note: again...whenever you see the word 'he'...it could be referred to more than one person...just sayin'...

"Ommo! Her eyes moved! She's awake!"

I squinted, trying to fight against the brightness that felt too alien, only to be met with the loveliest face I never thought I'd see again, at least not so fast.

And her sudden shouting that thundered in my poor ears.

"Doctor! Doctor! My baby is awake! She woke up! Quickly come!"

Baby? Have I...grown...younger?

Or...or is this a different life?

Would that mean I wouldn't be able to keep my promise again?

Would that mean...I wouldn't meet him again?

I stared at my hands that were awkwardly lifted up. There were wires here and there. 

They were still the same old hands I had. Aged, coarse. So I guess I'm still living, in that ty life of mine where everyday is just routine mixed with condescending stares from society and mostly, my relatives.

What a relief.

The doctor came, a woman whose age doesn't look far from mine, but exuded so much more air of accomplishment that it made me so embarrassed to face my mother who was smiling ear to ear. Unable to face this excruciating humiliation, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Even to breathe felt hard. How long exactly had I been sleeping, to the point the dreams I had almost made me not wanting to wake up? Dreams of what could not be achieved in reality. Dreams that are perfectly made to be dreamed.

"So how is she, she woke up?"

"Oh, you've come. She woke up! I'm going out for awhile so you can talk with her." Mother's voice sounded so excited that I felt too ashamed and guilty to remain closing my eyes. Besides, I wondered who could that other voice belonged to. It sounded familiar but somehow, my mind was too filled up to the brim, with nothingness.

"You said you'd come, but you didn't." was what he greeted me with the moment my eyes spread open.

"Come...where?"

"The play. Cherryish's."

"But I will..." 

Then it dawned on me.

"What...what day is today? I mean...date. What date..." I held my temple. It hurt too much even to recall the day. But it didn't hurt at all, in between what happened before and now. During the time I lived in a dream.

"It's July."

"Jiwoo-ya, where did he went to?" Her eyes preyed across the room, tearing everything in her hawk gaze.

"Went back..." Or something... out." The words that came out of my mouth sounded strange. Even after mouthing them, they echoed in my head.

"Yah, how could you just let him go? Poor guy."

Poor guy? What made him poor? He doesn't look the least bit of poor. But as if sensing or rather, reading my mind, she gave the answer to a question not asked.

"He came to visit you everyday. It's been a month already. What were you even doing at that isolated jungle place anyway"

I...solated? Jungle?

River.

A splash of the image forced itself to my mind, increasing the merciless throbbing in my head. Yet, instead of breeding the urge to get rid of that image, it instead planted a different kind of determination in me. A nonsensical kind.

Maybe it was the injury in my head. Yes, I should blame all on it. Why shouldn't I? 

I gave my best to convince the doctor that I should be discharged to the point of pretending that I could walk really fast and swing my hands in any way when said actions hurt like hell, yet nobody even let me out of the room. Even when a young nurse caught me trying to get up from the bed, she came running and panicking, and successfully made me lay back on the bed like a living corpse.

They really thought that laying on the bed watching the white ceiling, and breathing the sickening medicated air I had been unconsciously inhaling for the past month would help me recover. I would've cursed their lack of common sense, but I was too tired. And too desperately feeling the need to be freed from the sickening whiteness surrounding here without anymore . To go there.

But sneaking out would be a crazy thing to do, right? Wouldn't it be embarrassing if I get caught by the staffs while trying to run away in some silly disguise? What could I even use as disguise here? I looked around and could only see a vase with wide green leaves spreading out of it. No, I couldn't possibly use the leaves and pretend it as my wig or moustache. No, forget it. Maybe I would consider it if I were still sixteen.

"Unnie, are you trying to run away?"

My eyes widened internally whilst trying to keep a calm face, trying to think of an excuse to present to the nurse. But surprisingly, it wasn't a nurse, but...a patient, like me, wearing the same pale orange uniform. And also a colourful oversized beanie covering her hair and a pair of oversized shades. Why would she wear sunglasses inside a hospital corridor anyway?

"What...no, I was..."

"Unnie, you can't run away like that. Here, take these clothes. Hee. I just bought it last week and I think our sizes aren't far apart." She came closer and whispered the last part and taking me by the hand, placing the plastic bag she brought.

"Don't worry Unnie, I have good taste. It'll look good on you. Trust me."

Instead, I could only stare at her, dumbfounded. Why was she being so friendly and casual when I've never seen her all my life? Did I lost a portion of memory of something? It couldn't be could it? If I lost my memory, shouldn't it be of those whom I dreaded? How come I could still remember all my annoying relatives, Madam Hwang, Minjung, Eric, and well...everyone.

No, that couldn't be it. Then, why?

"Unnie, aren't you going to get changed? You don't have much time you know. The tight-faced nurse and the monkey-laugh nurse went out to buy food. Only timid-newbie nurse is guarding out there since they don't have many staffs working for midnight shift. So, what are you waiting for?"

"But...why? How...how do you know...I want to...I mean, I'm not saying I want to..."

"Unnie, quickly, I've done it many times. I know the face of those trying to run. You're not the first one I helped you know?" She chuckled cheekily.

"But..."

"Just I'm helping you...on one condition. No, two."

"What?"

"One, you have to come back here. I'm only helping you to go out tonight, because you seem to have something important to do out there, but I don't want to take responsibility if something bad happens...so I want you to come back here. And I know you will."

Her speech made me uncomfortable. Because yet again, a stranger is being a little too bold towards me. Do I really look that easy to be manipulated or bossed around, or is it just my fate to keep meeting these kind of strangers? What bothered me more, is the fact that, as disturbing this kind of forward personality is, I had a feeling I'd be lured to listen to them, it's like I'm losing control over my own self and judgment.

"And what if I don't?" Because really, why would I come back if my intention is really to leave this sickening place?

"Unnie! Pleaseee." She made a cute face. At least that's what I could guess from her pouting even with half her face hidden behind her shades.

"Besides, you look like a good girl, Unnie. I trust you won't disappoint me, who have helped you and risking myself in the process. Or guilt will hunt you down."

Somehow, her words stung, I wasn't sure for the same reason it was intended or a different one.

"Go get change now. I'll divert her attention. I'll go that way and scream for help, and the nurse will come to me, so, escape while you can and don't forget wear your disguise properly so that they won't catch you so easily. Unnie Fighting~!"

I only shrugged. Well, I guess, since she's made the effort to do all the planning, I shouldn't let it go to waste.

"By the way, Unnie...is the guy handsome? Is he young or old? Is he like Johnny Depp or Richard Gere or Won Bin, or G.O.D oppas, or ...Kang Ho Dong or Yoo Jae Suk or is he a kid, like Justin Bieber or Exo?"

The random names she threw out almost made me burst out laughing, added with the way she darted out the names so fast. But I maintained my calm. Because I didn't even know what she was talking about.

"Excuse me...who?"

"Your boyfriend! I mean...the guy you're running away to meet. I don't think it's your husband since...you're not wearing any ring on your hands...so...or was I wrong? Are you married, Unnie?"

How perfect, the question I hated. But she seemed to bear no malicious intention.

"No."

"Ah, then it must be your boyfriend."

"What makes you think that?"

"Oh...I just know...I see your mother coming here almost everyday, so it couldn't be her. Oh...could it be that guy then? But he already came everyday."

And then guilt and shame hit me. I'm not in the right mind. Why do I want to do this? Why should I be concerned about someone I shouldn't and why wasn't I appreciating what I already have? Is this the right decision? Should I even leave? So many questions with not a single answer. But somehow I just knew that my mind wouldn't be at peace until I go there and make sure he's alright. Maybe it was the guilt that dragged me into this. The guilt of not fulfilling the promise I didn't make, that made him continue to haunt me even in my unconscious. It had to be guilt. I shouldn't feel guilty or shameful for bearing this guilt, should I?

"I'll go...to change. Thanks for the help."

"Unnie, make sure you come back okay."

"Does it matter?" It simply slipped off my tongue, not feeling the weirdness. Though it brought a weird rush of adrenaline.

"Of course it does!"

"What's your name anyway?"

"I'm...does it matter?" She clicked her tongue at the end of her words, making me laugh in amusement.

"See Unnie, I made you laugh...so you have to come back. Maybe I'll tell you my name, then. Maybe. You have to return my clothes anyway or they'll turn into rags or mice or pumpkins."

"Huh?"

"You know, like Cinderella. I'm your fairy Godmother, helping you to attend your ball and meeting your prince. You just have to return before the magic worn off. Here, take this too." She took off her shades and put it on me.

Revealing a pair of shining eyes that, paired with her bright smile, created a blinding synchronization.

It was a good thing she gave the shades.

In the middle of nothingness, I woke up with nightmares hovering my mind. Seeking for hopes to ease the discomfort, my efforts seemed to be in vain, but a Fairy Godmother caught me and lend me her clothes to be a Cinderella, a very old one in fact, but yet still incapable to be her own fairy Godmother despite being at least twice as old as what a Cinderella should be. It all seemed too ridiculous, but the bigger concern isn't about winning the Prince's heart at the ball(if there's even any), but rather, am I going to the right ball? Or is it even a ball worth attenting? Or one that had long ended? Or one I should've avoided instead?

I wish I had a fairy god mother who could answer all my silly questions.