My Love, my heart

My love, my kiss, my heart by Super Junior K.R.Y

For ctrl_me

He saw it all as a dream…

Kyuhyun walked along the beach as the rest of the class hung back and listened to the teacher explaining patiently about sea urchins. He had no desire to hear what he already knew. It wasn’t his first trip to the ocean after all.

He watched as the seagull’s dipped and danced above, looking for that ever present handout from beach goers.

Kyuhyun kicked at the sand and stuffed his hands deep in his pockets.
He heard her delighted laughter and jerked his head in that direction.

He saw her small form running to the class with a small crab pinched between her fingers, a bright smile upon her face, her long brown hair flying in the wind. A child’s joyful abandon driving her to share.And before his eyes the image dissolved like the sands in the wind.

The grown Kyuhyun scoffed at the figment of that long ago class trip to the sea, the same beach he now walked upon once again.

He sighed and directed his gaze back to that raging sea, thinking of how it seemed to match how he was feeling deep inside perfectly.

He had taken this trip to try and forget her, to erase her from his memory before he was driven mad with the grief that threatened to consume him.

He felt his heart clench in pain. He absentmindedly rubbed his chest to rid himself of the pain as he trudged along, now staring at the sand in front of him.

Nothing helped him escape her memory. He sat down right there and cried.

 …

She was eleven and they were running along the street to reach the school gates before they closed. Even though they never really spoke to one other they still lived in the same neighborhood, and nearly every morning was seen arriving within seconds of each other. It made the teachers shake their heads and their classmates mistakenly think they were brother and sister until Kyuhyun set them straight. He told them he would never have such an ugly sister.
That day he found out he couldn’t erase the sight of her tear stained face from his mind. Due to his hurtful words, he was worried for the first time in his life about someone other than himself.

Kyuhyun walked along the grounds of his old elementary school remembering still the look of sadness in her eyes as she cried in front of him. He felt that same stirring of grief that came whenever he thought too much of her.
He stood by the old swing set with one hand in his pocket, the other clenched around the chain of the swing beside him, his jaw clenched in the same manner.

He felt it begin to choke him and he dropped his head and closed his eyes. When would he stop doing this to himself already? He just wanted to get through one day without the tears choking him, with their fierce fire scraping at his throat.

No, he opened his eyes quickly. He could only see her big brown eyes dripping with tears when he closed his own now. He let go of the chain and walked away dejectedly, the swing swaying back and forth in a lonely, empty arch.

He never even felt it when thunder split the sky and the rains came down, like tears from heaven, to cover his shoulders and soak his clothes.

…

He couldn’t eat. Everything tasted flavorless and dull. He couldn’t laugh for nothing made sense to him any longer.

He knew he was losing himself, but he couldn’t find a way to pull back from the edge.

He remembered her so vividly that it was killing him. The way she always talked a mile a minute, never seeming to need breath. She was popular all through school; her sunny disposition always pulled people along after her. And even if she lied, she was a good friend to others, never hesitating to help them out no matter her own pain.

He couldn’t see for the tears again. He stopped walking down the path they had taken last autumn, when the ginkgo trees had let go of their golden leaves to make a carpet along the stone.
She had squatted down to pick up two of them and stood to show him, twining their stems together with a bright smile upon her face.
She reached up, trying to put them behind his ear, but he held her hands away with a laugh, not letting her have her way. Finally she gave up and turned away with a pout. He laughed and took the leaves from her fingers, slipping them into the silky strands of her own hair, smiling sweetly at her, love shining in his eyes at the answering smile from her lips.

It was one of the last moments he could remember of her smile. He sat down on a bench just off the path and sighed staring off into the distance. Sometimes when the wind would stir and bring with it a cool hint of that fateful season, he could almost hear her sweet voice and he'd became so melancholic he couldn’t breathe.

Nothing seemed to make it less painful. So he’d taken to revisiting all their old haunts, all the places he could remember her.

The ocean side, were they had scratched their names in the sand only to have the cold waves rush up and wash them away. Their old school brought back painful memories of tears and indifference, those days before he’d realized how important she was to become to him.

They had lived out their whole lives near each other but never speaking, never knowing what was to come.

Back then, if he had just looked at her smiling face a little longer, if he had walked her to school instead of rushing past her every morning, he would have more to hold onto now.
But then, maybe that wouldn’t have been such a good thing either.

…

Kyuhyun took a deep breath before entering the last place he would ever have a memory of her sweet smiling face.

The place was empty besides him; he knew no one would come on this day.

After all, it wasn’t the day she had been born. Nor was it the day she had left this earth.

It was a year exactly to the day that he had proposed to his high school sweetheart.

And tomorrow would be the day in which she left this world forever. Leaving him with only these memories, these faded images that haunted him so.

He walked up to her niche in the columbarium and the glass which covered her urn and a picture of her brightly smiling face. Tears ran down his face unchecked and he smiled sadly.

“I miss you, my heart.” He whispered and the darkening sky outside was his only answer.

“But I will forget everything.” He the glass over her face with his thumb.

“For you.”

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I have never bawled so much when writing a story, or anything really, as I have over this one shot. I mean it was full out sobbing. So I can’t really say anything if you guys don’t like it.