Prologue - Yoongi’s Notes

01.

I really wonder if he is a hyper-kid or just simply loves to talk. He is always laughing like there’s no tomorrow. He is so friendly to the other that’s why you won’t see him all alone. He is simply the opposite of me. His life is full of hope and determination; well, he won’t called by J-Hope for no reason. I don’t know his name; I never talk to him before, nor intend to. Well, I never talked to somebody if it wasn’t needed. People would flinch away whenever I tried to get closer to them anyway. Is it because my paleness? Yeah, people would think that I brought many germs and bacteria with me. Well, I do bring something harmful, but mine won’t harm them in any way. Thinking about this just reminds me the time when doctor diagnosed me that I have tumor in my lung.

02.

Wow, that boy finally got punished. He was so noisy and somehow acted like a trouble maker after all. So it did make sense if the teacher punished him. But, to think the punishment as a punishment hurt me a bit because the punishment was: he should sit on the backside of the class, which was sit with me, beside me; just that, and how the hell it didn’t hurt my pride to count it as a punishment?  

At first, he tried to act comfy and friendly to me. I already tried my best to ignore him because I thought that he is a trouble maker, but as time went by, I learned that he just loves to talk, as simple as that. The way he laughed; so wholeheartedly, I’m willing to see it every day, not to mention the sound of his voice, it was radiating too much happiness, I don’t mind to hear that every second of my life. I start to find that he is fun, I get along with him, somehow. I laughed as well at his irrelevant jokes, and since our presences were hardly felt, teacher didn’t scold us. Ah! Forgot to mention, I finally knew his name, Jung Hoseok, and I knew he really loves dancing, breakdancing to be exact.

03.

I’ve fallen for him.

He gives me hope, he makes me feel loved. He lightens my day, he makes my lips curves.

I want to always stay beside him.

Is this okay? Loving him wouldn’t hurt him right? I’m going to keep my feeling, anyway. So it’s okay, or so I hope.

04.

Hoseok looks bothered lately. Is it because of me? He really looks like in the deep, deep thought. I hope he is okay. I hope he wants to share his problem to me…

And lately, I can feel my body becomes weaker. Well not that much, so I guessed I’m just exaggerating.

05.

HE CONFESSED TO ME!!

Woah, I couldn’t believe it. He feels something for me. I accepted it. Is it going to be okay? I know that I told you all that I will keep this feeling, but the yes-answer was bursting out from my mouth like it was moving on its own. I’m happy right now, but will he be happy? He still has no clue about me. But it won’t hurt him right? Or yes? But can’t I have happy feeling for a while? Should I break up with him? But I want to be happy, at least once. Is it okay right?

I just want to feel loved and cared. He won’t fall too deep of me right? However, I’m just nothing. He will forget me. Yes, I don’t care he loves me that much or not, at least I’m happy being around him. I’m so selfish right?

I hope; I really hope that I didn’t make any wrong decision. I just love him. I promise, when he wants to let me go, I’ll let him go. However, his happiness is my number one priority.