Ji Hyo narrates: It’s almost six months since I started dating him or got together with him I would say to be more precise. I met him three and a half years ago. So many things had happen since then and still happening. I can’t really remember when did this happen but it was somewhere around in early winter of 2014 in early January. We are comfortable with each other but none of us can really tell are we like together and serious? Maybe we are. I just needed a confirmation to that.

Gary is preparing to release his new solo album Mr. Gae on the 15^th of January 2014. My relationship with him definitely has gotten closer for the past few years. We meet during the summer of 2011. I was at his studio at Leessang Company. He went out to buy hot Americano for me and Caramel Macchiato for him. He hates Americano but sometimes he drinks it with me because I love it so much. He always orders Caramel Macchiato because he said the creamy vanilla-flavored syrup, freshly steamed milk with a topping of velvety-rich foam, an intense hit of our Espresso Roast, a finishing of buttery caramel drizzle makes it irristable and keeps him awake during winter. Tottally different from me – I need expresso to keep me awake and of course no milk or cream or sugar because I need to watch my weight. I don’t really liked it at first but then I got used to it and last fell in love with it soon after. Just like me and Kang Gary.

While he was out buying coffee at the coffee shop opposite the buiding. I saw so many papers on his table, around the floor, there are crumbled ones too and the waste paper basket is full and over-flowing with balls of crumbled papers. “He must be working really hard for his first solo album” I thought to myself. For the past 10 years as a rapper, Leessang songs always topped the charts. But I was not really in to music or hip hop until I heard his songs. The song that I liked the most was ‘Tears’ by Leessang of course. I was in tears when Gary first introduce the song to me.

[Flashback]        

“Ji Hyo-ya!” He called me from far. “I got something to show you.” It was after filming Running Man for the episode the Year Of The Snake. Jihyo teamed with Gary. It was so sweet of him to choose her while everyone on the team chose Choi Ji-Woo and protected her during the name tag tearing game by sacrificing himself and because of that Jihyo won that episode (EP 127). Jihyo was so touched by his gesture. Its so hard to know whether the feelings are sincere or not because everything that happen on camera can be forgiven – wether Kang Gary really loved me or just acting for the sake of Monday Couple.

“Yes, Oppa. Wae?” I replied loudly from afar. Running towards him. Finally we were facing each other.

“I got something to show you.” He repeated with a smile and looks exited and expectant but a little axious and worried.

He lead me to his black mini van and closed the door. He pulled out his Iphone and plugged the earphone to his phone and pluck the left earpiece to Ji Hyo’s ear and the right ear piece to his ear.

Ji Hyo looked a little suprised and confused, looking at her with her 멍(mong) expression and slightly open.

Gary touched the play button and the song played.

Gary looked at her while the song being play. He also listens to it but his focus what totally on Ji Hyo. Suddenly a tear fall from her eyes. He panicked.

“Wae? Ji Hyo-ya~ Wae?!” He said feeling totally shocked, at loss and worried at the same time.

She was in daze with a sad gaze without looking at him or hearing him. Ji Hyo was immersed in the song and tears continue to flow down her cheeks. The song ended.

“Wah~~~” she murmured. Somehow she looked like she got lost somewhere in her thoughts and came back. She was wiping her tears, Gary quickly reached for the tissue that was on the back seat and gave it to her.

She looked at him and said “Gomawo, Oppa~”

Gary patiently waited for her to wipe her tears, blow her nose and clear . In his heart, there is a billion questions that he would like to ask her but he didn’t. Finally, she spoke.

“Deabak, Wanjeon Deabak~!”she said to Gary while holding her thumb up and looking totally amazed and satisfied.

“Then why did you cry???.” he asked her while showing his funny sad face and scratching the back of his head, puzzled.

“Aniya, Oppa~. The song is so touching and really emotional. It’s really amazing, Oppa. Emotions start flowing and memories start appearing and tears start forming.” She said it with a really deep stare in her eyes like there is a story behind it and that she could really relate to the song.

“Is this your new song???” she asked curiously with her eyes wide open. Her eyes are little red and a bit wet.

“Yes, I am going to release it next year sometime in mid January.” he said it with his signature peaceful innocent but ugly smile.

 “Good! This song will definitely be a hit and top all charts in South Korea~!” she continued with her sweet and shining smile on her face.

“Gomawo, Ji Hyo-ya~. I hope so.” he said it with a grateful expression and also a little worried and happy that Ji Hyo likes it.

“Don’t worry, trust me. It will be a hit, for sure!” she said it with a grin.

“Hmm~~~” he smile as wide as if it could reach his ears.

They bid their goodbyes and Ji Hyo left his van leaving Gary smiling the night away.

[End of Flashback]

“Wow, that happened more than a year ago~” she thought and murmured to herself.

She continues to scan his studio. It’s been a while since she is at his studio. The last time was a few months ago. She was busy with filming and he was busy producing music and with other stuff too. They never really confessed to each other. It wasn’t really official between the two. It’s just that they acknowledge each other are feeling but keeping it calm and nothing serious. If they are too busy, they can go on for weeks without talking to each other privately. Sometimes the only time they are together and talking is when filming running man.

On his table there are so many papers on his table. She picks up one by one and organizes it and also those that are on the floor she picks them up and continues to organize them diligently.

“Aish~! Kang Gary, you are really messy. You must be really busy and inspired to produce and write lyrics but you still have the caring heart to buy me coffee in this cold weather.” she sighed then murmured to herself with a smile thinking of the sweet gesture.

Suddenly, she stumbled upon a paper that looks a little empty compared to mountain stack of papers that is filled with words. It writes

“It was the most beautiful song I wrote after I started to write (because of her)
 But eventually, her wedding dress was not for me
Of course, my faults were big but it was so hard - I drowned myself in alcohol that night...”

                                                                                                                                         -Remembrance by LeeSSang-

“The girl that he met, loved, longed and difficult to forget and hard get over for almost a decade.” she said and her voice almost broke. A tear stream down from her face and hits the paper. She took her bag but left her jacket running out from the studio.

Gary finally got on the elevator to go up and the elevator was packed with people since it is the time people getting off from work. The elevator reached the floor and he was such a go-straight Gary that he did not notice Ji Hyo got into the elevator next to the elevator that he was on. Gary walked faster worried that she waited too long for him and might even have fallen asleep. He quicken up his pace.

He entered the recording studio but she was not there. He saw her jacket but didn’t see her bag. He saw all his papers were organized and thought maybe she went to the washroom to wash her face because she might be feeling sleepy while waiting for him. Then, he saw a sheet paper that is on the table thinking maybe Ji Hyo left a note for in case if she is not here when he is back.

Gary looked in disbelief and shocked and there is a spot where Ji Hyo tears dropped. It was still damp. He ran out to chase her.

With tears running down her cheeks, she remembered that she had forgotten her jacket when she was at the front door of the lobby when the cold winter wind blows. She stood back and head to the elevator. She waited for the elevator and got up again to retrieve her jacket but this time she saw two cups of coffee on the table that she just tidied. Knowing that Gary is back and might be searching for her she quickly retrieve her jacket and head to elevator again.

This time he caught her glimpse of her and start chasing her. Not knowing Gary is chasing her, she got on the elevator and people are filling up the elevator. By the time Gary reached the elevator it was already full and saw Ji Hyo in it. He stop his tracks and the elevator door was closing.

“Ji Hyo-ya...” he called out to her, his voice almost broke.

She looked up, there was a moment that their eyes met but both are unable to say or do anything. He saw her eyes still filled with tears. Gary looked like his heart had just crumbled into a million pieces. They can only stay in their position not knowing what to do or feel.

[The elevator door closes]

Why did he stop? Why did he hesitate? Why did just froze there and let the woman he loves go? He should have stop the elevator door from closing and grab her wrist and pulled her out of the elevator with all his might and explain to her.

“I don’t deserve her. She deserves someone better. I made her cry. I broke her heart.” he thought to himself grabbing his hair.

Gary was about to walk away. He suddenly remembered what his grandmother had said to him. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always preserves. Love never fails.”                                                                                                                                                                                          {1 Corinthians 13:4-8}

“Love never fails...” as if something has struck him in his head, he repeated to himself. He starts bolting towards the emergency exit and starts running like crazy down the stair – two steps and a time, hoping to catch up with her and stop her.

What struck him was, “Tears, if you love someone, doesn’t mean that person will never cry. Its impossible. She shed tears because she loves me and its my responsibility to lend her a shoulder to cry on and wipe away the tears. I want to protect her. She trusts me despite all my wrong doings in the past with or without her and does not keep records of it. She always gives me hope when I am in despair. She is always patient with me when I am busy recording and producing songs and ignores her when she stop by my studio to see me but I was immersed in writing lyrics. I felt that I don’t deserves her and that she deserves better because I fear that I will fail in loving her –our love. But love never fails”

“Thanks, grandma.” he murmured to himself

All of these thoughts was running through him mind when he was running down the stairs. Finally he reached the ground floor. He ran towards the elevator as fast he could hoping that Ji Hyo had not left. He was gasping for air and panting. When the elevator door opened. He was nervous and waited expectantly for all the people to come out. He scanned again and again but Ji Hyo was nowhere to be found. He felt so sad, disappointed, hopeless and angry. He felt a lump in his throat – in the verge of bursting into tears.

With his head down he heads to washroom to wash his face and calm down. He decides to drink water from the water dispenser that was available at the end of the corridor near the washroom because he was so thirsty from all that running. While he was drinking he heard a familiar voice.

“Aish~! Jeongmal michigesseo, jinjja~!” Ji Hyo cursed and complained while coming out from the toilet.

He could not believe his ears so he turned and saw her. His face shocked and in disbelief. He was stunned.

“How can she still be here???!!!” he murmured to himself but sounded as if he was talking to her.

Actually what happened was, when Ji Hyo was in the elevator someone accidentally spilled coffee on her shirt. She went to the washroom to clean to coffee stain.

Gary hugged her from behind. It caught her off guard. She took a few minutes to pick herself up. To many things happen this evening. Gary studio, tea time, coffee, messy table with papers all over, ran out of the studio in tears, forgot her jacket, caught a glimpse of him when the elevator door was closing.

Now in his warm embrace – knowing that it is him for sure, even the mind can’t process it yet. The body recognizes his touch and grip. She stood there with her멍(mong) expression trying to figure out what to do. Somehow, she didn’t yank away both of Gary’s arm that is holding her shoulder and her waist with the other arm.

Finally, she grab his arm that was holding her shoulder to break free.

“Kajima. Chebal, Ji Hyo-ya~” he pleaded.

She tried to break free from his hug again with greater strength. Gary strength is no joke, being a black belt in taekwondo in the 8th level. He didn’t even let go but hugged her even tighter.

She suddenly felt droplets of water fell on her shoulder.

“Omo. Oppa is shedding tears.” she said in her mind.

“Listen to what I have to say, I will not let you go until you have listened to all that I want to say” he said with a firm but soft voice that almost broke.

Ji Hyo stood there and waited for him to speak.

“I don’t know what were you thinking after reading the sentence that I wrote. I don’t know why did you cry and ran out of the studio after reading it. I also don’t know what you were thinking when we caught a glimpse of each other at the elevator or what crossed your mind when I hugged you and wouldn’t let you go. I also don’t know how you felt when you read the paper, how you felt in the elevator and how you feel about me hugging you titghtly right here and right now. There are so many question in my head right now but I am holding it in for now. What I am going to tell you is what I know. I know that I love you – very much. I know that I need you. I know that I am a fool바보 (babo) in love, clueless and really clumsy too in explaining, expressing and understanding how I feel.” he said sincerely.

“So the sentence that you have read was just a memory and my past that I can never change and will never change – that once a part of me but now only a memory. She was a bruise in my heart that had healed over time but you are the tattoo that is in my heart that will never disappear or erased. When I let her go, it wounded my heart and my heart bled for quite a long time but eventually time healed my wounded heart and left a scar on it. But if you leave me, I will be left bleeding and not length of time will ever be able heal it. Bleeding for the rest of my life – maybe it will eventually stop when my heart stop.” he trailed off with a lump in his throat and losing his voice.

“Did he just confess to me???” Ji Hyo wondered.

Tears were streaming down his cheek and Ji Hyo too was crying. Her tears drop and hits Gary’s arm that was holding her shoulder.

“Don’t cry, Ji Hyo-ya. It breaks my heart.” he said it with a soft voice.

He turned her around to face him and hugged her tightly. She hugged him back even tighter. They stayed that way for a while as if time has stopped ticking for both of them as well tears also had stopped flowing. Both of them break away from the hug and looked at each other’s eyes. Gary wipes his wet cheek and also Ji Hyo’s with his thumb. While wiping away her tears, he gave her a peck on her forehead.

“Gomawo, Ji Hyo-ya. For loving me and letting me love you.” he murmured.

Ji Hyo smiled back at him in reply.

 Gary held her hand tightly and both of then head back to the studio. He noticed that her hands were cold. He clasps her hand together and rubs it together and blow to make it warmer. Ji Hyo blushed in embarrassment by his romantic gesture.

“Gomawo, Oppa.” she said shyly.

They glanced at each other and walked hand-in-hand back to the studio. Gary was still clueless and curious about her because she haven’t said anything except the word “Gomawo, Oppa.” to him and nothing else. She also did not answer or respond to his explanation – confession that he did.

He did not let go of her hand at all. Her shirt was still a bit damp from the washing and the stain looks faded but still visible. They entered the studio. Gary took one of his T-shirt and gave it to her. There is a mini closet, coffee table and a couch with pillow and blankets in the inner room at the studio. Sometimes when Gary is busy working he just stays here for days without going home – especially if a new album or single is going to be released.

“Go get changed, you will catch a cold if you still want to wear your top.” he said with a concerned look.

Ji Hyo nodded. She didn’t want him to worry, so she just gives him a reassuring smile.

He still did not let her hand go. He was holding it the whole time.

 “Don’t run away-ya~” he said jokingly, making Ji Hyo giggle a little. He felt a bit better and relieved so he let go of her hand.

She goes to the toilet to change and came back. She entered the studio and Gary was waiting for her.

“Oppa, how do I look???” she asked with curiosity in her eyes.

“I look really weird isn’t it???” she asked again with a frown.

Gary was awed by her Plain Jane beauty for a moment there. He collected himself and replies.

“Aniya Ji Hyo-ya, you look really pretty. You look pretty in anything” he added.

“Geojitmal~~~” Ji Hyo pouted.

“No, I am not. Really, I am not lying.” he protest with his signature ugly sad face.

 “You know that I can’t lie and you detect my lies better than anyone – even better than my mum.” he added innocently.

“Jeongmal??? Araso, I believe you.” said Ji Hyo with a big smile and satisfaction.

 He walked up to her and pulled her into his embrace – grabbing her small framed shoulder with his hand and around her slim waist with the other, hugging her tightly and let out a big sigh.

Ji Hyo with a puzzled face and her blur expression, stood there frozen in his embrace.

“Why did you cry just now? The time after you read the paper.” he asked her with a serious but soft tone and worried lines around his face.

Ji Hyo breaks away from the hug to face him. She looked at him with a warm smile and touched his face with her warm and tiny fingers to soothe the worried lines that is on his face. Her eyes fixed to his, he looked at her and took a deep breath.

Looking at him with her deep gaze, she said “Oppa, did you remember almost exactly a year ago. Somewhere around this time also, you asked me to listen to your new song ‘Tears’ and it really became a hit and topped all charts just like I said???. I also broke into tears when I listen to it, but you never really knew why I cried, right?”

Gary took a moment to remember, nodded in agreement.

“I never knew. I never asked also because I was scared that my curiosity will cause her to remember a sad memory that is hard to forget” he thought to himself. 

“Why did you???” he asks with a confused face. Millions of questions slowly fill his head as he waited for Ji Hyo to continue.