Silence filled the room as Hyemi did her so called ‘acting.’ I assisted her in moving out of the room and walked slowly to the clinic. I replaced the thermometer by the table as the nurse aided her to bed. “Would you please hand me over the thermometer?” the nurse ordered. My heart actually raced up for I thought she saw what I did but as she took the altered thermometer, she went back into checking Hyemi. The plan worked out just as planned and she was dismissed.

Around lunch, I received an SMS from Hyemi telling me that we did great and she’ll buy me strawberry shortcake as a token of thanks later. I found myself smiling in front of the screen because it feels good to help out a friend despite the fact that it’s actually wrong. Eating alone feels sad but I’m actually used to it. I chewed on my meal but then I noticed my folder resting quietly on the table, and then I had this sudden realization that I forgot something. My face scrunched in frustration as I tried to recall what I actually forgot. A few minutes past I finally realized that it was the envelope that I forgot to open yesterday— the one that fell from my shoe locker. While opening the envelope, I noticed that it’s quite old and it needs to be replaced. Unsealing the envelope was quite hard for me because I don’t like ripping off envelopes like other people do so I gently separated the adhesive from the paper. I found a folded hard type of paper inside with a yellowish-white color, and written on it was:

How does it feel to live, Ragi?

I dropped the paper the moment I finished reading it. My chest felt like it was stabbed multiple times as I tried to compose myself in the cafeteria. I can’t make a scene here and I don’t want them to think I’m crazy even though I am already going nuts over my miserable life. Slowly, I got up, fixed myself, and headed out upstairs, leaving the unfinished meal. Neverending questions ran through my lifeless mind. I’m at the edge. I need to get hold of myself. I don’t even know when and how would all of this stop. I was a walking travesty.

Class ended and Watanabe picked me up around 4:30 pm. I kept my pace cool and calm but still he managed to notice my agitation. “Did something bad happen today?” he asked. “Nothing much,” I lied. He started the engine and we finally left school. “Actually, we’re going to pick up Juju, today Miss” he suddenly uttered. I gave him a weird look and asked him why now because I thought I’ll be getting him sooner or later. “It’s too early yet, but it’s alright. I miss him a lot anyways.” I replied. He just nodded and focused back into driving.

We reached our destination at nighttime. The place is quite far from the city because dogs like Juju are better off to be kept at remote areas. I hopped off the car and paced my way to the penthouse. The atmosphere is cold even though it’s spring. Watanabe accompanied me on my way up because the rocky stairs were quite slippery. It took us a few minutes to reach the main door and as we did, he knocked slowly at the wooden door. The door was opened by a servant who bowed and welcomed us inside. It’s been a long time since I last saw this place. This penthouse was bought by my Mother, who also designed it. Her designs were the best for me, especially the simple and clean designs that were considerned modernized-minimalist style in designing terms.

Memories flashed behind my eyes, reminding me of the first time I got here. We were still complete—and happy.

I just smiled it off and changed my thoughts because reminiscing at this time won’t do any progress at all. I need to move on. I need to live. I need to accept the fact that they are long gone. I let out a deep sigh as I leaned my back to the sofa. The ride was long and tiring and Watanabe told me to take my time to rest for awhile for they are still preparing for Juju’s release. To keep myself busy, I searched some stories online to help me kill my boredom. The one I read was good.

It was a love story of a God and a mortal that fell in love with each other.

I was bedazzled, for it was Cupid’s love story. Well, we all know that he’s Venus’ son who shot people’s hearts for them to fall in love. The funny thing is, his love story was not as simple as how he made it for other people. It was rather complex and tragic, yet they still managed to be together. Well, reading these kinds of stuff really makes me laugh at times because they’re so ty. I believe people nowadays sacrifice too much for this so called “love” they yearn to have. Some even take their lives for some petty love problem and here I am, feeling mocked by all of this because even though I have all the right to take my own life, but I didn’t.

Death might seem like the easiest solution there is but once you realize that there’s more to life than just all these pains, that’s when you’ll realize that living your life is the greatest love you’ll ever offer to this world and to yourself. Love may be a piece of sometimes, but if you give up that easily, you’ll lose the fight in finding the true meaning of life as well.

My past may be ed up, I may be ed up but I will never give up on living, for I don’t want to lose to this called life.

Cutting me off from my thoughts, a very familiar bark greeted me. Juju ran off to me as fast he could and my cheek as I trapped him in a hug. “Hello Juju, did you miss me that much?” I said and laughed as he nuzzled me with his scary yet cute face for me. Juju’s breed is Siberian husky which I got as a graduation gift from Mother when I was sixteen. I can only have him when the season is cold because it’s a lot easier for me to handle. But by graduation next year, I’ll be able to take care of him all by myself as Mother promised. We bid our goodbyes and gratitude to the caretakers who took responsibilities with Juju and the penthouse. We made our way to the car and hopped in. I was actually tired and asked Watanabe to move Juju to the front seat. As the car moved, I stared at the car window and saw the beautiful night sky that flashed through my vision. As I dazed off and surrender to sleep, I’d like to answer the question earlier,

The feeling of being alive is,

Perfect. I feel grateful.

[Author's Note]

So yes it's a double update! Hope it dropped off something into your curious minds :-) The next chapters would probably start the excitement into the story, so hang on and wait for further updates! Thank you for supporting my story. Don't forget to vote, comment and subscribe! ♥