01.

You’re the one who saved me from the deep darkness- Lovesick [B.A.P]

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Drawls and murmurs accompany Yoongi right now. It’s not like he has other choices, though. Those voices, weirdly, usually lulled the boy, but the excitement he feels right now keeps him wide awake. Finally, the excruciating 12 months; almost 13 months will end up today. His light, his hope, who was far, far away from him, finally come back to him today. Unconsciously, he recalls the memories he had been through without his hope. He recalls the time when Hoseok told him that he wanted to go to America to achieve his dream, how hard to convince the anxious younger, and how he felt the deep of agony when he should say goodbye in here, the same place where he is right now. No matter how hard it was, he should; because he wants the younger to be happy. Then he recalls the time when Hoseok didn’t stay around him like usual, it hurt him, but still, when he had operations and several therapies for his weak body, his damned lung precisely, he somehow felt relief shrouded him, because it meant that Hoseok didn’t need to know about his illness. He wanted to tell him that time; before Hoseok told him that he would go. But it would be selfish if he told him when Hoseok was trying his best to achieve his dreams.

 

He whisks around. People walks hastily while checking their own phone, couples happily walk together, sound of snores beside him. While him, waits and waits. He sits on the waiting chair while keeps checking on the door and his phone; checking time and notification, obviously.

 

Ding.

 

The sound and vibrate of his phone shocked him, but it doesn’t matter now. He immediately stretches his lips and forming a gummy smile of his as he sees the sender and the message.

 

From: Hoseok

 

                Yoongi-ya, I’m arrived now. Wait for me~ miss you <3

 

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Hoseok eagerly and almost hastily walks through people, jostles to be exact, earning grunts and curses, but he doesn’t even care. He just wants to meet Yoongi so bad. 12 months 3 weeks 9 days, yes he is counting, since their last meeting, and not able to see him face to face just too much for him. He always saw Yoongi picture back then, though; preventing him to forget Yoongi’s face, and they did the video call and voice call frequently, but from those medias he couldn’t feel him, he couldn’t touch him, and he couldn’t smell his lovely and sweet scent. Thank the lord that Korea and America connection are good enough for them to do video call with a better resolution, at least no lag.

 

In America, Hoseok was frequently broke apart; it was no hard to see him falling. Without the boy’s gummy smile to lighten up his life, he felt nothing. It sounds so exaggerating though, why not his mom to be his number one priority, you may ask, but if you notice, they only had been together for less than two months before Hoseok had to leave him, so it is too much for him. It was hard for him that he should fight for his dream when the other self of him was far, far away. Not forget how anxious he is toward the elder. Yoongi always has fatigue, and it bothers him, but the elder kept convince him that he is okay and even threatened him to break up with him if Hoseok didn’t go.

 

In America, he studied dance, it is his dream. The first 3 months was the hardest for him, he almost gave up because the pressure and his surroundings, and if it wasn’t because of Yoongi, who never missed every single day to support him, he would fail easily. There are some times when Hoseok almost flew away from America to Korea; to celebrate Yoongi’s birthday and their anniversary, but with Yoongi’s advices, he didn’t do it. Yoongi said that it would be too much; however, they had times later, after Hoseok finished his study.

 

The thing is, Hoseok didn’t do it only because of those reasons, though it matters too, but mainly it was all because he couldn’t stop for feeling worried toward the elder. Yoongi has bad immune; at least it was Hoseok thinks. Yoongi always looks pale and weak; he is scared that if something’s happened, he could do nothing. At least, he can sigh in relief when he got nothing about Yoongi fell sick or such.

 

One that makes him proud is the fact that their relationship still same and even tighter than before.

 

He fastens his pace when he almost out from the crowd. Hoseok looks around; trying to find the familiar figure he loves the most. He smiles right away when he sees him, Yoongi, his Yoongi. Finally, after all this time he could see the elder again. He can’t stop the smiles that plastered on his face. The way Yoongi repeatedly checks on his phone and the way Yoongi whisks around warm his heart in content. He is happy to see that the elder waits him as much as Hoseok anticipates this meeting. He puts his bags slowly then sneakily walks behind Yoongi and wraps his hands around the smaller figure, earning gasps from the elder.

 

“Yoongi-ya, I miss you so much” He said as he back-hugs and nuzzles to his lover’s neck. He really couldn’t stop this fluffy feeling inside his body, he would scream out of happiness, he could crush the elder that trapped inside his arms, believe me he could. He is still the same hyper-boy though.

 

Yoongi freezes for a moment before he lets out giggles and turns his body around to meet the familiar touch. He wraps his small arms around the taller neck and pulled him closer so their lips finally touched each other softly and lovingly. Several people see them in disgust, the others just giggling, but it doesn’t like they care about it though. Hoseok breaks the kiss when he feels warm liquid touched his cheek. He scrunches his forehead when saw the elder was crying right now.

 

“Why, Yoongi?” Hoseok says as he wipes the tears with his own thumbs.

 

“I miss you so much, Hoseokkie” Yoongi looks up and lets his tears fall down he sees the beautiful orbs Hoseok has, through his own. He cupped the younger face and observes it with awe.

 

“You didn’t change too much, don’t you? I hope your dance developed.” He said with short chuckle. Hoseok just smiles widely and engulfs the smaller into his hug and tightens it.

 

“You didn’t change too much too. You still small and sweet and your smile still cute and you still look pale and you still smell good and your skin still soft.” He said fast quickly earning soft chuckle from Yoongi.

 

“You still as talkative as always don’t you?”  Hoseok just replies it with hums while buries his head into Yoongi soft locks. Oh how he misses this scent and this feeling so much.

 

---

 

Despite on how slowly and comfortable they walk, they are actually in debate. Well, not the real debate since once or more they let out chuckle, and however, debating about who will drive the car and who will not, can’t consider as a serious matter. Considering on how quite Yoongi, at least not as talkative as Hoseok, we can conclude Hoseok is going to be winner. Yeap, Hoseok is definitely out as the winner as Yoongi gives the key car to the younger while rolling his eyes. Hoseok ruffles Yoongi hair before he opens the luggage and puts his belonging. Yoongi already sat on his chair comfortably while waiting the younger to get in.

 

Along the trip, Hoseok is the one who keeps telling many stories of his cool experiences when he was at America while Yoongi, as usual, just smiling and listening to the younger babbles willingly. Even the most unimportant things was told by Hoseok; such as what he ate, what songs he listened to, places, names, friends, people, dance tricks, foods, even fashion and style in there; anything, and no matter how unimportant the things were, Yoongi still more than gladly hears the younger babbles, because as long he can see the younger smiles, he can feel the light that saved him from the darkness before. Then a small, even almost inaudibly, cough from Yoongi’s mouth interrupted the Younger’s babbles immediately. Yoongi internally damned himself when Hoseok started to ask questions.

 

“Hyung, are you okay?” Hoseok takes a glimpse to the person who is sitting beside him now. He wants to check the elder, but he has to keep his attention still on the road.

 

“I’m okay Hoseokkie, I’m just choked, that’s all” Yoongi tries to sound convincing. He lets out short chuckles, “You just too much worried toward me. I’m not that weak you know” he added, but then another coughs continue his words and all the lies he told, twice, thrice, and then endless. The younger looks the person beside him worriedly.

 

“Are you sure?” he reaches out one of his arms to rub softly Yoongi’s back. But coughs are still there. Yoongi tries to calm the younger by giving his five fingers; trying to say ‘stop worrying’. The coughs become more intense than before. He grabs tissue in front of him hastily and closes his mouth with it. Please not now. He shakily opens the window to breathe some fresh air as he slowly and secretly lowering his hand which before he used it to close his mouth and hide the tissues. Then slowly, the coughs slowly subside.

 

“Yoongi are you really okay? Should I stop here for a moment?”

 

“No, no, no… Just k-keep consecrate to d-drive –cough—us safely.” He smiled then pats the Younger shoulder softly. Secretly, Yoongi is trying to catch the fresh air heavily. It’s like his lung is pressed by his own ribcage hardly. He grabs seatbelt tightly to ease the pain, but when he continuously breathing in fresh air, the pain eventually subsides and finally he is able to breathe normally.

 

“Stop frowning, won’t you?” He chuckles, “I’m okay. As I said, I’m chocked.” He adds as he rubs the younger forehead to make it back to its normal form.

 

“But your coughs seemed too intense and too… eerie to be a normal chokes”

 

“Yeah let’s say I’m chocked hardly. Hehehe… By the way, can you drive me to the park? Just drop me since you, I believe, really tired, and not to mention you should visit you parents.” Yoongi asked absentmindedly while looking the vista out there, enjoying the feeling of fresh air hits his face. Fortunately for him, that they using a vacant road, so the capacity of the fresh air is way more than the pollution; it helps him. Then he looks on his tissue that he grabs since before. He sighs inaudibly but deeply at the sight, blood.

 

“After you coughed like that? No.” Hoseok lets out sigh before he continues, “What do you want to do, though?”

 

“Please? I… I just want to breathe in the fresh air, and the park is probably the perfect choice, right? Besides, its vibe comforts and calms me. I just love it.” Yoongi mentally cursed himself for being sounds unpromising. Hoseok just looks at him doubtfully then lets out another sighs. Well, things that Yoongi told him are true. But it’s just doesn’t make any sense; just because those reasons then out of blue Yoongi wants to go to there. On the other hand, Yoongi was feelings nervous and all, he bites his lower lips softly.

 

“I’m going with you” Hoseok is determined. No, he’s not going to let Yoongi to go by himself. Really, Yoongi just can’t convince him by those words. Sometimes, somehow, Hoseok thinks that something is definitely wrong with Yoongi. He always looks pale and weak, and sometimes, when he coughs sounds too much for be a normal cough. Hoseok even sometimes caught the elder for breathing hardly; that is one of many reasons that Hoseok rarely kisses Yoongi intensely. They ever did that once and Yoongi went unconscious; and that’s scared Hoseok the hell out. Their kiss never last longer than even 5 seconds.

 

“But how about your parents?” Yoongi reasoned. He really doesn’t want the younger being troubled by him. Well he knows it too much well that his reasons for wanting to go to the park just so much ridiculous, but he doesn’t have so much choices. He needs fresh air for his damned lung, and if the younger goes with him, it would be awkward. Because it’s just seems weird.  ‘And how if Hoseok asks me what I’m going to do in there?’ Yoongi thought.

 

“Do… I’ll talk to my parent through phone that I’ll be in their house at night.” Hoseok actually wanted to ask if it really necessary for Yoongi to go to the park. But if he asks that, the answer would be ‘no’ since Yoongi is never wants to bother the younger, which is actually no; so he just sacrifices anything for the latter.

 

“But—“

 

“No buts; pull stop.” Hoseok said firmly before he lets out sighs. Deep inside, Yoongi feels bad for preventing the younger to meet his parents. It’s been 13 months you know. It would be selfish if he keeps the younger for his own, at least that is what Yoongi thinks.

 

“It would be bad for you Hoseok. It’s not polite for not visiting your parents. Not to mention that you’ve been apart from them for 13 months…” Yoongi sighs when he doesn’t hear any replies from the person beside him. “Just… Just forget the park and go to your parent’s house.” See? Hoseok was true right? Yoongi always think other people first over him, and sometimes it hurts the younger.

 

“No Yoongi. Sometimes you need to think yourself first. It’s okay to be selfish.” Hoseok sighs before he adds, “We can go to the park first though. Then we go to my parent’s house. They will understand.” After Hoseok finished his words, the only sound can be heard just sound of the severe wind in through the open-window. Yoongi nibbles his bottom lip nervously while looking down.

 

‘But by dating you I already be a selfish person’ he thought imtermally.

 

“You will sick if you let yourself hit by wind like that, the wind seems quite severe.” Hoseok said, trying to loosen the awkward vibe. Yoongi closes the window as he slightly hums. Well seems his lung gotten better and he will probably sick if he keeps letting winds against him. The awkwardness between them slowly subsides.

 

“How’s life?” Hoseok was the one who broke the silent again.

 

“Uhm… Jungkook and Taehyung doing great; Taehyung won 2 singing competition, while Jungkook won school dance competition. Pretty cool eh? You should see Jungkook’s dance. He really craves your comments. Hahaha, and Taehyung voices just like an angle, you should hear it. They even threatened to kill me if I didn’t record them perfectly.” Then Yoongi just mumbles incoherently about how ungrateful they are. Yoongi is a man with a few words though, but when it comes to talking-about-people-who-he-cares-the-most there’s no longer man with few words.  Hoseok lets out soft chuckle, “hey, hey… I’m asking about your life, duh” he is laughing right now.

 

“Uhm, my life is dull… I don’t know what to tell… Yeah I won several photography competitions luckily that those competitions gave me pretty big amount of money as prize, that’s it.”

 

“What? You won photography competitions? Woah! That’s cool. I should see those photos of yours.”

 

“B-But it’s nothing special actually. I, myself didn’t expect me to win.” Yoongi can feel his cheek warming from the younger compliment. Hoseok just smiles widely, not minding the elder words.

 

---

 

They finally arrived at the said park. Yoongi actually really feels uncomfortable about Hoseok follows him. You know right the feeling when your wish is forcefully granted and the one who disagree is going with you. Fortunately, the park is quite quiet. The wind fits with the paler one needs; seems like trees and flowers were taking a big part on make it fresh. The sound of birds chirping and laughing from the few children who played in there lulled the boys. They sit comfortably in one park bench. Yoongi fulfills his desire right away, while the younger attention changes from the boy who sits beside him to the vista. He usually taking his sweet time and guzzling on this, but he just can’t now; he needs to do this quickly so Hoseok can go to his parent’s house. He breathes in the fresh air quiet deeply –since he can’t breathe deeply-- and lets it out slowly. He continues it for several times until he feels his lung gotten better.

 

“Done!” He said as he smiled widely to the younger.

 

“Huh? It’s just barely 5 minutes. What is actually were you want to do?” Hoseok said as he shot a confuse glance to Yoongi.

 

“I just wanted to breathe in the fresh air. I felt like hard to breathe so—“

 

“What? What’s wrong with you? Are you feeling sick or something?” Hoseok snapped.

 

“No… I’m okay. Like I said, I just felt like hard to catch some air… for no reason, though.” Lies.

 

“Are you sure, you seem paler and thinner than the last time I saw you… Did you eat properly?”

 

“I’m okay. I lost my appetite sometimes. Let’s just go to your parent’s house. It’s getting dark.” Yoongi tried to avoid those questions. No, he just can’t tell him already. I will, but not now!, he promised. He knows that he will only telling bull about how okay he is. He knows it perfectly well that he doesn’t have much time until his big operation and he just needs to tell Hoseok, but because of that, because of that friggin’ short time, he wants to feel happy. So he can’t. He just won’t.

 

Hoseok breathes out as he stands up. He doesn’t want to believe Yoongi’s okays but he doesn’t want to argue with Yoongi too, not after these excruciating 13 months. Eventually, he follows the elder to the latter’s car.

 

---

 

The two boys get out from the car right after it parked in front of the house. The said house has brown colored theme. Its color fits well with the shaped-bushes and big yet elegant tree planted strongly so it gives strong yet calm vibe to the house. They walk hand in hand to the magnificent shiny-brown gate. There’s a glimpse of awe in Yoongi’s eyes. Contrary to the latter, Hoseok’s ones don’t show anything. He reaches out his hand to press the bell. Then they heard a vague sound from inside, indicates that the bell rang already.

 

After several minutes of waiting, the door cracks open slowly; showing slightly shorter figure. She widens her eyes right after she recognizes familiar figures in front of her. Yoongi smiles sweetly to her as a greeting, while Hoseok grins like crazy. The lady one smiles widely then spread her hands to engulf the two boys in front of her while the two boys awkwardly hug her back.

 

“We miss you so much, Portia.” Hoseok says. The lady, Portia, just replies with smiles and hums. Portia is a 29 years old woman who serves Jung family for almost 7 years. Mrs. Jung, Hoseok’s mom, found her as a beggar who saved Mrs. Jung live from accident. Briefly, after Mrs. Jung learned what happened to Portia, she wanted to help her as well by gave her a house to live, but Portia refused it; she felt like a burden if she just took any helps without giving any feedbacks to the helper. So, Mrs. Jung hired her to be a maid at their house, but the job is actually an excuse for Mrs. Jung. She never actually orders Portia on something, she always treats Portia as her own child, and she, obviously, pays her much higher than the other servants, and no matter how jealous the other servants are, they can’t do anything if they still want the job, and not only Mrs. Jung, Mr. Jung and Jung Hoseok themselves love Portia, in family way of course.

 

“I miss you t—“ the sound of lady shrieking interrupts Portia and echoing through the big and empty room.

 

“How dare you to hug my son and my soon to be son-in-law before me huh?” The lady trying to sound angry but then smile creeps from and it betrays everything.

 

“Ugh geez, here we go guys, let’s meet our drama queen” Portia said as she rolled her eyes in annoyed way. Mrs. Jung, the said lady just shot a death glare to Portia while the latter just literally shrugs her shoulder in a teasing way and go away.

 

“Ungrateful, huh.” Mrs. Jung said with pout in her beautiful face. She changes her attention to the two boys. Her face immediately lit up as he saw the sight. 

 

“Aaaah! My two boys! I miss you so freaking much!” she exclaimed and hugged them tightly.

 

“Hoseok, it’s been 13 months huh? I miss you so much and I hope I can see the differences before and after you went to America!” She said almost quickly with wink and kisses the said man.

 

“And Yoongi, why did you never visit me? You know how bitter my life without my sugar,” she said with Hoseok imitates her inaudibly in mocking way; she always said that when she meets Yoongi after all, “which is you.” She adds quickly and giggles crazily.

 

“Duh, mom, he is my sugar” Says Hoseok as he wraps his hand around Yoongi’s waist and pulls him closer then he sticks his tongue out. Yoongi just smiles shyly as pink blush colors his pale cheek.

 

“Eww, so cheesy.” Mrs. Jung makes a ‘you’re gross’ kind of face.

 

“Like mother, like son” Hoseok just replies absentmindedly as he moves his body to give an enough gap for them to get in to house.

 

They get inside the house with hands intertwined. Yonngi shivering from the sudden cold floor he had stepped in. The house uses traditional tradition for its design and brown-wood for its main color. Yoongi never can’t stop adore the designer, which is Hoseok’s mom, Mrs. Jung. There are no such big and excessive decorations; just a few simple frames, simple clock, and other simple decorations. Well, there are big flat TV, big stereo-speaker and soft (obviously expensive) couch but yet, looks so simple.

 

Suddenly, Hoseok lets go his hand to tap Yoongi’s back softly, indicates Yoongi to sit. Yoongi does as Hoseok signaled to him obediently. Hoseok said that he wants to search his dad. Then he sits comfortably as he closes his eyes breathes out silently. Fortunately for him and his damned lung that Hoseok house has good air to breathe; no smell of smokes or stuffy; so he can breathe comfortably. When he feels moves from his side, he opens his eyes and immediately sees Mrs. Jung smiles to him.

 

“How’s life huh?” She says soothing the boy by its sound.

 

“I’m good mom, excellent to be exact. How’s yours?” He smiles. He addressed Mrs. Jung with ‘mom’ was Mrs. Jung herself request. ‘So we can feel more comfortable and we can feel friendlier’ she reasoned.

 

“Are you sure, honey? You look paler than before… and thinner too. Did you eat well? And what was actually happened that you should go to the hospital that time? I’m perfect, by the way.” she Yoongi hands lovingly with her face shows that she is concerned about the boy’s health.

 

“Yes mom. I just lost some appetite recently so I didn’t eat too much, but I still eat well. Uhm… I was fatigued that time so I collapsed around 2 times so my brothers sent me to the hospital. It’s okay nothing big happened, normal issue… And… can you do me a favor?” he looks her with hopeful eyes.

 

“What is it honey?”

 

“Can you don’t tell Hoseok that I got in hospital? Really I just don’t want him to over-worry toward me.”

 

“B-But why? He needs to know this don’t he?” she frowned.

 

“No… it will make him troubled. Please, at least this time, don’t tell him. It’s just normal issue, though.” Yoongi tried his best to convince the lady in front of him. Mrs. Jung lets out long sigh before, forcefully, nods her head; making the boy in front of him smiles widely.

 

“I won’t tell him. THIS TIME, remember that, and, promise me to eat more vitamins; it helps you to increase your appetite and your immune.” Yoongi nods his head, feels relieved. He was so panicked when Mrs. Jung visited him at hospital. Lucky for him, that it was the last day he should stay at hospital, so he can tell lie to Mrs. Jung about his reason to be at hospital.

 

‘Chanyeol hyung is a bad liar’ he noted to himself. He said that Yoongi was freaking at mall when Mrs. Jung visits Yoongi’s house. ‘What else I could expect from that overgrown puppy?’ he face-palms himself internally.

 

There’s a sound of door being open and at the ajar, he can see Hoseok and his dad talking. They walked out from the door and go closer to the two figures that sitting on the couch. Yoongi stands up abruptly and bows his head to Mr. Jung, Hoseok’s dad. Hoseok places himself beside Yoongi while his mom still sits with a boring face plastered on her face.

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wc: 4k