Jessica did not expect her life to be this kind of upside down. She has been living in her so called simple life. Never she expected to experience this chaos in her life. People always said that she liked to live at the safe side. She also rarely saw herself as someone who loved challenges. She always followed what happened to come in front of her. Just go with the flow.

 

She was not the kind who planned what to do in her diary. She never had her life planned 10 or 15 years ahead. But, she never expected this. Of course she wanted to get married and had babies but obviously not at this particular time. When the baby came into the frame, she knew that her life was totally chaos. What to do, where should she start? Those were the questions that she asked herself from time to time.

 

She had decided that she will not keep the baby. It’s cruel, yes. But it will be much crueler if she kept it. And she also decided that she will not tell Nichkhun about it existence. She placed her hand on her stomach. She did that quite a lot lately. It’s no wonder when she when feel no love toward the thing. Anything but love. If she kept carrying this baby, her guilty, worry, hate will grow stronger. What if after she gave birth and the baby grew older, he or she will look exactly like him? People will judge. People will always judge.

 

She placed her necessities inside her luggage. She had been staying at her parents’ house after she was discharged from the hospital. She already told her doctor her plan and she wanted to do it as soon as possible. However, the doctor wanted her to take some time to think. ‘it’s a gift from God. Go home and think,’ that’s what the doctor said. A gift indeed!

 

“mom, I have to go now,” she called for her mom. Her family knew about her condition and her decision. Her family was furious after they learnt about her condition. Her father demanded to know who the guy who ruined her life was. Her mother tried to stop her from aborting the baby but they can do nothing once she had made up her mind.

 

“are you sure you can drive on your own? I can ask Krystal to come and pick you up,” her mother asked her. Jessica shook her head. She kissed her mother cheeks and offered her a smile.

 

“mom, I’m just pregnant, not losing my feet. I’ll see you around,” she said before hopping into the car.

 

“take care of yourself. Make sure you eat enough and eat all those medications. Give me a call once you are there,” her mother said. She waved at Jessica. Jessica replied with a nod.

 

Jessica started to drive and kept her mind on the road. “why do I have to do that? I’m not even going to keep the baby,” she whispered to herself. She let out angry hiss of air.

 

---

 

Yuri knocked on Jessica’s door. She received a text from Jessica, telling her that she was already at their apartment. Yuri heard Jessica’s voice asking her to open the door.

 

“hey Sica. How are you feeling?” she asked.

 

“I’m good, thank you. How’s everything?” Jessica returned to her job cleaning her room.

 

“as usual. We just barely breathing. Like you don’t know. what are you doing? Let me help you,” Yuri offered her help. She stood up but before she even move a single inch from where she stood, Jessica stopped her.

 

“ya, stop pampering me. I can do this myself,” Yuri gave up and returned to her chair. She continued starring at Jessica and let the silence filling the space between them.

 

After a few moments, Jessica finished with her job. Her eyes met Yuri’s eyes who were still looking at her. “you’re not going to drop the subject, do you?” Jessica asked her. “I know that look Yul.”

 

“what kind of look?” Yuri asked.

 

“a you-better-tell-me-whatever-your-secret look,” Jessica said.

 

“so, tell me sica. You know who the father of the baby is, I can feel that. so spare me some time and tell me the truth,” Yuri told her.

 

“I know that I can’t lie to you. I wish that I can tell you, Yuri. I want to but, I just can’t”

 

“why? Why is it so hard to tell me who is the guy? Is he a murder? Is he going to kill you if you tell people what you did with him?” Jessica shook her head.

 

“is he someone’s husband? Or fiancée? Or maybe someone’s boyfriend? Will you hurt him if you tell me who the guy is?” Yuri continued to ask. Jessica closed her eyes.

 

“you don’t understand Yuri what will happen if I reveal the truth,” she confessed.

 

“I can’t just simply judge without hearing you story Jessica. I don’t mind if don’t want to tell the other members about it. We are best friend right? I am here to help you? I don’t want this to bother you Jessica. You have been so out of yourself these past few weeks and knowing you, I know you’ll never recover unless you let this out. So, help yourself and let out what’s inside here.” Yuri pointed at her chest.

 

“at least tell me what make you do it,” Yuri continued.

 

Jessica sighed. She will never win against Yuri. “you remember the night I went out alone and I came back early at the morning the next day?” she saw Yuri nodded her head.

 

“well, that night, I went to our regular place. After what happen between me and oppa, I felt like I wanted to scream and let everything out. I was so stress. I can’t bother you guys. Everyone have their own lives and I don’t want to let my problems become your burden. So I went there and I was kind of drunk that night. I was sitting alone and I thought I found my solace there. But, after that I was interrupted with three gits, asking to accompany me during the night. I refused but they were too possessive,” Jessica spoke.

 

“who are they?” Yuri asked once Jessica stopped.

 

“I think you know them. The so-called F4 guys,” Jessica said.

 

“the Jonghyun guys? Oh my.. are they…”

 

Jessica shook her head. “no, not them.” Yuri sighed with relief.

 

“thank goodness. Then, what happen?”

 

“after that, he came. He broke the group and asked me why I didn’t wait for him inside our room. It happened that he was a regular there too. He led me to the room and kind off screamed at me for talking to those guys”

 

“he sounded so protective. You already know him, don’t you?”

 

“I do. And he is protective. He asked me why I was there. The conversation started and we were quite enjoyed each other company. He offered me a drink and I said why not. That’s why I was there initially. Then one thing led to another and the rest is the history,” Jessica simplified the story.

 

“did he really left you that morning? Without explanation?” Yuri asked and Jessica replied by shaking her head, denying her previous excuse.

 

“aniya. He was there when I woke up. You know, I told him why my previous relationship failed and my point of view about those stuff but then, it’s me again who ruined it. He freaked out when I woke him up. Of course, who doesn’t. But, he apologized for taking the thing that I have been fighting for and I can’t blame him since I have my share too.”

 

“well, he sounds kind of sweet to me,” Yuri gave her opinion.

 

“he did. But as much as I want to agree with that, I can’t. He’s not mine to claim Yuri. He might be sweet and protective but I’m not the one who he should care of,” Jessica wiped her cheek which already stained with tears.

 

“but you can’t suffer this alone right? It’s not fair for you Jessica,” Yuri spoke to her.

 

“I will not suffer if I end this as soon as possible. I don’t know what harm I will cause if I keep the baby. This is so wrong from the beginning. If I reveal who is him, then what will happen? Do I have to get married to him? No, that will not happen. I do not see myself in that position anytime sooner. I have my dream and I will not let this situation to ruin it.”

 

“but…”

 

“can you understand this Yuri? You will hate me once you learnt the truth!! You and our member will judge me and…” she sobbed. She can’t find herself a word to explain this. Why can’t Yuri give up? Gave her some space.

 

“it was a mistake and I really hope that we will not be arguing about this anymore. Please, don’t ask me about it. I hate it when I have to lie to you guys. I am sick of it. But, I have to for the sake of everyone. I hope you understand!!”

 

“this is what I hate about you Jessica. Every time you have problems, you will shut yourself out from us.”

 

“well I am not!” she denied.

 

“you are Jessica.”

 

“fine! Okay, fine I will tell you. but, I warn you, please, don’t judge me out of this,” she gave up. She covered her face with both of her hands. After a few moments, she looked at Yuri and sighed.

 

“it was Nichkhun,” she revealed. She studied Yuri’s face who was clearly showing a shock state.

 

“ya~ how could you. he’s Tiffany’s….”

 

“see, I told you. You’re judging me. After all those stories that I told you, all the excuses that I gave you, you’re still judging me. This is why I don’t want to reveal his identity. Because of this response. I don’t expect much Yuri but seeing this, I know this is the very least response that I could get. I don’t know what kind of responses our members will give to me if they know about this. Tiffany will never forgive me if she knows about this. So Yuri, please, don’t stop me from aborting this child and I hope, you won’t tell anyone about our conversation,” Jessica said.

 

“Sica, I’m not judging you. I was shocked okay. Listen, you can have my word okay. I will not tell anyone about this. From now on, you have my full support okay,” Yuri said while giving her a warm hug. But what neither of them seemed to have noticed was the girl who was standing outside the door at that particular moment, clutching the door’s hold tightly. Her usually cheerful smiling eyes were now full with tears. She let go of the hold, quickly left the space without both of the girls noticed she was there the entire time. 

 

 

---

 

Tiffany sat silently in her favorite café. She was waiting for Tae Yeon who was at the moment ordering some drinks for both of them. She rubbed her tired face, tried to chased away the tiredness. Her head felt liked it was going to explode sooner. A few moments later she  felt her handphone vibrated. She grabbed the phone.

 

“hey hun. How are you?” she sighed as she heard he asked the question.

 

“I’m good,” she replied shortly.

 

“having a bad day?” he asked with concern.

 

“aniya. Just having some thought. Why do you call oppa?” Tiffany asked her boyfriend.

 

“do I have to have a reason before calling you?” he replied playfully. Tiffany smirked at his reply.

 

“of course not,” nonchalantly, she replied.

 

“look, if you don’t want to talk, I can hang up,” she heard he gave up.

 

“sure.”

 

“Tiffany, seriously I don’t understand why I deserve this cold treatment,” she listened silently while Nichkhun speaking.

 

“are you sure you don’t deserve it?” Tiffany asked. She can hear Nichkhun sighed heavily. She then thought again, maybe, she will just ask. Maybe, she just misheard the name that Jessica said yesterday. She had been keeping it herself and she did not speak a word about it.

 

“do you have something that you want to confess oppa? Something that you keep it from me?” she asked with a calm voice.

 

“what’s this Tif? I told you everything about me, didn’t I? I don’t have anything that I would keep from you?” Tiffany didn’t know why but her mind did not want to belief in his word. But her heart did. She always followed her mind. She was a realistic kind of girl. She prioritized what her mind said before her heart. But, at this particular moment, she wanted to belief in her heart. Even though their relationship was just started, but she knew him way too long. She knew that Nichkhun was not a type who cheated around.

 

“why do you suddenly ask this Hun?”

 

“just because. I read this one article saying that one relationship ended because they couple kept the secret from one another. I don’t know why this keep bothering me but with the stress that receive from all people around me, not that they know about our relationship, I can’t help but make myself a fool for thinking about it.” She explained. Well, she lied about the article but why not!

 

Nichkhun didn’t reply as she stopped speaking. “oppa…” she called.

 

“yea it’s true. But I’m sometime things will be better if truth left to be unrevealed for the sake of everyone happiness,” Nichkhun replied in low voice. She barely heard him saying that.

 

“what did you say again” she asked.

 

“oh nothing. Hey, I think I should go. Taec is looking for me and I better move now. See you around. I love you,” Tiffany said her goodbye after hearing that parting words.

 

‘should I believe him? and should I believe what I’ve heard?’ she closed her eyes. Silently praying that some answers will appear in her head.

 

“Fany, here’s you Frappucino,” she heard Taeyeon said to her.

 

“thanks,” she thanked.

 

“what’s wrong? You seemed so troubled just now,” Taeyeon asked as she took the seat opposite of Tiffany’s.

 

“Nah. Nothing to be bothered,” she said and flashing her best smile of the day. Tiffany knew, sometimes she wanted to follow her heart. As much realistic as she can be, she wanted to follow what she wanted to.

 

---

(2PM's dorm)

Nichkhun woke up from his slumber when he heard bangs on his door. He tried to ignore the bangs at first. He grabbed the nearest pillow and covered his head with it. His attempt failed when the one who kept banging on his door did not stop. He had a very bad headache this morning since he cannot sleep at all last night. His head kept thinking about Tiffany and his little secret. Somehow, he felt that she knew what they have been hiding.

 

“Nichkhun, you better open this door. If not, I will not hesitate to break it,” it’s Taecyeon. Nichkhun groaned loudly. He opened the door and revealed the angry Taecyeon in front of the door. He looked like he wanted to punch him. Taecyeon entered his room and walked straight to his bed.

 

“what’s wrong?” he asked.

 

“you ask me what’s wrong? This is what wrong,” taecyeon said before punching him on his face.

 

“what the…” he couldn’t finish his words as Taecyeon grabbed his collar.

 

“how long? How long did you cheat behind her back Nichkhun? And with her best friend no less. How could you?” Taecyeon said. Nichkhun looked at him with confusion.

 

“I don’t understand what you mean,” Nichkhun said.

 

“hyung, what’s wrong?” asked Wooyoung who was standing in front of his room.

 

“this jerk! Ask him what’s wrong,” Taecyeon answered Wooyoung’s question.

 

“I can’t bloody answer you if I don’t know what are you talking about,” Nichkhun retorted.

 

Taecyeon smirked. He grabbed his phone and showed Nichkhun what he saw earlier. “it’s over the internet this morning.” Nichkhun’s hand grabbed the phone and scrolled down the screen.

 

“well?” Taecyeon said.

 

“I didn’t cheat on her Taec,” he explained himself.

 

“it didn’t look like that to me”

 

“it was one mistake okay. I didn’t mean to do that. I admit that it was my fault,” he said with a low voice.

 

“and the worst case is, it was Jessica. You cheated on Tiffany with her bestfriend. You should be grateful that I did not kill you at this moment”

 

“I know. I deserve that,” Taecyeon calmed down a bit. He looked at Nichkhun’s face.

 

“what am I gonna do?” he asked.

 

“first thing first, I need to know what happen,” Taecyeon said. “explain how this pictures exist. You were never this clumsy Nichkhun. You were never captured before,” he continued. Nichkhun sighed. He looked up and his eyes met Taecyeon’s.

 

He opened his mouth and started spilling the guy with the truth.

 

---

(SNSD’s Apartment)

 

“unnie! Sica unnie,” called Yoona. Jessica who was already awake rose from her bed and opened the door to Yoona.

 

“emm, wae?” she asked.

 

“I think you should go to the living room now,” Yoona said.

 

“wae? What’s wrong?” Yoona looked hesitated to tell her.

 

“Just go okay. And Unnie, himnae!” she said. Jessica felt her heart skipped a bit. She didn’t know why but she felt uneasiness with this situation. She followed Yoona and once they reached the living room, she saw everyone was there. Her eyes met Tiffany. Her face reddened with some sort of anger.

 

“morning girls,” she greeted her members awkwardly. A few of them greeted her back and SeoHyun offered her a seat.

 

“do you guys eat already?” Jessica asked. Well, she didn’t know what to say obviously. There was something wrong with this whole situation.

 

“let’s just skip the pleasantries can we?” Taeyeon said. Her hands folded around her chest and her expression looked serious.

 

“here,” she handed Jessica her phone. “can you explain this to us?” she continued.

 

Just like Nichkhun, Jessica found herself breathing rapidly once she looked at the photos. Those were the photos that were taken that night. and the morning after.

 

“oh my God. Tiffany, I’m…”

 

“I’m what?” Tiffany cut her before could explain herself.

 

“so this is what you’re keeping from us?” she continued. Jessica shook her head. “Fany, this is a mistake. I…”

 

“oh please Jessica, from what I saw from the pictures, they doesn’t look like a mistake to me,” Tiffany replied.

 

“Fany…”

 

“don’t Fany me Jessica. For goodness sake, I believe in you okay. I trusted you but this is what you pay me?” Tiffany continued without giving her a chance to explain.

 

“I don’t…”

 

“I heard you Jessica! you’re conversation with Yuri. At first, I don’t want to believe it. Maybe my ears deceive me. Maybe I’ve just misheard and I pretended I did hear it wrong. But, these picture told me otherwise. He was sweet? Protective? Oh my God. How long Jessica? how long did you guys start cheating behind my back?” Tiffany cut in again.

 

“Tiffany…” she tried again but Tiffany seemed not to hear her.

 

 “what else do you want from me Jessica? you have got everything that I wish for. Everything that I gain, that was because of my hard work. You? what did you do? Everything comes in your way just the way you wish for. You got the role from the musical that I’ve been dying for just because of your blond look better than mine. And you’ve got your own fashion tv show just because people think that you’re naturally born with the sense of fashion. And now my boyfriend? You’ve got your own fan boys that were fanning over you. and why do you have to choose him out of those people!!” Tiffany voiced out her dissatisfaction. Tears were running down her cheeks and she made no effort to wipe those away.

 

“can you please give me a chance to explain myself?” Jessica stood up and face Tiffany.

 

“this is why I don’t tell you who’s him at the first place and why I don’t want to keep the baby,” Jessica said.

 

“you can’t hide you dirty little secret forever Jessica. it’ll come out sooner or later,” she heard Taeyeon said, obviously siding with Tiffany. Well, she didn’t blame her. Jessica gulped down her own saliva. She tried to calm herself and stayed compose.

 

“I know I can’t hide it forever what I want you to know is it was stupid mistake.” Jessica told them the truth. Once she finished, she looked at Tiffany.

 

“Fany, I’m sorry that you feel that way toward me but believe me, I have no intentions of having what you have. I’m sorry that everything just happened in my way but believe me Fany, I didn’t cheat on you. we didn’t. it was just one time and I promise you I have no intention of getting him from you. please, believe me,” Jessica begged as she stared at Tiffany’s eyes. Tiffany looked away.

 

“I would rather kept this away and left you guys in the dark than telling you the truth. Not because I want to hide my secret but because I don’t want you to hurt. Believe me, if I was given a chance, I will not let this happen,” Jessica sobbed as she stopped talking. She didn’t realize when she started crying but she did. Yuri and Yoona gave her a comforting hug.

 

“I know it was hard for you guys to forgive me, especially you Fany, but at least put yourself in my shoes. I don’t wish for this and I hope you guys will understand why I did this,” she continued.

 

Hyeyeon’s phone rang loudly as she stopped talking. She quickly answered her phone silently. After a few moments, she hang up and looked at Jessica.

 

“manager oppa will be here in 15 minutes. He expected you to be ready at that time.” Hyoyeon told her. She knew that she had to deal with this. This was her chance to clear things up.

 

“thanks Hyoyeon. Once again, I am sorry,” she said before she left the group.

 

---

heyya there. well, this is the promised chapter 4. i hope it meets your expectation.

i have announcement to make. tomorrow, i'll be starting my hospital attachment for 4 weeks and i am currently busy with my bestfriend's wedding preparation. i might not be able to update chapter 5 as usual as my weekdays will be filled with assignments and stuff. i am sorry but hey, i will try to make myself free for Ugly Mistake. but, don't get your hopes up eh. 

and i'm sorry since there's no khunsica moment in this chapter and i promise there will be their moment in the next chapter. i call this as trouble chapter and i have so much fun writing it. see you guys soon and don't forget to comment will ya. i have so much fun reading those comments from you guys.

 

arinalee,

(you know i love you right.. teehee)