Finale

Myungsoo read somewhere that people are stories.

He agrees completely.

When he looks back on his story, he feels baffled. For the first nineteen years, his life has been so platonic that he remembers very little. He remembers his mother’s kindness, the softness of his father’s voice, the trips they took together. If he squeezes his brain hard, he can recall scraped knees, star-print band aids, pink, fluffy candy floss, balloons, and clowns. At times he recollects teachers, friends, classrooms, the blackboard, marked copies, certificates of achievement. Then there’s the gym, the rushing heartbeats, the painful ankle.

After the stream of all those memories comes the big break. He was nineteen, high school senior, top of the class, and in love.

He can tell you the exact moment when he laid eyes on Sungjong, the date, the day, when he had peered at him, from behind a pillar. The memory of following him to the subway is sharp in his mind. The day he decided to go up to him and talk to him still cuts like a blade. It’s all too real for him to forget, too heart breaking to fade away.

He likes to think that loving Sungjong was not a decision he made, there was no choice involved – it was inevitable, as if it was written in the stars ages ago, even before they were born. Destined – that’s what he believes it to be. But deep down inside, at the bottom of his mind, at the pits of his heart, he knows he had a choice.

If he wanted to, he could have turned around and walked away. It would have hurt, it would have killed him, but he could have taken that step, for his happiness, for Sungjong’s.

But he never wanted to.

He never wished it, willed it.

He’s been sad in so many ways that he can’t explain to himself or to anyone else. There’s been too much hurt to talk of, too much pain he’s tried not to feel, too many scars he’s hidden from himself.

It’s how he wanted it to be.

If he was going to bleed, he’d rather it was because he was with Sungjong, and not away from him.

Woohyun admires him for being so strong, so constant, so persistent, but it hasn’t been easy. God knows, it has been so difficult, so excruciating. He tried acclimatising to the pain. He thought it was working; after all, there is only that much a person can hurt and he thought he had reached his limit. But right when he thought it was over, it started to hurt like crazy, like something was ripping him into pieces and he was barely containing everything inside of him. The hurt just spilled out of his body and engulfed him like a monster, like darkness, like death.

But he didn’t walk away, because he was Sungjong’s shadow, stitched to him where it matters the most.

He would have it no other way.

He read once that difficulties increase once you approach the goal.

That stands true.

He’s always thought Sungjong’s like a comet. He’s vibrant, intense, powerful. Streaking across the sky, he leaves a trail of white dust and white silence that begs to be filled. He makes Myungsoo look up to the sky and pray every night; his brilliance burns him. He’s let him experience pain like he’s never known; if you don’t know pain, you’d never know happiness even if it stares you in the face. He’s shown him into a world of adventure – maybe not pleasant, but definitely new. He’s added to his story, made him more of a person – a bigger person with a longer story, a darker sky; but there are stars across his sky now, everywhere he looks. He’s now tried and tested, he has shown strengths he never knew he had. The power of prayer, the power of hope are now known to him.

Sungjong is so independent, so strong, that it sometimes makes him jealous. He’s a comet – striking, scintillating.

But, every comet needs a tail.

There are people who call Sungjong empty, soulless, wasted. Teachers and parents of other children at school. They have all given up.

Where others see an arid desert, Myungsoo sees a flower waiting for spring, waiting to bloom.

No one would believe him, except his mom. She trusts him and his judgment. That’s why when he claimed that Sungjong was the one, she never challenged it. Even when he was struggling, gasping for air, and asking her why did it hurt so much, she’d wrapped her arms around him and said, “If you know what you’re doing, I won’t stop you. You can give up son; if it becomes too painful, you can give up, but only if you promise to try again.”

So that’s what Myungsoo did. Instead of backing away, he showed Sungjong everything – the deepest, most sacred parts of him, his scars and his weaknesses, hoping one day, he would feel the need to save him.

There were times when he could almost see the raw Sungjong, beneath his brick wall of strength and emotionlessness, but only for a second. Gone, before he could even blink. But it made him happy, because it meant that there was something underneath, someone he could get to, some day.

It’s only when they parted, when it was time for them to go to different universities at different parts of the city did he realise what it truly meant to be away from Sungjong.

He realised that he was physically dependent on him and staying away too long meant withdrawal symptoms. Sungjong would laugh when he described the migraine he would get if he didn’t see him for too long, but under the scoff, there was a silent apology in his eyes. They see each other on the weekends, but it’s not enough for him. So sometimes, he would just go to his university, pick him up in his new car that his father bought him as a present for getting into Seoul University, and they would drive away into the sunset. Strangely, Sungjong never resists.

It’s almost like he’s saying, “I missed you too.”

He met Woohyun alone once. To his surprise, he thanked him for Sungjong. When he seemed confused, Woohyun had said, “You have no idea, do you? You have saved Sungjong in ways he didn’t know he could be saved. You should be proud of yourself.”

He couldn’t ask Sungjong what Woohyun had meant, but he was content knowing he had something to do with Sungjong’s improved mood, his calmer demeanour, his sudden interest in actually getting a degree. Woohyun let him know that he was actually the top student in their class now.

“Besides,” Woohyun added, “I haven’t seen him smile at his mother for ages.”

The day is chilly and overhung with clouds when Sungjong tells him his story.

All the while Myungsoo was suffering, he’d never really realised how painful Sungjong’s story was. He has his demons too that claim him at night, that steal his sleep. He can understand that – loving someone who doesn’t reciprocate, who probably loves you but doesn’t believe in love itself. Sungjong's mother is that elusive person in Sungjong's life, and Myungsoo can relate to that.

After he finishes, Myungsoo holds him tightly in a hug for a long time and Sungjong lets him, resting his head on his shoulder.

Myungsoo feels helpless in front of Sungjong, but for him, he can be strong too. He can hold him in his arms and tell him that it’s okay to cry once in a while, when no one else is watching.

“I’ll hide your tears in my chest and never let anyone see them, I promise,” he quietly whispers into his ear.

“Thank you,” Sungjong mutters, his lips ghosting over his. Their lips mesh together and relief floods him. It’s so easy, so comforting, when Sungjong’s lips are on his. “And…I’m sorry.”

He knows why he apologises, but lets it slide. It’s not easy for Sungjong, it’s never been easy for him. But that’s what makes all this so beautiful and worthwhile.

Sighing, he runs his fingers through his hair.

“I have made some bad decisions in my life you know, but if there’s something that I know for sure I have done right, it’s loving you.”

He looks away, letting Sungjong adjust to the information. He doesn’t want to embarrass him with his weighty thoughts and candid confessions. But it is the truth and he wouldn’t regret any part of it. In fact, he prays to God that if there is any such thing as reincarnation, he wants to be born again as a Kim Myungsoo desperately in love with Lee Sungjong.

Because Sungjong makes his story complete. Sungjong makes him complete.

“Take my hand and we’ll make it I swear,”  - that was what he had told Sungjong. They might not be all the way there yet, but he can see Sungjong reaching out every moment, ready to take his hand. When it happens, they'll run through valleys and fields, never stopping for anyone or anything.

---

It’s been almost a year since they parted at school.

Sungjong had given it a couple of months before it’s too burdensome for them to carry on and they go their separate ways. Two months for Myungsoo to mourn and then he would find someone new.

Too bad he forgot that everyone beside you leaves at one point, but you can’t get rid of your shadow.

Myungsoo doesn’t come off as aggressive, quite the opposite; but somehow, this clumsy, frail boy has claimed more space in his life than he would have given willingly.

He still keeps it a secret that he needs him. Some days though, he’s tempted to scream in his face – “Why did you have to break me? Now all I can do is wait for you to fix me. Damn, just do it already!”

But fixing him is a process, not an act. It goes on and on, and it’s been a year. The more he mends him, the more broken he becomes, the more he needs him.

It’s a never-ending cycle; nowadays, he doesn’t even bother to count off his finger how many more days, hours, minutes it would take. His only fear is it would take forever. But what if Myungsoo leaves him before forever? Would Myungsoo give up on him, tired of waiting, wondering, speculating, and leave? Would he think that he'd failed to reach out to him, get the message across?

Sungjong knows he won’t, but still it scares him. After all, he's only just beginning to learn to love, and Myungsoo, who has loved for a long time, is willing to give him a chance.

The only sure way to stop him from leaving is to put a leash around him, tell him something that would be so permanent, so real, that he would never leave. But Sungjong wonders if it is slightly hypocritical, especially since he has not figured out his feelings for Myungsoo yet. There however lies another question - has he really not figured it out, or is he trying to delay the process? Does he want to keep Myungsoo hanging? No, of course not. Despite everything he has gone through, he can't be that harsh. He's not dangling Myungsoo by the ankle; he just wants to be sure, absolutely sure, before diving into this...this thing. He wants to know how much he can do for Myungsoo, how far he is willing to go for him, how long he is ready to spend with him.

To be honest, he knows already, but he wants to be sure, just in case. Because when it comes to Myungsoo, he can't be careless. After all, he is the one who made him realise that he still has a heart that is capable of feelings.

There are so many things Myungsoo does to him. Much of it surges up when he’s kissing him, fingers twisted in his hair, body pressed against his, trying desperately to feel every part of him. Nowadays, he feels that his kisses are needy, longer, and like messages. He tries to convey what he feels for him in those kisses, because he still can’t say them out loud. A part of him holds him back, maybe because saying it out aloud is like sealing the deal. But he could have overcome that part of him, only if he knew what to say, how to say it.

He’s never been that eloquent and he’s never felt the need to be. Until now.

But what could he say to someone who’s his everything, every single thing. How can he convey that urgency, that importance, that earnestness? It's so complicated. How can he even begin to explain what Myungsoo means to him?

He would have given it up, but he can’t, not when Myungsoo has put up with so much of his nonsense.

And he even said it to him, he had stated it simply, something he had wanted to desperately hear for ages. He's been waiting for this so intensely, that he didn't even realise he was actually waiting.

“I love you, Sungjong. I love you so much.”

If only it was that easy for him. His feelings are complicated, his thoughts are intricate - he is complex.

One day though, he’ll find the words, and they will be simple.

---

Change comes, slowly but surely. Woohyun has always believed that.

When he looks around him, a year and a half out of school, he finds that so much has changed. Almost nothing is the same as before and even though the nostalgic part of him remembers fondly how it used to be now and then, this new place, all these changes are meaningful. It's like he has been climbing a mountain, his vision blocked by the rough stones and snow, but now he is at the top, and everything is clear to him. He can see the sun rise, red and vivid.

The last month has been a month of wonders - Sungyeol finally landed a main character role in a drama after countless side characters here and there. Myungsoo's gotten an award from his university for excellent achievement and as a prize, he was given two tickets to Jeju Island. Of course he asked Sungjong to come along, but in the end, he convinced him to take someone else. Woohyun is still in awe about how thoughtful Sungjong can be. Instead of accompanying Myungsoo, which he would have surely loved, he told him to take his mother on the trip. After everything that has happened, after everything she has done, this was a little present from Myungsoo and Sungjong.

Speaking of mothers, Sungjong has made up with his, as much as it is possible anyway. Woohyun knows for a fact that she has apologised, and so has his dad. His family is not picture perfect, and they'll probably never be, but at least it was some progress. Besides, family members have a way of forgiving each other that outsiders won't undestand.

As for himself, he has dropped out of university. His parents were furious at first, but a year into university, and he knew he doesn't like what he's doing. Luckily, he caught the eye of a talent manager, who asked him to audition for an entertainment company. To his surprise, even though he never sung or danced in his life, he passed with flying colors. He's become the CEO's new favorite, to great irritation of another trainee, by the name of Kim Sunggyu. But he can deal with Sunggyu. Last time he checked, he was the bully, so he won't be pushed around by any playground prince. If he works harder, he will be able to debut in less than a year. And right now, things are really looking up for him.

Being in the entertainment has a spectacular set of advantages, but most improtantly, he can relate to Sungyeol. His friend needs support and confidence boost a lot more than he does, and he's glad he can be there for him. He can tell him, "I understand," and mean it. He likes it how when Sungyeol has a bad day, he falls back on him. He tries to soak up his sadness because he feels like he can contain it better than Sungyeol. Woohyun loves the feeling of being needed, of being the one Sungyeol could count on. He secretly prides himself on this achievement.

There's still nothing concrete between them though, and he doesn't know how to bring it up with Sungyeol. He has already talked to Sungjong about it, who didn't really have any advice for him. But that's understandable, Sungjong is not the kind of person who would comfortably slide into place when he hears that his two best friends might potentially have something romantic between them. He did say something valuable though, after pondering the matter for a long time. "Sungyeol has too much self-doubt to do anything about anything."

It's an indication, that he has to be the first to approach, and he's fine with that. It's something he's good at, reaching out first. Thanks to Myungsoo though, he knows the right way to love. So he won't push Sungyeol, but he'll let him know that he's there for him.

He has Myungsoo to thank for a lot of things. He can't say it for sure, but Myungsoo is responsible for so many of the changes around him. It's not like he did something directly, rather, he induced those changes. He's brought the ripples in the ocean.

Woohyun wishes he could do more for him, but he's doing just fine by himself. Myungsoo and Sungjong wouldn't tell how far they have progressed in their relationship, but Woohyun knows for a fact that they spend a lot more time together than they let on. In fact, Woohyun thinks that they spend more time together than apart, to the point where they should just move in with each other. But Sungjong still gives him a terrified look, like that of a deer caught in a headlight if he happens to mention something like that. He's still crawling and stumbling, falling, trying to walk the bridge that will lead him to Myungsoo completely. The effort should count for something. To Myungsoo though, the effort is all he could ever ask for. It makes him happy, and Woohyun can't help but smile when he sees the boy lost in Sungjong's eyes. Above all, it gives him hope.

Above all, it makes him think that they are all lost stars in some ways, waiting to be found. But they will be found, because they belong in the sky, out of reach of everything that threatens to pull them down.

A/N: Once again, thank you so much for all the support and love. Couldn't have done it without you guys!