Ryeowook’s POV

I’m not even surprised. I’m not even surprised when I received my email and it says that I have no schedules with Super Junior. Again. I see clearly now what the company is trying to do. And again, I’m not surprised.

Out of all the members, I am the weakest and with the least fans. Of course, SM is not going to keep someone like me forever. It’s a miracle that they even kept me for this long! But now… They are trying to get rid of me. And I don’t know how I feel about that.

Well.. Yeah, of course I am disappointed. Heartbroken even. But… Is it fair for me to think about my own feelings? SM is doing this for Super Junior, to help increase Super Junior’s popularity. This is my members, we are talking about. My brothers.

I love them.

And I want the best for them. But… Even if it means leaving?

I can always go back to my hometown. It’s small but not that small. I can work as a singer at a café or maybe write and sell some songs. I can work as a chief or at a restaurant. I can do it. I know I can. But… Am I ready to leave all of this behind?

I don’t want to. A part of me is still longing to be on stage and sing and dance. I still have so much passion in me and I am always willing and ready. But, all my life, my parents have taught me to always put myself second and my loved ones, first. My members are my loved ones. And… I cannot disappoint them.

But leaving… Is it really the right thing to do? Will it help Super Junior? Will it, really? Especially at such a time when we are preparing for comeback. We have almost recorded all the songs and even got the choreography set. Will the members get mad at me?

And it suddenly it hit me hard. This is the reason why Hangeng left without telling anyone. He knew the members would be disappointed and he couldn’t face that. Because he loved us. Hangeng could have told anyone but it was painful for him. He must have been hurting so much. But… When I think about it… The aftereffect of Hangeng leaving wasn’t good too. We were all taken aback and for awhile, we felt so lost and almost gave up. Heechul almost lost his mind losing his best friend and SJM almost gave up trying without out leader.

But Hangeng was someone in our group. He was a leader and a main dancer. He had more fans than half of us at the point. Hangeng was handsome and charismatic and talented. People even admired his friendship with Heechul. And then there’s me. Only a main vocal. Fans don’t talk about my friendship with Kyuhyun even when we’re best friends. They don’t really see it and when they do, they always compare me to Kyuhyun’s other friends.

That got me thinking… Will Kyuhyun feel sad? Will he hurt just as much Heechul did when Hangeng left?

Thinking about all of this is making my head ache. Slumping back against my chair, I let out a frustrated sigh. It’s pouring outside and it matches my mood rather well. I feel like pouring out my heart and soul too but my members are coming home any second and I cannot let them see me like this.

Speaking of those devils, the apartment door burst open and my housemates walk in laughing away out loud. When Kangin’s eyes caught mine, he pauses and tilts his head.

“Oh? You’re home?” He asks sounding confused. “Don’t you have Sukira recordings?”

“Nope.” I say smiling. “The guests couldn’t make it tonight so I scheduled to do the recordings tomorrow.”

“Oh jinjja?” Heechul rubs his neck awkwardly. “That’s a waste then. We should have called and asked you along.”

“We ate at Danny’s family restaurant earlier.” Donghae tells me. “We didn’t know that you were home alone.”

“Aish, it’s okay, hyungs!” I wave it off. “I’ve already had dinner anyway!”

“So, how was it?”

And as the members start telling me about Danny’s family restaurant their schedules, a part of me is somewhere far far away wondering if things will ever be the same if I wasn’t around here anymore.

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I cannot sleep. I toss and turn in my bed and I always find myself sighing. The thought of leaving keeps popping in my head and I just really don’t know what to do. I want to talk to someone about this, anyone really, but… Who am I supposed to talk to? I possibly can’t talk about this to the members and other artists. Dalma? She’s too busy and my parents? No, I can’t burden them with my own problems.

I didn’t realize that I had been crying until I feel the salty tears on my lips. I take a deep breath and wipe away my tears, sitting up on the bed. Frustrated at myself for even delaying this decision, I stomp out of my bed. I’m thankful than Danny is sleeping over downstairs with Eunhyuk, Sungmin and Kyuhyun since they had planned to watch a movie together. Walking over to my closet, I pull it open and grab all my clothes. I pull out my luggage from under the bed and shove the clothes inside.

I have to leave.

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I’m thankful that Omma and Appa didn’t say a word when I arrived at the doorstep at four in the morning. They simply let me in and one look from