✿~REVIEW~✿

Title [5/5]

The title is creative and original, while still pertaining to the story; I like it.

Description/Foreword/Prologue [4/5]

The description is fine; it explains what'll be happening and I like how you explain just incase someone didn't get it. The foreword is also fine and creates a starting point of the story.

Originality [10/10]

This is the first time I've read a story like this; it's unique.

Flow [8/10]

I like how the chapters are broken up and how the story flow overall; the problem is that there is some awkward phrasing that is confusing.

Storyline/Characters [29/30]

The storyline isn't super excitng, but I like it. Also all the characters are described/explained thoroughly which is awesome!

Clarity [5/5]

Everything was fine. I actually like how you split the story, in terms of paragraphs and dialogue; it made it easier to read.

Grammar/Writing [12/20]

They are a ton of mistakes, but the there's less as the story progresses. Some of it is just wording, while others are just little grammar things and awkward phrasing. I don't know if you re-read the chapters/story after you typed it up, but I think that would definitely help fix some of the mistakes. I have fixed a couple things below, but there is certainly more.

Corrections:

But it wasn't her fault she was 23 and girl-crazy!

- The "But" is unneeded. This happens throughout your story with "but"/"and" you can either get rid of it or combine the sentences.

Wrong: When she was stern with her, she felt so unworthy. She often felt guilty, as through Diana were scolding her for her brain's romantic meanderings.

Right: When Diana was stern with her, Niu Nai felt so unworthy, She often felt guilty, as through Diana were scolding her, for her brain's meanderings.

- This also happens throughout your story; just make sure you insert the person's name so that readers can be sure who you're talking about

there'd been times where 2 or 3 of them

- spell out two and three (Supposed to spell out single digit numbers)

-- they practically passed for sisiers

-- they could pass as sisters

Bonus/Entertainment/Comment [14/15]

The pictures for the chapters were relevant to what the chapter was about, which I really like. Also, I just enjoyed reading this; the characters were interesting, and I liked reading about the problems they faced.

Total = 87 [B]

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A/N: I requested for review a very long time ago, and my writing has improved since then. The "2 or 3" mistake is such a no-brainer...I don't even know what I was thinking when I first typed it up that way! The stories I wrote after this one all had written-out numbers :/ In any case, during my revamp of this fic, I've corrected the issue. I've also gone through the story with a fine-toothed comb in search of all those sentences that start with "but". That was another DUH on my part. I sometimes use this way of writing in stories where I want to convey a character's thoughts, where things are never well sorted-out (aka in one's own brain, sometimes grammar is incorrect), but they don't really work in this particular fic.

I don't totally agree with your harsh score of 12/20 in the Grammar/Writing section, but I have taken into consideration and been more alert to the oo's you've pointed out. Niu Nai's Bind(er) was one of my earlier stories, so I suppose it's normal that it may be less well-written. However, after your review, I've made the effort to revamp, chapter per chapter. If ever you're curious, you can try to read it again with the changes. I'd be curious to see how it fared now compared to the initial version.

Thanks for the review, at long last! ;)