Notes From Reviewer

Title (5/10)

Title is interesting, draws me in, and also makes me think of leprechauns. The idea that rainbows are beautiful is in there, and happiness. However, raindbows don't exactly represent dreams, its more a wish motif. I think the idea of a rainbow was not used enough in the story, In effect, your title should be incorporated and drummed into the reader so they get to the end of the story and are like, damn, that was what the title represented.

Description & Foreword (11/20)

Description is good, it gives the readers a little bit of a taste of what is to come, but I think you can do a better teaser. Maybe something along the lines of, Hanbin is running to someone, but will they be there forever? Love the layout.

Foreword is non-existent, but prehaps give a little insight to where the idea came from and how it was developed into what it is now. You probably wouldn't have one as you were writing, but the story is finished now, so maybe you can put one in. You don't need to give anything away but perhaps a little backgound would be nice.

Originality (6/10)

To be honest angst is angst. And a lot of the other reviewers in this shop don't like reviewing it, so I do a lot. There's only so much you can write about, so this is hardly an original idea. It needs something a little different, which is something that I always mention in reviews. An idea is always an idea, but its what you do with it. People can work with an idea and make it completely new, a different interpretation. The very idea of a dream, how big it can be or small depends on what you want to focus on. Challenge the readers ideas about your story, why should dreams be our focus, why can't desires come first, what is so special about dreams that everyone aims for them?

Storyline: (14/20)

The story in itself is not bad. It was hard to start but it got better towards the end as I began to understnad the story. However, I feel like it could be a lot better with the actual incorporation of the rainbow motif. Improvements with the timeline could probably be a little better. you skipping around in just the days that Hanbin sees Jihwan is a little pointless if we don't see how he is without Jinhwan. How does he interact with his band memebrs that is different from Jinhwan?

Grammar and Spelling (9/10)

Think it was almost perfect, a few weird sentences here and there. I was reading it late last night...So wasn't in perfect shape,

Characterization (5/10)

I think you left a little too much to the imagination here. For someone who didn't watch ikon, I was a little lost. Hanbin's characer is done a little better, but I think you could've described the other band members better. You could've written about why he felt he couldn't go to the other band memebrs about his problems and chose to meet Jinhwan at the Han river instead.

Jinhwan was so mysterious, I still have no idea who he is, and why he is so vital to Hanbin. I literally know nothing about him. True, it was from Habin's POV? I think you said, but the readers can know. You can sidebar it. You cut up everything anyways, so a sidebar is would be pretty effective in helping readers to understand, when Jinhwan felt so hopeless, and why he likes to say that he is nothing. That he shouldn't exist and he's fading away. I was just lost whenever he went on a rant.

Flow (6/10)

Flow of the story isn't too bad, but I feel that you cut up with the swirly thing a little too often. You jump between days, forgetting little menial tasks that can help build a image of the character. For example, simply describing what he does eveyday, more than just saying 'going to the practise room' is needed. Talk more about his movements, I find that sometimes you're really detailed in your explainations, abstract even. Hoever, sometimes you skim over the important elements which would help a reader understand exactly how Hanbin is feeling. More than just imagery of his actions and his throughts, but the tasks that he performs as well. It could be as simple as filling up his bottle, and it overflows because he's too consumed in his thoughts. I know that's clichè, but you get what I mean.

Personal Enjoyment (5/10)

Overall I didn't mind it, it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't an amazing read. It was certainly a deep read, that made you reflect on a lot of things, but I think if you're going to for depth, you're probably going to need more than seven chapters to cover your idea thorougly and explain the characters better.

Improvements can be made. If you don't really understand what I mean by your title is a motif, go read Define Neverland. She, in my opnion, has taken an idea that is really quite overused, and turned it into something new, but has been able to thorougly inbed her motif into every element of her story. Good job though, I hope to see more stories from you soon.

Overall (61/100)