My Light

Lightless – Beast

For: MANGYAHang

Hyun Seung watched as she walked away from where he stood in the deserted side street . A cold feeling was creeping into his chest that had nothing to do with the winter chill, his breath appearing in white puffs before him.

Today had been so fun and lighthearted, something none of them got to enjoy much anymore with the promotions, fan meeting and trips to Japan. So when his best friend invited him out he was over joyed at the chance to get out and play. He quickly spread the news to the others and soon all of Beast was coming along.
They'd met up with her at the amusement park and he hadn’t noticed her expression become dark with disappointment. But he knew now. The words if her leaving still rang in his head like a hive of angry bees.

"You never even thought that I wanted this day to be just you and me? I had something to tell you Hyun Seung, but I can see that you really only care about Beast and that’s all. I’m glad I know now so I can stop this silly little…" She blinked back tears and looked up into his shocked face. He didn’t understand why she was crying.
"I don’t want to see you again Hyun Seung. If you ever see me on the street after this, just pass by like you don’t know me and I’ll do the same. I can see now that I’m nothing more than another fan. Goodbye Oppa… forever."

He still didn’t understand fully what had happened. She wanted it to just be the two of them, but why? What was it she had to say that she couldn’t say in front of the group? He stared down the empty street and watched the cars passing by down the hill, the orange lights of the street lamps glinting off their sides. Hyun Seung felt so lonely at that moment that tears started to burn at the back of his eyes. He shoved his hands into his pockets, turned, and walked away dejectedly.

‘I’ll just call her tomorrow and everything will be fine… right?’ he thought.

He thought wrong.

She ignored his calls, every one of them.

When he snagged Dong Woon’s phone to call, she picked up and immediately disconnected the call once she heard his voice on the line.

He groaned in frustration and rubbed his chest. It felt cold, as if he would never know warmth again.

He talked to Doo Joon, he talked to Ki Kwang; hell, he’d even talked to Yo Seob but that obviously didn’t get him anywhere. They all told him he had to figure this one out on his own. Yo Seob had looked at him with this glimmer of pity and Hyun Seung just gave up. He felt empty without her.

Realizing his days used to be filled with her just talking on the phone, texting during breaks or just hanging out; he couldn’t keep himself happy anymore. He would often send her picts of himself and the members goofing off just to make her laugh and later when they met up, but they didn’t meet up anymore and he grew gloomier by the day.

He felt like all the light had gone out, leaving him in the dark.

Weeks passed and people began noticing that Hyun Seung was hardly ever smiling anymore; he no longer acted out or goofed around with the others. On top of that, he had refused to go on any shows or radio interviews. He was more withdrawn than usual.
Even his manager was becoming depressed without the man’s shy, but cute disposition. The others would shoot knowing glances at each other but he could never get them to say what it was they knew was wrong with the clueless lead vocal.

Hyun Seung pushed 1 on his phone and it dialed but continued to ring and ring. He sighed and hung up. Beast was at Music Bank waiting to go on and he was hiding around a corner near one of the exits backstage as he dialed her number again.

He didn’t want to believe that she would just leave like that, severing their friendship as if it was nothing, all of those memories fading with time.

He couldn’t understand why he was still calling, waiting for her to come back. He, a million times a day, would look up expecting to see her bright smile as she called his name.

Everything reminded him of her, and a few times he’d nearly gone running after someone that resembled her only to tell himself it was a lie, she wouldn’t come back.

He struggled with these feelings day after day. The first snow came and he remembered all the times they would talk about having snowball fights with the members and drink hot chocolate outside, catching snowflakes on their tongues. Relatively innocent things, but he’d wanted to do them, with her.

They wouldn’t have that chance now. His life became dull and he slogged through it as best he could with the help of his friends.

“Tomorrow is Hyeongs birthday, are you coming to the party?” Yo Seob asked plopping down into the chair next to him. Hyun Seung looked up “Hmm.”

“Great, just remember it’s a secret and, leave the bad mood at home huh?” He said patting the man on the shoulder before getting back up again to head over to coordi Nuna and get his jacket.

Hyun Seung nodded distractedly and went back to staring at the floor. He was so out of it he didn’t notice the giggling or high fives going on behind him from the all other members or Jun Hyung shushing them with a wide, playful smile on his face.

•••

Jun Hyung did it perfectly. He acted the surprised and humbled birthday boy, laughing and actually enjoying himself, despite the ruse going on in the form of his party. Even though it was his birthday the guys had planned this get-together for someone else completely, two some ones actually.  

Hyun Seung was glued to the floor as he watched her walk in and head over to a smirking Jun Hyung. She handed him his gift with a bow and he hugged her. “You came!” He said loudly over the music.

“Well I wouldn’t miss your birthday; we’re still friends after all.” She said with a laugh.

“Nuna, wasseo.”  Dong Woon said putting an arm around her shoulders with a big smile on his face. He was making sure she didn’t turn too soon and see Hyun Seung across the room.

“Ah, there she is!” Ki Kwang exclaimed as he came over and hugged her, knocking Dong Woon’s arm away. The Maknae playfully glared at him and Ki Kwang stuck his tongue out at the younger man. With a laugh he pulled away and tugged on a strand of her hair. “Looking beautiful as always.” He gave her a wink.

“Nuna doesn’t like your roguish ways, go away!” Dong Woon said pushing at Ki Kwang.

The melodic sound of her laughter reached him across the room despite the music coming from the stereo.

They held the party in a large room at the noraebang. It was big enough to house two large black leather couches along the walls and a table laden with food and drinks, with enough space leftover to dance freely. They had disco lighting going that spun the room in reds, blues, yellows and greens while the screens played flashing pictures to the songs in the background.

It was still a small affair though, not many people were there to block his view of her in a small red dress that had his mouth going dry.

She stood talking with Doo Joon now, laughing and joking around while drinking from yellow plastic cups they had brought with them.

Some poppers went off and steamers floated down over everyone as Yo Seob stood on the table with one shiny red streamer tied to his head, dangling, his hand clutching a microphone and another popper. He pulled the string and laughed as he danced around on the table top and sang 'I will survive' in horrendous English, while brightly colored ribbons floated down around him.

Hyun Seung had guessed they’d let him drink at some point. Jun Hyung wandered over to him and placed an arm round his shoulders. “You’re staring.”

Hyun Seung looked at him snapping his mouth shut. “What?”

Jun Hyung chuckled and turned his head over to her direction with his pointer finger.

“We all have seen what a mess you’ve been this last month Seunggie. Ever since she stopped taking your calls you’ve been depressed. Don’t you get it yet?”

Hyun Seung furrowed his brow. “I just don’t understand why she suddenly cut off our friendship like that! We were doing fine, weren’t we doing fine?”

Jun Hyung made a disappointed face at him. He stuck his finger in Hyun Seung’s face “That’s why.” He said vehemently.

“What?”

“She left because you are clueless. Bro listen, did it ever occur to you that she was in love with you?”

Hyun Seung looked shocked. Jun Hyung rubbed the back of his neck with a sigh.

“She wanted to be more than friends, you idiot. I wasn’t going to say anything because you should have realized it yourself, but I wasn’t counting on just how 4-D you really are.”

 “Hey!”

Jun Hyung scowled at him. “Yah, pabo ya, are you going to let her get away?”

Hyun Seung looked up and caught her gaze. She looked away quickly and turned but he had seen it. In her eyes he saw what he hadn’t seen before, but now that he knew, it was obvious. He smiled and walked over to her as fast as he could, pushing past the crowd.

He gripped her arm. “We need to talk.”

“We have nothing to talk about.” She said harshly and shook him off, turning with the intent to leave.

“I love you!”

These shouted words froze her in place and the party came to a standstill as the music cut off abruptly.

Everyone was staring behind her at Hyun Seung and she turned hesitantly. He was standing there with tears rolling down his face unchecked, his hand clutching his shirtfront near his heart.

“Hyu… Hyun Seung” she breathlessly called with wide eyes.

The disco lights continued to dance around them as he took her hand gently. She was too stunned to move, only looking at him as if they were in the room alone.

“Don’t leave me again. You don’t… you don’t know how much I’ve missed you.” He took a shuddering breath and looked up into her eyes. “It’s been tearing me apart. I can’t live like this anymore. Once you’d left, I felt like I wasn’t me anymore, just some… shadow moving from day to day. Everything left with you.”

He swiped at his face harshly, ashamed of his weakness. “Please don’t go. I love you.”
Hyun Seung held her hand with both of his now hoping she wouldn’t let go.

She stared at him, her mind strangely blank. Then she blinked and a tear fell from her eye as she smiled brightly.

“I love you too.”

The party cheered as Hyun Seung pulled her into his arms. They both wore wide smiles as they pulled apart and looked into each other’s eyes.

Yo Seob was blowing a party horn and egging the crowd on from the table top by throwing glittering scraps of red confetti. The music began again as Super Juniors’ remake of H.O.T’s Happiness blasted from the speakers. A few other people threw golden confetti up along with Dong Woon and Ki Kwang grabbed a girl and started to do the dance. As others joined in laughter permeated the air.

Hyun Seung smiled at his new girlfriend and he leaned in for a kiss. Jun Hyung popped up between them with a devious smile and clapped them on the shoulders startling them away from each other.

“Good work my man; I’m glad I gave my party over to you this year.”

Hyun Seung glared at him for a second and said “What?”

Jun Hyun pointed to the table behind them. Yo Seob gave him the thumbs up, with a big open mouth grin, and pulled a cord that unfolded a banner which stretched along the back wall.

It read:

♥축하해당신의실현사랑의, 바보!♥
(Congratulations on realizing your love, idiot!)

Doo Joon called up to the younger man with a heated glare. “That’s not what it’s supposed to say Yo Seob!”

“You still get the main gist of it” Yelled the younger man gleefully as he danced away from his leader as the older man charged up onto the table after him.

 “Yo Seobie!”

The three standing there laughed at the antics of the group and Jun Hyung nodded leaving them to it.

The two looked into the others eyes and they smiled. Hyun Seung reached up and cupped her cheek gently. “I really do love you.” He said softly “I just wish I had realized it before all this.”

She grinned at him. “Me too.”

“Hey.” He said poking her side making her giggle. He pulled her into his arms again and felt the warmth spreading into his chest. He took a deep breath of her sweet smelling hair and smiled, closing his eyes.

“You are my light, you know that?”

“Mm” she made a hum of acquiescence and he pulled back. She had a mischievous twinkle in her eye and he chuckled.

“I won’t let you go again.” He said leaning in to kiss her thoroughly.

They parted and turned back to the party. Walking hand in hand they went to wish Jun Hyung a Happy Birthday and thank him, knowing they both owed the group a lot for bringing them together.

“Hey, you know you have to bow down and thank me for that!” Yo Seob called, pointing excitedly at their joined hands as he pushed through the throng of people in front of them.

“Yah, Yang Yo Seob!”

The puffy cheeked cutie looked back with an ‘oh ’ expression on his face and scampered off as a fiery eyed Doo Joon took to chasing him round the room once again.

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And as a little apology on it's lateness I give you these!

A little translation for the Korean in the story:

누나, 왔어. 
Nuna, wass-eo = Nuna came or Nuna's here.