L U H A N  P O V

May 15th 2014 - It was the day where the lawsuit begins to break out to the whole world. Yifan must have suffered so much until now. All of us weren't able to contact Yifan since he left on May 12th that day. That afternoon our phones have been confiscated and we were instructed to shut our mouths and never contact Yifan again. Joonmyeon was right about SM strictness by this time. They were patrolling our moves carefully.

That night, approximately around 9 PM, I was practicing my dance moves alone. With the dim light inside that dance practice room, it gives off a darker side of my own self. It's better for me to be alone at that time as I was trying to understand Yifan condition. He never told us anything about his problems and the lawsuit was a total surprise to all of us. Until at one particular point, I sat down on the floor as my legs weakened slowly. I was crying at that moment. Alone in the dark.

Not many people have known about my history with Yifan and to the other Chinese members, Yixing and Tao. After Yifan had met Yixing, Yifan met me when I was on the trainees building. At first when I just signed up with SM, Yixing was the first EXO member that I met. I met Yixing as I can recognised that he looked Chinese. We got along with each other ever since. But the first time I met Yifan, he looked like a foreign model.

It was on a day which I started to lose hope on my singing career. I was sitting on a sofa at the ground floor in the trainees building, looking around at other SM trainess going in and out of the practice rooms. I was angry that I didn't get to be trained like any other trainees. What was wrong with me? I know that some Korean people looked down on me because I'm Chinese. But still, I want to be fairly treated as well like the other trainees who signed up with SM Entertainment.

So, I stood up and walked all the way to the staff counter which handles all the trainees who walked in and out of the practice rooms. He checks the trainees passes in order to attend their training schedules.

"Why can't I get my own practice session like others? I signed up my contract with SM, so shouldn't I be trained as well?" I said holding in my temper to the male SM staff.

"What's your name? I might look you up in the qualified trainees name list." The staff said as he observed me from head to toe.

"Lu Han. My name is Lu Han. I signed up with SM for like 2 months ago yet I'm still waiting for my training schedules."

The SM staff stared at me with a smug look as he searched for my name on the computer. I was trying hard to peek at the computer as he searched my name through the records.

"Wait...my name is there on the records! I told you that I'm also a trainee!" I exclaimed. The staff then close down the window that he opened and faced me.

"Even if your name is in it, do you think you deserved to be trained just like the other trainees here? What speciality do you have exactly? Look at Joonmyeon over there, he is a special one. He is good looking, good at acting, and he can even sing well!"

I looked at the trainee that the staff pointed at. That guy was indeed good looking and seemed popular with the other trainees here. He was walking with three other trainees into a practice room. I could only sigh slowly.

"And besides, if we do acknowledge you as a trainee, you won't be treated the same as others. We serve Korean trainees better than the international ones because K-Pop is only original when Koreans do it, not any other netizens. So, if you still want to train here, show to me that you're outstanding enough to be an SM trainee." The staff said as he turned his back to me and goes back to his work on the computer.

I was hurt from deep inside. I had holding in my anger as I formed a fist on my right hand. I was about to say a word to the staff when suddenly someone barged into the conversation.

"If you really think you treat the international trainees badly because K-Pop wave is only for Koreans, you are absolutely a racist. If SM wants to recruit international trainees, why should we even sign a contract with SM? Maybe I should tell honestly to those who want to apply to SM to not ever sign a contract here because you treated those who aren't Korean and those who is not outstanding enough like a piece of ."

I turned to my side to see who was saying those words. I was astonished to see this guy who was absolutely so taller than I am. He was a good looking guy, who seemed to look like a foreign model. Judging from his body, he seemed to be active in sports. He was wearing blue Denim jacket with white t-shirt and also black jeans. His black hair was long and the style of his hair itself shows him to be such a cold and creepy guy. I could only kept quiet as I took a step back by an inch.

"Oh...Kevin, you're here?" The SM staff turned around to see me and the Denim guy next to me. "Aniyo, I wanted to tell him that-"

"Tell you the truth, you only want the ones who are absolutely outstanding and almost perfect ones. Especially those who have a lot of talents and also good looking. How can you be this selfish and racist? I know you're responsible for the trainees passes, but since SM had recruited him, so he's also an outstanding trainee like others here." The Denim guy said as he glared at the staff. The staff could only look down and bit his lips.

"Hyung, what is this all about?" The guy who named Joonmyeon came towards the Denim guy. "I heard you said some things to the staff here. Seems like he was threatening a trainee?"

"Ne, Joonmyeon-ah. Supposedly, this trainee here should have undergo training schedules just like us." The Denim guy said.

"Why are you threatening him? He should be the same colleague as we do. Give him the training pass. Don't treat the trainees just because of different race or lack in something. All trainees who has been signed for this company should be the best ones, and if we let go the trainee just because we threatening them, then SM might lose such a talented individual who has a chance to become a successful idol." The guy named Joonmyeon said. The Denim guy shook his head, agreeing to him.

The SM staff then immediately gave me the trainee pass in order for me to carry out the training schedules. Then, he also gave me a black file. I looked inside the black file, there were some papers and looking at it, it should be my own training schedules. I could only smile to myself as I was happy to be given the chance.

"Gomawo..." I said happily. "For supporting me as a trainee and also as part of the trainees team, thank you so much..."

"You're welcome. Now if you excuse me, I'll be leaving now." Joonmyeon smiled as he bowed and watched him leave the building.

"Such a chaebol..." the staff said low as he turned back to his work. I was able to listen to what that staff said. I wonder if that Denim guy heard that too.

I bowed to the Denim guy as I also walked out from the training building. I wanted to drink coffee that morning. So, I stopped by to this cafe and ordered espresso. Since, I was alone at that time and I didn't bring along my friends from university, I started to miss my home in Beijing. It has been always like this; whenever I'm lonely or if the surroundings are quiet, I started to miss home.

"Mei yi ci he ni fen kai, shen shen de bei ni da bai,

Mei yi ci fang qi ni de wen rou, tong ku nan yi shi huai"

I sang quietly as I gazed out through the window. I was sitting alone just near the window while waiting for my espresso.

"Mei yi ci he ni fen kai, mei yi ci kiss you goodbye"

I was startled as I heard someone sang the next line of this song. I turned my head to the side and saw the earlier trainee sat down in front of me. A waiter then arrived to my table and put down the espresso that I ordered earlier.

"You...you know this song?" I said. "I mean...you understand Mandarin?" I looked down to my cup as I didn't want to make an eye contact with him.

"Yes. I am Chinese just like you..." He said in Mandarin. From that moment we started to converse in Mandarin.

"Really?!" I looked up and smiled for awhile and then looked away from the trainee. His aura gave me this cold and bad boy look, which made me feel slightly nervous to be close to him.

"I'm Lu Han and I'm 17 years old. How about you?"

"Wu Yi Fan. Kevin is my English name. I'm about to turn 17 this year."

Yifan was the Denim guy that I met on that year. The one who helped me out getting my chance to attend my training schedules alongside Joonmyeon. I could only recall back that moment I first met Yifan, as I snapped back to reality. Back to the reality - sitting alone in that dance practice room.

A few moments later, I rushed outside the room as I heard some quarreling. Right in front of my eyes, I saw Baekhyun was slapped by a female SM staff. It was all because of Baekhyun's lie that he hid his phone from the staff. I knew how he felt, how much hurt all of us EXO went through. It was like SM was trying to make a barrier between Kris and the remaining 11 members of EXO.

So, I have decided to go back to my dorm. I need to contact Yifan, using my laptop. I don't know when exactly the staff will return our phones, but I know that they might unfollow Kris at Instagram and probably at Weibo too.

"Luhan hyung..." a voice called me from the back as I was about to enter the MPV.

"Baekhyun-ah..are you okay? Come on, lets get inside." I said assisting him first inside. Then I came in, shutting the door of the car. 

 "Lu-luhan...hyu...hyung..." Baekhyun said in between his tears. He hugged my arm as he burried his head closer to me.

"Calm down...I know how you feel-"

"We will never see Kris hyung again. Never!" Baekhyun cried harder as he kept on holding me closer.

"Are you sure? How do you know that Kris won't ever come back? Where do you hear that?" I asked seriously.

"Our past seniors...who filled the lawsuit...end up leaving..." Baekhyun paused as he looked up to me. "Kris hyung...will do the same..."

"Aniyo...I don't think so. He never said that he wanted to leave EXO at all. In fact, he protects us all the time. I believe that he will never leave EXO. Never..." 

Yifan-ah...you will never leave EXO, right? You promised me, right?

Author's Note: I wonder how long is the lawsuit going to take. Is it going to be years like JYJ and Hangeng? What only I can do now is keep on supporting Kris and EXO.