There are some people in life that you don’t like, but you love them anyway.

The drive home was despondent. I couldn’t get Woohyun to talk, so I gave up talking a little while later. I was looking forward to the homely comforts, and especially, to rejuvenate my spirit. But as I entered the apartment, Sungjong greeting me with a hug, I realized that he didn’t know that Dr. Ok was dead. Not only we would have to find Sunggyu hyung a new psychiatrist, but Sungjong had grown friendly with Dr. Ok. I really didn’t think he would take the news lightly – it would have an effect on him.

I didn’t know how to break the news to him so I showered, and ate in silence, while Sungjong told me about his day, and Sunggyu hyung’s. He was a lot less enthusiastic than usual.There were times when I’d be so immersed in a case I was trying to solve that I wouldn’t reply to him, so he was used to it. Maybe that was why he thought there wasn’t anything wrong with me.

“I guess the files helped,” he finally said, his tone darkening. I could tell that he hadn’t completely forgiven me for the morning. To him, it still wasn’t right. How do we know that hyung would have wanted us to access those files, if he had been in his right mind? We didn’t, but it was a chance we had to take to catch a criminal.

“Yeah they actually did,” I said earnestly. The least I could do was assure him that the files were being used properly. “And we’re returning them tomorrow,” I added, to put him at ease.

Sungjong simply nodded. Picking up a spoon, he said, as if he just remembered it, “By the way, you have to take hyung to the baseball field tomorrow, I have to go to the office and meet up with Minho hyung. He’s been pestering me forever, and I haven’t met him in three months.”

Even though Sungjong worked from home, his contract said that he had come in to the office once a month. He had been pushing it back, because hyung couldn’t do a single day without him, especially since I was busy. The psychiatrist – I felt a squirm in my stomach, thinking of Dr. Ok – had expressly forbidden us to leave Sunggyu hyung on his own.

Thinking about Dr. Ok as Sunggyu hyung’s doctor unnerved me a little – if he had really belonged to the drug gang…but there was no doubt he was a good doctor. Hyung had improved so much under his care; Sungjong was all praises about him, how he had helped Sunggyu hyung to regain the use of his right leg, and also to become more normal, in general.

“Baseball field? Does he have to go there tomorrow? I kind of have a -”

He threw down his chopsticks, glaring at me.

“When was the last time you spent time with hyung? Don’t think I didn’t notice. You pretend to give us space, but actually, you’re drawing yourself away from your hyung all the more. When we first brought him from the hospital, you used to sit by his bedside with your revolver, afraid that someone would try to harm him again. But you’re just pulling away from him. Please, don’t.” The last two words he said pleadingly. The harsh glare in his eyes was gone, replaced by tears. “He’s the only family you’ve got. Don’t make the same mistake as I did.”

I thought about Sungjong, estranged from his brother. It wasn’t new, and I wasn’t the only reason. It had happened before I even knew him, I could guess. He didn’t want the same fate for me, for us.

“If I’m not here someday, what would happen to hyung?” he urged, trying to stifle the tears.

“Why wouldn’t you be here?”

“Anything could happen, I could die -”

“No!” I stopped him before he could continue. The moment he had started saying it, an image overflowed my brain, that of a cold lifeless Sungjong, sprawled on concrete, blood rolling down his cheek. It physically hurt to even think of it. “Don’t say that please. I’ll take hyung out tomorrow, I promise. I’ll try, I’ll do better.”

Rubbing his face with the back of his hand, he told me the address of the baseball field, where hyung played twice every day. The doctor had suggested that he take some exercise regularly and baseball was the only thing they could get him interested in. But he was shy when other people were there, so they always went during the morning on weekdays, when the kids would be in school, so that hyung could play comfortably. The mention of hyung’s doctor made my stomach churn again – I had to let Sungjong know; he’d find out eventually.

But I couldn’t speak about it until we were in bed, the lights turned off, and Sungjong was facing away from me. I told him, in a whisper. At first he didn’t believe me, he scolded me of being jealous - but when he saw that I was serious, he started crying. Twice, I made him cry in one day, I felt horrible. But there was nothing I could do other than gather him in my arms, and let him shed the tears on my chest.

When I woke up the next morning, I called Woohyun right away to let him know that I won’t be in the office until afternoon. I explained to him what I was going to do; he was supportive. He said he’d manage the Captain. I showered, and put on casual clothes. Sungjong was already up, dressed formally, skittering around the kitchen, trying to prepare breakfast for us all.

“You can leave, I can make breakfast you know,” I told him, walking into the kitchen. I was about to wrap him in a hug but he ducked, saying that I’d ruin his ironed clothes. Gathering his coat that hung over the back of a chair and his bag, he recited instructions on what I should and should not do around hyung. Then, giving me a final warning glare, he kissed me on the cheek and left with a muttered goodbye.

When Sungjong left, I felt emptiness in the house, as if I was all alone. But I knew hyung was in his room, still sleeping. For some reason, I didn’t want to wake him. When Sungjong came back, I’d tell him that hyung was sleeping all the time so I couldn’t take him to the baseball field. He’d be very disappointed in me, he’d tell me, shaking his head that he had expected better. Then he would pack his bags and leave me…

No, I couldn’t let that happen. This murder case had ruffled me up – I thought about all sorts of weird thoughts. Maybe because this case was entwined with hyung’s last one, the one that changed him.

Had hyung changed for the better though? He was childlike now, innocent, and mostly sweet. He wasn’t like this before – he had been brooding, insincere, uncaring, unfeeling. Whatever Woohyun said, I knew my hyung. The extent to which he had loved Woohyun was limited. Or I could be wrong. There could be a part of hyung I had not known, one that could love.

Suddenly my phone started to ring. Picking it up, I saw that it was an alarm, no doubt set by Sungjong. It said – ‘wake hyung up’. He hadn’t trusted me to remember everything after all. I scrolled down my to-do list, it was filled with notes made by Sungjong: ‘give hyung breakfast, don’t serve him tea; get him to dress’ etc. How had he unlocked my phone? Well, the password was Sungjong after all so maybe it wasn’t that difficult…

I tried my best. I woke up hyung, as gently as possible; I was reminded of how hyung had woken me up as a kid. He’d even kick me, if I was being extra stubborn. The first thing hyung said when he opened his eyes was, “Where’s Sungjong?”

Sighing, I explained to my brother that I’d be taking him to the baseball field today. He didn’t look very excited, only curious. It was awkward as I waited for him to get dressed, and then have breakfast. He ate slowly, picking his food one by one, and chewing for a long time. When he was done, he eyed my tea interestedly.

“No tea for you,” I said, abiding by Sungjong’s law.

His face fell, his eyes drooped and I felt sorry for him. This could have been the two of us fifteen years ago, the roles reversed. I’d want something, like strawberry jam, and hyung would deny me with a shake of his head. That was when my eyes would well up with tears and I would ask for mom. Hyung would scoff and call me a wimp. It was all too clear in my mind, too painful.

But he didn’t throw a tantrum that I was afraid of; he probably knew he wasn’t allowed to have tea.

After double checking that I had turned off all the lights and heater, we put on our shoes – I helped to tie hyung’s shoelace, as he placed his hand on my shoulder – and locked the apartment.

The drive to the baseball field took about twenty minutes. All the while, hyung, who was strapped into the seat beside me, was twiddling the knob of the radio, not really listening to anything. I told him once to settle on a station, but he didn’t seem to hear me. I tried talking to him, asking him about how he was and what did he do after lunch, but he mostly ignored me. I gave up. I knew what Sungjong would have said – it wouldn’t happen in a day, but I shouldn’t give up because of that.

However, I was glad that he seemed calm. I would really be helpless if he got into one of his tantrums – no one could calm him down then, only Sungjong, and maybe Dr. Ok. My stomach turned as I thought about Dr. Ok. I asked hyung, tentatively, how he liked his doctor.

“He’s nice. And he takes care of me well,” hyung replied, looking out of the window.

We didn’t speak anymore until we arrived at the baseball field. Parking my car, I let hyung walk in front of me, showing me the way into the field. It was empty, just as Sungjong had said it would be. There was a spring in hyung’s step that I noticed as he walked across the field. He seemed happy.

“I have to get my bat,” he said, turning toward me.

“Okay, where is it?”

He pointed to a small shed on one side of the field. That was where they kept the supplies.

Telling hyung to stay where he was, I went over to the shed, the door of which wasn’t locked fortunately and pushed the door open. As I had expected rows of bats awaited me, along with gloves and shields. They all had small tags pasted on them, announcing the owner. I looked for Sunggyu hyung's one.

As I bent down to get a better look, something rolled out of my pocket and fell on the floor. Clicking my tongue with impatience I picked it up - it was my luminol pen. Why had brought it with me, I had no idea – I usually carried it while going to investigate a crime scene. I must have placed a spare one in my coat pocket some other time, and it had remained. I was about to put it back into my pocket when something strange caught my eyes. I moved it closer to the bat, there was no mistaking it. There was blood on it.

As a habit, I pulled out my handkerchief and used it to cover my hand and then picked up the offending bat. Carefully I shone the light from the pen on the bat. It lit up blue - unmistakable sign of blood.

I checked the tag – it belonged to hyung. But where had the blood come from? Had he ever injured himself? As I pulled on the bat harder, it wouldn’t come off. It was connected to the railing it was placed against by a metal chain, secured with a lock. Who could have the key? Sungjong would have given it to me if he had had it – it didn’t seem like a thing he would forget. And he’d definitely had told me if hyung had gotten hurt. This didn’t make sense – how could there be blood on the bat?

“Can we play now?” Sunggyu hyung poked his head inside, looking at me pleadingly. He was holding a key out at me. After a moment, I realised it was the key I needed to take out the bat.

“Do you always have the key hyung?”

Hyung nodded.

Extricating it from his grip, I used the key to unlock the bat. I held it close to myself to get a better look – the blood was congealed, and mostly at the end of the hitting wooden structure. It was quite heavy too.

“When did you use this last hyung?” I asked, still examining it thoroughly. Hyung seemed a little bored by my antics, so he didn’t reply. When I asked him again, with urgency, he replied, huffing, “This day, last week.”

There was no point in asking him if the blood had been there when he’d last used it, he probably hadn’t even noticed. But I knew about congealed blood and from the track that had been left on the bat, I could tell it definitely wouldn’t be one week old; it should be more recent. That was even stranger because if hyung hadn’t used it, the bat would be secured the railing all this time since only he had the key. Then how had blood got on it? More importantly, why was there blood on the bat unless…

It hit me a second later - blunt object, smooth surface! I tried swinging it – if swung with a minimum force, it could kill a person, at least wound him heavily. My heart started to beat faster – what is the possibility that this was just stray blood? And if it wasn’t – I reckoned in my head, the alleyway where we first found Kris was less than a block away from this field – then is this the crime scene we’d been looking for?

It occupied me, the notion that this place, this field could be the real scene of murder, where Kris’ blood had actually been spilled. I knew it immediately – I had to act on this doubt. This place had to be searched thoroughly for more traces of blood, and the blood had to be matched to Kris’. This could potentially be a crime scene, the crime scene! Who’d have thought… Ignoring Sunggyu hyung, who was now inside the room, and was inspecting the other bats closely, I dialled Sungyeol's number and told him to bring A CSU team down here, giving him the address. Then I called Woohyun to fill him in on what I’d found. Lastly I called Sungjong, to tell him to come and pick up hyung because I couldn't look after him anymore, it was an emergency and I would be busy. Sungjong was in the middle of his meeting and he begged me to look after hyung for half an hour; he’d be here by then.

I really couldn't ask more. He was already working from home, cutting the hours to look after hyung and this one day that he needed to be at his company – I really couldn’t tell him more.

I tried to explain to hyung that we couldn't play today because there were some problems. His face fell but then rose again when I said I had called Sungjong.

“He can fix the problems,” he said with confidence, making my stomach twist painfully.

Hyung had a faith in Sungjong that he had never shown in me. Never. Was the change in him purely due to pathological changes? Could be, because the hyung I knew wouldn't trust anyone to fix anything for him; he worked alone, trusted only himself. However, I couldn’t help thinking that there was one thing still the same about hyung - his ignorance about me. He couldn't care less back then, and now. I might not have been related to him at all, maybe not even existed in his world. I guessed it would take a lot more to change that aspect of him; maybe it’d been ingrained into his very being, his awareness, his senses.

The time we spent waiting was awkward. Hyung was just looking curiously, he wanted to touch the bats but I had to keep him away from them. I gave him my luminol pen to play with. He looked surprised as if he had seen it for the first time in life.

“What does this do?” He asked.

I thought morosely, you of all people should know...

“Um this is actually used for -”

But hyung wasn’t listening to me. He was shining the light on different parts of the shed, watching with amazement and satisfaction. He was too easily occupied. He moved around the room, although I’d rather he wouldn’t. If this was really a crime scene, he was contaminating it. I was going to tell him off when he suddenly escaped from the shed and went outside with his pen. I followed him out but paused at the doorway.

For a moment, I froze. Sunggyu hyung was hunched over, shining the pen on the ground as we went along. What surprised me was his stooping walk, the way he held up a hand around the piece of ground he was shining the light on, to shield it from the sun and thus make the light visible. It was the way he was covering the ground inch by inch, not at all with childlike innocence, but with the precision of an experienced detective.

My mouth was dry; I called out to him hoarsely. He didn’t hear me the first time, the second time I called out louder.

He turned to face me, the luminol still in his hand. He was glancing at me questioningly, his face devoid of the fury he’d have shown if I had interrupted him when he was busy before. For one moment, I’d thought that my hyung was back, Detective Kim Sunggyu was back, but it had been my imagination.

“Come back in here, there are fire ants out there.”

He looked at me dubiously, but followed my instruction anyway. He was pliant today, and that was a relief for me. He had good days and bad days; luckily for me, today seemed to be a good one.

“My head hurts,” he told me, rubbing his hands together.

“Because you’ve been out in the cold for too long,” I told him, taking off my overcoat and bundling him in it. Why didn’t I notice that hyung hadn’t brought his coat? Sungjong would have.

Together, we waited in that little shed. It seemed to be getting steadily colder, and at one point, hyung started shivering. Feeling sheepish, I put an arm around him. How long hadn’t I done that? In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I had done it, or the first time.

“What’s the problem with the field?” hyung asked.

“Well, you see…”

I was saved from explaining farther by the arrival of Sungeyol and the CSU team. I explained to them what I had seen, handed them the bat and then told them to comb the area for any evidence of blood shed or the fact that this might be the crime scene. Woohyun, who looked much better than yesterday, was staring at hyung, so I put Sungyeol in charge and asked my partner if he'd like to stay with me and Sunggyu hyung.

“Yeah, ok.”

He was still staring when I realised I had my arm around hyung. I quickly retracted it, earning a knowing smile from Woohyun.

“Hi,” he said to hyung, who didn’t acknowledge it. I decided to intervene, feeling confident about today’s interactions with hyung.

“This is Woohyun, say hi to him.”

Hyung stared at Woohyun for some time, then turned to me.

“I want to go home.” His cheeks were pink and he was blinking rapidly, as if to hold back tears.

Wohyun heaved an audible sigh.

I shrugged apologetically at him, and said to hyung, “You will, very soon. Sungjong will be here to pick you up.”

He seemed satisfied with that. Every time I mentioned Sungjong, his eyes would light up.

Sungjong arrived 15 minutes later.

“I’m so sorry the meeting ran late.”

“No problem – what’s that?”

He had a magazine in his hand and the cover page contained a familiar face. I held out a hand for it, and he put the magazine there.

There was no mistaking – Kris’ face was staring out at me from the cover.

“When was he on the cover?” Woohyun asked curiously.

“It’s a very old issue -” Sungjong was beginning to say but suddenly, hyung screamed. We turned toward him. He was staring at the cover page of the magazine, but his face had altered radically. His eyes were narrowed in anger, so much that it seemed like he had them closed. There was a shadow of rage all over his face – his cheeks were now red. He let out another roar and jumped toward the magazine I was holding, tearing it out of my grip and scrunching up the cover page.

“Hyung, stop, please don’t do that,” Sungjong pleaded with him, trying to wring the magazine out of his grip. But he looked determined on vandalising the magazine. With surprising force and agility, Sungjong pulled the magazine out of his grip, then drew hyung in a hug, letting his head rest on his shoulder and patting it.

Hyung was now crying loudly.

“It’s okay hyung, it’s okay.”

Over hyung’s shoulder, he sent us a questioning glance.

Woohyun and I exchanged glances. Had hyung actually recognised Kris as a criminal he had arrested? But that was impossible. He didn’t even remember who he was. Maybe Kris’ picture had just registered as an enemy in his mind, someone associated with antagonistic feelings.

“I’ll take him to the doctor,” Sungjong said, then remembering last night, bit his lips. He looked at me helplessly. That look that he gave me, a desperately begging look tore my heart apart. He didn’t know what to do, and I had to help him. Woohyun however responded before I did.

“I know a good psychiatrist,” he said. “I’ll give you his address. I’ll call him so that he sees you right away.”

I looked at Woohyun gratefully, then turned to Sungjong and hyung. With a sigh, I realised that this shed now contained the only three people in the world I loved and lived for.