...It doesn't mean we are bond for life.

           "What do you think of this one?"

           "It's nice..." Eli answered with a bored voice, looking at the cake picture Misako was showing him.

           They had been talking for hours about the wedding, or more like Misako was talking while Eli pretended to be listening.

           "Hmm... I think you would look amazing in a pink tuxedo. What do you think?" Misako asked, looking at Eli's absent-minded expression.

           "Yeah, it's okay."

           "Eli you're not listening!" The girl exclaimed, leaving the magazine in the table before talking again. "Can you tell me what's happening with you?"

           "I'm listening." The raven lied, discarding his fiancée question.

           "You are not listening. You say it was okay to use a pink suit on our wedding! Where is your mind these days?" Misako asked, standing up from her place on the floor and sat next to Eli on couch. "You know you can tell me anything. I will listen." Misako carded her fingers through Eli's dark hair. "What is happening with you?"

           Eli stared at her in silence as his thoughts wandered around a brunet and his broken relation with him once more. He couldn't tell Misako what was occupying his mind the last two days without confessing the truth.

           "Eli...?"

           But Misako didn't deserve to be lied about what Eli was thinking about. And maybe Kevin was right when he told him he shouldn't marry if his heart wasn't fully committed. He wouldn't forget Kiseop so easily, and if they crossed paths again, he knew he would want to feel Kiseop in his arms again, even now seated next to his fiancée the beautiful man was the only thought in his mind, increasing his desire, need to see him again.

           "Eli!" Misako pulled him out of his trail of thought.

           Maybe it was time to be honest with himself... with Misako.

           "M-Misako..." He trailed off, looking at the girl's worried face he had loved so much.

           "Eli you can tell me anything. I will always be there for you." She smiled heartedly, piercing unconsciously Eli's heart with that so full of love smiling eyes.

           "You won't be by my side after I tell you this." Misako's smile dropped, fear filled her eyes. The ignorance of Eli's next word made her worry raised for a different reason, not for what had Eli so caught up in his thoughts, but for what was waiting for them after Eli talked honestly with her.

           "Tell me."

           "I… I never wanted to hurt you or cause you any trouble. I need you to know that.”

           “Why are you telling me this, as you are going to break up with me.”

            “Because I want you to know that I love you discarding what I did and that I… I’m sorry.”

           “For what Eli?”

           “I cheated on you." A cold shiver ran down Eli's spine as he felt the words he had kept inside left finally his lips, letting them hanging in the air until they reached his lover’s ears.

           Eli glanced intently at her looking for a reaction that seemed not to come. Misako eyes widened slightly as she took in the short line. She couldn't decipher what she was feeling as multiples feelings trespassed her chest. Sure she felt hurt and betrayed, but the uncertainty of what she had done to deserve that was worse. Misako had always given all of herself to make their relationship function the best it could because she loved Eli, and had thought that love was reciprocated. Eli never acted suspicious or treats her bad, never a big fight. What had happened to come to this point that left her feeling so unloved? As she had always been living in an illusion she, herself, had created.

           "What did I do?" A tear slipped from the corner of her eye trailing a line that ended on the corner at his mouth. "What did I do wrong?"

           "Nothing Misako. You-"

           "Then why Eli?" Misako asked with weak voice the question he wanted to scream. "Why did you decide that our love was so insignificant to cheat on me?"

           "It's not like that."

           "Then tell me how it is ‘cause I don't understand." She was in tears and weakly pleading for an explanation that Eli couldn't formulate to give her, taken back by her reaction. He surely wasn't expecting for that, he was expecting for a more hysteric reaction, one that didn't make him feel so small, so like trash because this one Eli was seeing made him boil in guilt. "Eli, tell me! Explain me!" Misako cried desperately to know.

           “It was a mistake…” How could Eli be honest with her without causing more damage? He knew that wasn’t even possible. Misako will be devastated when their conversation ended, but she deserved nothing more than the truth.

           “So it was just one time thing?” Misako could feel a little flame of hope igniting in his chest, but soon it was forgotten when Eli shook his head.

           “The first time was a mistake and… after that it happened again.”

           “Why?”

           “At first I thought it was just physical attraction, at least for me but…”

           “Stop delaying Eli and tell me. I want to know, I need to know why you did this.”

           “…I fell in love.” Just the sobs leaving Misako’s mouth could be here in the room. She still couldn’t understand how this had happened. They were going to get married soon, everything was almost ready, the invitations were sent. How it ended like this? How was that Eli did this to her when not so long ago, he had proposed to her saying he wanted to spend his life with her. When she imagined her future Eli was there, next to her. But what, It wasn’t the same for Eli anymore? He hadn’t just cheated on her he had fell in love with another person and that person should really be important for him if he was telling all this to her, knowing she wouldn’t forget him. Or could she?

           Recovering a little her composure, she asked the one question is was more important for her, because depending how Eli answered it she will make her decision. “It was after we got engaged?” Again Eli just shook his head averting at all cost Misako’s eyes. “Then why did you propose to me!?” She cried. It was over all it was over for them, but she needed to know more. Who was the person causing their relationship to fade and end like this, just weeks before their wedding.

           “Because I thought it was you, I keep telling me that our love was more important to me, but...” Eli didn’t want to hurt her saying unnecessary words but reaching this point the best thing he could was keep saying the truth. “I was just lying to myself. I was lying to you and…hurting someone important for me.”

           “No! No I don’t want to know she loves you too. I don’t want to!” The way had said that that person was important for him, gave her the hint that Eli’s love was reciprocated. He had started a new relationship on her back and now he was telling so he could be with her. “But I want to know who is it? So I can understand why she can make you throw away a relationship of years and I can’t make you throw away a little affair. Who is she?”

           This was the part Eli had wished not to reach, because now it was where Kiseop should be named and he didn’t want to cause more problem to him and to Misako but, once again, if he wanted to be honest he should say everything he had been keeping as a secret from her. “It’s not she.”

           “What?” To say Misako was surprised, awestruck was an understatement, she wouldn’t believe Eli was throwing away a relationship of years, a wedding for… a man? “What do you mean? Who is?”

           “…Kiseop.” The name left Eli’s lips hesitantly. He couldn’t figure out how the girl in front of him will react to the fact that he had cheated on her not just with a boy for with someone that was close to them somehow. And not just cheated, but now he was putting an end to their relationship because he was in love with Kiseop. He knew it even before he talked with Kevin, but after that chat with the blond he had understood that he had been hurting him for not wanting to face the reality and choose him over his actual, until now, lover.

           “K-Kiseop? Jaseop’s brother? That Kiseop?” On the other hand Misako had thought there weren’t any other unwanted surprise, but she was wrong, there were even more, and particularly this had her stomach twisting, making her feel nauseous. Now she felt doubly betrayed, she always had been caring with Kiseop and this was how he decided to repay her? But also, now all those guilty looks, his reaction when she told him about her, broken, engagement with Eli made sense.

           After she got the confirmation, Misako stood up, her face marked with the lines the tears were leaving behind as each one rolled down her cheeks, and gathered her thing scattered around the room. “I think is not necessary to tell you our wedding is cancelled, because I’m sure you told me this because that’s exactly what you wanted right?”

           “Misako I…”

           “I don’t want to hear more explanations or excuses. And I definitely don’t want to hear you’re sorry because that won’t make me feel better. At least you should have the decency to leave me and not propose to me when you noticed you were in love with him. Now go tell him you’re free and that you two finally can be together without me in the middle.”

           “It’s not that easy, Kiseop doesn’t want to see me.” Eli didn’t know why he was telling that to the person that until an hour ago was his fiancée, but he couldn’t stop the words to leave his lips.

           “Tell me… when I told him and Kevin that we were engaged, he didn’t know right?”

           “No.”

           “I never imagined you could be so dense and slow. Or you just are some kind of sadist that enjoys saying other suffer for you?” The tears hadn’t stop, but Misako was debating between being sad of what she had just lost and mad at how she had lost it. And right now the side that was madder was winning making her say things that otherwise she will never say. “Goodbye Eli, maybe I’m saying this because I’m mad, but… even if Kiseop knew I was your girlfriend and he did wrong as you do, you don’t deserve him. Now I understand that look of betrayal and hurt on his face when he found about our engagement.” After those last words Misako placed the spare key Eli had given her for their anniversary a year ago and left.

           Eli was still in his place on the couch as everything that had just happened sank into him. He had lost an important person him, Misako still was important to him, maybe not as much as she was before but she was. And now she had just walked out of his apartment and his life. And even if he felt sorry for that lost, he was more concentrated on what he had to do next, he should fight for the only person that was important for him now before he also decided to walk away of life.

           But unfortunately for Eli, he was forgetting something really important that Kevin had told that he just had a limited time to have an opportunity and not lose Kiseop.

           The raven headed to the bathroom and took a shower, before going to bed and tried to sleep as Misako’s words sank in him making the guilt to be his companion until the sleep embraced him.

           The next morning an unexpected notice was waiting for him when he asked to one of his co-workers why Jaeseop was absent.

           “He asked the day off because he has something important to do?”

           “Do you know what?” The raven asked, feeling an uneasy sensation in the pit of his stomach as the memories of his talk with Kevin came to his mind.

           “I think he said something about his brother going abroad and that wanted to…” Eli didn’t hear more as he rushed to the lift, desperate to see Kiseop, not minding that he had work to do. Kiseop was more important.  He was leaving that was what Kevin meant when he say he didn’t have too much time to think, why had he to forget about that?

           Some minutes later Eli was furiously honking on a traffic light that was stopping him five blocks away from the tall building where Kiseop lived, he knew it was useless and that it didn’t matter how much he hit the honk of his car, the light wouldn’t change until it was time for it to, but he was desperate to see and talk with Kiseop. Tell him what he had been keeping from him and even from himself, he needed to tell him how much he meant to him, how important he was. When the traffic light finally changed Eli didn’t looked at the speed meter and just concentrate on where he had to be and what he had to say, no matter if there was Jaeseop to try to stop him he would talk with Kiseop not matter what.

           Once in front of the brunet’s apartment door Eli called for him, but nobody opened the door. Could it be that they had already left for the airport? Eli took out his cellphone wanting to facepalm himself for once again forget something important. He had Kevin number, if called the blond he could stop Kiseop enough for Eli to have an opportunity. He only hoped it wasn’t too late as he dialed the number going back to his car.

❇ ❇ ❇ ❇

           “What is that for?” Kevin asked peeking over Kiseop’s shoulder at what the other was writing so deliberately. “Eli?”

           “Don’t read!” Kiseop exclaimed, pushing Kevin slightly away. “I wanted to say goodbye to him somehow.”

           “I see…” The blond trialed off, once more expecting for his phone to ring, and Eli’s voice coming out from it. “Do you want I give it to him?” He asked when Kiseop closed the envelope.

           “No, thank you.”

           “Then how… you are not going to ask AJ to-“ Kiseop’s wide smile cut his question short. “I can believe you complain about me.” Kevin shook his head, grabbing the letter Kiseop handed him before going back to the brunet’s room. “Do you need to pack anything else?” He said after he put the envelope in Kiseop’s handbag.

           “No I’m fine. I will get changed now.” The brunet announced heading toward the bathroom.

           “Are you sure about this?” Kevin said as he took sit on the bed.

           “Yeah I’m sure, Kevin” Was the simple answer of the brunet while he took off his t-shirt.

           “B-But Kiseop…”

           “Kevin, you were the one that keeps telling me I needed to move on. And this is the only way I can do it. Besides, is a great opportunity I might not have again.”

           “I know, but…”

           “I need to move on.” Kiseop state walking out of the bathroom completely dressed, seeing Kevin seated next to his suitcase. “If I stay here and Eli decides to show up again one day, I know I will be weak enough to let him in my life and mess with me again.”

           “But I will miss you.”  Kevin whined.

           “Ugh, don’t do that. You look weird.” Kiseop said at the sight of Kevin’s pout “You know, we will keep in contact.”

           “It won’t be the same” Kiseop could see the tears in his friend’s eyes as he jolt on his feet, so he slowly walked the little distance between them and wrapped his arms around the slimmer boy. “How will you hug me if you’re in Japan and I’m here?” Kevin pulled back and looked at Kiseop.

           “You can always come over.”

           “I hate Eli. He’s making my best friend to go away.” Kiseop just let a laugh come out at those words.

           “Don’t hate him, I’m not just doing this because of him” He let go of his friend and looked at the window “I need to figure out what I want to do in the future and this will help. Besides, maybe I won’t be able to make it in Japan and you would have me back here sooner than you thought.”

           “You will, you always accomplish what you want.” Kevin sighed.

           Kiseop was ready to reply when another voice impeded him on doing it. “Kiseop, are you ready?”

           “Yes” Kiseop smiled at his brother.

           “AJ don’t let him go, please.” Kevin whined.

           “Kevin you’re worse than my mum.” The taller man roll is eyes.

           “But he is dumping me!” The blond complained, pointing at Kiseop earning a laugh and a stunned look from the men in front of him.

           “Do I have to be jealous of my little brother?” AJ asked.

           “What?! No, of course not.” Kevin answered quickly and goes over his boyfriend leaving a small kiss on his lips. “He’s my best friend. You’re the only one I love that way.”

           “I love you too, baby.” Jaeseop smiled kissing him again.

           “Can you two please save that for when I’m gone” Kiseop said, taking his suitcase and going out of the bedroom. When he heard the steps behind him, he continued talking “That’s something I won’t miss, seeing you two acting all lovey-dovey.” And turned around to see Kevin poking out his tongue.

           “Okay come on. We have to get going or you will lose your plane” Jaeseop tell him taking the other suitcase that was next to the door. They put the entire luggage in the boot and got in the car.

           The whole drive to the airport Kiseop kept silence and looked out the window thinking about the time he had spent with Eli. Trying to leave behind the pain he got through loving a man that would never be his, and just keeping the good and happy times with him. Eli was someone he would never be able to forget completely. The man had made sure to leave an indelible mark on him, a mark that no one else could see, but he knew it was there, in his heart. He didn’t regret having let Eli into his life, and heart, because thank to him he had known another side of love. Now Eli would become one of his happiest memories; he would just be in his mind.

           Twenty minutes later, the three men were seated in silence in front of the big screen showing how Kiseop’s flight’s departure neared with every minute it passed. And with every minute it passed Kevin tighten the grip on Kiseop’s arm, as that way the brunet wouldn’t leave. Jaeseop was on the other side of his brother with his arm around his shoulders, enjoying the closeness while he could. He must not be showing it as much as Kevin, but Jaeseop was as sad as him that Kiseop was leaving. If it was for him, he wouldn’t let him take that plane that would take his cherished little brother away from him.

           “Jaeseop…” Kiseop called out, breaking the silence.

           “Mhn?”

           “I want to ask you something.”

           “What is it?” AJ asked looking at Kiseop.

           “Don’t be mad at Eli, can you forgive him?”

           Jaeseop’s left hand became a fist. “I can’t do that”

           “I want you at least to try. He’s your best friend.”

           “He was my best friend, until he messed up with my little brother.”

           “It was my fault, too. I knew he was in a relationship but that didn’t stop me to be with him.”

           “No, it was his fault he didn’t respect his lover.”

           Kiseop sighed when he understood it was fruitless to try and convince his brother, so he decided to make his next request. “Well… at least can you give him this?” The brunet said taking out of his handbag an envelope.

           “What is this?”

           “A letter, isn’t obvious?”

           “I know is a letter, but why do you want me to give this to Eli?”

           “Because I wanted to say goodbye and this is the only way I can.”

           “Why don’t you ask Kevin?” The aforementioned that had remained silence, looking at his phone, silently hoping for it to ring flashing Eli’s name, till that moment perked up looking at Jaeseop from behind Kiseop, using the brunet as a shelter. He was sure that Jaeseop somehow knew that he had all his hopes deposited on that one call that may never come. He always knew.

           “Because I want you to give it to him.” Kiseop stated, forcing his brother to take hold of the small piece of paper.

           “Okay, okay.” The elder exclaimed defeated.

           “Another thing.”

           “What…?” Jaeseop took a deep breath waiting for Kiseop’s demand.

           “Can you at least be gentler with Eli? And not say anything about what happened between us to Misako?”

           “I told you I won’t.” The ginger head said ignoring his brother’s smile. “And… I’ll try okay?” He knew that if he declined the demand Kiseop will keep insisting, putting those eyes of lost puppy, so Jaeseop decided to take the short and easy way and accepted right away. After all, he never could say ‘no’ to Kiseop, and try to be gentle with Eli wouldn’t kill him he could just ignore his existence.

           "Departure of flight 3466, to Tokyo, Japan. Please passenger proceeded to gate 5”

           “That’s my flight” Kiseop announced standing up.

           “What!? No!” Kevin hugged the brunet, not wanting to let him go. Kiseop hugged him back.

           “Take care, Kevin. And don’t be too rough with my brother” Kiseop smiled, letting his friend go.

           “Just if he behaves” Kevin joked with a serious tone, but a smile on his lips.

           Kiseop turned to his brother hugging him tightly. “You better behave, because either way you’ll have to face my wrath when I come back.”

           “I’m your brother. You should be saying that to him, not me.” Jaeseop said in an accusing tone pointing at Kevin. Kiseop just chuckle.

           “Take care, Jae.” He smiled a last time to his brother and friend before grabbing his bag and heading towards the gate 5.

           “Call us when you land!” Kevin shouted.

           “Yes, mom!” He waved them bye, disappearing from their sight, going near the plane that will take him away from the person he love more than his life. From now on he, and all that involved him, would become just a sweet memory of a complicated yet happy time of his life.  When the plane finally departed Kiseop sent one last thought just for him. ‘Goodbye Eli, I’m going out of your life.’

           Meanwhile the couple was walking out of the airport and Kevin was staring intently at his phone. “Are you waiting for a call or something?” Jaeseop startled him, when they were standing next to the car.

           “I was… but it didn’t come and now is late.”

           “Don’t tell me…” Jaeseop couldn’t finish his question as the phone in Kevin’s hand ringed.

           “Hello…” Kevin waited for the greet from at the other end of the line and when he hear it, his expression changed to one of anger. “You’re late idiot like always!” Kevin yelled at the phone before hanging up.

           “You’re incredible.” Jaeseop let out in a sigh.

           “He loves him AJ, but he is an idiot.”

           “You just noticed?” Jaeseop smirked opening the door for Kevin to hoop in the passenger seat. “Were you going to help him if he called earlier?” He asked once he was sitting properly in the car.

           “I was hopping Eli to realize how much he loves for Kiseop, but it seems he so slow! Or he is a coward that didn’t want to face the truth until it was too late.”

           “Don’t you think that you are seeing just what you want to believe?”

           “No because he called. Late, but he did.”

❇ ❇ ❇ ❇

           A knock was heard on Eli’s office door. “Come in.” The raven simply commanded, too busy with some documents.

           “Getting your mind lost in work?” Jaeseop asked, surprising his co-worked seated behind the desk. Eli didn’t expect the ginger head to be talking to him so soon after Kiseop’s departure. And he didn’t lost time to verbalize his surprise.

           “It’s odd you’re here and actually talking to me when you had been sending other people to give me some documents during the last weeks.” 

           “Well, to be honest, if I could, I wouldn’t be talking with you but someone asked me to be less hard with you.” Something in Eli’s chest pierced when the image of the person Jaeseop must have been talking about appeared in his mind, reminding him that it had been a week since he lost him.

           “He was always too gentle with me and I didn’t deserve it, maybe you should continue as before.” Eli dropped his eyes to the wooden surface of the desk. Think about the fact he had lost Kiseop was making tears of frustration to moisture his eyes.

           “I don’t think you deserve it either, but I will do what Kiseop asked me not for you for him.” Cold, Eli just could feel cold in his chest when his name left Jaeseop’s lips. “And maybe this is just punishment, me being gentle with you when all I want to do is beat you because he asked me to.”

           A bitter laugh escaped from Eli’s throat. “You can be really spiteful.”

           “Yes, all Kiseop is not.” Eli knew Jaeseop has noticed how much it affected him hear the brunet’s name, he surely was uttering it on propose, as another punishment. “But I’m not here to make you feel bad about what it happened.”

           “Really?” Eli asked sarcastically.

           “Yes, just passing the time.”

           “Then?” Jaeseop fished for some paper he had stuck in his pocket, handing it to Eli right after without a word. “What is this?” The raven stared at the white envelope, not glancing even once at the other man as he spoke.

           “Kiseop asked me to give it to you.”

           Eli felt his heartbeat quickening. He couldn’t talk with Kiseop after that unfortunate time when Jaeseop had found out about their relationship. And had been too late to stop him to go to Japan and tell him how much he meant for him. Maybe this was a small opportunity to say all he wanted to say to Kiseop. The raven looked up to thank Jaeseop just to find himself alone in his office.

           His hands were shaking as he slowly opened the envelope and took out the writing paper inside of it. Eli took a deep breath before unfolding the piece of paper that contained a few words from Kiseop directed especially to him. The words that could mean a new beginning or the end of everything for him…for them.

Eli:

           During this past year I've been keeping silence about so many things, I've been repressing so many feelings that it has come to a point it became unbearable.

           What we had is something I will never be able to forget, because it was the best and the worst thing that ever happened to me; you were the best and the worst thing that happened to me. I know it isn't the nicest thing to say, but it's the truth.

           I will never regret having met you or being with you, because thanks to you now I know what love is, something so beautiful and so destructive at the same time.

           I loved you, Eli; I love you. But I don't want this love I held for you destruct us, it's time that this ends. I can be around you knowing I will never mean what I want to you. It's time to stop hurting myself, believing in something that it will never come. It's time for you to stop feeling guilty. It's time to separate our paths and never crossing them again. I want you to be happy with the person you love and the best way that happen is if I'm not in your way.

           Our decisions have brought us to this end and I just wanted to say you goodbye and tell you for the first and the last time I love you…

           Goodbye Eli.

Kiseop.

❇ ❇ ❇ ❇

           Eli was fascinated watching how the moonlight reflected on Kiseop’s pale skin, as the brunet was playing with the ring in his right thumb. They had been laying on their backs, the sheets barely covering them, in a peaceful silence after another forbidden encounter.

           "Don’t you ever felt guilty when we are like this?” Kiseop expressed the question that suddenly crossed his mind. He never had wondered that before, but now the question just popped up in his mind, clicking his curiosity.

           Eli kept silence for a while, considering the question. He, as well, hadn’t thought about that, at least not consciously. He couldn’t deny that sometimes the guilt stoked him. “I do. The moment you cross that door and I’m alone with my thoughts, knowing that what I just did is wrong.” He answered honestly.

           “But you don’t have intentions to end it right?” Something was off in the way Kiseop pronounced the words, and Eli felt it but preferred to remain silent about it and counterpart the question with another question.

           “Do you want that we stop seeing each other?”

           Kiseop’s eyes that had been fixed to the ceiling till that moment drifted to lock with Eli’s. “No really, but if this is making you feel bad we should stop.”

           “This won’t harm anybody.” Eli stated in matter of fact.

           “What about Misako?”

           “If she doesn’t know, she won’t be hurt. And she will never know.” Eli smiled, trying to ignore how much his lover could get hurt if she knew about him and Kiseop little affair. His smile, earning him another that could have let him blind before Kiseop spoke again, the smile intact in his lips.

           “You’re right. Why will she? Is not like we will fall in love with each other.”

-End-

And it end, my baby end u.u
I feel happy and sad about it
Happy because I could acomplish what I had in mind
And sad because I will miss it.

Thank to all of you that read it, comment and even upvote.
I'm really really appreciate every subscription and comment.
I hope you had enjoyed reding it as much as I enjoy writing it.

Thank you again and see you~♥