Absentmindedly, I write your name over and over on a piece of paper In a day, the paper becomes black and I finally let the pen go I long for you, I hold on to my cellphone and let it go my eyes are filling up with tears again.

08

Chapter

30 JUNE 2014

❝ Chapter 08: Support

”Honestly, I’ve wanted to give up a lot of times. But I worked hard. I think the reason why I managed to endure it during 7 years is because I believed I would succeed if I worked hard.” — Suho

It had been a long while it seemed since Junmyeon had received a text from the once Exo-M leader.  Of course, given that he spent 11AM to 4AM of the next day in rehearsal practice for choreography, it wasn’t like he had time to sit and be on his phone. He was a busy man. Making sure the other ten under his care were well and healthy.  Making it on time to interviews, meetings, personal doctor appointments for a dry throat he’d had, and being able to practice. Not to add in the damage control that was ongoing. It was mostly protecting Baekhyun and the others from bad media, while ignoring the growing fans hate and disappointment in him…

He wondered how he fell asleep on most nights. However, his definition of ‘sleep’ had become short naps back stage, as in the car he was often receiving instruction or giving it. It was however, the afternoon of a grateful day off. The other ten were in their rooms, fast asleep. He’d make occasional checks on them, make sure they were alright. He planned to treat them all to dinner because he felt they deserved it. For now, he was on the sofa in the silent dorm. The TV was off; all that could be heard was the ticking of clocks, muffled cars from outside, and the soft breathing and snoring of the members further within.

He tried his best at not allowing his mind to wander. He wasn’t one to dwell on negatives, but as things were now, it seemed so hard to not do just that. The silence though welcome ate away at him. And he let out a slow breath, his chest sinking with the exhale.

Restless. It was restlessness that overcame him…he couldn’t sit still.

So he stood, grabbing his jacket from the closet, slipping it on as it drizzled lightly outside. Leaving a note for the others about his whereabouts and pocketing his phone he slipped out of the dorm.

The air had certainly warmed up now that summer was settling in. He could go see his parents but he figured his father would still be in a lecture at his university and his mother at her own job. Should he visit old friends? He could…but he was certain had the manager found him wandering the city like this and in these times, it would be frowned upon more.

Therefore, he figured he could get some practice in, let himself tire out with a dance practice for a few hours. He waited with people at the cross walk. No one spared him a second glance and he wasn’t sure whether to like that for the fact he didn’t have to be ‘Suho’, or to hate it because he wasn’t sure if it meant anything or not.

As the light changed, he crossed the street, and made his way to the corporate headquarters of SM Entertainment. The large glass and brick building was a towering thing, casting its shadow over everything alongside the other skyscrapers. And pulling on the glass doors, Junmyeon entered, crossed the reception desk that was temporarily not staffed and making his way to the hall of practice rooms.

Exo had the bigger ones usually, the ones with better lighting, more mirrors, and wood floors that didn’t creak. But as he walked by, he instead entered a smaller room, with dim yellow-ish lighting, white walls, and only a single wall of mirrors. The floor boards had no black streaks but had a few little dents here and there.

Trainee rooms. Where he started. Junmyeon locked the door, entering the place, and taking in all it had to offer.

He took in a breath, catching a hint of an earthy smell mixed with the scent of cleaner. He recalled very well his first week. Arriving here every day after junior high let out around 5pm. Staying there for the two or three hours, and walking home around 7pm or sometimes 8. Dedicated.

He had wanted this.

Taking a