Chapter 5

X.

Sungjong walks out of the school gates, nothing shielding him from the heavy downpour. Earlier, Woohyun skipped the last period to meet one of his trusted contacts, who apparently could set him up with the latest high-end drugs. That’s his newest obsession. Sungyeol insisted on going with him and Sungjong didn’t stop him, although he knows that his stupidity might cost Woohyun; luckily, Woohyun’s sensible enough to keep him in line.

Sungjong didn’t expect it to rain – it was sunny in the morning, not a single cloud in the sky and yet here he is, braving the incessant rain. There is no point in waiting for it to stop because who knows how long it would take. He overheard a few girls talking about the spring rain earlier; apparently it is special, something about replenishing nature and representing new beginnings – a load of trash according to him. The girls in his class have nothing better to do than romanticise everything; he couldn’t stand stupidity like that.

Rain is just rain, no feelings or emotions involved, no fancy nicknames needed.

He arrives at the bus stop. It is deserted; most people have taken shelter in the nearby shops. The roads are relatively empty too, a few cars passing by now and then, their obsessive wipers busy fending off the rain. That means the bus would probably be late – just what he needs after a long day. But he doesn’t want to take the subway either.

He is already drenched to the bones and he feels cold from his soggy socks. He can’t take it anymore; he comes out from under the shed and starts walking down the pavement in the direction of his house. It will be a long walk but it’s better than waiting at the bus station.

He’s probably taken a few steps in the rain when he suddenly feels the water droplets disappear from overhead. He looks up to find the roof of a transparent vinyl umbrella.

He isn’t really surprised when he looks to his side; he almost expected to find Myungsoo there, holding the umbrella over them. He smiles at him as Sungjong comes to a halt.

“What are you doing?”

“Sharing my umbrella with a poor soul caught in the spring rain,” Myungsoo replies shyly. This is the first time he’s hearing him speak a full coherent sentence.

He can see a blush forming on Myungsoo’s cheeks and he realises how they have never been this close to each other. Despite the weather, Myungsoo seems to be breaking out in a sweat.

“But – don’t you live near Manwondong?”

Myungsoo seems surprised by the sudden question and mumbles, “Yes.”

Something just occurred to him. He hasn’t thought about it before.

“That’s completely opposite to – wait a second, if you live in Manwondong, why do you take the subway from the same stop as I do? That’s in the opposite direction from your house to the school!”

Myungsoo looks down, his eyes locked on the ground where the raindrops bounce off the concrete. Sungjong comes to a big realisation – Myungsoo travels all the way to the subway station near his house just to see him, even though it means a lot of extra journey for him. Suddenly, everything seems too much of a burden to him. He wonders what he's got himself into and whether it is, to any extent his responsibility, that Myungsoo is like this.

“Go home. Are you listening to me? Don’t follow me, just go home.” His raises his voice, making Myungsoo look up; he sees a look of immeasurable hurt in his eyes, like he has just inflicted physical pain on him.

When he speaks, his voice is pleading.

“Please take the umbrella. I promise I won’t follow you, just take the umbrella. The rain – you might catch a cold.”

He extends the handle of the umbrella towards Sungjong, his jaws trembling.

“And what about you?” Sungjong asks quietly, but they are too close for Myungsoo to miss it, even over the sound of the rain. He looks confused. “It’s okay for you to get sick?”

Myungsoo stares at him, as if unable to believe his ears. The hopeless look in his eyes is replaced by an expression of complete disbelief.

Something within Sungjong snaps.

He prises the umbrella from Myungsoo’s hand and throws it away from them; in one fluid motion, he clasps his hands on either side of Myungsoo’s face and pulls him in for a kiss. It isn’t for long, it isn’t deep, it’s not like kissing that unknown girl in the club - but the kiss strikes him like a lightning. He can hear Myungsoo’s heart bounding wildly, or is it his heart? He has no idea, but for that one moment, they are one. Wait, is that right? That makes no sense, and yet it seems so right. Myungsoo seems so right, this moment, this rain seems so very right.

They are both thoroughly wet from the rain, but the coldness he was feeling even a moment ago is gone. Whether it is the rush of blood to his skin or the feeling of Myungsoo’s skin pressed against the palm of his hand, he doesn’t know but he feels warm and full. What’s all this about?

“No, no…”

He turns his back to Myungsoo and starts running. The look on Myungsoo’s face haunts him – he doesn’t know what it is. He doesn’t even know what he himself is feeling, all he knows is that he has to run away from the moment, the moment that felt so right. It’s wrong that it felt so right. He has to run away from the rain, the spring rain because for that one moment, the spring rain was more than stupid fantasy – it was real.

XI.

That becomes the beginning of a strange relationship between them.

Outwardly, nothing seems to change, but when Sungjong can get away from his friends, heart drumming and haze-eyed, he would kiss Myungsoo in abandoned car parks and empty alleyways. The kisses are way longer than their first and a lot more passionate.

But it is an unspoken rule – Sungjong chooses when to initiate the intimacy, he picks the time, the day. Some days he would just walk past Myungsoo as if he’s never seen him before in his life. Not that he would stop thinking about him on those days, he’d just prefer to turn a blind eye towards him. On other days however he wouldn’t be able to suppress his emotions and he’d have Myungsoo pressed against the wall, kissing him deeply, with urgency.

It’s always stormy and it always makes him feel like he’s run a marathon but maybe that is what he likes so much about it. He likes how powerless Myungsoo is against him, how his body reacts to his touch, how he never rejects him no matter how betrayed his eyes look.

It’s almost funny when Sungjong corners him - Myungsoo looks confused. He is unsure as to what Sungjong wants from him, but he always wants the same thing. He wants to touch Myungsoo, to feel him, to tell him he likes him. The latter, he never does. It ends with the kiss, when Sungjong is out of breath or when the momentum of what he’s doing strikes him. He backs away, disgusted. And Myungsoo looks just as confused as ever.

No one knows, no one. Not even Woohyun or Sungyeol. It has to be this way.

It’s like hit and run – one moment Sungjong is kissing Myungsoo senseless, the other he escapes as far away as he can from him. It is a game Sungjong can’t get enough of, and a game Myungsoo would play even though he loses every time.

Some people play to lose.