There are different kinds of love, paired with different kinds of want.

“Hey there,” Hana greeted, as she sat down beside a sullen-looking Sungyeol.

He was sitting in the briefing room all by himself. He hadn’t expected anyone to come and find him. The precinct was unusually empty. Myungsoo was still in the hospital, so was Minji. Youngjae had taken some time off; so had Woohyun to spend time with Myungsoo.

Not just Myungsoo though…

In the last few days, he had got to know more about Woohyun than in the last year. It wasn’t because Woohyun spoke to him now, or they got closer. It was because he saw Woohyun, he observed him when he was most desperate, at his weakest. He had seen what Woohyun was the most afraid of losing, what meant the most to him.

What he had seen was oddly comforting, though not something to be happy about, at least not for him. He had wondered about the chief detective, he had spent countless hours thinking if he had someone special in his life, and why he hated Sungyeol so much, why he was oblivious to his liking. But now, sitting here in the air conditioned briefing room, he could finally say that he knew the reason.

I know because I’ve seen the way he looks at Sunggyu-ssi.

He had seen him wait outside Sunggyu’s ward, even though visitation was not allowed. He had begged the doctors to let him see him, just see him – ‘I won’t even try to talk to him’ – and how, when he had finally been allowed, tears had rolled down his cheeks and his fingers had formed a fist. Sungyeol may not be the brightest when it came to love and that sort of thing, but he was sure that even a fool would recognize that moment, that look in Woohyun’s eyes.

He loves Sunggyu-ssi, even if they don’t speak for ages, he’ll always love him.

The realization hadn’t come without pain – as soon as it hit him, he’d known the implication it had for him – no room for Lee Sungyeol because Nam Woohyun was in love with Kim Sunggyu.

And he will wait forever for him.

So maybe, the reason Woohyun had cold-shouldered him all along was not because he was oblivious to Sungyeol’s feelings but just the opposite. He had known how Sungyol felt about him and thus, to discourage him, he had made it as difficult as possible for him to feel hopeful about them.

In this situation, he didn’t know what to feel, what to do. Of course there was no stopping the excruciating twisting of his gut, like his insides were being torn inside out. There was no helping the despondency that he felt when he was all alone, his need to snack continuously at times and then miss meals for days. It was so pathetic that he felt pity for himself; but he didn’t regret anything. He was proud that he had fallen in love with Woohyun – the same detective who had saved their lives.

He remembered the desperation he had felt when Hana had ran out with Minji and he couldn’t see any sign of Woohyun behind them. He had jumped right into the building again as the explosion shook it back and forth. Through the falling rubble and smoky smell, his senses were alert for Woohyun. He had found Myungsoo first, taken him to shelter, then he had gone back for Woohyun again, his mind slowly numbing to the fear that it might be too late.

I’m so glad it wasn’t.

Woohyun had thanked him for that, he had. In his exact words, it went, “Thank you Sungyeol, I owe you my life. I haven’t been fair to you, and I’m sorry for that. If I can ever repay the tiniest bit of what you’ve done for me, let me know.”

Feeling a swooping sensation in his heart, he had wanted to confess. He had wanted to tell him there and then what he could do for him. But he had held himself back, seeing the sadness in his eyes. It just didn't seem appropriate. Besides, a part of him had probably known what his answer would have been.

“How are you Sungyeol?” Hana asked, her gaze concerned.

Sungyeol couldn’t ignore Hana, like he had been ignoring his brother and mother. She had been there with him, she had experienced it too. He felt a sudden urge to confess to her, because the burden inside of him was weighing him down. He’d have told Myungsoo, but he had his own misery to cope with.

“I like Woohyun, I even loved him.”

He wasn’t looking at her so he missed his expression. When he heard a soft chuckle, he shifted his gaze to her face.

“I kind of guessed,” she said, looking sheepish. “You went back for him, and the look on your face when you learned that he hadn’t returned yet…”

Sungyeol sighed. He was relieved actually. He had thought he’d have to explain it to her, make her understand.

But I guess I don’t have to.

“When you say you ‘loved’ him…”

“You know he’s in love with Sunggyu-ssi…”

She nodded thoughtfully.

Then, with a playful smile, she said, “I bet you don’t know they used to date before.”

Sungyeol felt a bit irked that she would bring it up so casually. It was already difficult to get used to the fact that Woohyun was never going to reciprocate his feelings.

And now she tells me that Woohyun’s love wasn’t one-sided, it was mutual, while my love is…

“My point wasn’t to hurt you,” she said, taking his hand and pressing it gently, “I just wanted you to know that because sometimes, knowing that the one you love has found happiness in life is a kind of relief.”

Cocking his head to one side, he considered what she had said. It did make sense to some extent. Hana was unusually knowledgeable about these things, even though her love life never seemed to go smoothly. He knew she had let her last boyfriend go only a few weeks ago.

“So are you happy then?” he asked. He didn’t want to invade her privacy, so the question was open-ended; she could answer in as much details as she liked.

Brushing her hair out of her face, she replied, “No, not really. Because the person I love, he’s not happy.”

“Oh,” Sungyeol said, nodding.

“In fact,” she continued, “he just found out that the person he loves is in love with someone else.”

It took him 30 seconds to work out what Hana meant. When he came to the realization, he was surprised.

Raising his eyebrows, he almost shouted, “No way!”

She smiled a bit, looking shy for the first time in her life, biting her lips.

“I’m sorry Sungyeol, now may not be the right time to confess but…”

“Wait, noona, why have you never said anything?”

“I was hoping you’d catch on, without me having to say anything,” she replied, not looking up from her lap.

Her coy smile gave Sungyeol a heart attack because the Jung Hana he knew was the toughest person alive. And yet, here she was, fumbling with her fingers and acting all bashful. Without knowing it, a smile reached his lips.

“I didn’t know you had this side to you. I always thought if you liked someone, you’d grab them by the tie and – wow, I still can’t believe this.”

He had to admit it was strange to be confessed to by a colleague like this. He had never thought of her in that way, he was too busy thinking about Woohyun to think about anyone else.

And all this time noona had actually liked me!

He felt weird, knowing Hana had been going through the same frustration he had felt at Woohyun’s feigned obliviousness. But at least he had genuinely not known about her feelings. If he had known back then though, what would he have done? Maybe he would have rejected her, so it was a good thing she hadn’t confessed to him before.

Wait, does this mean I’m not rejecting her now?

“Hey, you don’t have to think so hard, I don’t need an answer right now. You can sort out your feelings in time, okay?” she shook him by the shoulder and he saw the strong detective in front of him again, taking charge of the situation.

“Thanks noona,” he said, because honestly, he couldn’t make any decisions right now and he didn’t want to say something that would hurt her.

She stood up, smiling at him.

“Now come help me finish writing the report. We need to show the Captain today.”

Sungyeol, who was getting up from his seat, fixed her with a worried gaze.

“How’s the Captain holding up?”

He had been worried about Howon – after all, it was his brother who had been found guilty of a murder, and had also been identified as the head of the largest drug organization in East Asia. Of course not many people knew about STR and Blood Lily, but many knew that he was the murderer of Kris. The media had covered it too, not forgetting to mention that he was the brother of Captain Lee Howon. It had put him under a lot of stress, as expected; he had also been called in for questioning from the higher-ups. They had only stopped calling him when they were absolutely sure that he had no ties with Sungjong or STR. He had even offered to resign from his post.

Frankly, Sungyeol was angry with Sungjong for putting his brother’s reputation in jeopardy. Not only he had double-crossed Myungsoo and Sunggyu, he had also played with his own brother’s trust. Every bit of it was unforgivable.

How can a person be so bad, so evil?

He had heard what had happened in the basement from Hana. Minji had come as a shock, but when Hana had mentioned Sungjong, Sungyeol wanted to laugh at her, call her crazy. Surely she had to be delusional to think Myungsoo’s boyfriend had anything to do with all this. When Woohyun confirmed it, he had to believe the story, although it was almost impossible; it was like trying to swallow an exceptionally bitter pill.

Who would have guessed? Not me…

At the same time as disbelief and hatred, he had felt irritated too because of how easy Sungjong had fooled them all. He was clever no doubt, but they were detectives, their job was to be cleverer than the criminal and yet Sungjong had made them look like ten year olds. It was frustrating, and he would never forgive him for that.

“-should be fine now. It was a huge shock for him, his own brother after all. Which reminds me, are you going to see Myungsoo today?”

“I think so, after I get off. Myungsoo gets released tomorrow, I think.”

Hana nodded in agreement.

“I wonder how long it would take him to…I mean he’s pretty messed up.”

“He still wishes Sungjong was alive. Can you believe that – after all this?”

“Hmm,” she said, tilting her head, “I actually can. I mean, as far as I could tell, he loved him. What Sungjong did was unforgivable but, even then, you wouldn’t just wish for the person you love to die.”

Sungyeol didn’t understand this sentiment though, maybe because he had never been in the same place. When you’re betrayed to that degree, could you still feel affection for the person?

But maybe, in Myungsoo’s mind, they were separate persons, the one he loved and the one who had betrayed him.

Even then, I can’t imagine trying to save someone who has gone against everything I stand for.

For a moment, he wanted to be in Myungsoo’s head, feel what he felt. It would be interesting, and maybe he would understand a bit more about the complicated thing called love.

“Sleeping?” Hana snapped her finger in front of his face, effectively waking him up from his thoughts.

He made to follow her out of the briefing room – he would start on the report, because Minji’s case would be tried in court soon – but Hana stopped her.

“What do you think about lunch today? We can go to McDonald’s.” even though her tone was normal, her cheeks were pink. Sungyeol had to laugh at the sight. “What?” she glared, looking as intimidating as he thought her normally to be.

He shook his head.

“Okay, but only if noona is buying?”

Slapping him lightly on the head, she chided, “Didn’t anyone teach you to be a gentleman?”

“Ah, fine,” he said, pretending to be disgruntled. “I’ll buy.” He puffed up his cheeks, causing Hana to pinch them.

“You’re so cute Sungyeollie!” she squealed.

It was a good thing no one else was in the office. The exchanges between them were getting to be embarrassing.

“Letgo off me!”

Rubbing the sore spot on his cheek, he followed her out, quite relieved that Hana was still a bully, and that some things would never change no matter how much they all go through.