up at me, blushing deeper. His face reminded me of a stubborn child. This side of him was very cute.

 

 "Hey, Amber. Can I ask you a question?" I relaxed the smile on my face, not wanting to drag on his embarassment. I'll save that for another time.

 

 "Sure."

 

 "Are you - like - busy next week? You see, well. Are you seeing any -"

 

"- YOU SON OF A !!" All of a sudden, someone jumped in front of me. Instantly, I saw Tao fall to the ground and put a hand to his face. He had been punched? Who was this guy? His hair was black....and that voice. I knew that voice. I rushed to Tao's side and looked up at the tall man.

 

"KRIS!?!?!?" I pannicked, shocked to see him.

 

"If you EVER touch her again I swear to god I'LL KILL YOU! You hear me!? I'll ing kill you!!" He grabbed the clotch from my jacket on my shoulder and yanked me to stand behind him, careful of not hurting me. I started punching Kris' back from behind. This tall bastard wasn't explaining anything!!

 

"KRIS!! Stop! What's going on? W-Why are you here?"

 

"Amber...Kris...." Tao mumbled. Why wasn't he getting up? Or fighting back? Tao looked so weak, almost guilty.

 

"Yeah, why don't you explain why I had to come here!? Come on, why I had to leave here even under my condititions?" Kris harshly spoke, each word like a dagger.

 

"Amber..." He looked up at me, his eyes beginning to water up.

 

"Tao..." Oh no. What does this mean? What don't I know?

 

"There's something I haven't told you." He looked down at the ground again, his hair covering his face.

 

"What do you mean?" I asked. What the hell is he talking about?

 

"Continue...." Kris growled, his hands at his sides clenched tightly to the point the white showed in his knuckles and I thought he was going to make himself bleed. I almost instinctively grabbed them, not wanting him to hurt himself, but I stopped myself immediately. It was Kris, not someone good or worth my worry.

 

"Look, I didn't want it this way." I snapped my mind back to the situation. "I changed my mind. What I wanted is you now, but not in a horrible way." Tao....horrible way?? What?? My heart began to sink. What was he talking about?

 

"Tao? What are you saying?"

 

"What!? You're saying you like her!? You son of a....I can't believe you." Kris turned around for a second, grinning like a mad man and putting his hands in his hair, only to turn around and glare at Tao again. He was ready to practically pounce on Tao any second.

 

"Tao?" I asked again, my eyes beginning to water up. He wouldn't respond, rather kept his face hidden still.

 

 Not leaving his sight on Tao, Kris spoke "He wanted to get back at me for leaving, but by hurting you in the process. He isn't your friend or whatever the hell he claims to be. He wants to use you to ruin me.If something happened to me, he knew it would kill me. Tao wanted to ing ruin you in order to ruin me."

 

 "Tao....?" Still, he wouldn't look up at me. It was like he was deaf. "Is this true?"

 

 "Amber...." he mumbled, finally saying something, but nothing I wanted to hear. He wasn't denying or fighting what Kris had said. He was so weak all of a sudden. Tao was a fighter, he wouldn't stand for this if it weren't true. Why Tao...why!?

 

 "Tao!! Tell me it's not!!" I pleaded, tears spilling out now. I didn't care who recognized me now. I wanted to die. My best friend, a boy I was slowly falling for, was a fake. A corrupt, broken nightmare. That's what Tao was.

 

 "Please, Amber...." Tao began to beg, his voice also beginning to break.

 

 "I can't believe you! You, you ! Why did you have to do this!? To think I even liked you!! You were my friend, I trusted you. To betray me, you're sick! You're a sick person!" I shouted.

 

 "Amber...."

 

 "Go to hell and never talk to me again!! I hate you."

 

 I turned around, begining to quickly walk to my dorms.

 

 "Please, wait! Amber!!" I ignored Tao's pleads, continuing to walk quickly away. This was the worst day of my life, tied right next to the day when Kris had left. I no longer knew if I would come out of this sane anymore. Everyone I trusted, one by one, were falling down and exposing their blood and intentions.

 

---

 

 As I was walking to the hotel, I looked around the old streets I once wandered with Amber. I remembered where everything was and where every memory happened. Though, as I looked around, something caught my eye. Tao....in public. He was with someone much tinier. It didn't take me too long to realize it was Amber. Instantly, I had ran across the street, barely missing cars, and acted on impulse.

 

 Now, after a punch to the jaw and Amber realizing what this bastard's intentions were, she had fled. After Tao pleaded for her to return, I grabbed him up by the collar and almost lost it.

 

"If you ever try to harm her again, I will ing kill you. Remember that you bastard. You see, I don't give a damn about my career anymore. I'll kill you if I have to, got it!?"

 

 He looked up at me with crying eyes, which only made me more sick. You were a close friend of mine, like a little brother. After everything, now you were playing the victim card. It disgusted me. I threw him back on the ground, walking away and running after Amber, yelling her name with no responses. I barely was able to keep my eyes on her, her desperately trying to lose me in the crowds of Seoul. Some people noticed who I was, but I didn't care. Not anymore. I had to get to Amber. I needed to talk to her.

 

 I saw her get to her dorm, and of course, she shut and locked the door once she entered. Luckily, I remembered to bring the extra key she gave me years back. Quickly, I unlocked the door. Once I let myself in, Amber turned around and looked at me shocked, only to look down at my hands to remember the key. I looked around the living room and saw Song Qian an Luna standing like frozen statues and staring at me in utter shock.

 

 I looked back to Amber. "Amber....please." I begged. Her tears were flooding down her face. I wanted to desperately to hold her and make her feel better, but I knew she would fight me till the death if I did that. Hell, I couldn't blame her.

 

 "What do you want?" she said. The girls looked back and forth at us, not knowing what to do and obviously shocked to see me and Amber together in the same room.

 

 "I want to explain some things."

 

 "Oh, like what? Perhaps why you left in THE MIDDLE OF THE GOD DAMN NIGHT!? You never told me anything, you were just gone. No one understood truly why and then rumors came up and they made us even more sick. Not one call....not one explanation. Not to anyone....especially me."

 

 "Amber..."

 

---

 

"YOU BROKE MY HEART, KRIS!" I screamed, furious. The other girls walked into their bedrooms, not knowing what to do. They knew it was better for me to speak to him alone for now. "You son of a , you broke my heart." I mumbled, my words breaking and my voice getting weaker. I turned around and weakly ran to my room, using my last strength to get to on top of my bed. I had to sit, I couldn't stand anymore. My room was my only safe place right now. Kris followed, worried.

 

 "I left to not get anyone involved. Amber, I loved you....and I still do. Leaving you was honestly the hardest thing I ever had to do." I curled up in a ball, holding my legs tightly to my chest and having my face look towards the other side of my room, Kris in the doorway. He gently walked a bit closer, but still gave me distance. He knew I would kill him if he got any closer. I would snap. I could already feel myself breaking every second he stood before me.

 

 "Then why? Why did you do it?" I painfully asked. Why did he do this to me? Ruin my life? Kill me like this.

 

 "Amber, I'm sick. I was seriously ill at that time. I had to leave when SM wouldn't know a thing. I had to run and leave before SM learned anything and threatened me. Honestly, I didn't have a choice. Basically, I ran."

 

 "How long were you keeping this from me....you planning to escape?"

 

 "A month. A painfully, horrible month. Amber, I'm so sorry. I was hoping you would easily move on from me, I never wanted to hurt you. Hell, I love you till this day and promise that I always will. I'm not asking for your forgiveness or for you to embrace me like you had once again. I just want you to know the truth and how sorry I really am." I looked at him, my eyes so blurry I had to keep blinking just to see his figure now.

 

 "Why didn't you just explain this to me? I'm your girlfriend! I thought secrets were out of the question!"

 

 "The less you knew, the safer you were. SM was no doubt going to pull you away from me and I didn't want your career to hurt because of me. We were going to be seperated, whether we liked it or not. I didn't want to, but I was going to die sooner or later. I was planning on telling you, on a last day, but my lawyer called that night and I hadn't the chance. If I texted or called you, I didn't want SM knowing or thinking you were an accomplice."

 

 "YiFan....I hated you. I was miserable, practically dead for months. I was slowly being brought back to life, by Tao - who I can't trust anymore. Now your back in my life and Tao is my enemy and I just....I hate this. I don't know how much my heart can handle. It's hard to breathe, let alone think clearily."

 

 "I wouldn't lie to you Amber. Tao is a horrible person. He called me and happily hinted towards his plans toward you. I didn't think me leaving would put you in more danger, especially him snapping like that. I'm so sorry Amber. I'm forever at your mercy."

 

 "So, now that you're here are you getting ready to leave? Why don't you take more of my heart with you??"

 

 "Amber....you have to believe me."

 

 "Honestly Kris, I don't know what to believe right now. My best friend has turned out to be some sick sociopath! You come back in to my life and mess things up once again! Was you leaving not painful enough! I want to die, so badly at this point. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have to leave or do something."

 

 "Amber, I'm not leaving until I know you're safe and happy."

 

 "So now I'm worth it?"

 

 "You always were. Amber, I'm deeply in love with you and always have been. I never wanted to hurt you. You're the only thing I care about."

 

 "Myocarditis? Is it true?"

 

 "Yes. My heart was getting weaker and weaker. They weren't colds I had or flus. For a while, I thought they were, until I went to the doctors one day and found out."

 

 "How are you now?"

 

 "Better, but still not at a steady condition. Hell, how I could I be when I knew that bastard was going to hurt you. I was going out of my mind having to get to you in time before he did anything. If he touched you in any way....or hurt you.....I swear I would kill him. Hell, I still think the same way. I want to make him disappear, so badly. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, love. I'm so sorry. If I had known...." he choked up, looking at the ground and beginning to well up. Not even the stoic leader was able to stay strong.

 

 "Leave." I mumbled. Kris looked up at me, shocked.

 

 "What?" he raised his head and looked up at me. I tucked my head behind my legs.

 

 "Leave, I don't want to see you anymore. At least, not right now. I don't feel like getting sick tonight. Go, leave!" I heard him sigh, but soon heed my words and walk away. Once I heard the outside door close again, I knew he was gone. A part of me wanted him to stay, to hold me and tell me everything was alright, but another part couldn't handle it. I wasn't the same girl I was back then. I'm corrupted and depressed and paranoid. I hate the world I'm living in. I didn't want to be near him and knew I could never forgive myself if I let him back in my life. He, once again, through my life upside down by not only coming back but telling me the truth of Tao. Tao....my best friend. They were both dead to me now.

 

 Weakly, I got up and closed and locked my bedroom door. In case Luna or Vic were going to bang on the door, I put my headphones in and began listening to my phone's music on shuffle, muting all calls and notifications. Of course, every painful, sad song played and made me cry even more, thought I hadn't the strength to change any song. I felt finished off, almost dead. Slowly, I fell asleep, exhausted from the painful night I had just endured.

 

---

 

 I watched Kris run after Amber, feeling sick to my stomach. It finally got out. She knew now of my intentions....my old ones.

 

 She was gone.

 

 I'd lost her.

 

 Though, I knew I never deserved her. Deep down, I always knew that, but I wanted and dreamed of becoming someone that was at least close to her level. Tears began to fall again from my eyes. I'd lost everything, everything truly important to me. Kris was first....but Amber was the last and the most painful. I'd hurt her. No, I feared I'd done worse.

 

 Slowly, I got to my feet and felt the left side of my face again. I was bleeding. Kris must have been wearing a ring or something. Hell, I hadn't even noticed. I smirked, hating myself and knowing I deserved everything I had just got. I was a sick, ing twisted bastard. Though, who was I to show pity for myself?

 

 A bit wobbly, I began walking the opposite direction where they had left. I didn't want to go home tonight. I didn't want to be comforted or in a place I could feel at all comfortable. I walked through the streets, tears staining my face and a small smile of sick kharma glued to my face. I should have known sooner or later, she would have learned of my past intentions and ran from my side.

 

 Eventually, I felt too weak to walk and wobbled into a dark alley, letting my legs give out and fall to the ground, grunting at the cold, harsh ground. With the little strength I had left, I pulled my body up a bit to lean against the side of a brick building. My jeans had ripped at the knee and had holes in them now. I must look filthy and disgusting now. Heh, I guess I looked see-through now. My heart was now on my sleeve, showing everyone what I had become. No, what I've always been. A devil's blessing.

 

 "You were my friend, I trusted you. To betray me, you're sick! You're a sick person!"

 

 Her words sliced at my heart, repeating in my mind nonstop.

 

 "Go to hell and never talk to me again!! I hate you."

 

  ........................................

 

 "I hate you."

 

 .............

 

 She hated me, but I couldn't blame her.

 

 Hell, I hated me too.