“Hi,” a voice whispered softly, causing Yunho to turn around quickly.

 

“Hi. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called. This is… This isn’t safe.” Yunho reached out to touch the ethereal beauty in front of him. He could still remember the feel of the porcelain skin under his fingers. He could remember the sound of Jaejoong’s low moans that permeated the late night darkness-fueled rendezvous.

 

“To hell with being safe. We’ve missed you and Changmin. , I miss you. I miss Changmin.” Jaejoong took Yunho’s out stretched hand. “I want you to come home with me tonight. I want to hug you and kiss you. I want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up to your face.”

 

“Jae, we aren’t kids anymore. We can’t get away with doing that.”

 

“You really think I ing care? Yunho, please. Just tonight. Please. I need you tonight. Please?” Jaejoong’s voice was edged with tears. He bite his lips, hoping the physical pain would stave off the emotional.

 

“Jaejoongie…” Yunho pulled Jaejoong into a tight embrace.

 

“Yunho, come home,” Jaejoong repeated. Yunho took a step back and looked in the direction of the flat he shared with Changmin. By all rights he should be there now, trying to sleep. Or at least attempting to drown his sorrows in cheap beer. Yunho held on to Jaejoong’s hand, like a life line.

 

Jaejoong lead the taller man to his car and opened the passenger’s door. Yunho sat down and rested his head against the cool glass, for once not thinking about anything but the beautiful man sitting next to him.

 

Once inside his apartment, Jaejoong headed straight for his kitchen. “Yunho, would you like something? A glass of wine or something to eat?”

 

Yunho just nodded and leaned against the counter. He wanted to wrap his arms around Jaejoong’s waist, breath in the scent of his shampoo and cry. He wanted to cry out all of his anger and frustration. But he didn’t move. He stayed firmly against the counter.

 

“Yunho,” Jaejoong hand the leader a glass. Yunho drained the glass quickly. “Why did you call me? If you thought this was a bad idea, then why?”

 

Yunho moved with lightening speed and wrapped his arms around Jaejoong. The kiss wasn’t sweet or gentle. It wasn’t tender or full of love. It was needy and lusty. Savage almost, all teeth and tongue. Jaejoong moaned as Yunho bit his lip. Jaejoong caressed Yunho’s cheek; it was wet with tears. He pulled away slightly to look Yunho in the eyes. Yunho looked away, not wanting to show weakness.

 

“Yunho, talk to me,” Jaejoong said softly.

 

It wasn’t long before they were sitting on the floor, Yunho’s head on Jaejoong’s chest. Jaejoong’s shirt was practically soaked with Yunho’s tears. All Jaejoong could do was rub Yunho’s back in slow circles. He had never seen his leader break so completely; in a way that he couldn’t pulled himself together, even if it’s just for appearances. Secretly, Jaejoong loved seeing this. His Yunho, his first true love, the first person he felt he could truly trust. This is what he has wanted for months, to have Yunho back in his arms and needing him.

 

“Yunho. You need to talk to me. I want to fix it, but you need to tell me what’s wrong.”

 

“End it. End this stupid lawsuit and come home,” Yunho hiccuped into Jaejoong’s shirt.

 

“I can’t do that. You know that. We will never be truly separated, but I can’t let SM continue what they are doing to people. They don’t treat us like people.” Jaejoong stopped and stared at Yunho’s arm. Bright purplish bruises wrapped around his forearm in a perfect imprint of a hand. “Yunho, what happened?”

 

“It was me or Minnie. I can take a beating better than he ever could.”

 

“Who?” the simple question contained all the rage Jaejoong had been bottling up over the past months.

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

“Yes it does!” Jaejoong stood up suddenly, “I need a ing drink. Tell me who did this. Where else did they hurt you? Why are you like this? Get mad! Fight back! Fight me if you want to. I don’t care, just fight.” Jaejoong drained the glass sitting on the counter and reached for the bottle. Abandoning the glass he took four long swallows before handing the bottle to Yunho.

 

Yunho grabbed the bottle, took three large gulps and leaned against the cabinets. “Jae, it’s nothing. Please don’t freak out about this.”

 

“Don’t freak out?! Yunho, do you hear yourself? This isn’t nothing. This is why Yoochun, Junsu and I left. I can’t bear seeing you guys being abused. I couldn’t handle the abuse anymore.” Jaejoong sat next to Yunho and took another drink from the bottle.

 

“We need another bottle. It’s not that bad, Jae. We’ve all gone through this. It’s not going to magically change because the three biggest trouble makers left. You aren’t proving anything.”

 

Jaejoong grabbed another bottle of wine from the refrigerator, “you don’t mean that. Avex nearly themselves when they thought the five of us were leaving. They freaked that just the three of us left.” Jaejoong inched closer to Yunho.

 

“It’s not going to change anything. It’s not going to stop them from punishing us. If anything, it’s gotten worse since you left.”

 

“Really?” Jaejoong took Yunho’s hand. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be. Don’t feel sorry for me.”

 

Three bottles of wine later and Jaejoong straddling Yunho’s lap; a familiar and comfortable position for both of them. Yunho rested his hands on Jaejoong’s hips. He found himself reminiscing about old times. Yunho thought about the first time Jaejoong crawled into his bed. They were still trainees at the time. Most of what would become Super Junior, their managers and the 5 of them were living together at the time. Yunho, normally a heavy sleeper, he was awoken by a warm weight on his back. Jaejoong whispered to Yunho something about a nightmare and needing a friend and missing his sisters. Yunho ran his hand through Jaejoong’s hair and hugged him close. From that night on, they slept close to each other. He held on to the happy memories of that cramped apartment. Even Jaejoong and Heechul’s constant fighting was becoming a joyful memory.

 

He remembered their first kiss, how unsure and nervous they were that they would get caught. He remembered the taste of Jaejoong’s lip balm and the smell of his hair. He remembered how hot and sweaty they were from the concert and how high the performance left them. They were sitting in a semi-secluded corner of the dressing room, waiting for the others to get changed, talking lowly. Yunho moved closer to Jaejoong, anxious that his next action would ruin their friendship. Yunho kissed the side of Jaejoong’s mouth, just a quick peck. Jaejoong didn’t know how he felt about the younger boy. He just knew he wanted another kiss, a better kiss.

 

“You didn’t hear a word I said did you?” Jaejoong giggled, light-headed from the alcohol and pleasure of touching Yunho.

 

“Huh? No I didn’t. Sorry, I was thinking about something.”

 

“I said, I am going to kiss you.” Jaejoong leaned in close and placed the sweetest most chaste kiss on Yunho lips.

 

“Why did you do that?”

 

“I had to know…”

 

“Know what?” Yunho was puzzled by the vagueness of Jaejoong’s statement.

 

“If you still feel like home to me…” Jaejoong kissed Yunho again. “And you do. And that scares me. I can be anywhere in the world, and I feel safe because of you.”

 

“That’s a lot to put on me Jaejoongie,” Yunho slid his hand under Jaejoong’s shirt and caressed the warm, smooth skin of his back.

 

“I know and I’m sorry. But it’s true.” Jaejoong stood up suddenly, and retrieved several bottles of soju from the fridge. “Tonight, I just want to drink, kiss and forget.”

 

“That’s not a good idea Jae. I should go home now.”

 

“How? Walk? I’m too drunk to drive you home and it’s too far to walk.”

 

“I could take a cab.”

 

“I can see the headline ‘TVXQ’s Yunho seen leaving former band mate’s apartment’. Lee will have a field day with that… Or worse.” Jaejoong stopped teasing, remembering the severe beating Yoochun once received at the rumor he was dating a girl. They lived in fear after that; always paranoid that they too, might be caught. “I want you to stay. I kinda need you to stay tonight.”

 

“What will happen if I agree to stay?”

 

“I will love you more than I already do.”

 

Yunho took a long drink from one of the bottles, “I should call Changmin, so he doesn’t worry about me. And maybe my sister so she could cover for me.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I want to drink. And kiss. And forget,” Yunho smiled.

 

Jaejoong returned the smile and drank the remainder of the bottle. “If we are going to do that, then we should move somewhere more comfortable than the kitchen floor.” Jaejoong giggled, his whole body numbed and warmed from the alcohol. Yunho somehow had a higher tolerance even though he drank much less often than Jaejoong.

 

They moved through the hushed apartment. Jaejoong lead the way to his bedroom. They sat on the edge of Jaejoong’s bed and just held each other’s hands.

 

“I’m sorry. Jaejoong, for every thing you had to go through, I’m so sorry. I was supposed to protect you and I couldn’t. I… You had to deal with so much and you were so mistreated. You’re so much stronger than I could ever be.”

 

“Yunho, no. Don’t be sorry. You did your best. You didn’t fail me. You did everything you could. I love you. I will always love you, nothing can change that.”

 

Yunho pulled Jaejoong into a tight embrace. “I love you, Jaejoong. I want you.”

 

***

 

“We’re gonna get caught one day.”

 

“Yeah, but I don’t care,” Jaejoong leaned in close to Yunho and kissed the taller man, sweetly.

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With all the YunJae in the news lately, I felt it was time to share this. I've been sitting on this for a long, loooooooong time. So, yup. Enjoy. Hugs and kissed and unicorns and rainbows!! ^3^