Crossroads

STORY

Taeyeon squeezed her eyes shut as the ear-piercing alarm from her phone sounded. Annoyed, she fumbled for her phone on the little bedside table. When she finally found it, she held it up above her face and squinted at the time groggily. 9:30. It was still too early for a Sunday.

Taeyeon closed her eyes and had barely landed the phone back on the table when her eyes shot open.

“G-God…”

“I’m Jessica Taeyeon.”

“Should I send you into overdrive?”

“I told you to stop teas— Gosh Jessica!”

Jessica. Jessica. Taeyeon sat up in shock as she frantically looked around her. She was alone, again. Her heart pounded and she swallowed hard. Then, she caught sight of it. A white envelope on her table not too far away that wasn’t there the night before. Unsteadily, she crawled out of bed as she slowly made her way to the table.

When Taeyeon registered the word ‘Taeyeon…’ that held the familiar handwriting on the envelope, she could almost feel her heart stop. Her hand slightly trembling, she retrieved the content from the envelope.

Taeyeon, it’s me. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say other than I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. I can’t do this behind my marriage. This isn’t right. You’re right. We can’t do this. Please forgive me Taeyeon… I’ll miss you…

I love you. Forever and always.

J.J

“S-Sica… You can’t do this to me…” The words escaped Taeyeon’s lips together with those tears that fell freely from her eyes. The crying got louder and Taeyeon could feel her world spinning. Her mind was all clouded. She shook her head, trying to keep herself steady.

Taeyeon gasped as her eyes shot open when she felt constriction around her body. Her vision was limited, and she was held right in place. Shocked, she tried to move, but the constriction only tightened. She was about to break out in panic when a voice sounded, and she froze.

“I’m here.” Taeyeon stopped breathing for a moment or two, before a familiar scent reached her nose. She knitted her brows as she struggled to make sense of what was happening. “Good morning…” She felt a slight vibration from that two words. Was she at… “Why are you breathing so heavily…? It tickles…”

Taeyeon unknowingly grabbed a little tighter. It surprised her when her touch met something soft and warm. Jessica’s embrace. She was in Jessica’s embrace. The scent was from Jessica’s neck. “J-Jessica…”

A laugh reached her ear, and then Jessica pulled away. For the first time that day, Taeyeon saw Jessica’s face, and that one-in-the-world smile. “Yeah, Jessica Jung’s at your service. Or God. You seem to like calling me that yesterday.” Jessica wasn’t in her dream, but Jessica was right here, holding her. Taeyeon didn’t know why her tears were welling up, but she nuzzled Jessica’s neck again, pushing herself even closer to Jessica than before. The grin on Jessica’s face faded as she wrapped her hands around the girl tightly again. “Are you okay?”

It’s not okay. I thought you left me again. But you were right in that dream. This isn’t right. But it won’t be right if I don’t have you. I’m scared. I’m not okay. Taeyeon tried to shake those thoughts away. “Will we…be okay…?” she ended up asking.

There was silence for a while, and Jessica spoke up, “Truthfully, I don’t know.” She mindlessly ran her hand up and down Taeyeon’s back, then she stopped. “All I know is, I’m not okay to lose you again. I’ll never be okay again without you. I might die. I don’t know.”

The first stream of tear slipped away from the corner of Taeyeon’s eye. “If I’m not by your side, if I can’t stay by your side…will you love someone else?”

Jessica let out a shaky breath, tears starting to fill her eyes. “Tell me what you want to hear.”

Taeyeon hesitated for a moment, before her words came out almost as a croak. “That you’ll love again. That you’ll let someone hold you.”

No. Not possible. “What about you?”

“Memories, just memories will be enough for—“

“Taeyeon ah,” Jessica interrupted. “Even if we meet problems, even if we are going to be alone in this… Even if my mother does anything, promise me that you’ll never give up on us. No matter how much I’m hurting, promise me you’ll never let me go. Because Taeyeon, nothing’s ever gonna hurt more not having you by my side. So…” She let out a small cry when she couldn’t hold it in any more. “So…this time…this time you protect me… Don’t leave me… No one knows…no one knows how it feels like… I’m…I’m scared... Taeyeon I’m so… I’m…” Jessica couldn’t complete her sentence with the hiccups that followed.

Taeyeon had never seen Jessica like this. It pained her to see this side of Jessica. She gently pulled away, and then she held the girl by her face, wiping away those tears with her thumbs. Leaning forward, she kissed Jessica’s left eye, then her right eye, and then her lips. With a small smile, she looked into Jessica’s eyes. “I’ll protect you. I promise you. To not give up, to not let you go, to not leave, everything that you want, as long as you’re staying, I promise you.”

Jessica nodded as her tears slowly came to a stop. “Thank you…”

This time, Taeyeon smiled a little wider. “Come on, go get yourself washed up. I’ll go cook us some breakfast.” She gently patted Jessica’s left cheek before she climbed out of bed. This Jessica might not be the confident, charming and daredevilish Kitty, but Taeyeon decided that she might love this insecure, emotional and childlike kitten just a bit more.

“Taeyeon.” She was just at the door when Jessica called out.

“Hmm?” she replied as she turned her head.

A little grin appeared on Jessica’s face as she bit her lip. “Do you have bacon?”

Taeyeon couldn’t help but to let out a gentle laugh. “Yeah. Go wash up and I’ll have crispy bacon waiting for you when you’re done.”

“Okay.”

With Jessica’s reply, Taeyeon turned to go, still wearing the same smile.

“Taeyeon.”

An annoyed, yet not so annoyed frown turned up on Taeyeon’s face, and then she took two steps backwards and raised an eyebrow at Jessica. “What now?”

“I wanted to tell you that I love you.”

Taeyeon wasn’t able to hide the grin that came up automatically. “If you keep doing this, I might want to do that again,” she teased.

“Sorry Taeyeon, but bacon’s the only thing on my mind now.”

Taeyeon only rolled her eyes, even with the silly smile plastered on her face. She finally left the girl to make her way to the kitchen. “You’re gonna regret it!” she shouted as she walked.

Jessica laughed, and then it faded to a tired smile. She kept her eyes on the entrance of the room where Taeyeon had been just a few moments ago. You always take up the whole of my mind, Taeyeon. Jessica didn’t know why it still wasn’t obvious enough to Taeyeon.

***

Taecyeon sat at the dining table with a small cup of coffee before him. He turned to look at a photo frame that was sitting not too far away. It was a photo of him, Jessica and Krystal at Six Flags just a year ago when Krystal went to visit.

“Seriously! I love rides but I’m not taking this!”

“You’re a .”

“Oh yeah? You’re a for saying that.”

“Come on I’ll be right beside you. It’s just a three-minute ride anyway. Look, it’s over before you even know it. It’s not that scary.”

“And now Mr Ok becomes the nice gentleman again just to get me to agree. I’m not taking this!”

“Jessica! Stop right there! Hahahaha Jess!”

“No! Oh my gosh stay where you are! I’m not— No— I’m not taking— No Taec! Seriously no! Oh my— Jung Soojung are you not helping your sister?! No wait Taec no as in listen to me— No oh my god! Krystal!”

“No Krys stay out of this. Your sister needs to woman up.”

“What no— Krys!”

“You guys can fight! I’m gonna go take the other ride. See you guys later!”

“Krys! No Ok Taecyeon! Don’t do this please. I’ll treat you to dinner oh my god please no no no not this ride please!”

A sad smile crept up on Taecyeon’s face, and then he tore his eyes away from the photo. Instead, his eyes fell on the empty seat beside him.

“Smells good! What are we having for— Oh bacon!” Jessica exclaimed as she settled into the chair. “Did you make it extra—”

“Extra crispy yes.”

“You’re the best Taec!” Jessica said with a genuine smile before cutting the bacon into smaller pieces and putting one into . “Mmm this is so good,” she commented as her smile reached her eyes. “Oh anyway, you remember Kevin Mackenson? He finally got back to us. I think we might close the deal tomorrow. You were totally right about that baseball thing. Like he was totally hooked after Jimmy went on and on about baseball with him.”

“Told ya.”

“Yeah smart .”

“I’m not smart. You’re stupid.”

“Oh my god .”

Taecyeon ran his fingers through his hair. He shouldn’t have. He should never have.

“I’m sorry… I’m an … I’m a ing …”

“Jess? Jess where are you?”

“Happy birthday…”

“What? Jessica this is Taec. Where the hell are you right now? Hello? Jess? Are you there?”

“I miss you…”

“Jess did you—”

“Taeyeon…”

Taecyeon squeezed his eyes shut. He was losing her.

“I love you so much Taeyeon… Do you even know…? I’m so sorry…”

But, she was never his to begin with.

***

Krystal knocked on the door, and then she nervously tucked her hands in her pocket.

“Yes?” came Jessica’s reply from behind the door.

“Jessi it’s me. Can I come in?”

“Yeah, the door’s not locked.”

Krystal gently turned the doorknob as she opened the door. “Do you have time? Can we talk a bit?”

“Yeah sure come sit here,” Jessica said with a smile while she stood up from her chair and took small steps to her bed.

Krystal closed the door behind her and then settled herself down on Jessica’s bed.

“What’s up?” Jessica asked, tucking loose strands of hair behind Krystal’s ear.

“Are you guys…back together for real or something?” Jessica’s feet shuffled a bit, and then she nodded. “It’s just… What about Taec?”

“He was the one who approached Taeyeon. I thought I told you the other day?”

“I know…” Krystal’s eyebrows furrowed. “As in, but you’re still married to him. I mean, I know I told you to do what you want. It’s just that…I kinda thought about it for a bit and then it just bothers me…”

“That we’re married?”

“That he’s all alone.”

Jessica was taken aback by Krystal’s reply and she only stared at her sister with slightly agape.

“You… You have Taeyeon, but…he doesn’t have anyone.”

“He has me.”

Krystal shook her head, denying Jessica’s words. “Do you really think that he has you? I don’t know how to phrase this properly, but maybe it’s more like you have him, not the other way round.”

“We have each other, Krys. I don’t know why you’re trying to say all these all of a sudden?”

“Jessi has it never for once occurred to you that…”

“Occurred to me what?”

“Like, maybe he likes you?”

“What? He told you that?”

“He didn’t…”

“Then there’s no such thing. We don’t like each other that way. You know it.” But Jessica didn’t know it so well herself. She didn’t even know if she was trying to convince Krystal or herself.

“I don’t mean anything sis… I’m just— I’m just concerned about you. And I’ve known you for my entire life. I know you’re just putting on an act. You’re not as brave as you’re trying to make yourself look like, isn’t it?” Jessica’s eyes flickered for a brief second, and she looked away from Krystal. “You feel bad for him. You know he doesn’t deserve this.”

Jessica could never keep that façade on for too long when it came to her sister. She let out a deep sigh, and then she met those eyes again. “I’m trying to tell myself that he’s gonna be okay. I’m trying to tell myself that what I’m doing is just following my heart. I’m trying to forget that I’m breaking up this family that I’d built myself. I’m trying to lie to myself that I hadn’t seen that hurt in his eyes. I don’t think he really likes me that way, but still, we were— We are family.”

“And you know that if there’s Taeyeon, then there’s no more of this family you’re talking about…”

“There’s no other way around it Krys. I can’t— I’ll never forgive myself for hurting Taeyeon again.”

“And you can forgive yourself for—”

For hurting Taecyeon? Jessica didn’t have to hear the rest of it. “I know I’m selfish.”

“Then apply for a divorce.”

Jessica’s eyes widened. “W-what?”

“He doesn’t deserve this sis. He doesn’t deserve this especially because he’d given his blessings to you guys.”

“I—”

“Promise me you’ll go talk to him, about this, or anything. Talk to him and work something out. Just not this…relationship-behind-marriage idea. Please just don’t do this.”

“Okay. I will.”

***

The loud music was blasting not too far away, and Taecyeon had settled himself into a slightly quieter area.

“I’ll just have truffle fries and whiskey on the rocks.”

The server took his order and then left with a polite smile. Taecyeon took out his phone to check if there were any messages. There was none. Why would she text you? he mocked himself internally as he sighed.

“Mr Ok?”

Taecyeon turned in surprise as Yoona came into view.

“Hey!” He was about to stand up when Yoona gestured him to stay in his seat. “Take a seat.” He gestured instead.

Yoona shook her head, but she wore a kind smile as she pointed towards the counter with her thumb. “I can’t. Kinda working now. Are you meeting Soojung?”

“Ah… No. I’m here alone.”

“Mmm,” Yoona hummed in response, nodding slightly. “Tell you what. I’ll get you some drinks.”

“Oh it’s okay you don’t—”

“Are you sure? My drinks are really good and they’re on the house y’know?”

Taecyeon couldn’t help but to let out a small laugh. “Maybe— Well, yeah, I guess I’d like some drinks.”

“Smart decision.” Yoona followed up with a toothy smile before she turned to go. She didn’t need Krystal to tell her for her to know what was happening. This man was in love with Jessica, and it was obviously killing him.

[A/N] 8/2/2015

Angst, angst, so much angst. I'm guessing if you'd read some of my other stories, you'd have expected some sort of angst to happen especially after the previous chapter? Or did you not? The first part of this chapter threw me off my emotional balance. Jessica finally broke down completely. At the start of this entire story, Jessica had always been the one protecting Taeyeon. Taeyeon had always been the weaker one, but it's not so now. It hurt me a lot to write such a Jessica in this chapter. She was too strong for too long. Honestly, if this were to happen in real life, I've got completely no idea what is the right thing to do. Do you?

I've still been busy, so you might expect slower updates. Still, write me something. :)

And, sparksfly7's latest story 'Wish' almost had me bawling my eyes out. You guys have got to read it because it was beyond amazing. Maybe you can blame the angst in this chapter on her. (I'm kidding.)