Chapter 5: Guilt

Six days have passed since the deal was made.

Kwangmin watches the papers in his hands. He and Minwoo collected over 400 signatures. He’s sure it’s an amount that will shock the Paran council so much, they will have to disband the written rule but for some reason he’s also insecure. What if this hard work was for nothing? What will happen to Jeongmin hyung? No! There’s no way. Youngmin hyung may be a bit colder than he was in the past but he’s always been a hardworking person and I’m sure he will recognize mine. We’re siblings after all, that’s something he can’t deny and hopefully it will influence his decision.

~

Youngmin closes his eyes as he listens to CN Blue’s ‘Love In The Rain’. He normally doesn’t really listen to ballads but for some reason this evening is different. I wonder how many Kwangmin collected… He thinks. Even though our answer for removing the rule is already decided. He quickly gets up and slaps himself on his cheeks. ‘Wake up Jo Youngmin. There’s nothing to feel guilty about!’

‘What do you mean?’ It’s Donghyun. Youngmin takes out his earphones. ‘Ah hyung. Nothing really…’

‘Was it that girl? If you liked her you should’ve given her your number, babo!’

‘It’s not like that!’ Youngmin screams as his cheeks flush red from embarrassment and he throws a pillow at Donghyun’s face. Donghyun is just in time to dodge it. ‘Of course~’ He says in a playful tone.

Even though Donghyun didn’t know why Youngmin was embarrassed Youngmin himself did. He had forgotten about the girl long ago and was only worrying about the reaction he would get from Kwangmin after telling him all his effort was for nothing.

But why would he care? If Kwangmin had thought a bit more before accepting the deal this wouldn’t have happened. Or did he trust Youngmin that much? Why would he?

We weren’t supposed to meet in the first place. It’s all Hyunseong’s fault. If he had never dated that Jeongmin and made a mistake Kwangmin I wouldn’t have to go through this.

~

39…40…41… Hyunseong counts while doing his daily fifty push ups. He has started over for the fifth time because one: he can’t concentrate on the counting, and two: he wants to sweat all the frustration out of his body. He can’t help worrying. The pain of not seeing Jeongmin for the past few days is like a torture and just thinking of them having to break up is killing him.

50? Hyunseong can feel his eyes shaking as he watches the sweat of his chin and hair dripping on his hands.

He quickly jumps on both of his feet and then stands up. Suddenly black spots appear in front of his eyes and he feels a sudden pain shoot through his head.

~

‘Hyung! I’m here. You wanted me to sleep over at your room right?’ Minwoo asks as he happily opens the door. It’s only 10 o’clock but the room is dark and quiet. Normally Jeongmin is playing his guitar at this time and singing along.

Minwoo scans the room and only after a little bit he can see Jeongmin sitting on the floor, against the bed. Minwoo quickly walks closer. ‘Hyung? Are you alright?’ He asks. He drops on the floor in front of Jeongmin.

Jeongmin is hugging his legs and his head rests on his knees. When he looks up Minwoo immediately stands up. ‘I’ll get Kwangmin hyung!’ Minwoo says as he quickly leaves the room.

Jeongmin hyung hardly cries. He must be really worried about tomorrow!

In the meantime Jeongmin takes out his phone from his pocket and tries calling.

No answer.

‘Hyunseong… I’m really worried…about you… this is the fourth time I called you…’ Jeongmin stops talking realizing how horribly desperate he sounds. ‘I’m sorry… I don’t want to burden you. Don’t you want to talk to me?’

A few minutes later Kwangmin and Minwoo are pulling Jeongmin of the floor and listen to him as he cries about being worried about them having to break up.

‘He’s not picking up the phone. What if he’s really going to break up with me?’

‘He won’t!’ Minwoo reassures him but Jeongmin shakes his head. ‘Of course he will. How could he change schools… for me?’

‘He loves you right? For how long did the two of you date?’ Kwangmin asks. ‘Almost 7 months.’ Jeongmin whispers.

‘WOW!’ Minwoo screams. ‘You hid it for so long! That’s amazing!’

‘A girl in Jeongmin hyung’s class has dated a guy there for 3 years now. I was really surprised by that.’ Kwangmin says.

‘I really wonder why the Paran student council wants to keep that rule so much. It’s not like our schools have fights like they used to have in the past.’ Jeongmin says now that he has finally calmed down a little.

‘Were there really fights?’ Minwoo asks. Kwangmin nods. ‘There used to be a gang at Paran and Jiso. They fought with each other and dragged other students into the fights really easily. It stopped only 5 years ago. There was a huge fight and 2 students of Paran and one of Jiso died.’

‘I never heard that story before.’ Minwoo says with a suspicious tone in his voice.

‘It’s true though.’ Jeongmin says. ‘The one that died at Jiso high was a girl. Her brother was a Paran student and being threatened by the gang. She wanted to help her brother but one of the gang members found out and he strangled the girl in front of his brother’s face. The brother of the girl got so mad that he punched the other to death. After that he got shot by one of the gang members of Jiso and he died. After that all the gang members got arrested. The other students were told to never do anything like fighting again or even getting involved with each other. Paran was so ashamed of their past that the student council added the written rule ‘No contact with Jiso high students is allowed’. It changed three years ago to  ‘dating with students from Jiso high is forbidden’ because  having no contact is impossible.’

Even though Kwangmin heard the story before it still terrifies him. It’s not like it will happen again but it is a story that has created a bad name for both Jiso and Paran high school. The schools weren’t always the ones that gave the best education and the most opportunities for students to learn other skills. It were both actually schools with gangs, narrow minded people that liked to pick a fight and didn’t have a future. The weak would be picked on and the strong would use everyone and everything to their advantage. Jiso changed drastically but something tells Kwangmin that Paran still has a certain ‘bad guy’ feel around it. Maybe it’s because Youngmin wouldn’t listen to him. Maybe just because deep in his heart he couldn’t go to Paran high school with Youngmin. If he had, this would’ve all never happened. They would still be close… maybe even closer.

‘Tomorrow is  the day.’ Jeongmin announces with red eyes. Kwangmin nods. Minwoo and Jeongmin start talking again but Kwangmin can’t hear anymore. Youngmin’s face and words keep on appearing in his head. The look he gave him when they saw each other again. His just as shocked, almost horrified expression in the café. And the words that hurt him the most.

I’m not going to be friendly with you, no, I don’t want to be.

~

‘You haven’t talked to Hyunseong yet?’

‘No. I’m still mad at him.’ Youngmin says. Donghyun shows a sulky expression. ‘He feels really bad for you. He apologized right? By the way, why are you so into protecting this rule?’

‘It’s because it has been there for years. It’s useless to change it now…’

‘Well, I knew you were a coward already so that doesn’t surprise me.’ Donghyun says.

‘YA!’ Youngmin warns but he shuts his mouth when Donghyun’s expression turns colder. It’s quiet for a short while.

‘It isn’t because of your brother? I don’t know what happened to you so I’m not sure if it’s my place to say this…’

‘It’s alright. It’s not because of him. We were separated after going to different schools and we kind of lost our relationship. I’m awkward around him and I just don’t want to meet him anymore. This meeting that took place between us was an accident.’

‘Isn’t it the fate you were talking to that girl about?’

Youngmin laughs in awe. ‘What? Fate? No way! It’s all because of Hyunseong hyung. That’s probably why I’m mad at him.’

‘To me it’s that small string of fate you always talk about the melt women’s hearts but well… it isn’t Hyunseong’s fault so let’s go and make up ok?’ Youngmin puts up a sulky expression but then nods.

‘I guess you’re right. I made him reflect on himself for quite a while…’

Donghyun knocks on the door. ‘Hyunseong, it’s me and Youngmin.’ When there’s no answer Donghyun shrugs his shoulders. ‘Guess he went to bed early.’

Suddenly, Youngmin feels his insides twisting inside his body and his whole body shivers. There’s no way… he quickly opens the door and rushes inside.

‘YA!’ Donghyun screams but Youngmin has already ran inside Hyunseong’s room. ‘What are you doing?’ Donghyun asks as he enters the room behind him. He’s shocked when he sees Hyunseong on the floor, drenched in sweat.

Youngmin tries to shake Hyunseong but there’s no reaction. ‘Hyung!’ He yells. ‘I’ll get the school nurse.’ Donghyun says as he runs out of the room.

Youngmin keeps on shaking Hyunseong. ‘Hyung?! Wake up! Are you sleeping? HYUNG!’ He screams as he shakes Hyunseong’s body. No reaction.

Then his eyes wander towards the phone on the bed.

4 missed calls.

~

‘He has a light fever and he probably passed out because he hasn’t eaten enough. It’s probably because of the incident.’ The nurse explains.

‘Is it really that bad?’ Donghyun asks.

‘Well of course. He must have gotten a lot of stress and worry. Because there is a chance to be expelled it’s normal he worries and an unhealthy mental causes an unhealthy body.’

‘I feel like I’ve pressured him too much.’ Youngmin admits. The nurse pats him on the shoulder and shakes her head. ‘It’s not your fault. You are a student council member so it will make you want to obey the written rules and punish those that don’t follow them. It’s a good example for the others too.’ She says.

‘But still, I really hope Kwangmin collects a lot of signatures’ Donghyun says.

‘If there are over 300 I think the president will have to rethink it right? The nurse asks but Youngmin immediately shakes his head. ‘He’s heartless. He won’t budge.’

‘I see… it’s not very long since I’ve worked here. His name was… Park Sehyuk?’ The nurse ask. The two of them nod. Youngmin turns towards Hyunseong again. the horrible feeling of guilt creeps back into his mind.

It’s one o’clock when Youngmin is still in Hyunseong’s room. sitting on a chair near his bed. Tomorrow is the day and it hurts him a lot to tell Hyunseong he has to break up. Not sure if he can crush Hyunseong’s hope in the state he is in right now. The state he is in because of he himself, the cold hearted Jo Youngmin in charge of school affairs.

Then, Hyunseong’s body shivers and his eyes open slowly.

‘… my head hurts.’ Youngmin can’t help laughing. Hyunseong doesn’t curse often and it’s kind of fun to see him like that.

‘You passed out and you’re sick. Go and take a shower.’

‘Youngmin? Why are you here?’ Hyunseong asks, surprised by the pain he feels when speaking. ‘Am I very sick?’

‘The nurse said it’s just a light fever but I think it became worse because you cooled down so fast after exercising. Go and take a shower I’ll get you some water.’

Youngmin helps Hyunseong up, nods and then starts to leave.

‘Youngmin?’

‘Yes?’

‘Thank you. Also, I’m really sorry.’ Hyunseong says with a pale face and a weak smile. Youngmin smiles at him reassuringly before leaving.

I should be the one apologizing…

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Because I like you guys I made this chapter longer then it was supposed to be. I don't write a lot because I have a lot of important tests and I don't want to mess up at the end of the year ^_^ I hope you will enjoy this chapter. I'm going to try and write a lot. It's my goal to update monday because I have a lot of inspiration but just don't have time to write it down :(

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