Chapter 4
Niu Nai's Bind(er)The next day, An Na had a heart to heart with Niu Nai. The leader didn't want her bandmate to feel penalized, so she tried to maintain a relatively positive demeanor. As planned, she opened the topic by first asking if everything was all right. Niu Nai looked puzzled.
"Well, I've been noticing lately, how often you seem distracted. You're there with us on stage, in rehearsals, at interviews...but then, you're kinda not," An Na explained.
"I'm...okay," Niu Nai said.
"Really? I'm worried about you. If nothing's wrong, then why do you often look so unhappy?" An Na asked.
Niu Nai was at a loss. How could she explain without sounding like a pig? Instead, she shook her head, "I'm not unhappy."
"Then, why do you sometimes look pissed off in our promo photos and videos?"
"I do?" Niu Nai was a bit surprised. Then she remembered how hard it was for her to unstitch her brow when her mask went up. It was to protect her from anyone catching on. She didn't want everyone to know the kind of naughty thoughts that floated around her head. Only now, she realized how unsavory her expression must be.
"Oh," was all she could say.
An Na repeated, "Oh. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry, I guess I'm just extremely concentrated, so I squeeze my eyebrows together without realizing it," Niu Nai fibbed.
"Okay, well, can you maybe make a conscious effort to smile when cameras are on you? It looks weird when we're all neutral or smiling, and then there's you: Sourpuss."
"I'm sorry," Niu Nai bowed her head.
"Could you also make an effort to stay focused during practice, during discussions and such? You've been drifting off excessively."
"I'm sorry. I'll try harder," Niu Nai kept her head down and avoided eye contact.
"We're a group. Everyone has to pull their own weight. Frankly, you haven't been recently."
Niu Nai shook her head, "I've been trying really hard. Really! Don't I show up on time? Contribute ideas? Learn my moves?"
"You do. But then you fade. Why? It makes me worry that one day you'll forget your lyrics in the middle of a show."
"I won't. I promise," Niu Nai was sincere, but wasn't even sure she could guarantee this. Especially if she had to stop using her mask.
"A few of us had a meeting yesterday. Some of us thought about relieving you of your duties." An Na sounded dismayed and increasingly irritated.
Niu Nai met An Na's eyes for the first time. The embarrassed girl was scared.
"Niu Nai, I put you in this band because I thought you could pull it off. You were really good at first. Now I'm not so sure."
The taller girl's eyes were full of tears, "An Na, I love this band."
An Na nodded.
"Are you..." Niu Nai choked out her words, "Firing me?"
For a moment, An Na just didn't know what to say. She didn't want to hurt her friend, but she needed her to know how close she was to being canned. "No, I'm not firing you," She finally said.
Niu Nai shut her large eyes and breathed out like she'd been holding her breath.
"I know you love being in the band. Everybody would be so sad to see you go. So we want to help you get focused," An Na revealed.
"How?" Niu Nai asked, nearly in a whisper.
"Well, Qiu Qiu wants to give you extra help with choreography. This would be on your own time - I don't want it to interfere with official rehearsals," the leader detailed.
Niu Nai was surprised, "So - you mean my dancing's no good?"
"No, Qiu Qiu said you're really sharp once you learn the moves. We thought maybe once you've mastered them, you get overconfident, or maybe even bored, and then drift off. So, Qiu hopes she can re-focus you when it happens," An Na reiterated.
Niu Nai pushed aside her girl-crazy thoughts. She knew she could do it. This was too serious to mess up over schoolgirl fantasies.
An Na continued, "Zi Lun was really concerned, and wants to help too. So, on top of the extra-curricular choreo, I'd like you to also practice one on one with Zi Lun. You harmonize well together, but only if both of you stay focused."
Niu Nai nodded, "I understand."
An Na added, "I don't want you to feel punished. But it will be extra work. For all three of you. I want to push you to be your best, but promise me you'll also get enough rest."
"I will, Boss."
"No late-night drinking, huh? If we have a rehearsal or a performance, make sure to be there. I know you're always punctual, but I'm talking more about your spirit. You might be there physically, but we need you there mentally too. Cool?"
Niu Nai nodded again, and with a weak smile, said, "Thank you."
An Na smiled back, "For...?"
"For not throwing me away."
An Na extended her arm, and tapped Niu Nai's shoulder, "You're not trash, I wouldn't throw you away."
"Thank you," Niu Nai repeated. "I promise I won't let you down."
An Na's grin widened, "I know you won't."
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