If you love someone, you expect too much from them, without even asking.

Sungjong’s face was impassive as he studied each of us. Then he broke into a smile and said, “Welcome to my humble home. It’s not much, but this is just the entrance, it’s better on the inside.”

I had a horrible sensation balling up in gut and threatening to rise to my throat – had Sungjong somehow gone insane? I was terrified because after the things that happened with hyung, when I was struggling badly, it was Sungjong’s sanity that had kept me afloat. What would I do if the same Sungjong was now acting irrationally? Would I be able to help him the same way?

“What’s going on here, Sungjong? Put the gun down and we’ll take you two home,” Woohyun said, quite sternly, I thought. Maybe he was freaked out too. No one had seen Sungjong like this.

For the first time, I saw a smirk forming on Sungjong’s face.

“Do you really not know what’s going on? Do you really not know who I am yet?”

Woohyun and I looked at each other, the shadow of terror settling down in our eyes at the same time. There was something dark and lethal about the slender man standing in front of me, something so not Sungjong. They might look the same but the smirk stretched across his face made cold sweat trickle down my spine. With the revolver in his hand, he looked ominous, bigger than all of us. What happened to my Sungjong? Where is he? This man, wearing Sungjong’s mask – what did he really want?

“I can see it in your eyes,” Sungjong drawled, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “You know inside, but you’re too afraid to believe. You know who I am, don’t you Myungsoo? Do you know what I did to your brother, a little over a year ago?”

He laughed; it was a drawn out laughter, echoing around the stone walls so that it seemed like the laughter was emitting from the walls themselves, ringing shrilly through the air.

My skin crawled with fear and disgust; the acid in my stomach rising steadily up to my throat, searing every bit of it. I wanted to cry out but I couldn’t, my lips wouldn’t part.

I concentrated on Sungjong’s mouth, the same mouth I had kissed so many times, the ones that had left marks all over me. They looked more like weapons now, something that should be destroyed so that it doesn’t open anymore, so that he couldn’t speak another word. But the lips parted again and I braced myself for what was to come.

“Now drop your guns why don’t you? Minji will help you.”

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Minji change the direction in which she was holding her revolver to Hana’s way. The look of disbelief on Hana’s face was repeated on Woohyun’s face, and mine. Hana looked at me in askance.

“Sungjong, stop this game,” Woohyun said harshly, taking a step toward Sungjong, his gun pointing straight at his head.

“No, don’t hurt him!” Hyung’s high-pitched voice rang through the room as he positioned himself in front of Sungjong defensively.

This time Sungjong’s laughter made me want to throw up. This same laughter had once been healing for me, but no, not the same laughter. This laughter was dark and cold, mirthless, not at all like the warm sweet ringing of Sungjong’s laugh.

“I assume you’re not going to hurt your brother or your ex-boyfriend? So put the weapons down or I will.”

I didn’t even need to see him hurt hyung, I just knew from his voice that he would. The threat in there was raw and real and Woohyun must have felt it too, because he lowered his arms, dropping his revolver to the floor with a clank. Hana and I followed suit. Minji made a quick work of pushing the revolvers away from us with her feet, then relieving us of our walkie-talkies.

When I felt her hand around my waist, I wanted to look into her eyes, and ask her why she would betray us like this. What had induced her to throw away all the trust that had accumulated behind her badge, the faith her colleagues put into her. Now I knew why she had wanted to come down with us. Why had I brought her? Woohyun had sensed something, hadn’t he? He was reluctant to bring her along. But me being the fool I was, the stupid trusting fool…

If I were to talk about trust then what about Sungjong? How could he do something like this? I loved him so much, I gave him everything, he was my all. He knew that, didn’t he?

Did you even hesitate?

Did he even think before doing this, before breaking this bridge between us, the one he’d painstakingly built?

Do you build bridges only so that you could break them apart, burn them into ruins?

Who are you?

“Sungjongie, aren’t we going home?” Hyung asked softly and I felt a piece of my heart tear away. Did he still believe in Sungjong, did he really think we could get out of this alive? Had he still not realized that Sungjong’s affections didn’t mean anything?

“Very soon hyung, at least you will,” Sungjong cooed.

I started, raising my head to look at Sungjong because right there, the person I heard was my Sungjong. For a moment there, he was the man I loved, the one who would sacrifice everything for our family. But he was gone in a blink.

“Now, Minji why don’t you keep a lookout for any unwanted guests?” There was shuffling of feet as Minji moved toward the passageway no doubt. “And the rest of you, why don’t we play a game? Let’s see how good you guys actually are.”

He looked expectantly at Woohyun, who was glaring at him, his eyes full of fire.

“Go on then, tell me what you’ve deduced?” Sungjong’s voice was commanding. There was something about it that made you want to answer him, no matter what.

“You’re a bloody traitor, you don’t deserve Myungsoo!”

Sungjong made a face, tilting his head to one side.

“Good observation, but I’d like it if you don’t use the T-word. I mean, did I ever claim I was an angel? It’s you who put your trust in me in the first place, I never asked for it. Now what else?”

Woohyun was shaking with anger while I tried to acclimatize myself with this new Sungjong. It felt surreal. I thought I knew Sungjong, I knew everything about him – the mole on his back, the small scar above his knee, his favorite flavor of coffee – then why did this Sungjong seem like an absolute stranger?

“You’re one of them, aren’t you? You’re from the STR!” Woohyun spat out.

“I’m from STR?” Sungjong repeated, scoffing. His lips stretched into a sneer. “I am STR. It’s all me, my creation, my dreamchild.”

It was like a hammer was hitting my head repeatedly, rhythmically in the same place, bending my skull and crushing my neurons. The pain surging though me was like electricity; it scorched every part of me. I didn’t want to listen to Sungjong anymore but his voice was the only thing I could focus on.

Desperately, I was trying to find my Sungjong beneath the layers of coldness and cruelty; I searched for the Sungjong with warm breath and cotton hands and strawberry smell. The Sungjong in front of me reeked of blood, lies and unspoken evil. They couldn’t be the same person.

“You – you’re the Blood Lily?”

Smirking, Sungjong took a bow.

Woohyun’s eyes are alight with a mixture of disgust and disbelief.

“You were 21 when the STR DIENASTY was established-”

Sungjong countered with one of his mirthless laughs.

“Geniuses start young.”

“You – you planned this disaster!” Woohyun’s face was all scrunched up. He looked like he was ready to throw himself onto Sungjong at gunpoint, take him down with himself. His body was vibrating with hatred. There was fear too, as he watched Sunggyu, who looked as clueless as ever, by Sungjong’s side.

“I planned an empire!” Sungjong’s voice rang around the silent room, sending a shiver down my spine. It was like death was speaking, the icy tone, the dominating tenor. “I built this empire, stretching from Seoul to all over Asia. I rule this empire, all the people ready to lay down their lives for me, to protect me. I am the center, the sun. All you detectives and those Intelligence and Interpol cannot touch me.”

He leered at Woohyun, who looked like he was too sickened to speak anymore. His eyes were flitting between Sungjong and Sunggyu – he was planning for an escape, trying to find a way to take us all back alive. Of course he was worried about Sunggyu the most, who still hadn’t grasped the situation and refused to budge from Sungjong’s side. He turned to the side and his gaze landed on me; he held the gaze, silently asking for help – he’s your brother, he was saying, but what could I do? My own hyung trusted Sungjong more than me.

The frustration was tearing me apart.

Sungjong now turned, focusing his attention on me. Breaking into a smile, that was so reminiscent of the Sungjong who would kiss me goodnight, he said in a low voice, “What say you, my eternal lover?”

I wanted to say something crude. I wanted to swear at him at the top of my voice, call him out for his despicable actions. I wanted to get my fingers around his white neck and squeeze the answer out of him – why did you betray me like this? I don’t deserve this so why did you mess with me? Why me?

But no sound would come out of my voice box. I was trembling from head to foot, the anger, fury, and terror striking me down. Mustering all my strength, I muttered, “You’re a monster.”

Sungjong’s face was inexpressive as he took a few steps forward. For a moment, I thought he might strangle me. But then he smiled again, blinding me with his sheer beauty. It was as if he was trying to remind me why I had fallen for him, that I had fallen for him, that I had given him the chance to mess with me, so in the end, it was my fault.

“You’ve got that right.”

“I don’t understand,” Hana called out from behind us. She was probably the most composed out of the three of us. I twisted back a little, to see her standing her ground. Her face was a mask of hatred but she was still, her back straightened. “You killed Kris, blamed it on Dr. Ok and Sunggyu-ssi, it was working. So why did you call us out here?”

Sungjong scratched his neck, looking amused.

“You’ve kept your head cool, haven’t you? Good for you. You see,” he said, almost sadly, like someone who had made a mistake, “blaming Sunggyu hyung wasn’t part of the plan. It unfortunately happened.” He moved to hyung now, threading his fingers through his hair.

“Don’t touch him,” Woohyun spat out harshly.

“He’d rather have me touch him than you, of course we’re not talking about what used to be in the past.”

Woohyun’s eyes flashed, and it seemed like he would charge at Sungjong but he held himself back, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Killing Kris was easy. Everyone looks at the CCTV footage, it doesn’t show me going out of the house. But in reality, I climbed down the window in hyung’s room and used the stairwell to get out. My plan was to take hyung down to the baseball field, where I was supposed to meet Kris, finish matters with him and then just come back in, like we had gone on a nightly stroll. It wasn’t my intention back then to kill Kris, I was unarmed, as you’ll notice.” He laughed airily, his eyes brightening as he talked about the perfect crime. “But I guess Kris had other intentions. Ran into Taecyeon hyung though; now imagine, how annoying!” He rolled his eyes, smiling exasperatedly as if he was solving an exceptionally stubborn geometry problem. “So I had to let him tag along, good thing I did though, because he did the heavy work, hitting with the bat, dragging the body. He did it for me, because of his little crush on me. What wouldn’t a man do when someone he likes is involved.” Shaking his head, he grinned, like he was telling a fond story. “It’s sad he got too inquisitive though…” He made a face.

“So you’re confessing? To the murder of Kris? And to being Blood Lily, the leader of STR DIENASTY?” Hana continued, her voice determined.

“You know you’re really smart,” Sungjong said in a singsong voice, crossing his arms on his chest. “Too bad you couldn’t see through Minji. Oh no, don’t give her that look, she spoke highly of you. And as for your questions,” he held up a hand mockingly, as if taking an oath, “I solemnly swear that I am the murderer of Kris, the one and only. I also ordered the murder of Taecyeon hyung, if you must know.”

“No!” Hana protested, “Chanyeol killed Dr. Ok, we have proo-”

“Dear, dear,” Sungjong said in a bored voice, “if I have someone killed, people rarely find out. Most often, the wrong person gets blamed.” The smile playing on his lips was part amused, part proud. “And as for Blood Lily, who’s that?”

His last question confused me. He had just claimed moments ago that he was the leader of STR DIENASTY, he had even taken a bow when Woohyun had mentioned the Blood Lily and yet, right now, he was pretending not to know. What game was he playing?

“You see,” he continued, poking out his tongue slightly like a snake, “the existence of Blood Lily is official only in a file. A certain file put together by a certain Narcotics Detective, you’ve seen it, haven’t you?”

When Hana nodded slowly, he let out a guffaw.

“And where is that file now?”

“Minji returned it-” Hana stopped, as if she had been electrocuted. She threw Minji an acrid gaze. “You didn’t return it to the Intelligence, did you?”

“One file, with no copy whatsoever for security reasons, one file that speaks of the Blood Lily and the STR, one file without which, none of it exists. Here it is.”  He reached into his pocket, pulling out a handful of something. He opened his fist, letting the ashes run to the floor

“Detectives, there is no STR, there is no Blood Lily, not anymore.” Silence greeted his proclamation. The smile on his face was victorious, proud, arrogant even. We were all too shocked to speak, or curse, or cry.

When I had first looked at his case, it had occurred to me as a simple case of homicide. But as layers and layers of it was unveiled, I felt the amount of scheming that had gone into this case – all because Blood Lily wanted to erase the documents of his existence from police and the Intelligence. We were back to square one, from where hyung had started and mapped out this web, but now the map was gone. Who knew how long it would take to build another, or if anyone would succeed at all.

“How does defeat feel like, detectives? Enlighten me, because I have no clue.”

“You tell me Sungjong!” I suddenly broke out. Even a minute ago, I couldn’t speak a word to save my life but suddenly something broke inside me, something demolished every particle of my sanity, crushed every bit of emotion in me - I was less than a soul, I was a shell, but an angry one. “You tell me, how does it feel to have lied through your teeth, how does it feel to kiss when you don’t mean it, huh? Tell me, tell me what did you gain by this? Tell me why did you do this, why me?”

My breathing was erratic as I felt a strangling sensation across my throat. My eyes were threatening to burst with the tears I had been holding back. I wanted to take Sungjong’s beautiful – no, his poisonous face between my hands and crush it under my fingers. I wanted him to disappear, to not exist, just like Blood Lily. I was so mad because he made me look so pathetic, he played me so easily, and he made me love him more than myself.

I was done with Lee Sungjong, but I wasn’t done loving him.

“I hate you,” I spat at him, hoping to convey all my disappointment, my anger, my loathe through those words.

For the fraction of a second, Sungjong’s face changed, the mask of Blood Lily flickered and I could see a glimpse of my Sungjong. I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it, but I saw a hint of apology in his eyes, a little piece of regret.

“I wish it didn’t have to be this way,” he murmured, turning his back to me. He walked up to hyung and touched his cheek tenderly, and repeated the words.

When he turned back, his eyes were like two clear crystals, cold, emotionless.

“Well then, I guess it should end now. Are you ready, Myungsoo?”

Our eyes locked and I remembered something from before, a promise I had made a year ago – Sungjong, I won’t let anything happen to you, I’ll die for you.

I’ll die for you.